Miranda
by Dyce
Summary: The Big Damn Movie, but the altered bonds between the crew make it play out very differently as old relationships strengthen and new ones are formed. Fourth in the Horseshoe Nails series.
1. Chapter 1: None So Blind

**Chapter 1: None So Blind **

* * *

**Disclaimer: None of the characters, objects or situations named herein belong to me. Firefly is the property of Joss Whedon. I strongly encourage anyone who enjoys fanfiction to purchase and read/view/listen to/imbibe/eat the source material, as applicable. See below. **

**A/N: Some dialogue was taken directly from the novelization of 'Serenity' by Keith DeCandido. I recommend the novelization as a faithful and enjoyable rendition with extra shiny bits.**

* * *

Jayne was not sulking. He had not in any way, shape or form wanted to go shopping for clothes with River, Kaylee and Zoe. Spending all day picking out clothes for the _xiao gui_ would have been boring as hell.

The ship was just awfully quiet without them. For the first time, he wasn't annoyed at Wash when the pilot moped into the galley and interrupted Jayne's meticulous cleaning of his guns. Well, not too annoyed.

"I wonder what they're shopping for." Wash sat down at the table with a cup of tea. "What _is_ the crazy psychic wearing this season?"

"Something that ain't frilly or flowery for working in," Jayne said absently, and then winced. If there was one person he didn't want knowing he'd had a conversation with a girl about clothes...

"Really?" Wash grinned. "And when did you discuss River's fashionable options?"

"During the bank heist. The flowery trousers were too... they didn't look professional, you know what I mean?"

Wash snickered. "I hate to admit it, but yes, I know exactly what you mean. She looked adorable, but not exactly deadly. You know. As such."

"Yeah. She can't keep goin' out like that, it's gorram embarrassing."

"Yes, I can see how it would be. Maybe if you loan her one of your t-shirts with the sillhouette of the naked lady on the front..." Wash trailed off, grinning. "Well, Zoe will help her pick out something practical."

Zoe did tend to dress practical. She was also inclined to dress tightly-laced and contour-embracing. It was a combination Jayne approved of. Of course, River didn't have the contours Zoe did, so maybe it wouldn't work on her... Kaylee, now, Kaylee would look very fine in the tight pants and clinging shirt. Inara... nah, Inara was too soft. Wouldn't look right on her.

Speculating on the relative proportions of the ladies of Serenity, and how they'd look in tight pants like Zoe's, kept him amused for a bit while he grunted the occasional response to Wash's babbling. It was almost as incoherent as River's, sometimes, but without the interest of trying to work out what it actually meant.

"Sound is meaningless unless the one who hears the sound desires meaning from it."

"Hey, _xiao gui_," he said, taking a moment before he looked around so's nobody would think he cared whether she was back or not.

River tugged on his arm. "Is this more acceptable?"

He looked up to find her standing beside him, looking very different. No flowers, no frills... a plain green shirt not unlike the red one Zoe often wore, a broad leather belt buckled around her tiny waist, and full dark-brown trousers tucked into her boots. The heavy fabric of the shirt and the loose folds of the pants added a little bulk to her too-thin frame, he noted approvingly. He didn't need to make an effort to look tough - he could lean on his size and muscle. River needed to at least try to look bigger and meaner than she was. "Better than the flowery stuff. Why the baggy trousers?"

River silently lifted one leg to point her toes straight at the ceiling, her knee hovering somewhere around ear-level. Freedom of movement. Right.

"Wow. Did we know she could do that?" Wash said, sounding impressed.

"Not until she demonstrated in the middle of the store." Kaylee grinned. "You shoulda seen the looks on folks' faces!"

Jayne had known. He nodded approvingly. "At least now it won't be so embarrassin' to be seen with you."

"Jayne, don't be mean!" Kaylee gave him a reproachful look.

"Robbin' a bank in flowery trousers just don't look right!" Jayne looked at Zoe for support. "If Ott'd seen her we wouldn'ta _had_ to shoot him, he woulda ruptured something laughing."

"That is possible." Zoe grinned. "This is a touch more professional for the thievin', I have to say."

"Good." River beamed. "I'm useful."

"Very useful." Wash smiled proudly at her. "And also colour-coordinated. It's a dangerous but attractive combination."

Jayne frowned, glancing at Zoe. Shouldn't she be objectin' to that kind of comment? And since when did Wash get all flirty-like with women who weren't his wife? But Zoe was smiling indulgently, and Kaylee was adding to the compliments. Didn't make no sense.

Except it did, when he took another look at Wash's face and realized he was just doing that married-guy paternal thing he did sometimes, treating River like a kid. He did it all the time, it was just that this time it didn't sound quite right. River _wasn't_ a kid. A little crazy, sure, but that didn't make her a child.

He picked up his guns, using putting them away as an excuse to get him out of the room. He didn't want River picking up his confused thoughts, about how young she was but not a kid, and Wash should see that but he shouldn't because he was married and all. It'd just upset her and confuse her, and she was happy right now and he didn't want to ruin it for her. He hated seeing her upset.

* * *

Jayne was sitting on a rock in the middle of a great expanse of desert. River watched the wind rake the sand around him for a while, then walked over to him. "Your toes are in the sand."

"Yup." He drew her onto his lap, looking thoughtfully into the distance. "You said that before."

"Sometimes I get confused about where and when I am." She leaned against him, enjoying the way his arms closed protectively around her. "This is better than the hospital."

"Much." He rested his chin on the top of her head. "You know I wouldn't ever take you back there, right? I wouldn't let anyone take you away."

"I know." She kissed the side of his neck, and he shivered. "Stay with me this time."

"I'll try." He pulled her closer, smoothing a hand up and down her back. "You smell good." He lowered his head to nuzzle her neck, making her arch and curl in pleasure...

And then she woke up, reaching for a touch that she knew only existed inside her own mind.

Across the ship, Jayne woke up reaching for a blurry phantom of a girl whose face he couldn't bring to mind but whose skin he could still taste. Damn. He'd had a fair few sexy dreams in his time, but six in two weeks? Of course, it had been quite a while, and a dream-girl was better than none even if he did keep waking up before they got to the good parts.

* * *

"We'll be at Beaumonde in a few hours." Wash hit a few more buttons and turned away from the console. "Mal, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Which part? Dealing with Fanty and Mingo?"

"No, Fanty and Mingo I can live with. They're greedy, sleazy, and unpleasant but they're reliable enough." Wash leaned back in his chair. "And after what Jayne did to Badger, I don't think we'll be finding any work on Persephone for a while."

Mal nodded, frowning a little. Jayne had been very unhappy about the trap rigged for them with the Battle of Sturges as bait. He had expressed this unhappiness in a direct and emotionally honest fashion that had left Badger unconscious, bleeding, and with a knee bent the wrong way. As per Mal's orders, Jayne had refrained from killing either Badger or his men, but there had been plenty of pain for everyone.

It had bothered Mal more than a little. Jayne was good at intimidating people and Mal had on occasion made use of Jayne's talent for inflicting extensive bodily harm, although he didn't like it. At those times - like with Dobson - Jayne had approached the threatening and/or violence with a cheerfully psychotic attitude. There had been nothing cheerful about what he'd done to Badger. He'd been _angry_.

Mal didn't want to know what he would have done if Badger had actually known about the trap.

"I think our possibilities of further employment on Persephone are scarce, yes." Not that anyone liked Badger overmuch, but beating up your middle-man wasn't a good way to recommend yourself to others. "So what's the problem?"

"You taking River with you. Do you really think she's stable enough for this?" Wash looked genuinely concerned, so Mal was inclined to let the questioning of his judgement go just a little. "I mean, I know she's more or less steady while she's here on the ship, but in a crowd of strange people..."

"She says she wants to go, and Jayne will be there to keep her calm." Mal shook his head. "No matter how many times I say that, it still sounds wrong somehow. Anyway, Simon says she's been sleeping well for a while now and she hasn't had a crazy spell for even longer. He's not sure this is a good idea either, but he owns as this is as good as she's likely to get for a while."

"Even so, Mal - "

"Even so, I didn't take her last time and look what happened." Mal knew that River going crazy on him was a risk, but stacked up against the bigger risk of all of them getting killed...

"Well, yeah, there is that." Wash frowned, gnawing on his thumbnail. "Maybe Zoe should go with you."

"I'm sorry? You _want_ me to take your wife to a seedy dive where we may or may not get shot at by drunk people? Since when?"

"Ha. Ha. Seriously, Mal, I'm sure we'd all feel better if Zoe and Simon tagged along, maybe at a discreet distance, so they can rush in if River loses it or something."

"I'll consider it." Mal grinned. "They can pose as a couple out for a quiet drink."

"They can," Wash said, annoyingly serene. "Mal, I may have had my problems with you, but Simon I would trust with Zoe drunk, naked, and with her ticklish toes exposed. She makes him nervous."

"Because she's taller than him, right?"

"I think it's more because she's so grim. Simon likes cheerful girls."

* * *

River was being unusually quiet. And she hadn't taken his hand or his arm the way she usually did when they were in a crowd.

Of course, that would have blown her cover just a little. Jayne glanced over, grinning a little. River was in disguise - at Simon's insistence, given how many screen-cameras there were on Beaumonde. Since hiding her face would be a dead give-away that, well, they wanted to hide her face, Inara had used ink to paint an elaborate dragon 'tattoo' across River's face and neck. The dragon's face covered most of River's own face, its body snaking down her neck. One claw cupped her bare shoulder, and while Jayne was pretty sure Inara hadn't bothered, it _looked_ for all the world like that dragon was wrapped around most of River's body under her clothes. With her hair skinned back in a tight braid, it completely altered her face. To complete the look, she was wearing her Zoe-like leather vest with nothing underneath it, about twelve knives, and his SuXiao strapped to her thigh over skin-tight pants.

Simon had nearly had a heart attack.

So had Jayne, but for different reasons. He'd never had any particular liking for tattoos, at least not on girls, but River looking all wicked and ferocious was a stirring sight. And he wasn't entirely comfortable with 'River' and 'stirring' being in the same thought.

"You're doing fine," Mal murmured, as his knife-covered 'bodyguard' paced silently beside him. "Remember, try not to say anything Fanty and Mingo might get ideas from or take offense at. If they're lyin', you start playing with one of the knives. They tell the truth, you put it away."

"I remember. We have rehearsed this to meaninglessness." She even sounded right - clipped and tense, professional, just another woman merc well able to hold her own in a man's field.

"Good. This is it... the Copper Blade." Mal turned them into a dive Jayne would never have gone into on his own, mostly on account of it looked like the kind of place that sold watered-down drinks and raw gin. Jayne liked low dives and seedy bars, but he drew the line at weak whiskey. "Both of you stay close. River, try not to look at anything that'll warp your innocent little mind."

"Not innocent for a long time," River murmured, quiet enough that Jayne didn't think the captain had heard.

She strolled through the crowded room with a deliberately graceful stride unlike her usual floating walk. She moved like a cat on the prowl, and while she got plenty of admiring looks, nobody dared approach her. Of course, that could be because Jayne was right behind her, looming. Jayne prided himself on looking mighty intimidating when he felt so inclined.

"The knives are also a factor," she murmured, turning to grin at him over her shoulder. "But the concern is appreciated."

There was no knowing when the gorram girl might pick something up. Jayne was careful to keep his eyes firmly away from her ass, just in case. Not that he'd been watching it or anything, he just didn't want to create confusion of any kind. Stable. Stable and calm.

"Here's a new face."

"Two new faces, in fact. Nice tattoo."

"I hope you haven't replaced Zoe, Mal. We'd miss her."

Fanty and Mingo, weird as ever.

"Zoe's busy elsewhere tonight. This is Teng. You know Jayne." Mal smiled his insincere working smile. "Shall we sit down?"

"Yes indeed," said Fanty or Mingo.

"All business. We like that," said Mingo or Fanty.

They waved Mal over to a table in the corner, where River sat beside him and Jayne stood behind them, casually resting a hand on the back of each chair. River's bare shoulder just brushed his fingers, and he saw her relax at the contact. "Now, Mal, we have a special job for you. We heard about your little bank job on Constance."

"Thought you might. I'm afraid we probably left Ott down a man or two."

"Two, and Griselda won't be up and around for a while. She's not happy with you." The twin on the left smirked. "Although she couldn't figure out how you managed to shoot her when all three of you had your hands in the air."

"They didn't." River sounded like she had her special crazy smile on. "There were four of us."

"I see. Then we'll be careful not to anger you, little Teng, because according to Ott that was very precise shooting indeed." The twin on the right sounded impressed. "I don't suppose you could be convinced to change employers?"

"No."

"If you're done trying to woo my employees away, Fanty, I do believe you mentioned having a job for me." Mal frowned. "Care to tell me what it is, or would you like me to guess?"

"It's a simple little heist. Hardly worth your time, really," said the twin on the left.

River pulled one of her knives - a slim stiletto she'd borrowed from Inara - and started idly balancing it on her finger.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" Mal said, smiling his insincere smile again.

The twins got down to business then, giving Mal the rundown on a heist on some nowhere little moon called Lilac. Jayne was sort of listening, but mostly he was keeping an eye out for trouble, either from the increasingly rowdy crowd in the bar or from River, who was starting to get a little twitchy. He twitched his fingers a little, rubbing the back of her shoulder where nobody could see, and she tilted her head to the side a little so he could see her small smile.

"Sounds like a deal." Mal shook hands with both twins. "We'll try to pick up a transport job or something for now, and be on Lilac in three weeks."

"Go have words with Tyler Wu in the Floating Lilies." The twin on the right nodded. "He'll set you up with something nice and legitimate in the right area."

"We have an understanding, we and Tyler. His cargoes travel safe, and he doesn't ask questions about the preponderance of heavily armed men and women on the ships we send his way." The twin on the left smirked. "It's very... mutually beneficial."

"Sounds so. I'll be sure to look him up."

"A word of warning, however..." The twin on the right gave Jayne a slightly nervous look. "Don't take the thug with you. Word's gotten around about what he did to Badger."

"He sent us into a trap. A trap set by a Fed, no less." Jayne scowled. "You really care what happens to them as deal with the Feds?"

Fanty and Mingo exchanged glances. "Not really."

"Can't say we do."

"Glad we got that cleared up." Mal stood up. "You know my reputation, boys. I'm honest, I don't skim, and I take good care of my cargo. But this is the second time I've been crossed by a middle-man who I dealt with in good faith, and my patience is gone. Next time, Jayne will not be under a no-kill order. I trust I'm understood."

"Crystal."

"Understood."

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse us..." Mal nodded semi-politely and led the way out.

Unfortunately, the conversation had taken some time and the place was distinctly rowdier now than it had been when they entered. They were only halfway across the room when a drunk in greasy leather grabbed River's arm. "You look like a fun lady," he slurred, clearly too drunk to see the multiple knives strapped to said fun lady. "Tha' dragon go all the way down?"

"Let go of me." River tried to pull away.

"Aww, c'mon... I li' a dangeroush woman..."

"Let go!" River was starting to sound panicky.

Jayne honestly didn't give a rat's ass if she slashed the guy from here to Persephone, but he really didn't like seeing River get upset. He didn't like seeing her get mauled, either - pawing at an unwilling woman was high on Jayne Cobb's very short list of Bad Things We Don't Do.

So when the man reached out to take hold of her hip with his free hand, Jayne grabbed his arm and dislocated his shoulder with one carefully angled yank. He wrapped his other hand around River's shoulder, hand covering the dragon's claw as he pulled her to his side and looked around the room challengingly. _Woman's mine. Anyone want to argue with me?_

Nobody did. They usually didn't. Even the friends of the guy on the floor backed off, signalling silently that the woman was, in fact, Jayne's, and they'd make no fight over the matter. Jayne nodded, and looked up to see Mal's hand moving away from his gun as a thoughtful frown settled over his face. Damn. Jayne hated that expression. It was always bad when Mal tried to think. He should leave the thinkin' to Zoe - she was better at it and less inclined to come up with stupid-ass notions involving honour and justice.

"Trouble?" Mal murmured as they caught up.

"The willow doesn't braid its own fronds."

Damn. "Think we should get her back to the ship quick," Jayne said, feeling the willow - since he was fairly sure she'd meant herself - start to tremble under his arm.

"That's my notion, yes." Mal nodded. "River, we're on our way back to the ship. Hold it together, okay?"

"Trying." She was still shaking, and Jayne thought it best to maintain his possessive grip as they made it out on the street. She didn't like it when strangers touched her, and this should put anyone else stupid enough to try it off the idea.

"It's okay," he muttered as they headed down the grubby back-street mostly lit by screen-sensors. "We're going home now."

"Home. Elastic definition." River reached out to cover the hand on her shoulder with her own. "Multiple inputs. Too many."

"I know." Too many people for the crazy little psychic, and he squeezed her shoulder gently. "But I gotcha. Won't let anyone near you again."

She smiled up at him. "My stone."

"If that's what works, sure." Jayne glared pre-emptively at a couple of low-lifes who were looking too hard at River. They backed off quickly.

"She gonna be okay?" Mal looked more than a little unhappy.

"She's fine. She's anchored." River held on tighter to Jayne's hand.

Mal gave the arm around River's shoulders a very suspicious look. Jayne had no idea why. He'd kept her stable and moving, hadn't he? Not so much as a squeak out of her.

It wasn't far to the ship, and there was Simon, as Jayne had expected, dithering just inside. "Ri-"

"She's fine." Jayne didn't really need to listen to the doctor's fussing yet again. "Got a little shaky on reality right at the end, but she's fine. Just too many people around, is all."

"It was loud." River didn't seem overly inclined to leave Jayne's side even after he let go, which he found he sort of liked. "Jayne reminded me where I was so I wouldn't get lost."

"Well, good." Simon was also looking at Jayne all funny. "That's... good. But you need to rest now, I think. You look tired."

"I am tired." River looked over her shoulder at Jayne as Simon led her away. "Don't hit him."

"Don't hit who?"

"Just don't. It's all sorts of trouble and we've not time for it."

"Okay. I won't hit anybody." Now Mal was looking at him weird _again_. Jayne looked right back. "What? She wouldn't tell me if it wasn't important."

"Uh... yeah, sure. Jayne, can I have a word?" Mal had that insincere smile on his face again. "Outside?"

"But - "

"Good." Mal took hold of Jayne's shoulder and hustled him outside. Jayne began to have a suspicion as to who it was River didn't want him hitting.

"What's wrong with you?" Mal had nudged him around to stand by one of the engine intakes, where they wouldn't be heard or seen by anyone on the ship unless they walked at least halfway down the gangplank.

"I want to have a friendly word is all." Mal's smile got even less convincing. "About our crazy little girl, there."

"Okay." Jayne frowned. "Uh... why?"

"You've been spending a lot of time with her of late. Talking, and so on."

"Well, hell, Mal, you told me to! Paid me extra and all." Jayne was still lost as to why they were having this conversation at all, let alone as to why they'd had to do it in privacy outside. "You ain't gonna cut my pay again, are you?"

"Is there some reason why I should, Jayne?" Mal's smile slid off his face and it got all tight and angry. "Something you'd like to tell me about?"

"No." Jayne frowned. "Mal, you didn't drink that stuff at the bar, did you?" He'd heard bad liquor could mess with a man's head.

"No, I didn't." Mal scowled. "Jayne, I have ignored the cuss-words and bad table-manners she's been picking up from you, and I've tolerated you givin' her weapons and teaching her how to use them. But I am getting a mite uncomfortable with all the touching, not to mention you acting like you've got some kind of right to the girl soon as someone else lays hand on her."

Jayne stared at him. "You... I... what?"

"I swear to God, Jayne, if I found out you've behaved in any wrong fashion towards that child, I really will throw you out the airlock."

Only River's warning kept Jayne from knocking the captain's teeth in. "What the _hell_, Mal? Where'd you get a _yin hui_ idea like that?"

"Oh, let me think... maybe from the way you walked back here holdin' onto her like she was your personal property?"

"You told me to keep her calm and I kept her calm! If she's touchin' one person it helps keep the rest of the people around her out of her head, an' I had to do it that way so's it wouldn't look suspicious!" Jayne forced his fists to unclench. "She was gettin' too edgy, Mal, I had to keep her stable until we got back."

Mal opened his mouth, and closed it again. "Can't say I conjured you'd actually have a good reason for that," he said, looking slightly less angry. "Is that why she keeps grabbin' onto your hand?"

"Well, yeah. Don't rightly understand how it works, but she says it's easier to think when there's just one person loud enough to drown the others out." Jayne frowned, thinking back. "Well, what she actually said was - "

"Something reasonably incomprehensible, I'm sure. But you worked it out." Mal shook his head. "Jayne, I'll agree as you have a reasonable explanation for the grabbing tonight, but - "

"Ain't like that, Mal, not ever!" Don't hit him. Don't hit him. River wouldn't have said it if it wasn't important. "I'm old enough to be her pa, and she's... Even if I was inclined to take advantage of a scrawny little thing like her, which I ain't, you really think I'd be teachin' her to shoot anyone hurts her in the head if _I_ was doin' wrong by her? You really think I'm that stupid?"

"Well..." Mal thought about it, but had the sense to shake his head. "I'll own as I ain't ever thought you were actually suicidal."

"Damn right." Jayne would let the slur on his intelligence pass this one time. "Ain't ever done wrong by the girl, Mal, nor ever would, 'cause I know damn well I'd never get off the ship alive, whether it was her got me first or you. Or Zoe. Or the doc." He shrugged. "Sides, I like 'em older and curvier."

He'd never hurt her. Never. It didn't bother him any more that she was kinda crazy... Hell, he kinda liked understanding her better than anyone else. Liked the way she'd cling to his hand and struggle to get the words out and smile when he understood. But damned if he'd ever tell Mal or anyone how soft he'd let himself get on the girl, how taken he was with her sweet ways. Even if Jayne could bring himself to explain, nobody'd ever believe that the big mean merc just plain liked the girl. But self-preservation - that Mal'd believe. Jayne being a lecherous hump with a taste for curves he probably already knew about.

"Yeah, well... couple of good points there." Mal relaxed, and Jayne sneered inwardly. Mal was so sure Jayne was too stupid to manipulate him. "You see why I got a mite rattled, seeing you grab the girl like that."

"I got us out of the bar without a fight and without River losin' it. You think you can do better, _you_ handle it next time."

Mal made a sort of I-hate-admitting-this face. "I can't handle her anywhere near as well as you can, and that's a fact. Fine. I'll take it as given that she's usin' you for an anchor, nothing more."

"Aw, that's real big of ya, Mal. Are we gonna hug now?" Must. Not. Hit. Captain.

"Don't push it." Mal snorted. "Look, we're done for tonight. I'll set up a meet with Tyler Wu for tomorrow. We won't be leavin' until tomorrow evening at the latest, so be back by then."

Must. Not. Hit... hey. "I get a whole day off?"

"All night, too, if you want it. Zoe and I can handle any shootin' needs to be done before tomorrow." Mal was looking away with a slightly uncomfortable expression, which meant that this was Mal's version of an apology. Jayne liked that Mal didn't get all girlish and apologise and talk about his feelings and all. He just did something to show as he wasn't mad, and that was that.

"Great!" Jayne beamed. "Thanks, Mal!" He turned to leave.

Mal caught his arm. "And Jayne?"

"What?" Was there gonna be more lecturing? Just when he'd thought it was over?

"If you ever, _ever_ lay a hand on that girl, you are not only going to die either by her brother's hand or by mine, you are going to go to a very _special_ Hell. A level reserved for child-molesters and people who talk at the theatre."

"You're startin' to sound like Book now." He ducked away before Mal could object, heading down a different street towards a part of Beaumonde he knew reasonably well. There was a brothel there that sold decent and reasonably priced liquor (on account of a drunken customer was easier to bilk, he assumed) and clean and reasonably priced girls.

He'd got all cleaned up hoping that he'd get a chance to slip away after the contact. He hadn't gone so far as to put on his good shirt, but he was clean and un-stinkified and all. A whore couldn't exactly tell a man to go shower first, but they always appreciated it when he did it without being told. Women liked a man to make the little gestures.

And maybe a bit of enthusiastic sexin' would clear his head of those dreams. Now that Mal had brought it up, Jayne had to admit that his phantom-girl did look some like River. Not that her face was ever really clear, but he remembered long soft hair and slender hands and a faint, sweet smell.

Not that that meant anything. He'd had an assortment of dirty dreams and fantasies around pretty much every female ever to set foot on Serenity, including Saffron. When you didn't see many women, you worked with the material you had, so to speak, at hand. His brain was just using the most frequent piece of girl-scenery he saw to set up a little relief for his urges. It didn't mean anything.

It was still reasonably early in the evening. He could head to the brothel, get some trim, get a few hours sleep on Serenity (no point in paying for a room when he had a perfectly good bunk) and head out again in the morning to buy himself some more trim and maybe some new porn. A few fresh faces to fire the imagination. Not that their faces were really the most interesting part.

He just needed some alcohol and one or possibly two women, and that'd resolve the whole problem before it even was one. Yeah.

Very late that night, he swayed back onto Serenity feeling mighty cheerful. Mal complained about the quality of Jayne's singing, but Jayne didn't care. He felt great.

He spent the rest of the night chasing a slender phantom through his dreams, who looked at him with reproachful eyes then drifted away as perfumed, satin-gowned whores twined their arms around him and held him in place so he couldn't follow.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi – little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji – dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher


	2. Chapter 2: Stench and Dancing Girls

**Chapter 2 : Stench and Dancing Girls**

* * *

River was feeling decidedly sorry for herself as she sipped her tea the next morning. Increased clarity of mind had drawbacks. Specifically, it had the drawback of allowing her crush on Jayne to force itself to the front of her mind and stay there, instead of being dislodged by one of the random cascades of thought/information/sensation that fizzed through her like carbonation through liquid.

He'd appeared in her dreams again, late last night, but he had smelled of whiskey and cheap perfume, and prostitutes with clutching fingers and made-up faces had pulled him away from her. He'd looked at her as if to say 'it's not my fault' but it was. He'd sought them out.

He had every right to. Her yearnings did not give her any claim on him. But it had hurt, ridiculously so, to wake up knowing he'd been out half the night buying booze and women with the money she'd secured for him. That he'd gone directly from holding her protectively and reassuring her to the arms of a woman paid for her time.

"River? You look like death warmed over." Zoe sat down across the table in a tinkle of cool blues and a smell of sleepy contentment.

"Nightmares stink up my brain with their grabby hands." She was too tired to try to make sense.

"They'll do that." Zoe had her share of nightmares, most of them dark and lit with flashes of burning light, stinking of death and despair. "Cap'n says you'll be coming with us on the next job. Get out in the sunshine a little."

"Outside is as crowded as inside." River had sensed Kaylee's unhappiness-mingled-with-longing, as she sensed everything. She hadn't realized how much more intense it would be to feel the feelings herself.

"Good morning!" The captain was offensively cheerful, and River glared at him. "What?"

"If you cannot contain your stench, go sit in the airlock."

"Stench?" Mal sniffed himself as surreptitiously as he could with both of them looking right at him. "What stench? Zoe, is there a stench?"

"None as I can detect, sir. River, is there some specific stench you're noticing today?"

"A smug stench."

"Ah. I think she means that you're being offensively cheerful, sir."

"And that's a stench?"

"Well, she was complaining about Wash sounding too yellow the other day."

"How can someone sound yellow?" Mal gave River a bewildered look on his way to the battered kettle.

"Three dimensional language cannot contain reality."

"I think she means - "

"That she sees and senses things there ain't no words for, so she uses the nearest ones but it don't always make sense as such." Mal nodded, pouring himself a cup of the coffee-substitute. "You know, I think I'm starting to understand her."

"It's not my fault reality doesn't make sense." River was gratified when both of them nodded, instead of making stupid puzzled faces. Understanding was coming. "Please control the outward manifestations of your stench. My sleeve is all unraveled."

Mal's eyebrows went up. "Okay, that I missed."

"She didn't sleep well." Wash ducked into the galley and smiled at River. "It's a literary quotation from Earth-that-was."

"Nightmares," Zoe added.

"Ah. Well, I'll try to stench, you know, quietly." Mal rummaged in a cupboard. "You want some bread, sleepless girl?"

"Yes." She accepted the chunk of only slightly-stale bread. When she was younger, she had given food like this to the birds that lived on her parents' estate, because it was fit only to be thrown away. Now she savoured it, enjoying the crunch of the crust between her teeth and the rich taste of wheat and yeast.

By the time she'd finished her bread, almost everyone was at the table. As she made herself more tea - Simon let her use the kettle now - Jayne slouched in looking miserably hung-over. River didn't feel the slightest bit sorry for him.

"Well, look who's up." Mal smirked. "Feeling a little delicate this morning?"

"No." Jayne lowered himself carefully into his chair, squinting a bit. "'m fine."

"You don't look fine. You look... corpselike." Wash grinned. River usually objected to the teasing of Jayne, but today she was inclined to make an exception. "Did you let someone convince you to try every kind of booze behind the bar again?"

"No." Jayne scowled. "Just had a long night is all. Not much sleep."

"We don't really need to know any details, Jayne." Mal held up an admonitory hand. "Really."

Kaylee, the last to join them, bounced happily into the room. "Good morning! Ain't it a nice day outside? I just love - "

"Your stench is overwhelming, shut it _up_!" River hadn't meant to shout at Kaylee, she truly hadn't, but she was tired and sad and the relentless cheer grated on her raw brain like wires over flesh, digging in and pulling bloody shreds away.

Kaylee froze, her eyes wide and her lip trembling. "What?"

"You're being too gorram cheerful. And loud." Jayne had his hand cupped over his eyes.

"River, that was uncalled for," Simon said, oozing reproach like sticky syrup.

"She was upset with me for my stench, too," Mal said hastily, reaching out to give Kaylee's hand a reassuring squeeze. Kaylee relaxed, her shock and hurt easing, and River was glad. "Our _ni zi_ slept badly last night and I think she's feeling a little raw."

"I didn't mean to shout. But everyone's so loud, I have to make myself heard." River put her tea down on the table and fled, before she could upset anyone else.

It wasn't until she reached the sanctuary of her room that she realized she had set the tea down in front of Jayne. He had been thirsty, and she'd responded automatically.

He'd understood her without even thinking about it. Even Wash and Simon still had to puzzle through what she was trying to say. It made it very hard to stay angry with him, even though she wanted to.

* * *

"River?" Simon tapped cautiously on the closed door. "Can I come in?"

"Yes." She sounded smaller and more defeated than she had in weeks.

"Hey." He slipped into the room to find her curled up on her bed, hugging her pillow. "How are you?" She'd been -

"She's been doing so much better lately," River said, voicing his own thoughts even as he thought them. "But she isn't well. What if she never is?"

"She will be. You will be." Simon hugged her, and she leaned against him. "You're just having a bad day, that's all."

"I didn't mean to shout at Kaylee," River said sadly. "But she was shining on my brain like the sun through a magnifying glass, burning up..."

"Kaylee understands, River, she's not upset with you." She'd been a little upset, true, but more because she'd inadvertently hurt River than because she'd been hurt herself. "Everyone knows that sometimes it gets hard for you. Nobody blames you, I promise."

River sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "There are so many thoughts. So many parts, shiny steel and plastic and twisted up like jigsaw bits, and I have to find my own parts in them and try to put them back together."

Simon frowned. She'd started talking about jigsaw bits and shiny steel a while back, and he'd never really understood why. "What do you mean, _mei mei_?"

River rubbed her cheek against his shirt. "I'm broken. I'm all in bits. I tried and tried to put them back together but I didn't know how and they were all dirty."

"Oh, River..." He hugged her tighter, smoothing her hair. "I wish I could help..."

"You did help. You saved me." River leaned back to look up at him seriously. "But you didn't know how to fix me, and neither did I. Jayne showed me how."

Simon blinked. "_Jayne_ showed you how?"

"Take all the bits and lay them out. Excise dirt and rust. Take the core, the base part, and begin. Don't try to build the whole all at once. One part at a time. Make it clean, make it right, and then you can add it. New parts can be added, but only in the right place and at the right time. Each piece must be right before you move on." River smiled. "It won't blow up in your hands if you just take your time."

"Of course..." Simon remembered now. "You said something about shiny pieces in a bag, when you'd been left alone with him. He was showing you how to take the guns apart and put them back together, wasn't he?"

"Patience is important. Build outward from the core." River nodded. "It's so hard, Simon... there are so many parts, and they're not all mine and I don't know what to do with them. But I'm getting better, I am. I'm building myself again, and I'm being careful, and I won't blow up when I'm finished."

Simon nodded slowly. He hated the idea of his sweet, vulnerable sister thinking of herself as a weapon... but it seemed to make sense to her, and nothing he'd done had helped. "I'm starting to see why you've taken to him lately."

"He makes things simple." River sighed deeply. "Except when he makes them complicated. He's very annoying sometimes."

"I'd question the use of 'sometimes' in that sentence." Simon smiled, smoothing her hair back. "But I'm glad he's helped you."

"Simon looks too hard for the deep answers. Sometimes the obvious is obvious because it is true." River kissed his cheek lightly, and Simon's heart leaped. She'd gotten more affectionate lately, more tactile... when she'd first left the Academy, she'd permitted touch but had never initiated it. She really was getting better.

"At least a little. It takes so much time." River sighed. "But Jayne is right. Slower is best. I don't want to explode."

"I don't want you to explode either." Simon kissed her forehead. "Take your time, mei mei. Everyone will understand."

"Will you tell Kaylee I'm sorry I shouted?" River gave him a pleading look. "My head was so loud."

"I will, and I know she'll understand." Simon gave her one more hug and stood up. "Why don't you get some more sleep?"

"I'll try." She slid obediently down onto the bed, pulling her knees up and curling into a ball. "Will you be here if I have a bad dream?"

"I'll be right outside in the infirmary. I'll hear you if you call." He tucked her blanket over her. Glancing back through the door as he closed it, he saw that her eyes were already asleep.

Inara was waiting in the infirmary. "How is she?"

"She's tired and overwrought, that's all." Simon returned her relieved smile. "She is getting better. It's just taking time."

"I know." Inara patted his arm gently. "Nobody blames her - even Jayne was worried about her when she ran off. Well, I think that was a worried grunt. He's not very communicative first thing."

"Or ever." Simon shook his head. "No, that isn't fair... he's been helping her more than I realized. She says he showed her how to put herself back together."

"Jayne?" Inara's face creased in a puzzled frown. "I don't think Jayne even knows what a psyche is, let alone how to repair one."

"Or how to spell it. But... he is helping her. Somehow." Simon leaned back against the edge of the exam bed. "Someone grabbed her at the bar last night. Given what he must have intended, I would have been absolutely certain that she'd get hysterical. But the captain said Jayne handled it before he'd had time to do more than turn around. Knocked the guy down, took River out of there... she got a little incomprehensible, but other than that she was fine."

"That's good, isn't it?" Apparently something in his face was indicating to Inara that it wasn't.

"In theory, yes. I admit, it... bothered me to see Jayne walking up the gangplank with his arm around my sister, looking for all the world as if they were a couple, but..." Simon shook his head. "I'm glad she was all right, I just wish it wasn't Jayne."

"That was a... disquieting sight, I would imagine." Inara shook her head, making a disarmingly cute 'yucky' face. "I know I, for one, wouldn't care to be in that position. But it's hardly the first time... she's always holding his hand or his arm, and I really don't think it's a sexual thing."

Simon winced. "Please don't even say it."

Inara chuckled. "I am very fond of you, _biao xiong_, but you are horrifyingly repressed when it comes to sex."

Simon's face felt hot. "When it comes to my sister and Jayne, can you blame me?"

"Well, no. Perhaps not in that instance." Inara smiled. "But River has always been... well, rather childish in her approach to Jayne. She holds his hand, and allows him to carry her around and relies on him to catch her when she jumps off high places. While she does seek out physical contact with him, I don't think it's anything you need to worry about."

"You think so?" Simon couldn't help worrying, but it was nice of her to at least try to make him stop. "I mean... I doubt River would ever consider such a thing, but _he_ might. Not that I think he would... at least I hope he wouldn't..."

"I'm sure he wouldn't." Inara touched Simon's arm again, an act of simple affection that made him feel both comforted and very humble. It meant a lot to him that she accepted him as a friend, on a purely platonic level that didn't make either of them uncomfortable. "I have never known Jayne to take unwanted liberties, not ever. He leers and makes vile jokes and tells inappropriate stories, but he has behaved with absolute propriety towards every woman on Serenity by his own standards. I admit, groping Zoe would probably earn him a broken arm, but I confidently expected a slap on the backside at the very least before he got the idea that I would not permit such behaviour. I never got it. Nor has he ever so much as patted Kaylee in an inappropriate area, even when the opportunity presented itself. He may look, but he doesn't touch without invitation." She made a face. "Of course, he did try to trade his favourite gun for Saffron before she revealed her true motives."

Simon winced. "He didn't."

"Oh, he did. As appalling as the idea is, I can't really blame him. Jayne just isn't a man for the spoken word - body-language and other non-verbal cues carry much more weight with him, and Saffron was very, very good with those. Perhaps even better than I am, and I could march Jayne onto a gallows and convince him to put his head into the noose without ever saying a word." Inara smiled ruefully. "Not that I'd want to have him following me around like a puppy, but it would have fitted in with _her_ plans nicely, and it wouldn't have taken her more than a few minutes."

"It wouldn't, really, would it?" Having it pointed out that Jayne wasn't very bright shouldn't really make Simon feel better, but it did.

"Less than a minute if she removed any clothing." Inara chuckled. "But really, Simon, you don't need to worry about Jayne. He's an unwashed, unsavoury lout but he is respectful in his own way. Even if he was interested in River - which he isn't, so far as I can tell - he would never lay a hand on her unless she invited him to do so."

"You really don't think he's at all... well..."

"Simon, I'm not sure he even registers her as female. Not in that sense. He treats her more like an annoying child than a young woman - which is how she behaves around him, most of the time, so it's hardly unreasonable. I've never seen him look at her the way he looks at... well, pretty much every adult female he comes into contact with."

"I've noticed the looking. Does it... bother you?" It certainly bothered Simon, and he wasn't even the one being looked at.

"A little. But not as much as it would from someone else." Inara smiled wryly. "Jayne is what he is. An unsavoury lout, true, but an honest one in his way. I prefer an honest lecherous look now and then to the subtle insinuations and gestures of supposedly more civilized men."

"I suppose I can understand that," Simon said, a little doubtfully.

"It's the less romantic side of what you like about Kaylee, actually. The honesty, even when it's something I'd just as soon wasn't felt. I'd rather know that he's staring at my breasts than have him sneaking around doing it where I couldn't see him."

"Yes, that does make sense." Simon nodded slowly. "I see your point. If he _was_ looking at River in that way, he wouldn't bother to hide it."

"No harm in just lookin'," Inara said, mimicking Jayne's gruff accent. "No. Even if he tried, I doubt he could hide it from me."

"Good. That's... a relief." Simon sighed. "She's so vulnerable right now."

Inara's face softened and she smiled a little. "Less so than she was before he started spending time with her, though. He's worked hard to try to teach her to protect herself."

"I know. I should be more grateful. He's just... him. I don't like him."

"I know." Inara shook her head, smiling. "But I'm starting to. There's something about a man who really believes that what an attractive, vulnerable young girl really needs is to learn to shoot everyone who tries to hurt her in the head. It's so... rare."

* * *

Jayne was giving some concerned thought to Special Hell.

Now that his hangover had faded to a dull throb, he couldn't avoid the realization that the dainty little dream-girl he'd been trying to reach all night bore a blurry but definite resemblance to River Tam. She hadn't been exactly detailed... his dreams never were, they were always sort of fuzzy and cloudy... but there had been little things like the way her loose hair shimmered and the graceful way she danced away that were definitely River-like. And in his dream he hadn't cared. He'd wanted _her_, not the other fancy ladies in the dream, and he hadn't been able to reach her.

It was Mal's fault.

Mal had suggested it. Jayne would never have thought such a thing if Mal hadn't gone and brought it up. She was so young... well, not all that young. He'd been two years away from home at her age, doing a man's work and living a man's life.

Of course, he'd been bigger.

Maybe it was Inara's fault too. She was the one who'd taken to doing up the girl's hair and paintin' her nails and doing other grown-up things. And Zoe had gone and gotten her new clothes. If River had still been wearing loose dresses and untidily flowing hair like a little girl's when Mal had made his ridiculous suggestion, it would have been easier to shake off.

It didn't get any easier when he went out to work off the last of the hangover with his weights before going out again, and found her already there. She couldn't lift much, but she worked at it with dogged persistence. She was wearing a t-shirt Kaylee had bought her - pink, with a scatter of silver stars - with her old black shorts that clung like a second skin. She looked scruffy and sweaty and not nearly childish enough for his comfort. Where were those stupid flowery dresses when he needed them?

"You stink."

Ah. Spite. Better than flowers. "You ain't exactly dripping perfume right now yourself, _xiao gui_."

"At least I don't smell of vomit and alcohol and..." She wrinkled her nose. "And tobacco cut with rat-droppings."

"It was not." Okay, it _had_ been a cheap cigar, but... nah. She was just trying to mess with him, sneaky little brat. "That's my bench you're on."

"I'm not finished."

"I don't care." He plucked the bar out of her hands, ignoring her squeaky growl. "Use the other ones."

"Too heavy." She pouted.

"Then get your own. Can't keep helping yourself to my equipment all the time." That was definitely a good thought. Boundaries. He stopped letting her play with his weights and his guns and all just because she was cute, maybe she'd stop wandering through his dreams as well.

"I could." She looked thoughtful. "If appropriate equipment is not available, it must be purchased. Logic."

"Yeah." That wasn't a bad idea, actually. "Make Kaylee or Simon or someone take you shopping."

River wrinkled her nose. "For weights? Simon and Kaylee?"

Good point. "Zoe, then."

"Zoe and Wash have already gone out." River drooped a little. "Shouted at Kaylee this morning. Cannot ask for favours now."

True. He'd barely heard her over the clanging in his head, but he did remember the shouting now that she'd brought it up. "Kaylee's a pain in the ass when she chirps like that."

She looked a bit shocked. "That's mean."

"It's true. Last thing a body wants first thing in the morning is someone being gorram cheery." Jayne winced at the memory. "Mornings should be quieter."

"Yes." River nodded, looking like she felt a bit guilty about it. "Kaylee is... loud."

"Very." Jayne sat up. "Listen, ya really can't keep using my stuff... the weights and the guns and all."

River's lip crept out in a sad little pout. "Why?"

"Because most of it don't fit you, for a start." He sighed. There was only one way out of this, because damned if he trusted anyone else to handle it... or her. They just didn't know how to keep her calm, easy though it was. "Look, you've still got your tattoo on - how's that comin' off, anyway?"

"Inara has a substance that removes ink-stain from skin."

"She would, I guess." Jayne nodded. "You go get cleaned up, get your knives on and all, and I'll take ya out. We'll pick you up some weights and some guns, and then you can leave mine alone, _dong ma_?"

River beamed. "You'll take me shopping?"

"Just for the weights and the guns. No girly stuff. And you gotta use your own coin." He felt himself softening in the chest area when she turned that smile on him, and tried to squash the sensation. No good. "And only 'cause I want your pointy little nose out of my stuff."

She grinned at him, and he had an uncomfortable feeling that she could see right through him. "Will you wash first?"

"I will if you will."

Half an hour later, he found her waiting impatiently by the door. Green shirt, full black pants tucked into her boots, hair braided... more restrained than last night's outfit, thankfully, but she still looked reasonably tough. He'd washed properly, knowing she was capable of whining non-stop for the whole damn trip if he didn't, but he kind of wished he hadn't when she fell in beside him. If he'd still reeked, she wouldn't have walked so close and he wouldn't have been reminded of how good _she_ smelled. "Guns first."

"Yes." She didn't hold his hand, but she walked close. "You didn't hit the captain."

"No." Jayne hadn't thought of this before, and it made him more than a little uncomfortable. "Did you... uh... know why I was mad at him?"

"No." River shook her head, her braid bouncing over her shoulders. "Just saw you hit him and the sky filled up with orange and fish-smell. Was afraid you'd leave Serenity."

"Well, I didn't hit him, and I'm stayin'." Getting tied down was more like it. Even the softest bonds itched him some, after twenty years free of every tie save the one long, loose one to his parents. Maybe it was for the best, though. He wasn't getting any younger, and most mercs didn't live past forty or so. That only gave him a few more years, but he figured he'd earn a couple more at least if he stuck with Mal. Pain in the ass and inclined to entirely implausible bad fortune Mal might be, but he did have that thing for keeping his folk alive.

He realized that River was gone from beside him and looked around. She was standing a pace or two behind, staring at him. "You are _not_ to die!" she said, sounding horrified. "Don't you dare!"

"I ain't plannin' on it or anything." He reached out automatically to take her hand, seeing the way her breath was speeding up and her face was going red. She'd have a full-on fit if he didn't calm her down quick. "It's a dangerous life, but I always make it."

"Until you don't." Her lip was quivering. Tears threatened.

Jayne flailed desperately for a distraction. Flattery usually worked on women, didn't it? "That's why I'm helpin' you pick out guns of your own. So you can keep doing what you did on the bank job and keep anyone from cuttin' on me or shootin' me."

That perked her up, as he'd hoped it would. "I'll protect you," she said seriously, and then hit his arm when he couldn't help laughing. "I will!"

"Sure you will." The thought of that little bitty thing protecting him was hilarious, but kinda cute, too.

That little bitty thing started giving him trouble almost immediately as they commenced to shopping for weapons. He'd taken her to a little place he knew that handled new and used equipment - only decent quality stuff, but not so classy as to be out of her budget. Jayne figured she'd probably spend nearly her whole cut from that shiny bank-job here, but decent weapons were an investment that always paid off.

"I want that one."

"You don't want that one."

"You are no arbiter of my taste. I want it."

"They've slapped a little copper inlay on it and jacked up the price. It's probably faulty." Jayne looked at the gun with disdain. It was a LeMat, not unlike his current favoured side-piece, but without the customizing. What it had was a fancified inlay of angular knot-work that wasn't worth the cost of the copper, and a repeat of the same pattern stamped into the grip. Looked shiny, sure, but it'd be a pain in the ass to keep clean and it was likely a crappy piece.

"No. This one is good." River laid her hand flat on the clear plastic of the case. "I can see all its parts, laid together just right."

"Don't say things like that out in public," Jayne muttered, poking her in the ribs. She giggled, which sounded a mite odd coming out of that ferocious tattoo. "You really want _that_ one?"

"Yes. Why can't I have it?"

"Because it's all... wrong. Guns shouldn't be prettied up and girlified like that."

River gave him that special you-dummy look. "Jayne?"

"What?"

"I _am_ a girl."

"Well, yeah, but..." He remembered, probably a bit too late, how much River liked patterns and fancified decorations. "It looks _silly_."

"It looks pretty. And it is perfectly functional. I want it. How much is it?"

"You don't just ask how much it is. You gotta haggle. Don't you know anything?"

"Oh." River drooped. "I can't haggle."

"Why... oh. Yeah." He'd forgotten, just for a minute, how hard it was for her to talk straight to anyone but him. "Look, I'll haggle for ya. I'll see if I can get you the big scary man discount."

"Kaylee speaks highly of it." River grinned, tucking her hands around his arm. "I'll be a butterfly and flap my wings." She fluttered her eyelashes at him. She did it surprisingly well.

"Don't do that. And don't cling. You're supposed to be a tough little girl-merc, remember?" He straightened her out, glad they were half-hidden behind a stand of rifles. "Do that crazy stare thing that always makes Mal twitchy."

River gave him a look that seemed to read the thoughts right off the back of his skull. "Like this?"

"Yeah, that's good." Jayne looked around for the proprieter, and spotted a gleam of silver. "Hey, what about those?"

"Which?"

"Them." He towed her over to the case and pointed to a pair of pretty little Wu Ji pistols. They were too small for his hands, but they'd fit River like a glove... and if she liked pretties on her girls, the Wu Ji pair had flowers and vines faintly engraved the barrel and grip, subtle but suitably shiny. "You want girly, you can't do better'n these. I know more'n a few working girls swear by 'em... Nandi had one, even. They're made for girls, so they won't be too big or heavy for you, and they're good quality and reliable."

River touched the case again and smiled. "They're babies. Never been used."

"So no bad memories. That's good, right?"

"Yes. I like them. Do I have enough coin for all three?"

"Just do the scary look like I told you. " Jayne flagged down the proprieter, who was wearily trying to convince a couple of gawkers to buy some gorram bit of crap or other, and got to business.

River's stare was even more convincing than Jayne's looming, if the way the haggling went was any sign. Jayne was fairly sure she didn't blink more'n twice in ten minutes, and by the end of it the proprieter had inched halfway along the dirty counter, River following him step by step all the way. All three plus her own supply of ammo took nearly everything she had left, but it was still a good bargain.

When they left, though, she took his arm, resting her head against his shoulder. "The multiplicity of duelling realities cause storms."

Jayne sighed. He hated it when she talked all fancy. "Can ya give me that one again?"

She rested her head against his shoulder."Try."

Okay. Storms weren't usually actual storms, in River-talk. From how tired she was looking all of a sudden, he was inclined to think that she meant the headache kind, not the emotions-raging-through-the-ship kind. He hadn't understood most of the other words, though. Although 'multiplicity' sounded pretty much like multiple, and he knew that one. And reality, he knew that one too. Multiple. Reality. Headache. He frowned, trying to puzzle through it. Only for River would he have even tried - he'd never held with education. It was sissified.

"The haggling gave you a headache?" he asked, after several minutes of hard thought.

River smiled up at him, still holding his arm as they walked. It was kinda nice, having her on his arm - he was getting envious looks, more than a few, from the young toughs who always hung around the Eavesdown Docks. "Yes."

"I guess you have enough problems with reality without people arguin' about it right in front of you, huh?" He tried to squash the ridiculous burst of pride he'd felt at working it out. He, Jayne Cobb, understood her better than anyone. Ignorant thug or not, he had an understanding with River that even her brother couldn't match. It felt... good.

"Yes. Stating and restating differing world-views is counter-intuitive and it hurts my head." She looked around, seeming to pay attention for the first time. "We're going back to the ship."

"Yeah. You ain't got much coin left, and you look tired." Jayne winced. Technically that was why they were headed back to Serenity, but actually saying out loud that he thought she was tired and needed to rest sounded downright unmanly, somehow.

River smiled, and patted his arm. "I have never been in any doubt of your masculinity," she said seriously. "You're over-endowed with it, and need not fear its lessening."

"Uh..." Jayne knew River had meant that to sound reassuring. He was also pretty sure she hadn't meant it to sound sort of dirty. He'd just never heard a girl use the word 'endowed' without it _did_ mean something dirty, and it was a mite confusing. "Sure. Okay."

River rolled her eyes at him and let go of his arm, pulling ahead just a little as they walked into Serenity. Mal was in the hold, and the suspicious eyeballing started all over again. "Well now. Where have you two been?"

"Shopping." River smiled an entirely too-fond smile at Mal. "For things."

"Shopping for things, huh? What things, exactly, would those be?"

Jayne was in no mood for Mal's fussing. He'd enjoyed the shopping with River and he had no intention for Mal to spoil it. "Guns, Mal." He pointed to the LeMat hanging from River's hip. "So's she can shoot any _hun dan_ threatens her virtue in the gorram body part of her choice. Happy?"

Mal blinked. "Uh..."

"The profits of my labour have been exchanged for items of a value negotiated between buyer and seller." River sounded very happy about it. Jayne remembered the first time he'd earned his own coin - it was a good feeling. "I have transacted. Jayne haggled for me."

"Did he now." Mal frowned. "And do we remember what the captain said about you and guns?"

"She understands and comprehends." River tilted her head, smiling her most adorable smile at the captain. "But now she is a working member of the crew and the rules must change. She cannot keep borrowing Jayne's tools forever. She must have her own."

"Well..." Mal softened. That smile could weaken even Jayne's resolve. "That's true enough, I suppose. But you're to be careful, and if you start feelin' wandersome in your thoughts, you give them to Jayne to look after."

"I will." River smiled brightly at him. "I promise."

"Good." Mal shook his head. "Jayne... She does need her own equipment, that I'll concede, but next time you check with me _first_, understand?"

Jayne nodded, more than a little relieved. River really did need her own equipment, but he'd been belatedly worried that Mal might not see it that way. He hadn't thought about it beforehand.

He hadn't thought about anything much beforehand. She'd pouted at him and he'd turned into mush and taken her shopping of his own actual free will. It was downright worrying, now that he _was_ thinking about it. He hadn't realized she could get 'round him so easily. "I'll be in my bunk."

He was halfway up the stairs when River suddenly spoke up. "Why does Jayne think you'll be happy that he bought me guns?"

Mal mumbled something.

River's voice was edged with suspicion. "Why? And why were you trying to start a fight with him last night?"

Another mumble, sounding a bit sheepish.

Jayne looked over the railing in time to see River punch the captain right in the face. "Hey! How come you get to hit him and I don't?"

"I told you I'd protect you." River gave Mal a filthy look, and Jayne prudently retreated before Mal could say anything.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi – little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji – dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher


	3. Chapter 3: Knowing Her Mind

**Chapter 3: Knowing Her Mind**

* * *

"What happened to you?" Zoe's eyebrows were practically merging with her hairline.

"Me? What do you mean?" Mal knew there was no hope of carrying this one off gracefully, but he couldn't help trying. He smiled hopefully at Zoe. Maybe she'd let him off without making an issue of it.

"I think she's referring to the natty black eye you're sporting." Zoe might let something like this slide, Wash never would. "And the fact that you're lurking up here in my chair. There's really not a lot to do in the cockpit when we're, you know, landed."

"Oh, this?" Mal touched the eye and winced. It wasn't really that bad, as black eyes went, but it was still painful. "Nothing, really. Would you believe I walked into a door?"

"No, sir." Zoe folded her arms, giving him an interrogative look that Mal was sure could still make a private break out in a cold sweat after less than thirty seconds.

Mal sighed. "River punched me. I had it comin', can't deny it."

"She _hit_ you?" Wash sounded shocked, and leaned in to get a better look. "That does resemble the mark of a tiny little fist, sure enough, but... River?"

"What brought this on, sir?"

"The making of crude and unwarranted assumptions about Jayne." Mal really hoped they wouldn't ask exactly what. River's outraged expression had made him feel both guilty and dirty-minded. "She's a mite protective of him, these days."

"Just a mite." Zoe shook her head. "Didn't you learn from the bootlace incident, sir?"

"I wasn't expecting her to upgrade to throwing punches." Mal winced as Zoe examined his eye. "It's not that bad. I can still see out of it and everything."

"Even so. Might want to let the doc take a look at it." Zoe grinned. "So what did you do?"

"She's four feet tall, Zoe, what _could_ I do?" Mal had had one reflexive moment of wanting to hit back, but he just couldn't bring himself to raise hand to someone so small and vulnerable. "I sent her to her room."

"I meant what exactly did you say that got her so upset?" Zoe's eyebrows were going up again.

"Uh..." Mal cleared his throat sheepishly. "I might have... uh... suggested that Jayne could be... taking advantage of all the time they've been spending together."

There was a moment's silence. "And _he_ didn't hit you because...?" Wash asked.

"She told him not to."

"And he just... what, did what she told him?" Wash looked puzzled. "That doesn't sound like the impetuous hulk we know and tolerate. Did he at least, you know, whine about it the way he usually does?"

"Didn't so much as peep." Mal shook his head.

"Well, that's disturbing." Zoe frowned. "Mind you, so is River taking to hitting you. Think she's likely to do it again, sir?"

"Not if I keep my mouth shut on the subject." Mal smiled ruefully. "You'd have hit me too, if I was taking to being all over-protective when my interference wasn't wanted or needed."

Zoe looked at Wash, and smiled a little. "As I recall, sir, I did."

Wash blinked, and a smile slowly spread across his face. "You did?"

"Right in the stomach." Mal sighed and hauled himself out of the pilot's chair. "And since you two look set to get all mushy over it now, I might as well go see if Inara's started supper."

* * *

River had been told to stay in her room, and stay in her room she had. She resented being treated like a child, but Mal was the captain and must be obeyed. Hit, when the occasion demanded it, but also obeyed.

To her surprise, it was Kaylee, not Simon, who brought her a tray when the others had finished eating. "River, sweetie? You hungry?" Her voice was quiet, but she didn't seem upset or hurt any more.

"Yes." She wasn't, really. Jayne had brought her some bread and a slice of bean-curd before dinner, smuggled out of the kitchen and only slightly squashed. River thought that it must be his mother who had taught him to express concern with food... he might say that he only did it to shut her up, but he fed her even when her distress was quiet or caused by someone else entirely.

Still, Kaylee had been kind to bring her food, and River smiled tentatively at her. "I'm sorry I shouted at you."

"Don't even give it a thought." Kaylee smiled her pretty, sunshiny smile. "We all know as it's hard for you sometimes, not bein' able to shut things out."

"I couldn't sleep, and it made my brain loud." River reached for the tray. Mostly protien, but there was more bread and some syrup. "Is the captain still mad at Jayne?"

"Not as I noticed. Did you really hit him?" Kaylee looked sort of impressed.

"He deserved it, for his _yin hui_ thoughts." River scowled. It was bad enough that Jayne would probably never notice that she was actually a girl. Having Mal order him not to was just unfair. Filial respect only extended so far.

"He didn't tell us exactly why it was you hit him, just that he deserved it." Kaylee looked puzzled. "Was he bein' mean to Jayne again?"

"Unwarrented assumptions." River took a bite of protien. It tasted better than usual - must be Inara's turn to cook. "We'll see the Shepherd soon."

"We will? We're gonna go to Haven?" Kaylee was tinkling again, which made River happy. "When?"

"When the captain decides we need to. It will be soon." River wasn't sure how she knew - she often wasn't. Pieces of information just came to her, disconnected from their sources like petals drifting on the wind.

"Good! I won't say anything to the cap'n... you know how he hates thinkin' anyone knows what he'll do before he does it, even you." Kaylee leaned over to hug River. "Thanks, sweetie, that's real good to hear."

River enjoyed the hug, resting her head on Kaylee's shoulder. It was nice, hearing nobody but Kaylee for a minute. If Jayne was a stone-tortoise, then Kaylee was a gurgling stream, all clear water and sunny sparkles. River couldn't submerge herself in it for long without becoming even more scattered than she was, but for a little while it was as restful as dreamless sleep. (And she'd almost forgotten what that was like.) "Kaylee? Do you get angry at Simon when he's a boob?"

"Of course." Kaylee smiled - Simon had been sweet today, so the question didn't make her sad the way it would on his bad days. "But I don't stay mad."

"Why?" River wanted to know why she wasn't still angry at Jayne. She should be. He had gone away and taken up with other women, bought and paid for, and it had hurt. But she'd given him her tea and he'd offered to take her shopping and she'd forgotten entirely that she was angry with him.

"Because he doesn't mean to make me mad, I guess," Kaylee said, rubbing River's back gently. "I mean, he's an insensitive _bai chi_ sometimes, but he don't ever mean to be hurtful or rude. It just happens sometimes. I get mad at the time, but... he looks at me all sad, you know? Even when I mean to stay real mad at him for a while, I just can't do it when he gives me the puppy eyes."

River nodded. "He looks so soggy." Simon did that to her, too - even when she was angry with him, his mournful look made her forgive him everything.

Jayne had looked at her, when she was lifting the weights, before she snapped at him and he settled into comfortable bickering. She hadn't been hearing his thoughts just then, so she didn't know why. But it had had the same sad, worried taste that Simon did when he knew something was wrong and he didn't know why or how to fix it. And of course Jayne hadn't known why she was annoyed, but he'd known she _was_, and he'd wanted to fix it without knowing how.

Maybe it wasn't so strange that she couldn't stay angry. Who could be angry with that puzzled, grumpy, concerned face looking at them?

* * *

"I can't reach."

River sat on top of a slender spire of stone in a hollow just large enough for her, her legs crossed as she leaned forward to look down. Jayne was standing at the bottom, looking up at her - the spire was nearly twice his height, and the hand he'd lifted towards her hung uselessly in the air.

She looked down at him, and her face was cool and remote. "I had to come up here to get away from them. It's your fault. You brought them here."

Jayne looked helplessly at the three whores standing around the spire. "I don't know how to get rid of 'em."

"Don't you want them here?"

"No." It was maddening. He wanted to reach her, he _had_ to reach her, but she sat up there like a bird in a stony nest, beautiful and fragile and beyond his grasp. "They keep me away from you."

They faded away, but River didn't move... except for her hair, blowing in the harsh desert wind.

"I can't reach," Jayne said again, holding out his hand to her.

"You could climb."

Jayne looked at the spire. It wasn't as smooth as it had seemed at first. He could climb it if he wanted to. "I can't."

"Why?" She leaned over further, her face softening a little.

For once the words came easily to him. "Because it's yours. I can't just go climbin' on your nest without bein' invited."

"Even though you want to reach me?" She tilted her head, her hair sliding around her face. His fingers itched to touch it.

"I want to reach you. I don't wanna do wrong by you." It would be wrong to take her refuge just because he could. She was so easy to hurt.

She smiled at him. "I could come down."

He held out his arms, and she laughed, dropping into them as lightly as a blown leaf. He didn't let go, this time - he closed his arms around her, pulling her to him. "Got you."

She laughed again, touching his face. "But what will you do with me now that you have me?"

He turned his head to kiss her soft palm. "I can think of a few things."

Her lips brushed his cheek. "So can I."

Jayne turned away from her palm and looked at her little face, so close to his that they were almost nose to nose. Kissing her seemed like the obvious thing to do.

He woke up shaking and sweating, groaning as just the memory of soft lips under his pushed him over the edge and he ground helplessly against the mattress. It was all fuzzy now... she'd been sitting on a rock, and he'd tried to explain to her that he couldn't climb up, then she'd been in his arms and he'd kissed her. He couldn't remember what she'd said, but she'd laughed and she'd cuddled up all sweet and warm...

He was pretty sure she was River. Mal was right. He was going to Special Hell.

Below him and towards the rear of the ship, River was gasping as she stared up at the ceiling. The intensity of her physical response was... startling. She'd heard about erotic dreams, of course, but this wasn't quite what she'd expected.

He hadn't climbed. He'd wanted to get to her, but he wouldn't invade her sanctuary. The real Jayne wouldn't have, either. He never did - when she went away to hide, he didn't try to pull her out again even if he could. He waited for her to come out of her own will.

Her yearnings were becoming less inexplicable. She only wished they would become less impossible, too.

* * *

Dinner was a somewhat subdued meal, their first day out of Beaumonde. There was always something of a let-down when they left a planet, or so Simon had noticed. Still, everyone seemed happy enough, and Simon had just taken a mouthful of tea when Jayne spoke up in a worryingly thoughtful voice. "I think it's time we killed Simon and River."

As tea dribbled out of Simon's nose, he glared at Jayne, who smirked. Oh, yes. He'd done that on purpose.

"Didn't we already do that? On Ariel?" Inara was perfectly calm, as usual.

River was giving Jayne an outright approving look. Everyone else was staring at him.

"Only temporarily, and we didn't show 'em to nobody." Jayne shrugged. "I was thinkin' they should be, you know, officially dead. I know a real good trick with a Scimitar and two corpses about the right size."

"Scimitars ain't worth a... oh." Kaylee brightened suddenly. "Hey, that could work."

"Leaving aside the fact that I have no idea what the hell you're talking about," Mal said, frowning at Jayne, "where were you plannin' to get two corpses about the right size?"

Jayne shrugged. "Oh, that part's easy. I'll pick 'em up on Beaumonde when we get back."

"You're just going to... what, go shopping for dead people? Pick a couple out and have them wrapped?" Wash sounded somewhere between sceptical and horrified.

"Yeah, pretty much." Jayne rolled his eyes. "Look, the morgues hold unnamed or unclaimed bodies for two years, right? In cryo, so they stay fresh. Or as fresh as they was when they came in, anyways."

Simon blinked. It always startled him when Jayne said something accurate. "He's right, actually. It's Alliance law. A human body can't be disposed of without the authorization of the next of kin until two full years after death. If they aren't claimed in that time, they're sold as cadavers or cremated."

"There's always plenty as ain't claimed. Some 'cause there ain't no family, some 'cause they just never got found or something." Jayne shrugged. "It ain't but work of an hour to go in and pick one out."

"And... what, you just point and say 'I'll take that one'?" Zoe raised her eyebrows, looking more than a little dubious.

Jayne grinned. "Nah. You point an' say 'that's him, that's my poor long-lost brother, here's the money for the storage fees, put him in a case so's I can take him home to our poor Ma'. Mostly they're just glad to get the space freed up. Long-term storage in places like Beaumonde is always overcrowded."

"And that works?" Mal was also giving his eyebrows a workout.

Jayne shrugged. "Always has."

"Leaving aside the question of why Jayne has gone shopping for bodies before now..." Simon said, trying very hard not to think about it. "Bodies that are merely similar won't be enough. Even if you damaged them enough to prevent identification by ordinary means, River and I are both gene-tagged."

"That's where the Scimitar comes in." Kaylee sounded thoughtful now. "See, Scimitars is real fast and they don't use but a sniff of fuel. They're great as long as they're runnin' right. But when their calibration goes off they got a bad habit of blowin' the engine right up through the cockpit. If we got our hands on one, wouldn't nobody think it was but an accident that any bodies in there was charred to nothing when it blew."

"But if they can't identify the bodies..." Simon frowned.

"The cockpit and the engine'll fry, but the back compartment is usually undamaged. Splash a little of you and the _xiao gui_'s blood around, maybe a few skin fragments and fingernail clippings..." Jayne shrugged. "It's worked before. Shouldn't be no trouble to make it look like you had her restrained in the back an' she got loose an' killed the both of you by monkeyin' with the controls."

Simon looked at Mal, and was not pleased to see the captain leaning back in his chair, looking thoughtful. "Sounds like a workable notion, I have to say. You've done this before, Jayne?"

"Once. Was workin' with Theo Martinez back then - he'd done it a couple times. Trick is gettin' it all set up without the Scimitar blowin' on you in the meantime, but I figure Kaylee can keep it behavin' right until we want it to go."

"Shouldn't be hard." Kaylee nodded. "I don't like 'em, they ain't reliable, but keepin' one going for a little while would be easy enough."

"And if they can get a genetic tag from shed skin and so forth in the back compartment, not being able to ID the bodies should be less of a problem." Zoe nodded thoughtfully. "Could work."

"Might do." Wash sounded dubious. "On the other hand, if even Jayne knows about this trick - no offence, Jayne - isn't it likely that someone in law-enforcement type areas would know about it too?"

"Most like they would." Mal grinned. "But the question is, would the doctor? Had he not taken up with naughty folks like us..."

"Scimitars is flashy and fast. Most of 'em still around tend to get unloaded on some rube from the Core don't know their tendency to explode." Jayne smirked. "Doc goes into a disreputable dealer, asks for somethin' fast, he'll like get offered one even without havin' to ask."

"There's the small problem of the doc not knowin' how to pilot even a two-man like the Scimitar." Mal didn't sound like he thought it was much of a problem.

"Hell, Mal, he coulda learned by now. It's been eight months." Jayne shrugged. "Only took me a month to learn how to fly a Whale-Chaser, and they're twice the size of Serenity and a lot harder to steer."

"A _what_?" Simon stared at him.

"A _Bu Jing Chuan_ salvage rig," Kaylee explained. "They handle industrial salvage and the like. They don't break atmo much, as a rule, but they can - they handle runs betwixt moons and the like." She gave Jayne a funny look, presumably wondering when and why he'd have learned to fly one of those.

Jayne didn't bother to explain. "Top three percent here coulda figured out how to fly a simple two-man by now, had he a mind to. And if there was a tragic accident on account of a green pilot trying to handle a troublesome ship... well, that wouldn't be unlikely, would it?"

"Seems downright inevitable, really." Mal nodded. "We've the job on Lilac to handle first, but after that we'll see what we can put together."

River frowned. "The job has ants."

Everyone looked at her. "The job has what?" Mal asked, careful to keep his voice level.

"My head itches." She scratched at her scalp, frowning. "The ants crawl through my synapses."

"Is the job gonna go bad? We getting set up again?"

River shook her head. "Fanty and Mingo tasted of acid and caviar. They didn't lie, though they seek to wrest some extra advantage."

"Well, they try any wresting from us, Jayne will explain to them in a civilized manner why he doesn't appreciate folk doin' that." Mal frowned.

Simon winced. He hadn't seen what Jayne had done to Badger, but he'd been told enough to know that without extensive - and expensive - reconstructive surgery, the man wouldn't ever be able to walk on that leg again.

"I don't know what it is. It's just... ants." River rubbed her head again, and then climbed under the table, taking her bowl with her.

She refused to come out when they finished dinner, but Simon had come to agree with Inara (and, all right, Jayne too) when it came to River hiding. As long as she wasn't in anyone's way, there was no harm in just letting her stay where she was until she felt more secure.

When he came back half an hour later, Jayne was there, crouched on the floor beside the table. He didn't seem to notice Simon, which was unusual - even though Simon moved almost silently unless actually running, a habitual relic of his mother's insistence on grace and deportment, Jayne usually heard him coming. "Still itchin', huh?"

"You don't want the moonbrained girl and the gorram doctor to go away any more." River said, invisible under the table.

Jayne shifted uncomfortably. "Well... no. It's like Mal says. You're crew and all."

Simon had heard him say that before. This was the first time he'd sounded as if he meant it.

"And you think I can counter his godawful luck some," River said, sounding a little amused now.

"Well, you did last time." Jayne shrugged and grinned. No, not grinned... smiled. Simon had never seen such a pleasant expression on the mercenary's face. "You're a good shot, and you don't come over all noble an' self-sacrificin', which makes Mal and Zoe both a mite unpredictable."

"I might surprise you." River sighed.

"Don't. I don't like surprises. Anyway, you promised you'd protect me, remember?" Jayne was clearly very amused by this. "So way I see it, if you take a fit of nobility it'll be to my benefit."

"That's true." River's small hand extended from under the table to touch his knee lightly. "I'll go with you on the job and protect you from the ants."

"Ain't ever met an ant I couldn't take in a fair fight." He didn't shake off her hand as Simon had half expected him to. "You comin' out any time soon?"

"Not yet. Will you tell me a story?"

"Sure." Jayne sat back on his heels, balancing easily. "What do you want?"

"The story about Lux. She's going with us on the job."

"Well, there were these five guys, right? Big as me, every one. It was in a bar on... I forget where. Some dust-bowl moon." Jayne droned on, recounting a rather boastful - and probably more or less accurate - story about his defeating of all five large men and claiming a machine gun for a trophy.

Simon sneaked away. Inara was right. River was entertained by Jayne, and Jayne seemed inclined to indulge her. He shouldn't worry so much about it.

* * *

That night Jayne caught his elusive phantom almost the moment he fell asleep, and ignored his own rules and his near-certainty that she was River to kiss her, clutching her to him and tasting her mouth until he woke up shaking and groaning his way through climax.

River woke arching helplessly into a touch that had suddenly vanished, and spent some time trying to work out why an imagined touch was so much more effective than that of her own hands.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi – little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji – dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher


	4. Chapter 4: Robbery and Reavers

**Chapter 4: Robbery and Reavers**

* * *

"Kaylee! Kaylee, what the hell do you think you're doin'?"

Cap'n would always fuss just when she had no attention for him. "Everything's shiny, cap'n, not to fret!" Kaylee tried to make it sound as cheerful as she could, but she was more than a little worried about exploding just now. Things falling off the ship weren't ever good, especially when it was the primary buffer panel.

"You told me those entry couplings would hold for another week!"

"That was six months ago." She didn't take his angry tone to heart. He was jumpy on account of River's goin' on about the ants on the job, was all, and 'cause he and Simon had been fighting again over whether or not River was going. Wasn't much up to either of them, the way Kaylee saw it, since River was a grown girl and well able to decide for herself, but they would insist on struttin' about and bein' all manly at each other.

It was kind of cute watching Simon be manly, jutting out his chin and all. He didn't do it often, and it irritated Mal something fierce. Kaylee liked it, though... he was so sweet and quiet most of the time that you could almost forget he had strength and will enough to get himself from Osiris to Persephone to half-way to Whitefall practically alone and with River to fret on besides.

"My ship don't crash. She crashes, you crashed her." Mal waved his finger at her, but she paid him no mind. Most of her attention on Serenity, she ignored the sound of him and Simon starting to bicker again in the corridor outside.

* * *

"We're robbing the place, Jayne, not occupying it."

Wash heard his wife's exasperated voice - and Jayne's whining about grenades - but didn't pay overly much attention to it on account of he didn't want to hit the planet and explode. Zoe came up behind him and kissed the top of his head, which he appreciated, but she didn't interrupt him or try to talk, which he also appreciated. His wife knew when a man's concentration shouldn't be broken, and now was such a time.

Apparently Jayne didn't. "Hey, Wash, we gonna crash?"

"Only if someone distracts me from what I'm doing." Wash had found his calm place and was determined to stay there. They would be fine if only he could stay in his calm place. When he was distracted he sometimes got nervous, and that damaged his concentration.

"Oh." Jayne grunted. "Well, don't crash if you can help it. Zoe'll get pissed if you crash, and Mal'll be all 'you stupid person who ain't me, this is all your fault, 'cause it sure ain't ever mine'."

Wash laughed, more than a little surprised, as Jayne clumped away. The man-ape had a sense of humour. Rudimentary, sure, but it was there. And he'd certainly pegged Mal - brave and noble as the captain was, when a job was on and he was tetchy he was inclined to spread blame around with an even and liberal hand.

The moment of humour helped him to stay calm as he finessed and cajoled Serenity into landing in one piece.

* * *

River knew Simon didn't want her to go. She could feel/smell/see his pale concern oozing over him, cutting him off from Kaylee's sweetness and Inara's comfort. It wasn't that he didn't think Jayne and Cap'n and Zoe would protect her, but he knew that she knew that something was going to go wrong, and he was afraid.

River was afraid too. The ants were back, and even Jayne's warm, stolid presence couldn't calm them. It was hard to think, harder than it had been in a long time, and she had to take off her shoes and lie down in Serenity's arms for a while before they would quiet down even a little.

"River, honey, you okay?" Zoe crouched beside her, and River opened her eyes to look up at her.

She smiled a little, because Zoe was treelike and River liked her, but the ants made controlling her facial expressions difficult. "Ants crawl through my brain and nibble on my receptors," she said, watching with some interest as Zoe pursed her lips and ruffled her foliage.

"Uh... huh." Zoe nodded and looked past River to the captain. "She's not getting any more coherent, sir. And she's still going on about the ants."

"Jayne, see what you can do." Captain was worried, River knew. He didn't like that she was drifting when he needed her to be solidly anchored.

Jayne finished loading ammunition into the box on the back of the mule and clomped over. He hadn't talked to her as much as he usually did over the last eight days. She was too distracted by the ants to be able to tell why. Only in her dreams of him did her mind calm a little. "Hey, _xiao gui_, you sleepy?"

"They seem to move randomly but they don't. Chance is not chance when ruled by whim." River wasn't quite sure what she meant, but she knew it was important.

"Ants ain't random." Jayne squatted beside her and tapped her head with the hilt of his hunting knife. "They just look like they are. They have little roads and houses and everything."

"They eat of flesh. They take all that falls and drag it down into the dark." She could feel sense creeping around at the back of her mind, but she couldn't make it come out where she could see it so she could understand what the ants meant. "I won't wear my boots. I can't hear if my feet don't touch the ground."

"Not even your shoes with the beads on 'em?" He looked at her bare feet, and even over the rustling of tiny random legs she caught the tail end of a thought that the slippers suited her best, flowers on light, dancing feet. He was embarrassed by the thought but it comforted her, helped quiet her racing mind a little.

"Not today. I need to listen with all of me. The ants are so loud in my head, but my feet can still hear." She held up one foot, examining it. "They're at the other end from ants. They're less bothered by the noise."

"If you say so." He looked at her thoughtfully, then shrugged and picked her up, tucking her under one arm so her arms and legs dangled. River laughed and swung her feet. Jayne was inclined to just move her around if she wasn't moving herself, and she permitted it because she liked it when he carried her. It reminded her of her dreams. "You got your weapons?"

"Yes." The pistols were in the mule, now, ready to be strapped to her legs. The LeMat was already on her hip, comforting in its weight. "Boadicea," River said, as Jayne plopped her into the mule.

He frowned. She was disturbed that his puzzled-idiot expression was beginning to seem cute. "What?"

"The LeMat. I have decided to name her Boadicea."

"Why?" He climbed in beside her and handed her a pair of goggles. "Here, wear these. You got enough trouble keeping what's going on straight without gettin' blinded by grit."

River put the goggles on. "Boadicea was a queen from Earth-That-Was. She was a fierce warrior who slew many enemies. Even when she was tortured and her daughters violated, she did not surrender."

"Huh. Good name." Jayne nodded. "You gonna name the other two?"

"Individual names might damage their unity." River laid the two pistols in her lap. "They believe they are identical."

"They ain't. They're reversed." Jayne helpfully pointed out the flower that faced left on the pistol for her right leg, and right on the pistol for her left leg. "Like... in a mirror."

"Mirror-image twinning. The heart is on the other side." River pondered whether she should switch the pistols over in order to preserve symmetry of legs and flowers, but concluded that they wouldn't like leaving their own holsters for a new and reverse-image home.

"River, be _careful._" Simon reached over the edge of the mule to pat her leg. "Especially with the guns." He gave Jayne an anxious look. "You're sure she's all right with those?"

"She's fine. Good shot." Jayne shrugged. "You worry too much."

"She's been getting twitchier and twitchier for the last two days. Tell me you aren't at all worried."

"Well..." Jayne gave River an uncertain look. "Admit I might feel a touch calmer if she seemed to know what it is that's coming."

"We all would," the captain said from the seat in the front. "Still, I'm inclined to take knowing that _something_ is coming as being a damn sight better than no warning at all. "We all ready?"

"I'm set, sir." Zoe was cool blue, as always, serene until such time as agitation was called for.

"Jayne? Tiny crazy person?"

"I'm good."

"Size is no indication of mass."

"I'll take that as a yes. Doc, let go and stop frettin'."

Simon didn't stop fretting, but he let go and stepped back. "River, remember what I told you about running away."

She remembered, but would not obey. Waving solemnly as the mule swept out of the hold, River knew that her inconvenient attachment precluded sensible self-preservation. Jayne had such a bad habit of getting shot, or stabbed, or punctured in some way. She had to look after him. She had promised, after all.

"You are not to get shot," she told him, wanting to make sure he knew her opinion on this subject.

"Ain't planning on it." Jayne shrugged and glared at the back of the captain's head. "Mal wouldn't let me bring my grenades."

"The captain likes to assert his authority before job begins. He flaunts his crest and waves his tail to show he is dominant." River opened the small storage space beside her and pointed silently to the three grenades she had smuggled onto the mule while the captain was occupied with getting his inoculation. She wasn't sure if they'd need them, but their presence would calm Jayne and she badly needed him to be calm.

Jayne's eyes widened and then he grinned. "That he does."

"I do not wave my tail." The captain sounded offended. "I have never in my life waved my tail."

"You did on Bellerophon."

She felt hot pink embarrassment rise up in the captain, who cleared his throat uncertainly. "You... ah... know about that?"

"Observed." Thinking about something besides the job helped. Besides, the captain had been rude a lot today, and deserved a little embarrassment. "Didn't know the captain had a tattoo."

"Oh." The captain cleared his throat again. "Didn't see you there."

"Often don't." The captain's nudity had been of purely academic interest at that time. It still was, unfortunately. A crush on him would have been much less problematic.

"Ah. Right. Zoe, are we nearly there?"

"Not quite, sir." Zoe was amused, though she tried not to show it.

Jayne sniggered, enjoying the captain's embarrassment, and River was pleased to see his equilibrium restored. She laid her head on his shoulder, sighing. The ants were getting worse. "Jayne, tell me a story."

Jayne didn't notice or didn't care about the startled colours in the front seat. "Any particular one?"

"Tell me about the LeMat."

"Ain't so much of a story." He slouched back, letting her head settle more comfortably on his shoulder. "I was on... uh... think it was Dyton. I'd just lost a job on account of the captain got taken in for questioning regarding some old warrant and the ship was impounded..."

River let the soothing story of successful theft thread through her ears into her brain, ignoring the captain and Zoe's puzzlement. By the time it finished, they were almost there.

River walked barefoot through the frightened people, and the floor told her feet when one stopped listening to his fear and reached for his gun. Her hand pointed where her foot told it the gun was, and all the time the rustling in her head got louder and louder.

She pushed her mind out, but left part of it behind to watch Jayne pace. He was nervous, just a little, the way he always was on a job before things got wrapped up.

He fired Lux, who rattled happily in his hands. Lux loved to dance and rarely had the chance. (The rhyme was involuntary, but it amused her for a few seconds)

Outside, a child heard Lux dancing and told his mother. His mother turned and a Reaver was there, slashing down with a blade made of ice and hate.

River screamed and felt her body fall. There was hard floor and grit under her as pain filled the world, and then big hands snatched her up and held her and she forced her eyes open to meet Jayne's anxious gaze. "Reavers!"

He swore, and bellowed for Mal as he held River protectively to him. She felt his fear and it made her tremble, because it frightened her when Jayne was afraid.

The Reavers were everywhere, clogging up her mind with pain and hate and the stink of foul joy. She clung to Jayne as he summoned Mal and Zoe, shifting her so he could grab a bag of money with one hand and carry her with the other. River buried her face in his neck, holding on tightly, not wanting to see with her eyes what her mind couldn't shut out.

Jayne set her in the mule, letting her hold onto his hand as he climbed in beside her. The captain pushed a man off the mule, his mind clanging with fear for His Crew, his children, his family, his _responsibility_ gorram it and he shot the man before the Reavers could eat him. Jayne's arm wrapped around River, holding her comfortingly, and she knew he would shoot her before the Reavers could take her.

Then the Reavers were behind them and she drew Boadicea with shaking fingers. The LeMat was too small to be of much use against another vessel, but she managed to shoot one Reaver in the head through a tiny opening. He fell, but there were too many more.

Jayne shouted at her. "Grenade!"

The captain questioned but River ignored it, handing Jayne a grenade. He pulled the pin and threw it, but it bounced away before damage could be done. "Gorammit!" River swore with him, and reached for another. His aim was better this time, and the Reaver vessel dipped and swayed, buying valuable seconds as it slowed for a moment.

Zoe was talking to Wash. River decided she could leave navigation in Wash's hands. He would tell Zoe the right thing to do.

Then River screamed as a harpoon punched through Jayne's leg - they had harmed _her_ Jayne! - and he was yanked backwards, barely catching the back of the mule.

"I won't be et! You shoot me before they take me!" His fear made her teeth chatter, but she nodded. She would not let him be taken, just as he wouldn't let her be. Then Jayne's eyes widened. "Well, don't shoot me _first_!" The captain wouldn't shoot him, of course, but fear caused Jayne to lose a certain amount of perspective.

She pulled out the last grenade while Mal took far too long shooting a simple rope. The moment Jayne was no longer attached to the Reaver ship, River pulled the pin on the grenade and threw it. Calculating the vector and adjusting for relative velocity was so easy as to be instinctive, and she knew before the grenade left her fingers that it would fly through the exact center of the near-side engine vent, an opening barely larger than the grenade itself.

The explosion was very satisfactory. The Reaver vessel fell down on its belly and burned. Inside it, the blood-tacky ravening _things_ screamed and fell silent.

"Uh... honey, no need to rush," Zoe said, after a long moment of quietness. "We're not being chased any more."

"You're sure?" Wash tasted worried and tinny.

"They blew up a little."

"I thought I said no grenades," Mal said weakly, helping Jayne back into the mule.

"You said _I_ couldn't bring grenades. Didn't say nothin' about the _ni zi_." Jayne's teeth were gritted. "You couldn'ta warned me about this?"

"Didn't know." River curled up beside him, allowing herself to touch his stubbled cheek. The touch soothed and disturbed her both at once. "Reavers don't think, only react. There was no intent to fire until firing was being done."

"Oh." He was creased with pain, but the ants were gone now and she knew he forgave her for not being able to warn him. "Good throw."

"Imminent death concentrates the will."

"Always does for me." Jayne nodded, shifting and wincing. "Zoe, I'm kinda bleedin' here. Maybe they could rush a _little_."

* * *

"So what happened?"

That was Kaylee, worming in under Wash's arm to peek at Jayne and make concerned noises. Simon had insisted on dragging Jayne into the infirmary to get stitched up, so Mal had found himself holding what he still privately thought of as a debrief while sitting on a cold bench-top, watching Simon clean out the hole in Jayne, who once again seemed more annoyed than pained at being perforated again..

River was watching Simon work with apparent fascination, holding one of Jayne's big paws in both her little hands. Jayne didn't seem averse to either that or Kaylee's cooing - not that Jayne was a man ever to turn down female fussing when it was offered.

"Well, we got the payload and we got away, so overall I'd call today a success." There was no pleasure in it, though, and he saw by the faces around him that they knew that. What was almost certainly still happening on Lilac saw to that. "Had it not been for River, we'da been taken before we even knew the Reavers was there. Couldn't hear shit down in that vault, even after the yellin' started."

"The _ni zi_ saves the day again." Wash looped his arms around his wife's waist and smiled at River. "I, for one, am more than grateful."

"As are we all." Mal nodded, and River beamed proudly. "I take it the Reavers caused the ants? Or were the ants, or some such?"

"I think so." River sighed, and gave him one of her fleetingly lucid looks, like she was suddenly all the way present just for a moment. "I'm still new at this."

"Can't nobody argue with that, nor ask more of you than you done." Mal glanced at Simon, whose mouth was primmed up unhappily. "Doctor, I take it you realize that I won't be hearin' any more arguing on the subject of River going along on jobs."

"There will be times when she won't be able to." Simon frowned, his young face creasing with worry. "And I'd argue until you threw us both off the ship if you were making River do anything she didn't want to." He gave his sister a loving, anxious look. "But she wants to help. So I guess it's up to her... unless I truly believe she's not up to it, and there will be times when she's not. When she's... less well."

"Reasonable enough." It pained Mal, sudden and unexpected, remembering how very young Simon had looked when first he'd joined them and seeing how worry and strain were already wearing lines into his face. He'd seen it often enough in war (Bendis returned to his mind, young and scared, and Mal dismissed him with the ease of long practice), and he misliked seeing it in a young man who had never taken a life nor, so far as Mal knew, so much as lifted a hand in anger without being driven to it. River had taken to crime like a little duck to a large pond. Simon was an irritating but fundamentally gentle soul and shouldn't have to face such decisions as this. "You have my word I'll be cautious on that. Won't do nobody any good if I take her out when she's wanderin' in her mind or got another fit of the shakes."

"Precisely." Simon nodded, seeming to relax a little. "And in that same vein... I won't forbid it, because I know you'd do that very thing at once just to show me you can, but I would strongly advise that you never take River out of the ship without either me or Jayne."

"Yeah." Jayne nodded, and Mal thought he squeezed River's little hand just a bit. "She'll take your orders, Mal, but you ain't no hand at keeping her calm."

"Can't argue with that." Mal would have liked to be better with River, but he was wary of letting her get too close. She and Simon would be moving on, soon or late, and there was no sense in letting himself get all taken with the child.

He had a sneaking suspicion that he might lose himself a mercenary, when that day came. Jayne was enjoying training River up, and with her and Simon to do the planning and Jayne to carry out the plans in his inimitably brutal fashion they'd probably do reasonable well for themselves.

"Criminal mastermind." River looked at him, grinning. "I'd be good at it."

"That you would." Mal couldn't help smiling at her. She was so proud of herself for helping. "You mind you take care of them, it comes to that. Ain't either of 'em over-burdened with common sense."

"They take so much looking after." River sighed, just as she had when she said the same of Simon not too long ago.

"Who takes looking after?" Kaylee looked puzzled.

"Just a thought. Ain't no great matter." Mal shook his head. "Wash, we headed back to Beaumonde?"

"At good speed, but it'll still take us at least three, three and a half days." Wash shrugged. "Could go faster, but Fanty and Mingo aren't paying us extra to hurry and fuel costs, so..."

"So we proceed without undue rushin'. Good." Mal nodded. "That being so, I'd suggest we all call it a night. We've had a busy day."

Wash and Zoe left quick enough, and Inara and Kaylee followed after making a few more fussy noises over Jayne, which he seemed to like. River didn't move, and Mal went over to pry her loose from Jayne and send her on her way with a gentle push between the shoulders. "Go get some sleep, _ni zi_. Jayne'll be fine."

"I told him not to get shot at _all_." River gave Jayne a reproachful look.

"I didn't _get_ shot, I got... punctured." Jayne looked down at his leg. "Anyway, I'm fine now. Got hurt worse'n this loads of times."

"All right." River nodded and slipped soundlessly away.

Mal waited a moment, then went out to check that she was gone before closing the door. "Got something else I conjure is best discussed with the two of you," he said quietly. "Jayne, how much of what River knows did you teach her?"

Jayne, predictably, looked puzzled. "How much of which?"

"She shot four people in less time than it'd take me to aim that well at one, when we was on Constance. Didn't think much on it at the time, knowing you'd been workin' her to targets for a while. But did you see what she did with the grenade?"

"Yeah." Jayne frowned. "Didn't teach her that, Mal. Ain't ever let her handle anything more dangerous than a pistol. Far as I know today's the first time she ever touched a grenade."

"River touched a grenade?" Simon frowned.

"Not only touched, doctor, but threw through a six-inch hole in a moving Reaver skiff from the front seat of a moving mule. A throw not me nor Zoe nor even Jayne could have made." Mal scowled. He'd really hoped Jayne had taught her that one. "Now, I know you told us when you first came on board that River had a way of just bein' able to do things right off, but throwin' a top-heavy, lumpy thing like a grenade ain't something you do that well on the first try."

Simon's mouth went tight. "You think this is another indication that she's been trained. That she's some sort of... of assassin."

"Maybe as that's what they intended." Mal nodded. He hated to burden the boy further, but there was no kindness in lying to him. "And I think they must be more than a mite concerned about that, these days. Were she like to go mad and kill you - or anyone else helping her - then I would suspect they're thinking she'd have done it by now, and they'd have got wind of it. Since she ain't... well, if I were them, I'd be powerfully worried about my own hide this very moment. If I'd created an psychic assassin, tortured her and driven her mad besides, I imagine I'd be shaking in my shoes for fear that she'd get back enough sense to come after me personal."

"Mal's got a point." Jayne rubbed his chin. "I know I wouldn't want her comin' after me, and I don't even know all've what she can do yet."

"Nobody does. Not even River, I suspect." Simon looked more than a little unhappy. "But she wouldn't turn on us. She just... wouldn't."

"Don't think it likely my own self." Mal was glad he could agree honestly, and lift at least some of the load off Simon's shoulders. "She's had more'n a few opportunities, now, and the only part of me she's endangered thus far is my eye, which I'll own as I had comin'. Of course, there was the stabbing incident..."

"That ain't nothin'." Jayne shrugged, seeming most uncharacteristically willing to shake off damage done to his person. "Had it comin' myself, what with trying to turn her in and all."

That, somehow, hadn't ever been discussed since Mal had found out Simon knew about it. Seemed like the best moment to do so. "I believe you two made some sort of understanding over that... Simon as well. Without, might I add, any of you telling me about it, which I still think you should have."

"We've discussed my reasons for that already." Simon glanced at Jayne, looking a mite embarrassed. "Although we never covered yours for not telling me."

Jayne had hung his head, looking ashamed of himself, and Mal waved a hand at him. "That's why. Thought about throwing him out the airlock - was about a minute from breaking atmo with him inside it, as it happens. He tried to deny it, and then he tried to beg off, and I wasn't inclined to be merciful on either count. But then he asked me not to tell anyone. To make something up, so's they... and you... wouldn't know what he did. First time I've ever seen Jayne Cobb truly ashamed of himself, and that ain't a small thing. Considerin' as he did save your lives, even if he was the one put them in danger first, I figured as one more chance might be warranted."

Jayne looked like he wanted to sink through the floor. "I got stupid," he mumbled.

"No argument from either of us on that, I'm thinking." Mal shook his head. "But River's right. I would've made more of the stabbing if it had been someone else, and that wasn't just either. You've made good since, and I ain't holding a grudge over it. Let bygones be bygones, and all that." He was uncomfortable getting so soft at Jayne, of all folk, but it was deserved.

"I agree." Once again Simon impressed Mal where Mal hadn't expected it, smiling lopsidedly and holding out a hand to Jayne. "For River's sake, I think we should at least call it a truce. It upsets her when we argue."

Jayne looked at the hand a bit uncertainly, then shrugged and shook it. "Sure. Truce it is." He grinned suddenly. "Does she pout and hit you too?"

Simon returned the grin, lifting a hand to rub the back of his head. "When I'm rude to you? Oh, yes."

Mal had a suspicion that somewhere something was seriously askew in the universe. Simon and Jayne should not be getting along - wasn't it a violation of some kind of law of nature?

On the other hand, having been on the receiving end of a punch from River himself...

* * *

Jayne wasn't at all surprised to find River sitting on the stairs in the hold when he was limping back to his room. She'd taken to being bothered when he was hurt, and since she was the only one who really was - well, except Kaylee, but Kaylee would fuss just as much over a wounded mouse - he kind of liked it.

It wasn't that he liked it because it reminded him of the affectionate way she twined around him in the dreams. 'Cause that wasn't River in the dreams, not really, and anyway he didn't think of her like that. Not really. Not while he was awake.

"I protected you," she said, beaming at him and holding out the twisty piece of stick she'd cut for him last time he had a bad leg. That meant she'd been in his bunk again, but Jayne was of no mind to complain. The stick'd make getting up all them stairs a damn sight easier. "I told you I would."

"Yeah, you did." He put as much weight as he could on the stick and the discomfort in his leg eased up. Simon had given him something for the pain, but it hadn't kicked in all the way yet. "You wanna shift your skinny ass so I can get past?"

She got up, smiling. "You're cross because Simon got mushy."

He snorted. "Simon was born mushy." "He was. He's soft-hearted." She stayed beside him as he limped up the stairs. "But he can be hard if he has to be."

"I know." It always came as a surprise, when Simon's spine suddenly firmed up and he stuck out his chin like he didn't know that Kaylee was probably the only person on board couldn't take him in a fair fight. Jayne would never admit it aloud, of course, but he admired the little man's guts, even if his personality was annoying as hell.

"He's not good with people." She sighed. "He tries, but he isn't."

"Don't have to be a genius to see that." Jayne shrugged. Simon wasn't a particularly interesting subject. He had been wondering, though... "Why ants?"

"They eat, and hunt, and are mindless. They scuttle and crawl and bite with their jaws." River made a little jaw-biting motion with one hand.

"Ain't like Reavers, though. I mean, ants don't hate or nothin'." Every time he thought he was getting her figured out, she surprised him again. Of course, blowing up the Reavers who were chasing them was the good kind of surprise. Maybe her insistence on protectin' him wasn't as funny as it had seemed at first.

"The Reavers hadn't happened yet. Until they were there, there was no certainty." River shrugged, pushing her loose hair back over her shoulder. It shimmered just the way it did in his dreams. "So they stayed ants."

Jayne nodded, sort of getting that. River could sort of tell when things might happen, but they didn't clear up until they did. That made sense. It was like when he just knew something didn't feel right but couldn't pin it down.

"Just like that." River nodded. "The thought must be real before it can be read."

"I know that feelin'. Wouldn'ta called it ants, but it does kinda itch." Jayne shrugged. "Guess maybe it's stronger for you."

"It is." River tilted her head. "You don't mind."

"Don't mind what?"

"That I answer things before you say them."

"Huh? Oh." He'd stopped noticing in there somewhere. She did it so often, and he'd gotten sort of used to it. Made it a damn sight easier to talk to her than it was to most people, actually, since she usually knew what he meant even if the words came out wrong. "Do you do it on purpose?"

"Sometimes." She pulled her knees up, resting her chin on them. "Sometimes it's just hard to tell auditory input from cerebral. It's all so loud."

He remembered when he'd first gone into the black, on an old merchant junker that creaked and jangled and vibrated nonstop. The noise had almost driven him crazy, and the rest of the crew had all been so used to it that they didn't seem to understand him when he talked about the noise. He figured it was like that in River's head, but all the time. "Nah. Doesn't bother me. Just don't go diggin'."

"I won't." She smiled at him. She wasn't a beauty like Inara or Zoe, but she had a pretty smile. Bright and shiny, like Kaylee's. "But your thoughts smell good."

"They do?"

"Like brandy and purple."

Jayne kind of liked the sound of that. He liked the smell of brandy, too, warm and rich without being sweet. He liked sweet fine on girls, but _he_ didn't wanna smell that way.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher


	5. Chapter 5: Truth Be Told

**Chapter 5: Truth Be Told**

* * *

She was in his dreams again, definitely River now. She clung to him, winding soft arms around his neck and kissing him eagerly. He broke his rules for her again, hugging and kissing on the mouth and all those things he never usually did because they either made things too personal or made him too unconscious.

Doing them with River just made him horny as hell. Special Hell was nothing to soft skin and softer lips, her hands wandering as he crushed her against him. Every time the dream went a little further, and this time she pulled his t-shirt off, smoothing her hands over bare skin, trailing kisses along the scar she'd left across his chest.

For those kisses she could have cut him a dozen times.

He followed her lead, unbuttoning the soft dress she wore and easing the straps down off her shoulders. "You mind?" he asked, before the fabric could part any further. She was so delicate, so flawless, he was almost afraid to touch her skin with his rough hands.

"You think I'm beautiful." She smiled and kissed him until he was shaking and gasping. "Even though I'm broken?"

"You ain't broken. You just... ain't. Not where it matters." He stroked the back of her slender neck. Talking was another thing he didn't usually do, but he liked the way Dream River cuddled up and got all confiding.

"Please?" she whispered, sliding her hands up over his chest to pull his mouth to hers again.

He pushed the straps aside with shaking hands and let them slide down her arms until they caught on her elbows. She was bare almost to the waist, and his mouth went dry. She looked like... like forbidden and beautiful and delicate and warm... he couldn't think the right words, so he pulled her close again, sliding one hand slowly up her bare back and lifting the other to brush his fingertips over the soft under-curve...

That was too much, and he woke up crying out in helpless bliss. It was a while before he trusted his knees to stay under him so he could get up and clean up the mess.

Next time he saw Shepherd Book, he'd ask if there really was a Special Hell, and if you could go there for dreams.

* * *

River couldn't go back to sleep, after the dream woke her. She tried... she'd been so happy, in the dream, and she wanted to go back to it.

The dreams were self-indulgent. She would have been punished harshly at the Academy, for having them and for wanting to have them and for allowing them to continue. Then they would have held her down and given her the needles that made those feelings go away and made her forget that she was no longer a child.

Her feelings were problematic. They were uncontrolled and becoming daily more intense. Controlling her behaviour was thus made more difficult, and it was already a daily struggle. (It would have been much worse if Jayne hadn't given her the key, if he hadn't shown her how to lay out all the pieces so they didn't touch and concentrate on one at a time.)

Simon was asleep, and in any case she couldn't discuss this with him. Inara had the training, but River had seen her with the captain and decided that most of what Inara knew about interpersonal male/female adult relationships was either theoretical or inaccurate. Wash... Wash might be able to help, but he and Zoe were busy being interpersonal and it would be rude to interrupt.

Kaylee was awake. River slid out of her bed and headed for the engine room, comforted by the gentle vibration of Serenity against her bare feet. She took care to make noise as she approached, so that Kaylee wouldn't be frightened by memories of Early.

"River? What're you doing up, sweetie?" Kaylee had grease on her nose.

"I couldn't go back to sleep." River slipped in and examined the spinning engine, stroking its casing with a gentle hand. "Her heart beats."

"That it does." Kaylee smiled tenderly, like a mother at a clever child. "I was just gettin' some work done on the power supply to the water purifiers. It's easier when nobody's up and tryin' to use stuff."

"It's quieter." River sat down on the deck, pulling her short sleeping robe tighter around her. "Kaylee? What are the things girls talk about?"

"Boys, mostly." Kaylee smiled, going back to her work. "And clothes and things. Why, you wanna girl-talk?"

"Yes." River looked down at herself. "Am I aesthetically pleasing?"

"Are you... you mean are you pretty?" Kaylee sounded startled. "Well of course you are, sweetie, don't Simon ever let you look in a mirror?"

"My proportions seem deficient." In her dream, Jayne had seemed to have no objection. In reality, she suspected it would be a different matter.

"Your proportions are just fine." Kaylee abandoned the power supply to sit beside River, taking her hand reassuringly. "I mean, you don't got curves like Inara's or Zoe's... neither do I... but you look just right for you. Sort of little and delicate, like a dancer on a music box."

"I don't want to dance alone on a music box," River said, extending a leg in front of her and looking at it critically. "Dancing is better with a partner."

"Ohhh." Kaylee smiled. "I see. I think you're doin' just fine, appealing-wise. I've seen the boys look at you when we go out shoppin' and stuff."

"There were many looks on Beaumonde, but the costume invited them." River knew Jayne had thought the costume appealing. That wasn't the same as thinking the girl inside it was. "It felt strange."

"It does, sometimes." Kaylee crossed her legs, resting her elbows on her knees. "I guess now that your hormones are all workin' right and all, you're thinking more about this stuff now."

River nodded. "Two by two, like Noah's Ark. Wash and Zoe, Captain and Inara, Kaylee and Simon... I can't help but feel it. I want..." She bit her lip. "I'm allowed to feel that, for myself. The... the being lonely, and wanting, and happy feelings when someone is close..."

"Oh, sweetie, of course you are." Kaylee leaned over to hug her. "And you will. You'll find someone who'll make your knees go all weak and then Simon'll try to scare him off and we'll laugh at how silly he is."

"I don't know how." The admission felt strange... there was so little she _didn't_ know, and yet this whole great portion of life was a mystery to her. She could calculate ship's vectors in her head, could memorise anything from weapons specs to obscure Italian poetry, could kill a man with a spoon; but she had no idea how to indicate to said man that she found him aesthetically appealing without coming right out and saying it.

"Don't know how to what? Fall in love?" Kaylee smiled a little ruefully. "Oh, honey, you don't need to know how to do that. It just happens all of itself, without you havin' anything to say about it at all."

"It seems very poorly organized." River frowned.

"Oh, it is. But it's real nice anyway. Sort of warm." Kaylee's eyes went soft, and Simon moved behind them and smiled a smile that made Kaylee's heart melt. "It ain't usually the person you'd expect it to be, but when it's right, you just... sorta know."

"How?"

"Well, you just _do_, is all. I don't know how to explain it."

"But how? What elements indicate certainty?"

"There's no certainty in love, River, just like there ain't no plannin'." Kaylee rested her chin on her hand. "My momma told me that you know you really love a guy when you just want to... to be together, you know? Not just sex, or flirtin', or anything, but just workin' together or sitting quiet. Not even having to say anything, just being _together_."

"Engaging in shared tasks without unnecessary interaction?" River thought of sitting at the table with Jayne, silence filled with the soft chink of metal and brandy-thoughts as they cleaned their guns.

"Yeah. When I was a kid, my daddy used to work on his mechanical bits and bobs at one end of the table while momma made dinner at the other end. They didn't never talk much, but they were happy. I could tell." Kaylee's smile was dreamy, and thoughts of Simon and herself sitting at opposite ends of a big table drifted through her mind. He would read, maybe, and she would get her hands all dirty and he wouldn't care.

River saw the daydream, but had no need to borrow it. She had already sat just so, sharpening her small knife or polishing her new guns, almost at peace as Jayne sat beside her and was as stone. His mind didn't race the way hers did, didn't try to go everywhere at once even when she didn't want it to. It was just there, settled into the present like a stone into sand, lulled into rippled quiet by the simple tasks.

Oh dear. Her feelings seemed to be more serious than she had anticipated. "Kaylee, what if I were to fall in love with someone unsuitable?"

"Unsuitable how?" Kaylee frowned.

"Someone who will not consider _me_ suitable." River pulled her knees up to her chest and tucked her nose in between them. The lump on her face that was not a decoration.

"Oh... River, I'm sure that won't happen. I mean, he might be like Simon..."

"A boob." River smiled a little into her knees.

"Well, yeah. He is, kinda." Kaylee sighed. "But most men are kinda dumb sometimes. Look at the cap'n and Inara."

"I don't want to look. They make my head hurt."

"Mine too, sometimes." Kaylee tinkled a sweet silver affection. "But I'm sure they'll get there, now she's back home."

"Maybe." River sighed. "Love is complicated and inefficient and uncomfortable."

Kaylee laughed. "So's gettin' born, and learnin' to walk, and just bein' alive a lot of the time. It's part of bein' human."

River hadn't considered that aspect of it. "Falling in love makes you human?"

"Well, it doesn't make you human, but it's a part of it." Kaylee seemed to understand, reaching up to brush River's hair back from her face. "You're a real human girl, sweetie, even if you sometimes feel like you ain't. And when the time comes you'll fall in love and he'll love you... even if he's stupid and tries to hide it... and it'll all be okay. You'll see."

Kaylee believed it. Her trust in fate and the 'verse hadn't yet been broken, and it made River feel a little better.

When she went to sleep, she sought for Jayne through her dreams but couldn't find him.

* * *

They'd be at Beaumonde in two days. Tomorrow, Inara would paint the dragon on her skin again so she could go with the captain. For today, though, River wore the dress that she had worn in her dream last night, wanting to keep the memory clear.

Her pulse sped up when Jayne entered the kitchen, his eyes still cloudy with sleep. She tried one more time to remind herself that her feelings were illogical. He was coarse, uneducated, crude, selfish and smelly. He was inappropriate. Mother and Father would die of horror. (More of a pro than a con, considered in that light.) But Kaylee said love wasn't logical.

She was careful to observe her routine, and did not meet his eyes. He was stupid and oblivious at times, but far too perceptive at others. Of course, those were rarely first thing in the morning, when he sat at the table and stared into his cup and thought drowsy thoughts about _got to wake up_ and _gorram job never goes smooth_ and _God so beautiful that red dress sliding down her creamy shoulders_...

River dropped her tea, the wooden cup bouncing painfully off her toes and the hot tea spilling onto her feet and burning. Jayne was at the table, his mind full of _her_ dream as he looked into the coffee and smiled.

"River!" Inara pulled her away from the scalding puddle. "River, what is it?"

"What the hell... River, are you okay?" The captain knelt to examine her feet. The tea had been hot, and faint pink burns were beginning to rise. "Gorramit, River... come on, let's get you to the infirmary."

"What?" Jayne looked up, and the desire in his mind was flushed away by warm concern that made her eyes fill with tears. "River, what happened?"

"She dropped her tea." Inara's voice sounded far away as she poured cool water over River's feet.

"I'm sorry," River whispered, tears welling up as she stared into Jayne's blue eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I was bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

"I'll get her to the infirmary." The Captain picked her up and carried her away from the puzzled blue eyes that didn't understand the bad thing she'd done.

River cried while Simon tended her feet, and wouldn't tell him why.

When he'd finally left her alone in her room, she cried until her eyes hurt and her body felt wrung dry. She cried until she was so tired that she couldn't get up to lock the door even when she heard Jayne's familiar quiet-heavy step outside.

She buried her face in the pillow, but she heard the door open and then close, and there was too much breathing in the room. "River?" Jayne said, sounding small and tentative and not at all like himself.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled into the pillow.

"Uh... listen, I'm not sure what you're so upset about, but..." He shifted awkwardly, tasting of tinny worry. "If it was me... I mean, what I was thinkin', just then... It was just a dream, it's not like... They kinda happen by themselves. I wouldn'ta... y'know..." He was sad and penitent, lost in a maze of half-sentences because he wasn't used to trying to apologise.

River sat up, pulling her pillow to her chest as a poor shield for her heart. "It's not your fault. It's my fault."

Jayne frowned. "Huh?"

She sniffed, hugging the pillow tighter. "I was bad. I'm sorry."

"You weren't... River, it wasn't a _bad_ dream or nothin'..." She was confusing him, but she could still feel his worry that he'd hurt her somehow.

"It was my dream," she whispered, her eyes filling up again at this admission of her base betrayal. "I went looking for you in my dreams. I always do. I though I was finding the you in my head, not the you in your head."

"You went... what?" His face creased in bewilderment. "You mean that was... you know... you?" As the implications of that became apparent, his face went very red.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." River hid her face against the pillow. "I was bad, I made you dream dreams that weren't yours..."

"That's..." He slouched back against the wall, arms folded protectively across his chest. "You were poking around in my dreams?"

"I wanted to find you," River whispered.

"Yeah, I do remember that part." If she looked at him she'd be sick - his emotions were roiling chaotically and making her head hurt even when she wasn't looking. He was confused and nervous and a little angry at the idea of her tampering with his dreams but a little pleased that she'd wanted him... more than a little pleased. "You seemed... uh... real happy to see me, most times. 'cept for that one time..." He trailed off, frowning. "You were mad."

"They pulled you away from me with grabbing hands and sickly scents." River pulled her knees up so she was curled into a ball. "I didn't mean for you to know."

"You were jealous?" The pleasure at her longing was increased. She wanted to cry, knowing the realization that was coming.

"Yes." He deserved that much. "They took you away from me."

"I still looked for ya. In the dream." He wasn't looking at her, either, she could tell even with her eyes fixed firmly on her knees. The admission embarrassed him, but he didn't want her to be unhappy. "I didn't know it was you, then, but... so it was kinda real, huh? I mean, you really felt..." He trailed off again, but the anger was gone and a nervous hopefulness was taking it's place.

"Yes." She curled up tighter.

"What's so..." he stopped, and she knew he'd realized the terrible truth. His mouth tightened even as he tried with rare patience to make sure he was jumping to the right conclusion. "You went lookin' for me."

"Yes."

"You really felt... all that."

"Yes."

"Did I?"

"I don't know."

"I mean was that really my feelings that I was feelin', or did you... make me do what you wanted?"

River rocked, trembling. "I don't know."

"When did this start, River? When'd you start going looking for my brain?" He smelled of burnt-plastic anger and the acrid fear that hadn't been there for months.

"Two by two, hands of blue..." River let her hair slide forward to hide her from his angry glare. "They were gone and my nightmares couldn't hold me so tightly... I wanted to find you to keep the nightmares away..."

He nodded, and some of the anger faded. He'd been afraid that all their growing friendship had been her doing, that she'd toyed with his heart to make him protect her. But he remembered that first dream. "You can't... you can't go looking for me in your sleep any more."

"I know." River had heard broken hearts described. Now she observed as her own cracked and spilled itself in purple tangles all over the laid out pieces of her mind. "I'm sorry. I hate it, I hate not knowing if my dreams or my thoughts are my own, I didn't want to do that to you..."

"I know." The words were reluctant, but he meant them. He wanted to be angry with her but the memory of her trembling in his arms was strong, and knowing that she had yearned for him softened him further. "Just... best if you stay away from me for a while. Let me get things clear."

River nodded, and strangled the soft pink hope aborning as it slipped from her breaking heart. It had truly been Jayne in her dreams, his tenderness had been felt by him... but it had been what she wanted, and she would not dare hope that it was his own feeling and not hers. "I will. I'm sorry."

"You didn't know."

"I'm still sorry."

His broad hand rested on her head for a moment, and River felt her back arch helplessly, trying to prolong the touch as he drew it away. "Yeah. I know."

Then he was gone, and River found some more tears somewhere.

* * *

Jayne walked blindly back to his bunk, only vaguely aware that he had shouldered Wash out of the way and come within a hair of doing the same to Zoe before some lingering sense of self-preservation kicked in and pulled him sideways just in time. Once in his bunk he closed and locked the door, then sat down on the bed and just looked at his hands for a while.

River was crying. It made him ache inside, knowing that he'd brought her to tears, and that made him angry because the fault was hers and he wasn't even sure if what he felt for her was her own doing, and yet the ruttin' ache just wouldn't go.

Part of him wanted badly to just climb back up the ladder, go back down to her room and take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be all right. That he cared more for her than he had for anyone in more years than he cared to count. But, another part countered, what if you don't? What if it's just her wanting you to care that makes you think you feel it? And that part of him was furious, wanted to shove River and Simon off-ship at the next port and never see either of them again for the havoc she'd made of his mind and heart just because of what _she_ wanted.

And a third part was whispering that it was long past time that _he_ left. Let Mal deal with the fugies and the Alliance trouble they represented. He'd never stayed so long with one crew before, and he had a sudden desperate urge to cut those soft ties that he'd almost gotten used to and reclaim his freedom while he still could.

_"You are not to die! Don't you dare!"_

She'd sounded so scared when she said that, when he'd thought on his probable mortality if he left Serenity now. And it was all still true. But injury and death was as old friends compared to this new angry, aching feeling that left him unsure as to whether he wanted to never see River again or get down on his knees and beg her never to leave his side.

Jayne buried his face in his hands. She'd promised not to do it no more. To give him time to think things through. He'd just... just take some time. Wait and see if the longing feelings faded away if the dreams stopped.

"Damn preacher," he muttered. Book had laid a curse on him, that was what it was. They'd talked about love that time and Book had said he hoped he got to see Jayne fall in love, and now he sort of had even if it was under the psychic influence of a sweet, crazy girl less than half his age. Next time they went to Haven, Shepherd or no Shepherd, Jayne was going to punch him.

Gently, of course. He was old and easily breakable.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand


	6. Chapter 6: Everything Between Us

**Chapter 6: Everything Between Us **

* * *

"Do you think they've had a fight?" Kaylee looked around the table anxiously.

They'd been somewhat discreet about it, but it had escaped nobody's notice that Jayne and River had barely been in the same room with each other for nearly two days. Whenever Jayne appeared for a meal, River had just finished. Whenever she appeared in the hold he was done with his workout. Just now, River had turned up to dinner late and, seeing everyone else gathered around the table, had silently filled a bowl and left again. Jayne had shoveled in the rest of his meal and vanished with a mutter about his bunk.

"She's spent a lot of time with me in the cockpit today." Wash looked worried, Kaylee thought. "I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't tell me. Or maybe she did - she's getting less coherent."

"She's getting a lot less coherent." Simon sounded miserable, and Kaylee reached out to touch his shoulder. He smiled at her, but he looked too unhappy for it to make her heart leap. "I asked her if Jayne had upset her, but all she would... or could... tell me was that monsters are only monsters if they don't believe they are but their perceptions are faulty and that she feared contamination by the blue. I couldn't even tell if she was talking about Jayne or her nightmares - which are back, for the first time in weeks."

Kaylee looked around the table, but nobody seemed to have any idea what that could have meant. "She was fine night before last, 'cept she couldn't sleep. She came up to the engine room and we talked."

"Then the next morning she dropped the tea on her feet." Inara nodded, frowning. "She kept apologising, but she was staring into space. I'm not sure if she was talking to anyone in the room or not."

"She's been doing that to me, too." Wash's face was crumpled up with concern. "I hear her speak and look over, and she's just... staring."

"I am not liking this." Cap'n frowned. "Could Jayne have said something to set her off?"

"He wouldn't," Kaylee said, feeling just a little doubtful. "He's been so good to her, he wouldn't just start bein' mean again for no reason."

"He wouldn't necessarily have to be mean." Zoe was frowning too. "We all know the littlest things can set River off sometimes. Maybe he was telling one of those things he thinks are jokes and she got upset."

Kaylee blinked, and glanced at Inara, who nodded slightly. River hadn't seemed to even register Jayne's crude jokes or comments at first, but a girl just getting used to... adult feelings... could be touchy about that sort of thing. "And Jayne don't really know how to cope with folks bein' upset. He always says something dumb."

"Whatever it is, if it doesn't get resolved soon I think someone should talk to him. Someone he likes more than me." Simon made his I-hate-this face. "She was getting better, a _lot_ better, when he was spending time with her. Now she's as bad as she was before he started talking to her."

"That still puzzles me," Zoe said slowly. "I mean, we've all noticed that he seems to keep her functioning just by talking to her, but do any of us know why?"

Kaylee shook her head. Around the table, so did everyone else... except Inara. "I don't know exactly what she meant by it," Inara said slowly. "But she told me once that Jayne is stone."

"Stone?" Cap'n frowned. "Does that make any kind of non-crazy sense?"

"I asked her what she meant, and she said that the rivers of sand flow around him but don't move him. Given River's liking for obscure metaphor, I was thinking... maybe a stone garden?"

Simon was nodding, though. "River never liked them much, but she knew about them."

"The raked sand in patterns with a rock or two sticking out?" Cap'n nodded. "Never did see the point."

"They aid in meditation and the bringing of calm to the mind." Inara smiled a little sadly. "Every Companion House has at least two or three."

"The rock... as I understand it... is supposed to be the focal point. The anchor around which the rest of the garden is constructed." Simon lifted those long, graceful hands. "It makes sense, sort of. Jayne is... well... uncomplicated."

"That's a charitable term, doctor." Zoe made an unladylike noise.

"He's very... fixed, and not particularly complex." Simon frowned. "If River is using him as a sort of anchor or reference point, that would explain why he calms her down so much."

"The unchangeable is comforting when reality starts letting you down." Everyone looked at the Cap'n in surprise. "What? It does make sense. I've had my moments of relyin' on Jayne to be himself when everyone else goes crazy my own self. He ever starts being unselfish or spouting poetry, I'll feel more'n a mite lost."

Zoe shrugged. "I been feeling a bit that way already, what with him being so nice to the kid."

"Zoe, that ain't nice. He's just used to River now, is all. You can't like him bein' set in his ways then complain 'cause it takes him time to get used to new folks." Kaylee frowned. "I really hope they ain't had a fight. It was so good for both of them, gettin' friendly... Jayne's been cheerful, even."

"Which is not normal behaviour for him, and thus more than a little unsettling." Cap'n frowned. "I'm gonna talk to him. See if I can't get to the bottom of this."

"I don't know if that's a good idea - " Simon sounded more'n a mite doubtful, and Kaylee didn't blame him a bit.

"Yeah, well, I'm the captain and it's what I think is a good idea that is officially a good idea on this boat." He pushed away from the table. "And nobody listen at the door, either, or you'll be scrubbing every sanitary facility I can find."

* * *

Mal knew he should probably have let Inara handle this. Jayne liked Inara, and she was good at weaselling things out of folk. On the other hand, Inara was inclined of late to be soft on Jayne, which Mal considered something of a drawback.

He couldn't blame her. In Inara's line of work she'd seen probably hundreds of men liked their womenfolk quite and docile. Even those as didn't knew they'd paid for her time and were really the ones in charge. It was a rare thing for any man - let alone one as coarse and uneducated as Jayne - to truly and honestly prefer a woman to be able to care for herself instead of offerin' himself up as a protector. Naturally Inara admired the trait, and was thus inclined to be softened on his less pleasant characteristics.

Mal would admit that Jayne was less objectionable than he'd sometimes thought, but that wasn't the same as actually liking the man.

Jayne was sitting on his bed when Mal climbed down the ladder, turning one of his knives over and over in his hands. "What do you want, Mal?"

"Wanted a word, is all." Mal folded his arms, frowning a bit. Up until now he'd have bet money that Jayne couldn't hide his emotions worth a damn, and at this moment Jayne had the same dumbly impassive look on his face that he usually did when he wasn't thinking about much of anything.

But for just a second, as Mal descended the ladder, he'd seen a lost, miserable expression on Jayne's face that he hadn't ever seen there before. He'd seen Jayne pout, sulk, and scowl, but he'd never seen him look sad. And now it was gone as if it had never been there.

That was more than a little unsettling. If Jayne _could_ hide things...

"Word about what?" Jayne was looking at his knife again, turning it over aimlessly in his hands.

"River. Ain't escaped anyone's notice that the two of you are suddenly avoiding each other. You have a fight or something?"

"No." Jayne didn't seem inclined to elaborate further.

"Then what?" Mal raised his eyebrows. "You must have done something."

Jayne scowled. "Why you gotta assume I'm the one who did something?"

"Because..." Mal paused. It did always seem like a safe assumption, but even so... "Because you didn't start avoiding River when she poured syrup on your head and I can't imagine she's come up with somethin' worse?"

Jayne looked away. "Just a... misunderstanding," he said, after a pause that was a shade too long. "You know River. Sometimes something just... sets her off."

"You did say something." Mal sighed. "What?"

"Ain't no business of yours." Jayne wouldn't look Mal in the eye.

"You broke my psychic right 'fore I need her to go talk to Fanty and Mingo, Jayne. I conjure as that's my business."

"She ain't yours." Jayne looked up at that, his eyes flat and angry. "And she ain't broken. Just... upset. She gets upset sometimes, you know that."

That he did, and he'd agreed with Simon that he wouldn't take River out in that condition. Damnit. "I do know that. What I want to know is what _made_ her upset."

"And you won't. You go around thinkin' about it at her, it'll just make her worse." Jayne shook his head. "Best just let her settle on her own. Pushin' her never helps."

Jayne _was_ the expert on River, and Mal had to concede that what he said made sense. That didn't mean Mal wasn't going to argue. "Fine. Don't tell me. But you go to her and say whatever's needed to fix this."

"Mal, that ain't... she don't want to talk to me right now."

"I don't care. Fix this, Jayne. Beg, if you have to. But get her functioning again before we land."

"Ain't that simple, Mal." Jayne stood up, sounding a little angry now. "Just 'cause you want it so..."

"Then _make_ it simple." Mal glared right back. "Ain't either of you leaving the ship until you resolve this, do I make myself clear?"

Jayne's shoulders slumped. "Yes, captain," he said, making the respectful term sound more like an insult. "Right away, captain."

* * *

River lay on her side on the walkway, watching the ebb and flow of energy under the ship's skin. She wasn't sure how long she'd been watching it, trying to drown out her guilt with the throb and sparkle of Serenity's pulse or the music of her flight.

"River?" Simon knelt beside her and touched her arm. "Are you all right? You feel cold." His hand was warm but his mind was cool and sticky with worry.

"Her voice is too quiet to drown out the stars." River shifted against Serenity's cool steel, still staring fixedly at the inner bulkhead not far from her face. "The harmony of the planets is discordant."

Simon was disappointed when he couldn't understand her. "River, you can't lie here on the bare grating all day, you'll get a chill." He rubbed her back gently, the way he had when she was little and somehow he knew how to comfort her when their mother and nanny were bewildered. "I know you're not feeling well - "

"Wellness isn't the issue!" She sat up, almost hitting his nose with her forehead. "Moral health is not subject to chills! Abhorrence disguises identical symptoms, can't you see that?"

He couldn't. "River... I'm sorry, I don't know what you're trying to say. Are you... uh... upset with Jayne? Did you two have a fight?"

River's lip trembled. "I was bad. Perspective was lost in excessive neural receptivity and I made him afraid again. He stopped being afraid of me and then it came back, or maybe it hasn't gone away yet, or maybe it's still going... I don't know, I don't know... I get lost, Simon, I don't know how to get back to where I am..." She wanted Jayne - wanted him to anchor her and remind her when and where she was and drown out all the other confused thoughts with his quietness. But she had wanted Jayne too much and she had hurt him. She had been bad.

"You're not bad, River," Simon said, hugging her gently. He believed it, but only because he didn't know what she'd done. "I know that if you did something that... that unsettled Jayne, then you didn't mean to."

"I didn't," she whispered, hiding her face against his shoulder as her eyes filled with tears. "I didn't mean to, Simon, I promise I didn't. It was accidental, but lack of intent does not exonerate from culpability..."

"Shhh, _mei mei_." Simon stroked her hair, rocking her a little. "It's all right. It's like when you yelled at Kaylee... you didn't mean to do that, either, but everyone understood. I'm sure Jayne knows that you didn't mean to."

"This was worse," River whispered. "I'm not one of them, Simon. I don't smell like burnt paper and blood, I don't..."

"No, of course not. You smell... well, like rusty iron right now, but only because you've been lying there for so long." Simon rubbed her back again, making soothing noises as she sniffled into his shoulder ."There, there... it'll be all right, you'll see. It's probably just a delayed reaction from the Reaver attack."

He sounded relieved to have found a diagnosis for her symptoms, and River couldn't find the words to explain why he was wrong. She let him help her up, retreating into the shelter of silent compliance that required no thought save that of moving her body as she was directed.

"That's right." Simon put his arm around her shoulder, sensing her retreat but not knowing why her sudden quietness disturbed him. "Would you like a nap, maybe? I know you've been having trouble sleeping..."

That jolted out of her momentary lethargy and she clutched at him. "No! No, I can't sleep! Don't make me sleep, Simon, please!" It was so hard to be good, when she slept. Her nightmares came and they were so very much worse now that she knew she could escape from them... but only by becoming them, by twisting someone else's mind, invading their thoughts the way hers had been invaded...

"All right, all right. River, you don't have to sleep if you don't want to. We'll play chess, how does that sound?"

Inara had loaned them her chess-set, saying River would get more use out of it than she did. It helped, sometimes. "All right." Then she felt Jayne approaching, and tried to speed up, to get down the stairs before he could come out and see her. But she was stiff from lying still for so long and Simon was holding her too tightly, and she had barely set foot on the first stair when she heard his boots clang on the walkway.

"What do you want?" Simon sounded colder than he had in a long time. He'd been getting used to Jayne, at least, and now River had ruined everything.

"Word with River."

Jayne was awash with conflicting emotion, making River shake with the shock of it. Jayne was usually so certain, so singular in his thoughts. Now he didn't know what to think, what to feel... she'd created in him a lesser echo of the chaos the Academy had left in her. She was bad. She'd hurt him. "I'm sorry," she whimpered, not daring to look at him.

"I don't think this is a good - " Simon tried to intercede.

Jayne ignored him. "Don't need to be sorry." Part of him meant it - the part that wanted the dreams to be real. His other parts weren't so sure, but even the angry part hated to see her cry. "Mal, bein' such a fine and shiny example of talkin' out his feelings instead of sulking and being a pain in the ass for weeks, says I gotta fix you so you can go talk to Fanty and Mingo." Every single part of him was furious at Mal for interfering in something that should have been very private. "Tried to tell him it wouldn't do no good, but he's in his crest-showin' mood. You know how he gets."

River nodded. The less Mal could control a situation, the more he tried to do so. It tended to cause as much or more difficulty and upset for everyone else as it did for him.

"He _what_?" Simon was almost as furious as Jayne. "Who the hell... well, I know who the hell he thinks he is, he thinks he's the captain, but this is..."

"Yeah, I _told_ him that. I told him he should just let River settle down without gettin' fussed at or nothin', but he don't listen to me any more'n he does to you." Jayne scowled. "I mean, I can understand him not listenin' to _you_ - "

Simon's chin stuck out, always a very bad sign. "Oh really? And why is that?"

Jayne was more upset than River had realized. Instead of making some nasty comment, he actually told the truth. "Because you ain't but... what, twenty-two? Ain't anyone on the crew but Kaylee and Inara don't have at least ten years or more on you. Ten years of actual experience, at that, not bein' tucked up safe and cosy in a rich Core family. You ain't stupid, doc, and I'll own you've had one or two decent ideas, but you're still hardly older'n River."

Simon's mouth opened. Then it closed again. River felt his frustration like glutinous fire on her skin, but Simon knew Jayne had told the truth and that there was even some measure of justice in it. Simon _was_ far younger than most of the crew, and had only the tiniest fraction of their practical experience. It galled him to be dismissed to the status of 'the boy' after being a respected and admired surgeon, of course, but he was honest enough to see the truth of it. "Well, when it comes to smuggling and theft and so forth, not to mention shooting and violence of all sorts, I'll admit that that's so. When it comes to River, on the other hand, I am her brother _and_ the doctor on this ship, and he'd damned well _better_ listen to me."

Jayne grinned nastily. "You go tell him so, then. I'll walk River down to her room, so's I can say I did what I was told and it didn't help none."

Simon wavered a little at that suggestion, but nodded. "Okay. Just... I don't know what exactly she did, but you know she didn't mean to, right?"

"Yeah." Jayne looked uncomfortable, but he nodded. "Quit fussin'."

River could have told him that there was no point in saying that to Simon, who always fussed over something or other. But Simon did go away, and Jayne reached out to take River's arm. It was automatic - he knew how unsteady she got on her feet sometimes when she was having what Jayne thought of as an 'extra-crazy spell'.

But touch made his conflicted emotions batter at her all the worse, his anger at her cutting deeply even as the tenderness she could not trust drowned her in guilt. She cowered away, whimpering, and he dropped his hand as if she'd burned it. "Sorry."

"It's not... it's too loud," she said, pressing her hands to the sides of her head. "Too much, too confused... and it's all my fault..."

"You don't know that," Jayne said, staying a careful arm-length away as they descended the stairs. "I wasn't fightin' you off, was I?"

"I hurt you." In her despair, the words for once came easily. "I did what they did."

"What?" He stopped and stared at her. "River, what the hell?"

"I did." She bit her lip, trying to will the tears not to come. He didn't like to see her cry. "I made you have thoughts that weren't yours, I made you not know what's real..."

"No!" He took her shoulders, but clean indignation muffled the other feelings that had hurt her. "River, that ain't true. You ain't like them, you hear me? This was different, because... because it just _was_. You didn't mean harm."

"But I did it anyway." She lifted a shaking hand to touch his temple. "I broke you."

"What is it with you and people bein' broken?" He shook her a little. "I ain't broken, and neither are you. Just... confused. It happens."

"Not to you."

He looked away from her. "It does. Just... not for a long time. Ain't used to it no more." He was still holding her shoulders, and she tensed as the confused emotions welled up again. "I won't say I ain't angry, 'cause you know I'd be lying. But I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen, and that makes you different from them. You didn't want to hurt anyone, you was just scared and... and wantin' to be protected." He shied away from even thinking of the emotions and desires the dreams had taken on while he was in her presence. Love, with its attendant vulnerability, was one of the few things that truly frightened Jayne Cobb.

"I'm sorry..." River hung her head. She was glad he didn't think she was evil, but she wasn't convinced of the fact herself.

"Stop sayin' that." He gave her another little shake. "And stop actin' like it's the end of the world. You want the captain and Zoe should go off by themselves and get shot 'cause you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself?"

The accusation struck her like icy water, and River stared at him. "But they won't!"

"Fanty and Mingo want to meet at the Maidenhead this time. Maidenhead has a weapons-check policy. You know what that means?"

River nodded, the answer making itself known to her even ask he asked the question. "They lie in wait, with hands seeming empty so that the captain will lay down his arms. But they are not toothless, it's in their smiles for all to see." She bit her lip. Her momentary coherence was fading, as it always did.

Jayne understood anyway and nodded, letting go of her shoulders. "Damn right. They want Mal to go in unarmed, but that don't mean they will be. You sure enough that things won't go wrong when they're on the ground?"

He was right. She had been selfish, and allowed her own misery to obscure her duty to her captain and her crew. "You are cerise," she told him, folding her arms and glaring. "You are trying to pull my strings and I will not dance by your bidding."

He grinned suddenly. "You're smarter'n Mal."

She rolled her eyes. "My cognitive ability far outstrips that of any being on board this ship."

"Yeah, well, pullin' your strings aside, you gotta stop mopin'." Jayne frowned. "'less you want Mal throwin' me off the ship on account of upsettin' his psychic."

He was manipulating her again, and she wondered how many of his 'accidental' misstatements had been anything but. He knew where to dig at someone to get a reaction, even if he probably couldn't have explained _how_ he knew. But it was true nonetheless - Mal had been angry with Jayne for upsetting River, and she knew that even now he was more willing to sacrifice Jayne than anyone else. "Stability is difficult to achieve unanchored."

"You wanted to learn to cope by yourself, didn't you? Stand on your own two feet for a change." Anger flared in him, and then died when she failed to hide her grief. "I'll be around, if you get freaked. Just... cope for as long as you can. I'll know when I gotta step in."

She nodded, grateful for even that small concession. "I'll be good."

* * *

"You can't take her. I'm sorry." Simon did actually sound sorry about it - probably because a conversation with Fanty and Mingo was about as safe as the jobs River went on were likely to get.

"Why not? She's calmin' down, ain't she?" Mal sounded annoyed, but for once he wasn't laying down the law to the boy. They'd drawn their line in the sand, when it came to River, and Mal knew Simon's side of it was there for better purpose than merely annoying Mal.

Jayne was halfway up the stairs, eavesdropping as the two talked in the infirmary. River was having another flying lesson and thus safely out of the way, so when he'd seen the captain collar the doctor Jayne had been pretty sure as to what they'd be discussing.

"Your high-handed attempt to force a reconciliation did have some effect, yes." Simon sounded less sorry and more annoyed. "Not only is she still upset because she inadvertently caused Jayne distress, she's now terrified that you'll throw him off the ship if she doesn't convince you that everything's fine now."

"She's what?" Mal sounded honestly surprised, and Jayne rolled his eyes. Idiot. Mal might be smarter than Jayne in the purely technical sense, but he sure was stupid when it came to women. Jayne would be the first to admit that he wasn't no sensitive soul or anything girly like that, but he did at least know there weren't no good at all to come of ordering a woman to stop being upset.

"For reasons I have never entirely understood, River is very attached to Jayne." Jayne heard a clink - Simon was messing with his doctorin' tools. "She's trying to protect him by convincing you that she's all right. She isn't. She hasn't slept for more than an hour at a time in the last three days."

Mal grunted thoughtfully. "Back up a minute, doc... you said she's upset 'cause she did something to him?"

"I don't know what, exactly. My best guess is she accidentally pulled out some very painful or private thought from his mind. It happens to her sometimes, and she can't help it, but it's... uncomfortable, at best."

Simon's best guess was thankfully off-base, but at the same time too close for comfort. Thoughts of love, of any kind whatsoever, were too painful and too private for Jayne ever to want to deal with.

"Hnnh." Mal had his eyebrows raised and his chin stuck out, Jayne knew it. He always did when he made that noise. "What we have here, doctor, are conflicting stories."

"What do you mean?" Jayne was usually amused by that tone in the doctor's voice. It was funny to watch his face when his train of thought got suddenly derailed.

"Jayne told _me_ that he'd said something as offended her and that's why she was sulkin'. Seems to me maybe I ain't the only one she's trying to protect Jayne from."

There was a long silence, and then Simon all but knocked Jayne on his ass with a single quiet sentence. "Or maybe she's not the only one trying to protect someone from you."

"What do you mean?" Mal sounded kinda insulted.

"You've made it clear that River is welcome only as long as she maintains some level of control of her... abilities. I believe your exact words were 'as long as you can keep her in check'. If she lost control badly enough to do damage to Jayne's cast-iron psyche, even briefly..."

"Then I might think as I had no choice but to see her off this boat, for the safety of the rest of my crew." Mal's voice was slow and worried. "Or so you think Jayne thinks?"

"I think that, as upset as both of them are right now, they're still friends and neither of them wants the other to suffer for a single accident." When the hell had Simon gotten so gorram perceptive? "I don't know if you've noticed, captain, but they're quite protective of each other."

"I had noticed that, yes." Jayne would have bet real coin that Mal was rubbing the eye River had blackened. "Huh. First time to my knowledge that Jayne's ever taken on trouble for someone else without gettin' paid for it."

"Second."

"Second?"

"Nobody paid hin to go into Niska's station after you. As a matter of fact, he turned over all the cash he had left to pay Wash's ransom. We all did. He kept insisting all along that going back after you was suicide, but he went anyway."

"Yeah, well..." Mal sounded damned uncomfortable. Good. Ungrateful shit. "Jayne likes a good fight. That kind of trouble he will take on for free."

"And giving up his very own hard-earned money?"

"That's a lot less like him, I'll own." Mal sighed. "Why didn't anyone ever tell me about that? I was bein' tortured at the time, I wasn't to know!"

"I rather assumed Zoe had mentioned it." Simon sounded a touch annoyed, and Jayne nodded. Zoe _shoulda_ told Mal, and if she hadn't then Jayne was makin' a personal note never to chip in for _her_ ransom.

"She did say she'd taken up a collection, but..." Mal trailed off. "Now I think on it, she did say 'everyone'. It's just that when it comes to money, I'm so used to 'everyone' not bein' Jayne..."

"Well, he did. And now I'm fairly sure he's protecting River - despite being angry with her, which even I can tell he is despite my lack of skill at reading people."

Simon sounded kind of sad and worried, which bothered Jayne just a little. He didn't like the boy much, but he respected Simon's devotion to family even as it made him uncomfortable. Simon was a better brother than Jayne had ever been.

"I'm guessin' ordering him to go apologize didn't help overmuch, then."

"Not much, no." Simon managed to say it absolutely dry, like Zoe, but with a sort of snide edge that made Jayne grin. Simon did have a special gift for the 'you're such an idiot' tone. "He did talk to her, but I get the impression from River that he's too angry - well, too yellow, according to her, but that seems to correspond to hostility in general - to be able to do whatever he usually does that calms her down."

Jayne was impressed. It'd only taken Simon a couple of months longer than it had Jayne to start working out what River meant by the assorted colours she talked about - although 'cerise' was new, if that was a colour and not some fancy word for 'full of shit'.

"All right, you've made your point. River don't come with us this time. We'll manage without her - can't see Fanty and Mingo trying anything dire when we're tryin' to give 'em money, after all."

Mal's voice got louder as he moved towards the door, and Jayne slid silently up the stairs and around the door-frame. By the time Mal came out into the hold Jayne was hanging from the straps he'd fixed to the underside of the walkway, scowling as he pulled himself up in a steady rhythm.

"Jayne?"

"What?"

"Want you to come with us to see Fanty and Mingo. Simon says River ain't fit to go, and you might be useful if something goes amiss."

"Thought I was confined to the ship until River's fixed." Jayne loaded his tone up with indignant sulk and smacked Mal in the face with it.

"Yeah, well..." Mal sounded uncomfortable. Good. "May have been a mite hasty there. Weren't the best plan, I'll admit."

"Damn right."

"I won't do it again."

"Good."

"You gonna hang there like a monkey all day or go get your weapons?"

Yep, that was Mal's patience running out. Jayne did two more pull-ups on principle and then let himself drop. "Who's goin'?"

"You, me, Zoe and Wash."

"Why Wash?"

"He's havin' another manly fit." Mal shrugged. "Won't do no harm to let him feel useful, and you know I don't like takin' him on jobs where there's actual shooting. He's ain't but an average shot at best, and it frets Zoe when he's in danger."

Mal was still feeling guilty. When he was feeling captainy, he just gave orders more or less at random. When he was feeling ornery, he did the opposite of whatever anyone said as a matter of course. When he was feeling guilty, he over-explained.

He had a point about Wash, though. He got fussy if Mal didn't let him do _something_ now and then, and how much trouble could he get into in the Maidenhead where guns were all checked at the door?

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand


	7. Chapter 7: Crazy at the Maidenhead

**Chapter 7: Crazy At The Maidenhead**

* * *

"The spider still resides in a den with a weapons-check policy!" River clutched at Mal's arm, gazing at him in the pleading way that usually reduced Simon to helpless mush. "You mustn't go into the parlour without me!"

"We'll be fine." Mal detached her hands gently but firmly. "Won't be gone but an hour. You stay here and try to get some rest."

"Rest is non-essential." River turned her pleading look on Wash, who was usually strongly affected by it. "The smell of ozone is everywhere!"

"Mal's right, kiddo." Wash touched her just under her eye, smiling when her eyes crossed trying to look at his finger. "You have big black rings under here. You're tired."

"But what if you get shot and die?" River felt her lip quiver. "That is not the optimal outcome!"

"You got some special reason for bein' worried, River?"

Zoe was soothing, and River took her hand. Zoe's cool blue overlying heartfelt red wasn't as good as Jayne being her stone, but it did help. "I don't know if you'll be safe. It's too loud for me to hear you when you're off the ship."

"We're going too far away for you to know if something's wrong?" Zoe squeezed River's hand gently when she nodded. "We'll be fine. We're just going to give them money. People are generally pretty friendly when you do that."

River was less confident, but she couldn't explain why and they went without her. She'd known they would, when Inara didn't paint her tattoo again, but she'd hoped she could convince them that they were wrong.

If Jayne hadn't been angry, she could have taken his hand and told him that it was important, and he would have insisted that she go. He would have believed her. He would have _understood_. But she'd ruined everything.

River retreated to her hiding place in the air-vent and refused to come out. Eventually, Simon gave up trying to coax her out and Inara took him away to give him tea and have grown-up talk. Simon enjoyed those conversations - he'd be busy for a while.

When Kaylee had retreated to her engine, River emerged silently from the air-vent. She had Boadicea, which she would check as was required. She also had her small knife that Jayne had given her. Feeling that this was insufficient, she stole a larger one from Wash and Zoe's quarters. Zoe would be annoyed, but she wouldn't get especially fussed.

Trembling but determined, she pulled on her boots and tied back her hair in a loose tail. She must not stand out. The layer of dust that had befriended her inside the vent would pass for dirt, and her loose pants and dark red tunic were simple garments that would pass without comment on a dozen worlds.

The walk to the Maidenhead was frightening, but she comforted herself by walking the exact path that Jayne had taken, following the feel of him through crowded streets.

She didn't know why she was so frightened. She wasn't sure if something was going to happen in the Maidenhead, or somewhere else, or even on Serenity. But she was terribly afraid of _something_, and whatever it was she was determined that it would not harm Jayne or the others. She wouldn't let it.

Mimicking Jayne's rolling stride was very effective in deterring unwanted attention.

When she reached the Maidenhead, she was forced to endure the anticipated separation. "I'm sorry," she told Boadicea seriously, as she laid the gun carefully in the supplied box. "I wouldn't leave you in a strange place if it wasn't important."

The bouncer gave her a strange look, but River was immune to strange looks these days. She walked down the stairs, trying to move confidently. She didn't see the others on her way down, and while she knew they were here somewhere, her fickle senses refused to tell her exactly where. Reluctantly, she began searching the old-fashioned way. It was ineffective due to her inadequate stature - it was hard to see over all the tall people to her _own_ tall people.

Then a chiming jingle caught her ear, and she looked up at a Core-Vu screen to see a particularly horrible commercial for a product called a Fruity Oaty Bar.

The strange-familiar orange octopus opened its fanged mouth and swallowed her thoughts.

River felt a half-healed wound in her psyche split open, oozing filth into her frozen, waiting mind.

* * *

Jayne didn't like the way this was going down. On the other hand, he was itching for a fight, so not liking how things were going was something he liked.

Gorram girl. He'd never have bothered to think a twisty thought like that before he'd met her. He'da just punched someone and let things take care of themselves, as they most always did.

He wanted a fight to help bleed out some of the anger at River. Wasn't anyone on Serenity he could vent it on, not any more, and he knew his resentment pained her. Sometimes he had a brief minute of being glad that she was as miserable as he was, but he felt guilty after. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't just have a stupid crush in private like any other girl.

The crash of - sounded like a thrown chair hitting first a body then a floor, to a finely honed bar-brawling ear - was a welcome sound. "Hey, a tussle!" He tried to see around Mal and the woman with the fans. Some guy went staggering back - blow to the upper chest was Jayne's guess from the angle before he fell.

Mal said something that Jayne ignored. Mal was being more boring and irritating than usual tonight. He was more interested in the table that hit another table, taking out both men sitting at it, and then...

Oh.

Oh, no.

River, moving in a fast and feverish way that he'd only ever seen during her worst crazy spells... but she wasn't screaming or twitching or ripping labels off cans this time. She was delivering a major beating to an entire bar. And she was _winning_.

Were he less scared that someone would hurt her, he'd have been drooling. Dreams and anger and heartache aside, she moved like... he didn't have words for what it was like. But it made his pulse speed up and a fierce, hot feeling surge in his chest. It wasn't lust - well, not only lust. He wanted to join her in the core of the brawl, dance with violence without letting it touch them.

Mal swore, and lunged away. Going the wrong way, Jayne realized after a second. He wasn't going for River (who had just knifed a man in the stomach). He was going for the check-boxes. For his gun.

He didn't make it. River picked the thought out of his head as clean as picking an apple out of a tree, Jayne could see it in the way her head swung around and her eyes tracked Mal. A hurled bottle hit Mal in the stomach just as he reached the stairs, doubling him over and leaving him winded and retching.

Mal had had it coming, but Jayne figured he should step in before things really got out of hand. Attacking the captain wasn't generally a good idea, as much as Mal asked for it sometimes.

He worked his way through the rapidly thinning crowd, punching anyone who didn't move out of his way fast enough. And one guy who'd pulled a knife on River, because nobody was allowed do that when Jayne Cobb was around. It was still less than a minute before he reached her, catching hold of her arm. "River - "

She somehow kicked up and around behind him, hitting him good and hard in the back, and he staggered but didn't loosen his grip. Without pausing she spun around, her eyes vacant as her hand blurred towards his face too fast for him to stop, too fast for him to do more than think _oh shit_...

The hand stopped less than a centimetre from his face. "Jayne?" River whispered, colour draining from her face until he was sure she was going to pass out where she stood.

"I'm right here." He ignored the few still-conscious patrons of the Maidenhead scuttling away. "Why are you?"

Her face crumpled up and she started to cry. "I can't hear them. They're there but I can't hear them. The sun went out but it's still shining, the poison seeps through and contaminates everything... it hurts..."

"It's okay." He didn't even think about dreams or being angry or anything else. He just picked her up and held her, cradling her tiny body carefully. She hid her face against his neck, weeping as if her heart would break. "Shhh..." Jayne murmured, tucking her in against him. "I gotcha."

"Jayne?" Mal was on his feet again, staring around with a sort of awed expression.

"Yeah, Mal?" River had managed to create a lot of carnage in a couple of minutes. Jayne saw at least two weren't likely to live long, if they weren't dead already.

"Time to go."

Jayne was inclined to agree.

* * *

"Simon, you don't even know where to start looking!" Kaylee was holding onto his arm. "You can't just run out into the docks and start wanderin' around, you'll get lost yourself."

"I know where she's going. She's going to the Maidenhead. She's convinced that they need her to protect them." Simon tried to pull his arm away. "I have to find her, Kaylee, you know how frightened she gets in crowds."

"Simon, you don't even know where the Maidenhead _is_," Kaylee said, refusing to let go. "Look, just hold on a minute. We'll grab a radio and then I'll come with you. Inara, you'll stay in case she comes back, right?"

"Of course." Inara looked as worried as Simon felt. "Mal and the others should be back soon. Given her abilities, isn't it fairly likely that she would have found them?"

"If she had, Wash woulda brought her back right away." Kaylee gnawed on her lip. "Cap'n don't like taking him along on these things anyway, he gets too excitable. If they'd found River, cap'n'd send them both straight back here."

"Unless River was right and there _was_ a fight." Inara's fingers were lacing and unlacing nervously. "I checked in her room - she took her gun."

"Wonderful. My unstable sister is wandering around the docks, alone, at night... and she's _armed_." Simon rubbed his face with the hand Kaylee hadn't immobilised. "Look, Kaylee, you're right. Let's get a radio and - "

"Mal!" Inara rushed past him.

Simon turned. Mal was leaning on Wash's arm, a hand pressed to his stomach. No blood, Simon noted, so it was probably a blunt force trauma. Mal did seem to attract those. More immediately Simon's concern was River, who was crying hysterically into Jayne's shoulder as he carried her. "River, what's wrong?"

She wailed something unintelligible. Simon reached towards her, but Jayne's arms tightened almost possessively around her. Simon blinked in surprise. "What happened?"

"Well, we got to the Maidenhead, Fanty and Mingo suggested that there were too many of us and not enough of them, Mal sent us off to have a nice romantic meal, then ten minutes later he and Jayne come charging up out of the Maidenhead with River, grab us just as we pick out a place to eat, and hustle us back here." Wash shrugged. "Apart from that, your guess is as good as mine."

"We get off Beaumonde. Now." Mal let go of Wash and swayed a bit until Zoe took hold of him. "Wash, get us into space right now, don't care in what direction."

"Then can I know what's going on?"

"We'll speak on it when we're clear." Mal winced. "Doc, I could stand to have you look at this."

"Look at what?" Simon reluctantly left his sister to Jayne's apparent concern and went over to Mal. "What happened?"

"River threw a bottle at me. Hit me in the stomach hard enough that I revisted all my meals since yesterday in one heave." Mal tried to straighten up and was clearly having trouble with it.

"River threw a bottle at you, sir?" Zoe looked as startled as if he'd said River had done a striptease on a table.

"Countin' myself lucky on that, seein' as the guy before me got a knife to _his_ gut. She took out more'n half the bar in a few minutes." Mal glared at Wash. "And why aren't we in the air?"

"I'm going, I'm going." Wash clattered up the stairs. "But don't you start the story without me!"

* * *

When Simon had checked him over and pronounced his injury as being only a very painful bruise with no signs of damaged or ruptured internal organs, Mal and the doc joined the rest in the galley.

They all looked worried, in their various fashions. Wash's face was all creased up, Zoe had a tiny line between her eyebrows, Kaylee looked ready to cry, Simon was looking more than usually stone-faced, and Inara's mouth had gone tight even as she sat with her arm around Kaylee's shoulders, clearly trying to reassure her.

Jayne looked ready to kill someone. That, at least, was a familiar expression. What was less familiar was Jayne sitting at the table with River curled up on his lap, still crying weakly. He wasn't talking to her or comforting her the way Mal would have assumed should be done, just sitting there with one big hand rubbing steadily up and down her thin back, the other fiddling with a long knife that looked vaguely familiar.

"All right." Mal lowered himself carefully into a chair. "Short version of the story - River walks into the Maidenhead, suddenly goes berserk and starts attacking everyone within reach, including me, Jayne snaps her out of it, and then we high-tail it back here. Doctor, do you have any ideas as to why this happened?"

Simon shifted uncomfortably. "It could be a lot of things. She might have taken exception to someone's thoughts, or just panicked because of the crowding or..." He trailed off.

"Or?" Mal knew a I-don't-want-to-tell-you-this expression when he saw one.

"Or... something might have triggered a piece of behavioural conditioning," Simon said reluctantly. "The... people who helped me to rescue her warned me that some of the subjects were having behavioural sequences conditioned into them. They didn't know if River was one of them, but they taught me a control-phrase that should knock her out and abort any - "

"Should? _Should_?" Mal's fist hit the table. Everyone jumped but River and Jayne. "Eight months, Simon! Eight months she's been on this ship and you've known all along that she might just go berserk at any moment and start attackin' folk?"

"It's not that simple." Simon looked more pained than ever.

Mal had no sympathy for him. "Not that _simple_? You didn't see what she was doin' back there! What if she'd done that on my ship? To my crew?"

"She wouldn't have. Mal, that kind of conditioning isn't set off by a random word or gesture. The triggers _have_ to be complex enough that the subject can't be set off by mistake." Simon gave River a loving, anxious look that Mal would have thought was sweet were he not so damned angry. "They wouldn't want her turning on them. If that's what it was, she was presented with the _exact_ combination of visual and aural stimulation that would trigger it."

Suddenly the anger drained out of Mal, leaving him cold and shaken. "So you're saying either she was kicked off by some psycho in the bar... or the Alliance triggered her deliberate."

"Somehow." Simon nodded, as pale as Mal felt. "And I have no idea if that means they know where she is, or if she just came upon a preset trap by sheer coincidence."

Wash lifted a hand. "Uh... if I could make a suggestion?"

"What is it, Wash?"

"None of us really know what happened in the bar, or if there's some kind of hunt on our tails as we speak. We're flying blinder than usual, here, and I for one feel the need for some guidance. I think we need to talk to Mr Universe."

Mal nodded slowly. "Good idea." And the fact that talking to that twitchy Cortex-addicted weirdo sounded good was an indication of just how sour this day had gone.

River's sobbing stopped suddenly and she lifted her head, seeming to look right through Mal. "Shot in the back," she told him in a flat, emotionless voice. "Stabbed by a sword. So many ways to die."

A cold chill went down Mal's spine. "Until we do know what's going on," he said grimly, "we keep her under lock and key. The store-room has a strong door - put her in there."

"You can't just lock her up!" Kaylee sounded horrified. "Cap'n, this ain't her fault!"

River stared unblinking at Mal. "If she goes woolly again, we'll have to put a bullet to her."

Mal wasn't sure whose thoughts she was voicing. What scared him was that he knew she was right.

* * *

Jayne was not paying attention to anyone right now. Except Zoe, who wasn't fussing and who had gone to get River's blanket and pillow when he'd asked her to. Well, told her to. The fact that she for once did what _he_ told her to without a word told him how worried she was.

There wasn't no point in putting manacles on River - she could get out of them too easy. (He'd covered escaping-from-confinement, one dull afternoon, and she'd done well at it.) But the door locked securely from outside, so the store-room would hold her for a while.

While Simon cleaned blood off her and tried to get her to drink some water, Jayne emptied the room of anything she might use as a weapon, which was pretty much everything _in_ the room save the walls, the floor, and the secured and immovable shelving. It wasn't enough to keep him from hearing their conversation.

"They're afraid of me," River whispered, sounding heartbroken.

"I'm sorry." Simon dabbed at the blood on her face.

"They should be." Her small face crumpled up. "What I'll show them... oh, God..."

Jayne had never heard her call on any greater power before. Not ever. The prayerful note in her voice scared him in a way he couldn't explain.

Simon was smoothing her hair. "Shh... it's okay, it's okay..."

River turned away, frowning suddenly. "Show me off like a dog, old men covered in blood - it never touched them but they're drowning in it. So much loss..." Then she looked back at Simon, her eyes focusing again. "I don't know what I'm saying. I never know what I'm saying."

"Sure you do." Jayne crouched beside Simon. "You just get confused about when you're sayin' it, and what you're talking about."

She reached out to take his hand. Her fingers were cold. "It's not mine," she whispered. "The memory. I didn't bring it and I shouldn't have to carry it; it isn't mine."

"You told me once that you had extra pieces. Extra memories that weren't yours." Simon's voice had the professionally soothing note of a doctor trying to keep the patient calm. Jayne was oddly annoyed by that - couldn't he be more human for his own sister's sake?

"It's not mine. It came to me and I can't make it go." River's lip trembled. "Put a bullet in me. Bullet in the brainpan, squish." She giggled, the sound creepier than all hell.

"Don't say that." Simon and Jayne spoke in perfect unison.

"Not ever," Simon continued alone. "We'll get through this."

River reached out to touch his face. "Things are going to get much, much worse," she said, as if speaking to a slow child.

"Well, the captain hasn't tossed us in the airlock, so..." Simon glanced at Jayne, and doctor and mercenary shared a moment of silent, bitter amusement. Gallows humour, Jayne had heard it called.

"He has to see," River said suddenly. "More than anyone, he has to see what he doesn't want to."

Simon shifted nervously. "See what?"

"Death."

"Whose death?" Even more nervous now.

River stared at him for a moment, and then she started to laugh. Quietly at first, then louder and louder. Leaning forward, she screamed into his face. "Everybody's!"

* * *

Mr Universe, having ambled into the security logs with the greatest of ease, was clearly enjoying the sight of River beating the living crap out of a large number of bystanders. Wash was reluctant to consider them innocent, since innocent people didn't drink at the Maidenhead as a rule.

"Oh, you guys always bring me the very best _violence_," Universe cooed, all but panting. Wash half expected him to fog up the vid-screen he was talking on. Then he pulled himself together a little. "You think you're in a hot place?"

"That's what we're looking to learn." Wash usually got to be the one to talk to Universe, since he'd known the man since flight school and could generally keep him more or less focused. Mal and Zoe were crammed into view behind him, though, filling his side of the cockpit, just in case they thought of anything else to say. "Is there any follow-up? A newswave?"

Mr Universe let out that scoffing chuckle that was always so gorram annoying. "There is no 'news'. There's the truth of the signal, what I see, and there's the puppet theatre the parliament's jesters foist on the somnambulent public. Monkey taught to say the word 'monkey', lead story on thirty-two planets. But the slum riots on Hera? Not a - "

Mal interrupted, which generally wasn't a good idea with Mr Universe. Of course, mentioning Hera to Mal wasn't a good idea either. "What about _this_?" He pointed at the image of River. "Did this make the puppet theatre?"

"No sir. And no lawforce flags either. I had to go into the security feed direct to find this."

"You can do that?" Mal sounded impressed, which probably meant he'd realized that he'd interrupted earlier and was now trying to soothe Universe's always unpredictable feelings.

"Can't stop the signal, Mal. Everything goes somewhere and I go everywhere. Security feeds are a traipse to access." He frowned. "And I wasn't the first one in. This has prints on it."

"Someone else has been fed this." Zoe's voice was calm as always, but it had the little edge that said 'worried' to Wash. "That doesn't like me too well."

Mr Universe, as always, was off in his own little world. "Zoe, you sultry minx, stop falling in love with me," he said sympathetically. "You're just going to embarrass yourself." He tapped a key or two, and his face on the screen was temporarily replaced by a brief vid of Universe wearing a fancy tuxedo and his Love-Bot - who he'd had since flight-school at least - wearing a wedding veil and a plastic smile. "I have a commitment to my Love-Bot. It was a very beautiful ceremony. Lenore wrote her own vows. I cried like a _baby_, a hungry, angry baby."

On the secondary screen, Jayne came into view, grabbing River's arm. She swung her foot up and around, in a manouvre she'd used a minute before to kick a guy in the back of the head while he was standing directly behind her. Jayne, however, was too tall, and the kick hit him between the shoulderblades. Jayne, being made as he apparently was of leather and lead, barely even staggered. River swung around, the heel of her palm arrowing towards his nose... and then she stopped. A moment later she swayed, and Jayne lifted her up in his arms. "Well. I see I'm not the only one who's made a commitment. How long have they been involved?"

Everyone in the cockpit shared a moment of total horror. "They're not." Mal said, sounding like he wanted to say a lot more.

"I call it like I see it, Mal. My second-favourite purveyor of violence seems awfully worried about my new star."

Jayne's tiny, blurry face did look sort of... concerned. But that was perfectly normal under the circumstances. It didn't have to mean anything.

"Can you go back?" Mal asked. "See if anybody spoke with her 'fore she acted up, made any kind of contact with her?"

Mr Universe nodded, winding back the fight to just before River started it all by taking out two men sitting quietly at a table. She was staring right at the screen, and she whispered something that Wash didn't quite catch.

Mal did, though. "Miranda?" He sounded confused. "Go back further."

"Hmmm... no." Instead, Mr Universe turned a little, a clatter of typing noises suddenly coming through the wave.

"Uh... please?" Mal had his fake sincerity on. He was getting _annoyed_.

The second screen switched from the frozen view of River to a Fruity Oaty Bar commercial that had been floating around for a while now. It was inane, irritating, and more than a little psychedelic. Wash had made a private vow to himself, around the third time he saw it on the Cortex, to never ever buy a Fruity Oaty Bar _ever_, for fear of encouraging them to make another one.

"You're very smart, Mal," Mr Universe said, sounding pleased. "Someone _is_ talking to her."

"The oaty bar?" Wash stared at the screan.

Mal growled very quietly. "Subliminal. It's a subliminal message, right? Like Simon said - sight and sound, something that couldn't be duplicated by accident."

Mr Universe nodded. "I been seeing this code pop up all over, last few weeks. And I cannot crack it."

Wash didn't like the sound of that. He'd have been willing to wager, until now, that there _was_ no code Mr Universe couldn't crack.

"It's Alliance," Mr Universe continued, "and it's high military, so here then is the bad. Someone has gone to enormous trouble to find your little friend. And found her they have." He raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure you know what it is that you're carrying?"

Mal sounded almost as tense as he looked. "Thought I was."

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand


	8. Chapter 8:Ways Of Saying I Love You

**Chapter 8: Ways To Say I Love You**

* * *

Jayne had allowed Simon time with River, being as he was her brother and all. But he couldn't settle to anything, and late in the ship's night he decided that it was time Simon went to bed.

He let himself into the store-room, finding Simon sitting against the wall next to River. He looked exhausted and scared and awfully young. "Jayne?" He turned his head stiffly. Beside him, River was curled up in a ball, staring into space. "Is something wrong?"

"Nah. Figured you should get some rest and somethin' to eat 'fore you keel over is all." Jayne's attention was mostly on River. "How is she?"

"She refuses to sleep. Other than that... well, she was incoherent for a while. Now she's not talking at all." Simon rubbed a hand over his face. "But I'm fine. It's kind of you to be concerned, but..."

"I ain't concerned." Jayne shrugged. "Just figure as I'm gonna want to sleep in a few hours and you're gonna needta be awake then. Ain't nobody handles her better'n we do, so I figure one of us should be awake all the time."

Simon blinked. "I... suppose that makes sense."

Jayne nodded. "Good. Lock the door behind you."

"But - " Simon's protest broke off in an undignified squawk as Jayne picked him up by arm and collar, propelled him firmly out of the room, and slammed the door in his face.

"Does he ever do anythin' without whingin' about it first?" Jayne sat down in Simon's place beside River.

"No." She stirred slightly. "You are reversed."

"How?"

"When the rest welcomed me, you feared me and wanted me gone. Now they're afraid and you want me to stay."

She leaned against his arm, and something tugged painfully inside him. Of all the gorram times for things to be awkward between them... "Yeah, well... ain't your doing. And you didn't hit _me_." He paused. "Why didn't you?"

"I couldn't think. Frenzy in my mind and I observed from the silence. The will was absent, trapped in a web of commands." She slid a hand out of the blanket to curl around his bicep. The slide of her smooth fingers against his skin made him swallow hard. "Then you fell into my mind like a stone, tearing through the web and holding me steady."

He liked that. She wasn't the only one had ever compared Jayne to stone, but she meant it the best. Strong and steady, giving her something to hold to when the currents of thought tossed her. "If it happens again, think I'll be able to snap you out of it?"

"You pull the string." River nodded.

Jayne frowned. "What string?" Was she still mad about him trying to manipulate her over the moping?

"I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you," River said softly, her fingers curling tighter around his arm."It is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapped; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly."

She'd said that before, months ago, about Mal and Inara. Jayne somehow didn't think she meant them this time. "We have a string, now?"

"I didn't mean to," she said sadly, letting her hair slide forward to cover her face. "It happened by itself."

Jayne privately took back every mean comment he'd made about Mal, silent or spoken, in regards to Inara. Some things just came on a man without let or warning, and he had no more idea than Mal had seemed to of how to handle it. He didn't want to love River Tam. Aside from the fact that the crew'd be lining up to kill or castrate him, he'd settled it with himself when he was River's age that he wasn't never going to fall in love with nobody, on account of it made you stupid and vulnerable.

Even so, he wrapped his arm around her thin shoulders and held her as she finally dozed off. When the nightmares woke her, he held her tighter until she stopped crying.

* * *

Mal had been sitting at the table for hours, just staring at his gun. He hadn't seemed to notice Inara when she came in, nor had he looked up as she moved around the kitchen making tea. Only when she offered him a cup - one of her own delicate handleless cups, filled with her private supply of green tea - did he look up. Giving her a brief, lopsided smile he took the cup and sipped. "Thank you.

"You're welcome." She returned his smile, knowing that hers wasn't much more convincing. "No wiles this time, I promise. Just tea."

That made him smile again, a real smile. "Well, good. The confusion I'm in just now, if you turned your wiles on me you could just about steer me any which way you pleased."

"How could I?" She wanted to comfort him, but she knew he'd rather have her honest than soothing. "I'm as lost as you are. More so, perhaps... I haven't your experience in dodging the law or challenging impossible odds. You make it look easy, but I somehow doubt that I'd find it so."

"Perhaps." He reached out to touch her hand, trying to comfort her in turn. Then, being Mal, he ruined it almost at once. "Worst comes to it, Inara, I want you to go - "

"I'm not leaving, Mal. Not now." She frowned at him. "This is why I came back. For fear that something like this would happen and I _wouldn't_ be here, that I wouldn't be able to help you."

"I know that. And I'm more glad of it than I can rightly tell you." He looked at her in the way that made her bones seem to melt. "But if it comes to it, Inara, and it may yet, I want you to take Kaylee, and Wash and Zoe if I can make 'em go, and get clear. They and you ain't hunted as yet, and I've no wish to see any of you hurt. Nor do Simon and River, as well you know."

Inara bit her lip. He had a completely unfair and unscrupulous way of making his idiocy sound noble and reasonable. "What about you?"

"Jayne and I were seen with River in the Maidenhead, and there's not a thing to be done about that now. Had I listened to her, had you put the dragon back on her so she'd be harder to spot, then maybe we'd be safer now. But that's past." Mal shook his head. "It may be as we'll be able to offload Simon too... he ain't but a way to her, far as I can see, and it may be they won't look for him if they know she's cut him loose."

"Mal, you couldn't. He'd never agree to that."

"Ain't plannin' on askin' him." Mal looked down at his tea. "That boy would die for his sister as willingly as I would for you or for Zoe or Kaylee, Inara, I know that. And I know that she don't want him to, any more than you'd want it of me. So if I can, if I think it's safe, I will have no qualms about hitting him over the head and sending him off with you and Kaylee. I can fly Serenity if I have to, and River's no Kaylee but she can keep the engine running for a good while if she must."

"You'd have to let her out of the store-room for that," Inara pointed out, glancing at the locked door.

"That I would." Mal sighed. "I know I can't keep her in there forever, Inara. I just... I need time to think on this, and I want to know where she is while I do it."

Inara couldn't keep herself from asking, even though she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer. "Will you really shoot her?"

"I don't know. If she kills someone, most like." Mal shook his head. "Just like I killed that boy as we found on the colony ship the Reavers hit. She's far gone enough to kill those she loves best, she knows as well as I do that it'd be a mercy."

"But..."

"Ain't no but to it. There are times when life becomes a burden too heavy to carry." Mal's face was lined and tight, the expression she privately thought of as his Sarge-face. The look of a man who'd seen far too many die. "Being deprived of your will, broken in body and mind and knowing all the time that it's happening, seeing nothing but death for you and all you love, and pain besides... comes a time when death is purest mercy. Should that time come for River, I will end it for her with as little hurt as I can. She knows that."

Inara's throat tightened painfully. "Oh, Mal..."

"Simon can't do it. He loves her too much." Mal's voice was tight and miserable. "Jayne might, but I don't know as he'd understand the need. He's never been to that desparin' place himself, and he doesn't have enough imagination to picture it. I am her captain, Inara, and if she needs that mercy I'll give it to her. I don't want to, and I will fight to the bitter end to keep it from coming to that, but it's not me who needs to fight, in the end. It's River herself. And I'm afraid that child is reaching the end of her strength to go on."

Inara wrapped her arm around his back, resting her head on his shoulders. "So am I," she whispered. "She was getting better, Mal. She was starting to grasp reality again, come to terms with it. And now... it's all gone again. To go mad once is a trauma many don't survive. To have almost clawed her way back to sanity and then have it all torn away again..."

Mal nodded, and his arm went around her shoulders. Since she'd returned, Mal had kept his distance. It had touched her - she knew what he wanted of her, but he'd respected her desire to prove her independence and stepped back from their... tension... until such time as she gave him a sign. Now, though, the need for comfort they shared overrode that careful distance and she did not regret it. "If I could have but one wish," he whispered. "It would be that she had never gone to that Academy. Never been touched by them at all. And it could be as that'd mean I'd have lost Zoe when that catalyzer blew, and you when you couldn't bear the strain on your life and had no Simon to talk you through it, but I can't see as either of you wouldn't risk it to keep that little girl from suffering the way she has."

Inara nodded, tears spilling unheeded down her face. "I feel so helpless," she said, turning her head to hide her face against his faded shirt. "I've been trained since I was twelve years old to guide the lost and comfort the wounded, and it's all useless. All I can do is stand by while River suffers and you wait..."

"Now, that ain't so." He hugged her gently. "River needs you."

"For what? What good am I?"

"You're good for Simon." There was no jealousy in Mal's voice, as there had been before, and she was suddenly almost unbearably proud of him. "Should the time come River can't live with what she is any more, she'll be counting on you and Kaylee to keep him going, for he'll be as lost as a child without her to live for. And now, while she's still fighting, you can guide him and calm him as much as may be. It pains her to see him suffering and know she's the cause, anyone can see that."

Inara nodded, wiping her eyes and straightening a little. "You're right. I'm being foolish and self-pitying, and I'm sorry."

He smiled crookedly. "Well, havin' your head on my shoulder isn't entirely a bad thing. I kind of like seeing you like this."

Simon had once said the same thing, when she'd cried on his shoulder, for the best and sweetest of reasons. So Inara didn't take offense, and instead lifted her head to look at him. "Like what?"

He touched her cheek lightly. "Unmasked. Honest. You've always hidden yourself behind your paints and your costumes and your trained manner until I couldn't help but prick at you just to see if there was a live woman inside that lovely doll. I like to see you get angry, and cry, and laugh... even when it's me you're angry or laughin' at."

Inara smiled, even though the tears had started to fall again. "So that's why you were always trying to make me angry."

He nodded, looking embarrassed now that his poetic moment had passed. "Mostly, now that I think on it. Sometimes I was just lookin' to anger you as much as you had me, for whatever reason, but... you're more honest, when you're angry with me. I find I'd rather have you shout at me and call me a petty thief than have you be sweetly diplomatic and leave me not knowin' whether you like me or want me dead and gone."

She nodded. "I know what you mean. Sometimes you're almost as hard to understand as you seem to think I am."

He grinned. "Me? I'm just a simple fellow trying to make a dishonest living."

"If there is one thing you are not, Malcolm Reynolds, it's simple." Inara smiled. "You know, very soon after Shepherd Book came aboard, he and I spoke of you."

"Oh? Of my handsome face and dashing ways, perhaps?" As usual after a sentimental moment, Mal was inclined to make light of the whole thing.

"I asked him why he was so fascinated by you, and he said it was because you were something of a mystery." She smiled at the memory. She'd known from that moment that she and the Shepherd would not be at odds, no matter how their professions might seem opposed to one another. "And then he asked me the same question."

"Oh?" Mal looked suddenly intent. "And what did you say?"

Inara met his eyes and smiled. "I said 'Because so few men are'."

* * *

Simon was lying in bed staring at the ceiling when his door slid open. "Simon? You awake?"

"Yes." He sat up and turned on the light, trying not to blush as Kaylee slipped into the room and closed the door. Not only was she actually in his bedroom, a situation he'd imagined several times in private, but she was giving his bare chest a rather appreciative look. He made a mental note to start sleeping in a shirt, at least until such time as it might be appropriate for her to be in here again.

And wasn't that a bizarre thought to have. His sister was a programmed assassin, the Feds were almost certainly bearing down on them, and here he was getting embarrassed about Kaylee looking at him with his shirt off. He laughed involuntarily at the sheer absurdity of it.

"You okay?" Kaylee looked concerned, sitting down on the end of his bed. She had a bowl cradled in her hands.

"I'm fine. It's just..." He shook his head. "The human mind is an incredibly resilient thing. Here I am. River has just probably killed at least three people. She's being tracked by some high-level Alliance military coder who knows how to send her into a murderous frenzy. What little was left of my life is now officially over." He smiled slightly. "And there you sit, with a bowl. And I realize that I'm incredibly hungry. It's odd, isn't it?"

Kaylee nodded. "Sometimes you gotta laugh or you'll wind up cryin'," she said softly, offering him the bowl. "Wash says that sometimes."

"It sounds like him." Simon doubted that anyone besides himself and Zoe knew that Wash had a tattoo on one ankle. _Feng Guang_, two Chinese characters. _Feng Guang_ had been one of the many 'holding facilities' where prisoners of war were housed by the Alliance. 'Scenic View' had had a particularly ironic name - the squalid, inadequate facility had been entirely underground. It had reached capacity quite early on, and the prisoners had simply stayed there until they died or the war ended.

Wash could probably have matched Mal horror for horror in the war-stories stakes, but it was _battle_ that Mal and Zoe had shared, and that seemed to make Wash obscurely jealous. For whatever reason, he had never mentioned his imprisonment to anyone, as far as Simon knew. Simon had, naturally, maintained doctor-patient confidentiality on the subject.

Now he wondered if Wash would be willing to discuss it just a little. Simon was likely to spend a long time in prison, and it would probably be similar enough that Wash's advice would be relevant.

"Simon?"

He realized that he'd been eating in silence, much faster than usual. The bowl was already almost empty, and he ducked his head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I was even hungrier than I thought."

"You ain't eaten since this morning." She'd pulled her knee up under her chin as she watched him eat. "You feel better now?"

"A little." Simon took another spoonful. Only Kaylee could make protein taste so palatable. "I wish..." He trailed off, misery rising up to engulf him.

"What do you wish?"

"I wish River had never gone to the Academy." He looked down into his bowl, not wanting to see her sweet face fall. "I wish she'd picked another school, somewhere safe, that none of this had ever happened."

"Oh." Kaylee sounded small and sad.

"She always wanted to explore, you know. To see new things. I promised her... our parents didn't know, but I told her that when she was finished with her studies, I'd take her on a trip. Somewhere new, somewhere she'd never seen." He mushed the protein around with the spoon. "I wish I had. I wish I'd taken her somewhere far out, that our parents would never approve of. Persephone, or Beaumonde. She would have found her way to the docks soon enough. We could have explored. Talked about going further out. I would have seen how badly doctors were needed out here - that's why I became a doctor. So I could help people who needed me." He looked up at her, smiling tentatively. "Maybe we would have seen a Firefly with the prettiest barker on all the docks. River would have liked her right off, I think."

Kaylee smiled. "And you would hardly've said a word to her at first."

"I've never been good with girls." Simon looked down at his bowl again. "I would have liked her smile, though. And it would have seemed like a good ship, with a trustworthy crew. River would have talked me into travelling on her, just for a little while. She can always talk me into things."

"Only a little while?" Kaylee wiggled her eyebrows a little.

"At first. At first we would have taken passage just for a little while. Then..." Simon sighed. "I wish I'd met you under other circumstances," he said quietly, not quite looking at her. "That I wasn't a fugitive endangering you just by being near you."

"Oh, Simon..." Her hand rested on his arm, warm and calloused and a little grubby. "So do I. But I'm glad we met, however it had to happen."

"Me too." He took her hand, curling his fingers through hers. "I just... I never want you to get hurt because of us."

"I know." She leaned over to kiss his cheek. Simon closed his eyes, the better to remember just exactly how it had felt. "I do know. An' it's gonna be all right, you'll see." She pulled back, smiling at him as she took the bowl. "You should get some sleep. River'll be wantin' you soon."

Simon nodded, lying back. He felt... better. Lost, terrified, and miserable, but better. "I really can't expect Jayne to stay with her forever."

Kaylee blinked. "Jayne?"

"He threw me out. Literally. He said I should get some sleep so I'd be alert when he got sleepy." Simon shook his head. "It's... well, whatever they were fighting over, this seems to have put an end to it."

"I hope so." Kaylee smiled. "And he'll take good care of her, I know he will. He's real nice to her when there's nobody watchin'."

* * *

"It just bothers me." Zoe turned over the knife she'd been polishing. Jayne had given it to her when he went to put River in the store-room.

"What bothers you more?" Wash was sitting on their bed, his arms draped over his knees. "That River sneaked in here to steal it in the first place or that Jayne actually gave it back?"

"Both." The knife was clean now, but it hadn't been when Jayne handed it to her. He'd wiped it off a bit, which she'd appreciated, but blood didn't wipe easy once it started to dry. "Why my knife?"

"Well, she and Jayne weren't really speaking, Mal favours guns, and Inara only has that one little one." Wash shrugged. "It was you or the kitchen, when you think about it."

"Even so." He made sense, and Zoe frowned. "I just hate the idea of that child going out alone and winding up in a knife-fight. If Mal and Jayne hadn't been there..."

"She would have won even so. I think so, anyway." Wash gave her one of his too-penetrating looks. "Are you sure it isn't the fact that Jayne was the one to give it back to you that bothers you so much?"

"What do you mean?"

"Jayne knew it was yours. Well, Jayne has a thing for weapons, and he could probably tell you down to the last toothpick what every person on this ship carries and when." Wash shrugged. "But Mal didn't. He's seen you wear that knife dozens of times and he didn't know it was yours."

Zoe frowned. "It's not that." Wash looked at her. "Not exactly." It did unsettle her that Mal, who could once have listed every weapon on her person, its provenance, and when she'd last used it, all without even looking at her, had completely missed her favourite knife in River's hands _and_ Jayne's. "He does know it's mine. It just didn't... register. He's... off."

"Mm." Wash nodded slowly. "What is it?"

"Something's coming." Zoe shook her head, looking around their peaceful little room. "Mal feels it. So do I. River's bringing a storm down on us, and he's afraid that he won't survive it."

"I'm a little worried about that myself." Wash moved around to wrap his arms around her shoulders from behind as she sat on the edge of the bed. "This is more trouble than we've ever been in, isn't it?"

"Yeah." She leaned back against him. "And I know him, Wash. He's going to do something stupid and heroic, like he always does."

"It's always mystified me as to how you got him through the war alive, what with his tendency to charge straight at the enemy shouting defiance." Wash didn't sound as jealous as he usually did, and he hugged her reassuringly.

"Heavy cover fire and a solid grip on his collar." Zoe smiled a little in memory. "The trick is not to let him get away."

"Does he try?"

"Oh, yeah. Often. He'll try to shake us off and go off alone with River... and maybe Jayne."

"I don't see him shaking Jayne off any time soon if he's taking River, no." Wash sounded thoughtful, rubbing his cheek gently against her temple. "As disturbing and no doubt completely untrue as Mr Universe's theory was... he does care about her. As far as any of us knows, River, Vera and his mother are the only things Jayne _does_ really care about. Am I alone in finding that both frightening and bizarrely comforting?"

"Nope. I'm here in the scary place with you."

Jayne enjoyed and was good at killing people, he had no moral scruples whatsoever, and he wanted to keep River in one piece. And given that Mal was showing signs of heroic self-sacrifice again, Zoe was very happy to see Jayne willing to step up and start shooting.

Zoe liked River. She was a good, sweet child who deserved better than the hand she'd been dealt. But Mal - and Wash - were all Zoe had. Her world. Her life, reclaimed from the hell of Serenity Valley. She was not willing to sacrifice them for River.

Jayne, on the other hand...

* * *

Jayne encircled her.

River had lost her mind.

She was aware, mostly, that she had gone crazy again. That she had lost the connections she had spent months rebuilding, the sense she had begun to make of the universe. The silent dead tore at her mind, rivers of blood and vile howling tore apart the links between thought and action, between word and memory...

But Jayne encircled her. His arm was around her, and he drowned out some of the noise. She smelled sweat and gun oil as well as blood. She heard steady breathing and the occasional grunt over the screams. She felt the weight of his arm around her shoulders and his big hand clasped over her elbow more clearly than she felt the needles.

It reminded her of things. Of play and a rare smile on his grim face. Of big arms catching her and then dropping her again as she laughed. Of blood and brains spattered over her feet as he held her hand around the gun and told her _that's my girl_. Of his kisses in the dreams and his anger at her for knowing what they felt like.

Those things, in turn, reminded her that she loved him. She wasn't sure why. She couldn't identify the feeling. Couldn't quantify it. Couldn't explain it. But it was real anyway, a thing grown inside her and entirely her own. It didn't belong to Mama and Daddy who had abandoned her. It didn't belong to the Academy and cold, hurting hands with needles. It didn't even belong to Simon, who loved her with a sometimes warming, sometimes smothering ferocity, or to Serenity and the family that had welcomed River in.

Her love for Jayne was unique. Nobody had ever felt precisely the same way for him as she did. It was _hers_, untainted and undespoiled, and as madness pulled at her she clung to that feeling. She wouldn't have been able to if Jayne wasn't so close, shielding her from the storm.

River reminded herself to breathe, closing her eyes and shifting a little so that her head rested closer to his heart. Its steady thump measured time, as her jittering pulse no longer reliably did.

Start with the core part. Build onto it.

Weeping with the pain of thousands of souls, swallowing the blood that poured into her mouth, River began assembling herself again. The scattered parts weren't spread as widly as before. They remembered being put together. It was, despite her madness, a little easier this time.

This time she took her own private love, her feeling that nobody had made but herself, and used it for her core. It didn't matter if he loved her. It didn't matter if he never did. The pain would be lost in the millions of other pains that assaulted her mind endlessly. What mattered was building on a part that she _knew_ belonged to her.

There were so many that didn't.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

The quote about the string, which I forgot to attribute in 'Kinship', is from 'Jane Eyre' and is spoken by Mr Rochester. No, there is no story or fandom to which I cannot introduce a 'Jane Eyre' reference. The idea that Wash was held in a prison camp during the war is originally attributable to Alan Tudyk, who made up his own private backstory for his character.


	9. Chapter 9: Take Problems To The Preacher

**Chapter 9: Taking Problems To The Preacher**

* * *

Jayne had never been so glad to see Haven. The little mining settlement was one of his favourite places, even though he never said so to anyone. He'd even occasionally given thought to settling there himself, if he managed to survive being a merc until he got too old for it. Folks there were understanding about criminal histories, and he liked the smell of hot metal and sun-warmed stone. It was homey.

Right now, though, what he really wanted was to get Book aside and talk to him. Book was the only person he knew who could be trusted with something this painful and embarrassing, and he wouldn't blab to Mal on account of being a Shepherd and having to keep confessions a secret.

Mal was just as keen to get Book aside, presumably wanting advice on his own account. Jayne hung around and eavesdropped while Mal cornered the old man in the big communal kitchen and told him all about River going crazy again, and the code in the Fruity Oaty Bar ad, and all manner of other unimportant incidentals. He didn't mention something that Jayne had thought was pretty important - River hadn't seen the danger to _her_. She was a psychic, and she was pretty good at sensing danger to Serenity, or to Jayne himself, or any of the crew. But on Beaumonde, just like on Ariel, danger to _her_ had just left her confused and scared. Of course, Mal hadn't seen her on Ariel...

Jayne shook his head, realizing that Mal had gone off to rejoin the others, looking a mite sulky about it but accepting Book's reasonable request for some thinking time. He shoved his head in the door, figuring Book could always think later. "You got a minute?"

"Is it important, Jayne?" Book looked fretted.

"Yeah. And it's kind of a... you know that thing you do, where people tell you stuff and you can't tell anyone on account of God'll be mad?"

"Do you mean confession?" Book's eyebrows went up. "Not quite the right denomination, but I've heard a few in my time."

"Yeah. That. I need one of those." Jayne looked around nervously. "Somewhere private."

He reluctantly conceded that a quiet corner of the small church was private enough, and then found himself stuck on how to begin. He was painful confused by the whole mess, and he didn't want Book to think ill of him on account of something that he hadn't intended to do, had in fact tried _not_ to do, and that had been brought on by the damned girl being psychic which was a thing Jayne could not in any way be blamed for.

"Something is worrying you a great deal, I can see that." Book was sitting on a pew beside him, leaning back with his hands resting loosely on his knees. "Something difficult to explain. Is there anything I can do to help you get started?"

Jayne opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He wanted Book to really understand how confused and frustrated he felt before he went into specifics. "I found out what it feels like to be Mal."

Book's eyebrows ascended Heavenward as he turned to look at Jayne. "You found out what?"

"How it feels to be Mal. You know. All... confused. Gettin' into fights you can't win just 'cause you think you oughta, and havin' some woman get all snuck up on you without you knowin', and suddenly realizin' you're all tied up in folk and... Book, I ever start doin' that silly thing with my hair that he does, you shoot me, all right?"

"I... think perhaps you should start at the beginning." Book made that face where he was trying not to smile. Jayne appreciated that he was making the effort. "I think I'm a little lost. You want to confess that you're... finding yourself having moral urges? Having feelings for someone? Creating emotional bonds?"

"Yeah. All that. 'cept not so much confessin' as asking what to do about it. I just put that confessin' part in so you wouldn't tell Mal." Jayne liked talking to Book. He wasn't as good as River at working out what Jayne was getting at, but he did listen.

"Jayne, whatever you say to me in my capacity as a Shepherd will remain in strictest confidence." Book shook his head. "But what is it that you're afraid I'll tell Mal?"

Jayne hung his head. A show of penitence seemed like a good idea, even if he wasn't sure he _was_ sorry. Angry, yeah, but not sorry. "That I'm goin' to Special Hell."

"You're... what?" Book looked downright bewildered. "Did Mal tell you about Special Hell?"

"Yeah. See, he was warnin' me off gettin' too friendly with River - which I wasn't, he just got the fool idea in his head on account of me holding onto her to keep her calm until we got back to Serenity." Jayne felt a bit injured by that. Sure, things had changed later, but at the time he hadn't ever been but downright brotherly to River. "And he said if I did I'd wind up in a Special Hell."

"I see." Book frowned. "And now you think you will. Why?"

"I ain't ever laid a hand on her. Not like that." Jayne looked down at his hands, remembering how they'd cupped River's bare shoulders in the dreams, sliding down her spine and cupping her head to kiss her. "Not while I was awake. I kinda... uh... started having these dreams a while back. Just a girl at first, you know, kinda vague and fuzzylike. But then she turned into River."

Book, who had been more than a bit tense, relaxed at that last part. "Ah. I see. Well, dreams are not strictly voluntary actions, and since they do not affect the person dreamed about - "

"Unless they're a psychic," Jayne muttered.

"Unless... oh. I see. Oh dear." Book winced. "Was River upset?"

"Not exactly." Jayne couldn't bring himself to look the preacher in the eye. "It wasn't... it started after I had her kill one of the blue hands. I figured as she'd be less scared if she did it herself, insteada someone else doing it for her. She'd know she could, then... and they weren't nothin' to feel guilty for killing. They'd murdered dozens, maybe hundreds to get to her."

"You know I don't entirely approve of you teaching River to kill, Jayne. However, destroying the source of her fears is a psychologically sound way of helping her to overcome those fears." Book leaned back in the seat again, his fingers tapping on his knee. "This led into the dreams... how?"

"Had the first one that same night. Don't remember much... just standin' somewhere with lots of yellow leaves, an' holdin' a girl in my arms who was talkin' and sorta snuggled up." Jayne shrugged. "It was a while 'fore I realized she was always the same one - couldn't remember what she looked like much, at first."

"That sounds... innocuous."

"Yeah. It was. 'cept then I kinda thought she _was_ River, sort of, and I went... uh, to a brothel while we was on Beaumonde, and she got real mad at me in the next dream and kept sorta floatin' away when I tried to get to her. And then in the one after that she was _definitely_ River, and we were in the desert, and she was sittin' up on this big rock post thing and I couldn't get to her." Remembering how that had felt, Jayne didn't realize quite how woebegone he sounded. "She was still mad. She wouldn't come down until I made the whores go away - "

"Until you made the who go what?" Book sounded like someone had hit him on the head or something. It would have been funny if Jayne hadn't been so worried.

"They were there, in the dream. Even when I sent them away she wouldn't come down until I said... well, I forget exactly, but it was kinda mushy and she forgave me and jumped down. After that..." He pulled a half-smoked cigar out of his pocket, just to have something to fiddle with. "I knew it was her. Not, you know, _really_ her, but in the dream it was. And I dunno, maybe I shoulda tried to stop it." He felt his face going red. "It wasn't much, even then. No sex or anything. She'd sit on my knee and talk, an' we'd... you know... do some kissin' and all." Somehow, that was more embarrassing than it would have been if there'd been actual sex. The dreams were so damned mushy, and while he'd been having them he'd _liked_ it.

That scared him worse than any dozen Special Hells any religion could dream up.

"That sounds... Jayne, perhaps I'm misunderstanding you here. Are you telling me that you were having dreams about having a _relationship_ with River?"

"Sorta." Jayne picked at the burnt end of the cigar, his voice a small and embarrassed mumble. "I tried not to think about it when she was around."

"That's rather more serious than just... well, dreams of a sexual nature are common and involuntary. Even dreams featuring someone you know, if they are purely sexual, generally mean nothing more than that the image was readily available to your subconscious."

"I knew that." Jayne was momentarily distracted from embarrassment by pride. "That was what I thought it was at first. On account of hardly ever seein' any womenfolk ain't on the crew."

Book nodded, frowning. "On the other hand, dreams such as you describe, of closeness rather than mere physical intimacy... they _can_ indicate a deeper yearning. Have your feelings toward River changed recently?"

"I don't know." Jayne looked down at the cigar again. "I mean, I feel different, but I don't know if it's real. I found out 'bout a week ago that I wasn't the only one having them dreams. River was, too. She said she went lookin' for me in her head to make the nightmares go away, after the blue hands thing. I mean, she didn't know it was me really. She thought it was just a dream, same as I did." He felt a twinge at the memory of River's horrified expression that day in the galley. "She didn't mean any harm. I know that. She just wanted to hide from the scary dreams and she went lookin' a bit too far."

"My goodness." Book was silent for a long moment. "That poor child. I take it the... uh... yearning I mentioned previously was hers?"

Jayne nodded, feeling more than a little embarrassed about that part of it. He'd never looked to inspire those particular feelings in anyone, let alone a girl of seventeen who would be far out of his class if she wasn't moon-brained crazy and a fugitive to boot. It felt kinda good, knowing she liked him that much, but it was nothing but trouble all the same. "And I felt it, in the dreams and all. But... I don't know if it _was_ me, feelin' all that, or if it was just part of her dream, you know? If that's what she wanted her imaginary me to feel, and she made me feel it too."

"What a mess." Book shook his head. "You do... feel what she wanted you to feel, then, whether on your own behalf or not?"

"I guess." He could've lived with it if it was just lust. Hell, he had enough of that for every woman he'd ever met wasn't kin or real old or somethin', with some extra left over to give the prettiest ones another round. It was the love part that got to him so bad. "'cept I don't know how to feel about it. There's a part of me wants to just tell her it'll all be okay, somehow, and another part that's real mad at her for messin' with my dreams and my feelings and all, and another part that just..." He gestured vaguely.

"That just what?"

"Just wants to not be tied down. Not to River, not to nobody. That's the part I mostly listen to, an' it's kept me alive and kicking this long." Jayne looked up at the bare board ceiling of the church. "That part's sayin' to just get off Serenity 'fore the trouble gets any worse... or pitch her and Simon off. Gotta get some distance before she pulls me down."

"If you did that, they would likely both be dead... or worse... within days."

Book was watching Jayne when he said that, and Jayne couldn't hide his flinch from that thought even though he knew Book was watching for it. River dead. The thought made him feel like he was bleeding somewhere inside, from that string she talked about that tied them together. "I know. 's why I ain't done it yet."

"And if you walk away, they may well die or be retaken as well. Mal has told me enough for me to know that there is more trouble coming to Serenity than any of you can imagine." Book looked deadly serious. "They will need you desperately."

That stung Jayne in a way he couldn't explain. "Well, so the hell what? What if they do? Ain't my trouble comin' down on us, weren't my idea to take on a pair of fugies in the first place, and I ain't the one sent her to that damned Academy in the first place! Ain't none of this my doing, and I don't gotta do a damned thing to keep the trouble from reaching them as made it!" He was on his feet, moving away from Book's too-knowing gaze. "She ain't my responsibility, gorrammit!"

"It's the responsibility that truly unsettles you, isn't it? The idea that others depend on you."

"Ain't nobody depends on me. Jayne Cobb looks out for Jayne Cobb and nobody else. Everybody knows that." The words rang hollow. He'd spent too long indulging River, looking out for Kaylee, talking to Book about nothing and everything. He might, perhaps, turn his back on the others without more than a twinge or two, but he'd let himself get all string-ful about those three, and now it was too late to drag himself away. That thought stung like a whip, and he found himself backing up against a wall, one hand on the reassuring weight of his gun.

Book looked startled. "It more than unsettles you," he said very quietly. "It actively terrifies you. What could be so frightening about being depended on?"

With concealment impossible, Jayne fell back on bluster. "Don't terrify me. Ain't nothin' scares me, 'cept Reavers maybe. It's just annoyin' as hell is all. Don't like havin' folk hanging off me like I owe them somethin' just 'cause I'm stronger than they are. I don't gotta protect nobody, I don't gotta take care of nobody, and I don't owe anyone anything. Only person I gotta look out for is me."

Book's eyebrows went up. "Is that so?"

"Hell yeah."

"Then why do you continue sending money to your family?"

That was a low blow. Jayne looked away. "That ain't the same."

Book was too good at reading people, and Jayne was no good at hiding his feelings when he was all shook up. "You left home when you were very young. Fifteen, I think."

"Nearly sixteen." And nearly sixteen was about as old as Jayne felt, with the preacher giving him that wise look.

"And the oldest of seven." Book frowned. "I can't imagine it was easy for your father to provide for seven children on what he earned as a welder."

"Only six, when I was gone." Jayne wondered if it was having his back up against the wall that made him feel so trapped.

"I see." Book looked at him, with eyes that saw far too much. "I would give you advice if I could, Jayne. But I'm afraid I see no clearer path out of this tangle than you do. I do not think you need fear any Special Hells - you have done nothing but give River what she wanted, and even that involuntarily. That girl deserves all the comfort she can find in her suffering."

Jayne nodded, swallowing hard. "I don't know what's right to do. You told me to do what's right, if I can't think of nothin' smarter, but I don't know what that is. Not in this."

"Neither do I." Book lowered his head, looking down at his age-gnarled hands. "Let me think on this a while, Jayne. I'll pray for both of you, and maybe God will help me to see a path for you."

Jayne nodded. "I ain't done anything to hurt her," he said, wanting to be sure Book knew that. "I mean, it upsets her that I'm mad, but I didn't do anything... you know... wrongful. Not in the dreams nor out."

Book nodded. "I believe you. I never thought you would harm the child, or I would have discouraged the time you spent together long ago."

"She ain't a child." Jayne frowned, not liking the sound of that. "She was, wouldn't none of this be a problem. I ain't like that."

"She is very young, Jayne."

"But not a child," Jayne said firmly. "She might be crazy still, but she's no kid. She was when she came on board, but now she... ain't. Can't explain it, but you ask 'Nara. She got growed up, somehow."

Book nodded. "I'll do that. For now, I think I need to discuss this with a higher authority."

Jayne glanced up at the cross up at the front of the church and nodded. "I'm _tryin'_ to do right," he told it, just in case. "This whole mess ain't my fault."

* * *

Mal found Book saying over a prayer, standing on a slope that looked down over the tiny 'town square' where people were relaxing after dinner. Jayne had gotten his hands on a guitar and was picking at it, looking uncommonly morose. Even Jayne was worried, seemed like.

"Forgive what you can, and send me on my path," Book murmured. "I will walk on until you give me rest."

Mal grinned, but his heart wasn't in it. "I hope that ain't for me, Shepherd." He missed it, suddenly. Missed the days when a prayer carried some weight, when he didn't know he was all alone in the 'verse.

"It's a prayer for the dead. For the men River killed in that bar. Jayne is certain that at least two of them would not have survived."

"I'm lucky she likes me. If she'd thrown that bottle at my face..." Mal rubbed his stomach, feeling the dull ache of a bruise still not more than half healed. "Weren't her fault, though. Wasn't her doing, what happened. Someone just decided they could reach out and take her mind for themselves."

"That they did." Book slanted a thoughtful look at him, raising an eyebrow. "You have a plan?"

Mal shrugged. "Hiding ain't a plan?"

Book mirrored his shrug. "It'll do you for a spell, and the folks here'll be glad of the extra coin."

Mal nodded, though he winced inwardly. A painfully large hunk of their takings from Lilac were going to Haven for the privilege of shelter here, and he had no idea when they'd find work again... or where it would even be safe for them to seek it. "But the Alliance'll be coming," he said quietly, his way of admitting to Book that he knew it and that he wouldn't stay around where the families of Haven would be harmed by it. "They're after this girl with a powerful will. I look to hear the tromp of their boots at any moment."

To his surprise Book shook that grey head. "You won't. This isn't a palms-up military run, Mal. No reports broadwaved, no warrants - much as they want her, they want her hid. That means closed file. Means an Operative, which is trouble the like of which you've not known."

Those were not words pleasing to Mal's ear, especially since this operative had most certainly got himself a good eyeful of Mal's pretty mug and was like to remember it. It'd be a he, of course. Women served in the Alliance military, but this wasn't the kind of thing civilized folk felt right on sending a woman to do. Which was outright stupid, of course - Zoe was, when you got down to it, a far more ruthless killer than Mal had ever been, as were most women took to that kind of life.

He was just distracting himself from the real issue, and he knew it. "I couldn't leave her. Even if I'd known the trouble I was calling down on us."

"I know. It's not your way."

"I have a way, now?" Mal made a humourless noise that might almost pass for a laugh. "Is that better than a plan?"

"You like to play at being a heartless thug, Mal, but you're not. Even Jayne isn't, for all he'd like everyone to believe it." Book looked down at Jayne, sitting by one of the fires and staring into it as he fiddled with a guitar. "There's more to both of you than you're ever like to 'fess."

Mal didn't especially like being lumped in with Jayne, and still less did he like Book acting as if he knew secrets about Mal. "You're just saying that 'cause my eyes is all sorrowful and pretty, and he's sitting there trying to look mournful insteada dead drunk."

Book smiled just a little. "Only one thing is gonna walk you through this, Mal. Belief."

"Sermons make me sleepy, Shepherd." Mal heard the tightness in his voice, but couldn't smooth it. God was still a raw place in what passed for Mal Reynolds' soul. "I ain't looking for help from on high. That's a long wait for a train don't come." Serenity Valley had learned him that one, and he wasn't like to ever forget.

Book sighed, like Mal was being particularly dim. "When I talk about belief, why do you always assume I'm talking about God?"

Mal blinked at him. He couldn't quite answer that beyond 'well, you're a Shepherd, ain't you?', which sounded silly.

"They'll come at you sideways. It's how they think; sideways. It's how they move. Sidle up and smile, hit you where you're weak. Sorta man they're like to send believes _hard_. Kills anyone, anywhere, and will not ask why."

Mal frowned. Good to know, that, and he filed it away... but he wondered how it was that Book knew this. He'd had hints before that Book wasn't just a simple Shepherd, but this was broader than most. "It's of interest to me how much you seem to know about that world."

Book smiled that enigmatic smile. "Wasn't born a Shepherd, Mal."

Mal snorted, having worked that one out for his own self. "Have to tell me about that sometime."

Book lost the smile and shook his head slowly. "No. I don't." He walked away, tossing one last word over his shoulder. "Sideways."

* * *

"Simon?" Book had found the boy dozing, sitting curled up in the store-room beside his sister. River's eyes were wide open, but she was staring into space and it was hard to tell if she was aware of Book's presence.

"Wha?" Simon's head jerked up. After a moment, his eyes seemed to focus and he mustered a tired smile. "Shepherd Book. Hello."

"You look exhausted. And hungry." Book smiled at him. "I thought I'd offer to sit with River for a spell while you go get yourself a meal and perhaps a little rest. I know Kaylee's set some food aside for you."

"That's... very kind." Simon tried to straighten up, and winced. "I'm not sure, though, she's been a bit... unsettled."

River's head turned, and she gave Book a long look. "The hair is restrained," she said, sounding vaguely approving.

Book lifted a hand to the cornrows he was still getting used to. "It can't pop out and scare you again," he agreed, smiling at her. "I promise."

"Hair doesn't decompose as fast as flesh. It will escape when you die," River said, her eyes going vacant again.

"She's been talking a lot about death lately." Simon stood up, pressing his hands to the small of his back. "Even Jayne can't figure out if she's talking about death that's already happened, that's going to happen, or that is happening now."

"Time circles. Everything that happens has happened and will happen." River pulled her knees up to her chest. "It's human nature."

Book laid a hand on Simon's shoulder. The young man looked deeply frightened as well as exhausted ."I'll take care of her. You go get something to eat. You'll do River no good if you collapse from hunger or exhaustion."

"Inanition," River said, taking a brief interest again.

Simon nodded. "I'll... thank you, Shepherd. I'll do that. If she... if she starts getting upset..."

"Jayne has told me what to do, more than once." Not today, of course, but Jayne _had_ walked Book through handling a disoriented or panicky River. "Go. We'll be fine."

River sat silently while Simon said goodbye to her, apparently unhearing. Only when the door was locked again and Book had eased himself down to sit on the floor beside her did she look around. "Jayne's mouth talks, and he won't look to it no matter how often the captain tells him."

"If by that you mean he confided in me, then yes." Book leaned back against the wall. "He is sadly confused, and feels himself in need of guidance."

River sighed, squirming around to lie on her back, staring up at the ceiling with her knees still pulled up to her chest. "I robbed him of his certainty. Made him doubt his truths." Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes and slid down into her hair. "I was bad."

"You weren't bad," Book said firmly, reaching out to touch her thin arm. It struck him that this, at least, was something Jayne and River had in common - touch soothed them, and they constantly handled and smelled and even tasted everything within reach. "River, I know you didn't mean to wander in to Jayne's dreams. You just wanted to get away from your nightmares, didn't you?"

More tears followed the first. "My stone kept my nightmares away and I broke it. Bad and ungrateful."

"Your stone?"

"A tortoise. Hard and calloused outside, with a shell that looks like stone. Inside there's warmth and life." River turned onto her side. "I creep in under the shell and I am protected for a while. But now I've been pushed away and they found me again." Her tears trickled down her small nose. "She's bringing a storm down on us, and Mal's afraid that he won't survive it."

Book wondered whose stray thought had just issued from her mouth. Jayne had told him once that he thought River spoke the words of others when she started talking about herself in the third person. "The storm is coming, River, and there is no denying it. But storms can be weathered."

She curled up tighter. "He comes, soft and quiet, but it's all deceit. He'll drain the blood from them all and I'll hear their screams when they die for me." She whimpered. "And their screams still won't drown out the ones who don't scream at all... nothing shuts them out, nothing..."

"The Operative." Book closed his eyes. "You sense him."

"He calls my name, he speaks to my image..." River shuddered. "His thoughts are poisoned with faith in an ideal that exists only in his mind."

Book nodded. "He will be... difficult to shake off. He will be determined."

River sat up in a single fluid motion, looking at him with eyes that saw far too much. "You were too old."

Book had hoped she would never hear those thoughts, but it would be a wicked thing to try to lie to a child already so confused about where reality lay. "When they first started the Operative program, yes. I was too old."

"But you knew about it. You saw how it started."

"It started the way everything started, even the Alliance itself. With good intentions." Book shook his head. "Do you know where good intentions can lead, River?"

"Fire." River touched her fingertips to her forehead for some reason. "Bad places and needles in my brain to make me better."

"Exactly so." Book shook his head. "If anyone can face down an Operative successfully, it will be Mal Reynolds. He has the same force of belief, even though he won't yet admit it to himself."

River leaned back against the wall, her face suddenly serene and distant. "I'll have no-one die for me. He thinks it will happen, but it won't. I won't permit it."

Book stared at her, unease pricking at him. "How will you stop it?"

"Early lies become late truths, if they must." River looked away.

She had lied to Early about surrendering herself to him. Book shuddered. "River, that is not the answer."

She smiled a little. "Jayne and Simon would be safe. Serenity would be safe."

"No, they wouldn't. They'd come after you, you know they would." He struggled to find words to dissuade her from her foolish plan.

She turned her head to look at him, her eyes horrifyingly vacant. "If I die, the screaming will stop. They'll be safe."

"And Jayne will never know if he's capable of loving someone unselfishly," Book said quietly. "He cannot face even the idea of your death without flinching, River. If you die, you will hurt him far more than a year of dreams could do."

She blinked, seeming somehow closer to the surface. "I don't want to hurt Jayne."

"Then you must not die, or give yourself over to the Operative." Book tried to hold her eyes. "Simon would be heartbroken and Jayne... I truly believe that this is the closest he's come to allowing himself to love since he left his family. If you die now, I do not think he will ever do so again."

River frowned. "He doesn't want me."

"He's afraid and uncertain." Book knew he should not, strictly speaking, tell any part of what Jayne had told him or what he had observed during the conversation. But he believed that Jayne would forgive him if it kept River from killing herself to protect him. "That isn't the same thing."

River leaned forward, resting her chin on her knees. "Then I won't go," she said seriously.

"Good. Maybe - "

"Shh. I must formulate a plan and it's so hard to concentrate when you're noisy."

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit


	10. Chapter 10: What I Owe To You

**Chapter 10: What I Owe To You**

* * *

When River fell asleep, she found herself in a classroom.

She remembered it. The teacher was Professor Rao. Everyone else in the class was twelve - River was nine. The class was held in one of the Garden Classrooms, an airy white pavilion open on all sides to the school's beautiful gardens.

There was a planet on Professor Rao's screen. River didn't recognize it. But that was wrong, all wrong, she'd memorized the appearance and orbits and general specs of every known planet by the time she was seven. She _had_ to know it.

Rao looked at her, and just for a moment her face looked like something long-dead. "River? River, you look tired. I think everyone's a little tired by now. Why don't we all lie down?"

River ran. She ran from the classroom full of eerily silent children who lay down on the floor and became corpses. She ran from the park, and from the bodies, and from her own mind.

She ran to the only refuge from her madness she had ever found.

She found herself walking down a street in a city she didn't know, still the child who had fled Rao's class. The city was big and noisy and dirty, and looking up she saw high smoke-stacks rising above the city to her left.

"Hey! Hey, you lost?"

It wasn't the voice she'd expected, but a girl about her own age. She had curly brown hair and blue eyes, and she smiled kindly at River. "You from one of the new families? Came off the _Brigadoon_ last week?"

"Yes," River said, because she was lost even if she wasn't from a family.

"You shouldn't be walkin' round here alone." That voice was strange-familiar, and she looked around to see a gangly boy of thirteen or fourteen hurrying towards them. Jayne looked annoyed, and he had two other girls - one about twelve, one no more than seven - trailing behind him. "Cailey, you know you're 'sposed to wait for me to come get you."

"But she's lost," Cailey said seriously. "She's from one of the new families, Jayne, and she don't know her way around yet."

The adolescent Jayne looked at River and frowned. "Ain't you got no pa or brother to walk you back safe?"

River shook her head. "My brother went away to school," she said, because when she'd been nine it had been true. "He's going to be a doctor."

"Huh." Jayne shrugged, dismissing Simon. "Well, you can walk with us if you want. We go almost all the way to the new housing estate."

"Thank you." River bit her lip, determined not to cry.

Cailey beamed, taking her hand. "I'm Cailey. What's your name?"

"River."

"That's pretty." Cailey nodded. "That's my brother Jayne. He don't go to school, but he comes and walks me an' Lisey and Sora home every day 'cause it ain't safe. He complains about it all the time." She rolled her eyes. "Big brothers are so bossy."

"Mine is, sometimes." River looked at Lisey, the smallest one. She would die soon, River knew without knowing how she knew. Jayne would wish he hadn't swatted her away when she tried to hold his hand, which he did as River watched.

By the time they rounded a corner into a street full of tall, thin houses built of grimy concrete blocks, the terror of her own nightmare had almost faded. She felt guilty for breaking her promise to Jayne, but she'd been too frightened to think.

"This is our house. You should come and play sometime." Cailey pointed at a house with a door painted faded red. "There's lots of us. Jayne's the oldest, an' the youngest is Bella, and she's two. But Mama's gonna have another baby soon, and then there'll be eight of us. How many brothers and sisters do you have?"

"Just my brother." River looked up at the house. It was dirty and old, but it felt... nice. Secure, like a fortress for the family.

"That must get lonely. You can come over and play any time." Cailey smiled at her. "Do you know your way now?"

River shook her head. "I never came this way before," she said, which was true in its way.

"Oh, it's easy. You just go right down to the end of the street and turn left, then keep walking until you see the sign with the big yellow fish. Turn right there, and you'll see the new houses." Cailey beamed. "You can't get lost from here."

"And how do you know that? You ain't supposed to go down that way, Cailey, it's too near the docks." Jayne had shooed his other sisters into the house and was now glaring at them with an expression River remembered Simon's classmates wearing when he introduced her to them. Adolescent males confronted with little girls all seemed to affect the same lordly exasperation.

"Well, River hasta get home someways," Cailey said, not in the least intimidated. "And I know 'cause Mama took me shopping with her to help carry, so there."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Girls," he said, in tones of infinite disgust. "Cailey, you git inside. I'll take River home... just this one time!" he added quickly. "And only 'cause Ma'd have my hide off if I didn't."

"Okay." Cailey nodded. "Bye, River! I'll see you!" She ran into the house, leaving River alone with Jayne.

He prodded her along the street, and they walked in silence for a little way. "You're not supposed to be here," he said abruptly.

"I know." She looked down at her feet. Her polished school-shoes looked out of place on the grimy concrete. "I was scared. I was at school and everyone was dead and they wouldn't make a sound."

Jayne grunted, and after a minute she felt his bony hand wrap comfortingly around hers. "Seems to me it'd be scarier if they did."

She shook her head, clinging gratefully to his hand. "It's worse when they're silent. When they just lie down, instead of crying or fighting or saying goodbye..."

He nodded. "Is that why you're all little? Because you were dreaming you were?"

"I don't know." She looked up at the grey-tinged blue sky. "I'm scared to wake up. It's all still there when I wake up."

"Ain't no hurry, I guess." He looked down at her. "It's better this way. Not as complicated."

"Because I'm little." She understood what he meant. "No kissing and all."

"Yeah." He shrugged... and then he stopped. "That's weird."

"What?" River didn't want any more weird. Jayne's home had been reassuringly normal until now.

"Up there." He pointed with his free hand.

River looked. The yellow fish was there, as Cailey had said. But the screen set into its side showed not the usual advertising, but a silent, unfamiliar planet.

River screamed, and went on screaming as Jayne's hand was torn away and she was pulled into wakefulness once again.

* * *

They left Haven two days later. Mal was increasingly worried about the Operative, and inclined to want to find shelter somewhere more secure and less populated by old folk and children.

Before they left, though, Book had pulled Jayne aside. "May I have a word, Jayne? I won't keep you long."

Jayne followed him into the church again. "Done your thinkin', Shepherd?"

Book nodded. "Watch River carefully," he said quietly. "I believe I've talked her out of it for now, but on your first night she suggested to me that the easiest way to resolve this would be for her to turn herself over to those hunting her. So that you and Simon would be safe."

"That's crazy talk!" Jayne had to fight to keep his voice relatively quiet. "She can't be thinkin' that, not after what they done to her! She knows what they'd do, she _knows_..."

"She did not intend to be taken alive, or so I believe." Book looked haunted. "I only convinced her that the idea was unfeasible by telling her that it would cause you and Simon great pain. She was adamant that she did not want to hurt you, especially."

"You didn't say nothin' about what I told you, did you?"

"Only that you had spoken to me, which she already knew. And that I knew she had not meant harm." Book shook his head. "Of course, with River, that doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't know."

Jayne scowled. "Yeah." He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I had another dream that night. It was... different. She was a little kid... 'bout eight or nine. I dreamed I was walkin' my sisters home from school, and River was there too. When I got rid of the rest she said she ran away from a bad dream where she was at school and everyone was dead."

Book nodded. "Do you think her nightmare has any bearing on the source of her madness? This 'Miranda' that Mal told me about?"

"Could be." Jayne frowned, trying to remember. "Two things I remember that were weird. She was talkin' about death again, like she keeps on doing, and she said something about them bein' silent. Not screamin' or cryin' or saying goodbye, just... quiet. Seemed to scare her real bad."

Book frowned. "That does sound as if it might be important, but I can't imagine how. What was the other thing?"

"There was a planet on a vid-screen. I didn't recognize it." Jayne shook his head. "Soon's she saw it, though, she started screamin' her lungs out and I woke up."

"She woke up screaming for you that night," Book said quietly. "She cried and would not be comforted."

Jayne looked down at his feet. It had taken all his willpower not to run off looking for her when he woke up, those terrified screams still ringing in his ears. River had been even smaller and more vulnerable as a child, hardly bigger than Lisey for all she was older. It made it even harder for him to remember that he was angry with her. "The nightmares are gettin' worse."

Book nodded. "Jayne, listen to me. I have sought guidance from both God and my own experience of life... which, as you know, is not so limited as it might be."

"You ain't no sheltered lamb, Shepherd, that's for damn sure."

"Then believe me," Book said quietly. "I know that you fear responsibility. I know that you are wary of allowing anyone to make you vulnerable. But River loves you enough to be willing to sacrifice her life and any remaining shreds of her sanity to protect you. And I do not think you would be on your way to any Hell, Special or otherwise, if you returned her feelings. If you took advantage of them without reciprocating, or betrayed her trust... then yes. For that you would deserve any punishment an eternity can provide." He rested a hand on Jayne's shoulder. "But whatever you choose, choose it soon," he said more quietly still, looking grieved and very, very old.

Jayne nodded. Book didn't have to say it. River was marked, and likely Jayne was too. Odds were good they didn't have long. For himself, Jayne was more than a little inclined to let the whole question slide, since getting himself killed somehow would at least mean he didn't have to either hurt her or risk getting hurt himself. But River...

She'd suffered so much. A small, unselfish part of him that rarely got listened to was telling him that the least he could ruttin' do was give her a little happiness before she got killed or too crazy to remember who he was.

The bigger, angrier part told it to shut it. The least he could do was no gorram thing. River was Simon's responsibility, not his. He didn't owe her anything. Didn't owe _anyone_ anything. Twenty years of running from anything resembling responsibility, twenty years of telling himself that his freedom counted more than anything else, bore down on that little unselfish part and crushed it into silence.

He turned away from Book without a word.

* * *

"Inara?" Wash stuck his head into the galley. "Wave for you."

"Who from?" Inara had been having a quiet cup of tea, feeling almost maternal as she watched Simon and Kaylee talk quietly over a half-forgotten game of dominoes. Simon was still moving far more slowly than Kaylee would like, but Inara thought that patience had paid off. He was at least letting Kaylee comfort him and raise his spirits when he wasn't with River.

Who was still locked in the store-room. Inara had tried to reason with Mal, but he'd been insistent. Jayne had tried making demands, which hadn't worked either. River barely seemed aware that she _was_ locked up. There were times when Inara wasn't even sure River knew she was on Serenity, or if anyone was with her.

"It's from Sheydra - she ran the school, didn't she?"

"And I assume she still does." Inara frowned. "I'll take it in my shuttle. And... Wash? Tell Mal and watch from the cockpit. Sheydra and I were never close, and it seems strange that she'd contact me now."

"Will do." Wash nodded and disappeared.

Sparing a mechanically reassuring smile for Simon and Kaylee, Inara hurried to her shuttle. She took a moment to make sure her hair was neat and her simple blue gown unspotted, but she knew her appearance would shock Sheydra anyway. The gown, though a soft raw silk pleasant on the skin, was simple and loosely cut. Her hair was loose and unstyled. She wore no makeup, and only her trained grace and practiced smile still hinted at her former profession.

"Inara, are you all right?" Sheydra's first words were precisely as Inara had predicted. "You look exhausted, dear, have you been ill?"

"Just a busy few weeks, Sheydra, that's all. I'm feeling perfectly well." Inara smiled another automatic smile, watching Sheydra's face closely.

Her former classmate was upset. No outsider would have been able to tell, but Inara knew Sheydra well enough to know what it meant when her speech was a hint faster than usual and her words peppered with endearments. "That's a relief, dearest... you were so distraught when you came to us, and then _retiring_... well, I've been more than a little worried about you. You're sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine." Inara decided to offer a little bait, just a very little. Mal's influence, she was sure, showing her hand to get a response. "One of the girls - the younger one - has been ill. It's worried us all, and I imagine it's starting to show." She touched her temple lightly, as if worried that lines might be forming around her eyes. "Do I look that awful?"

"Not at all, dear, just tired." Sheydra smiled - but not a sincere smile. The professionally-unforced smile of a Companion. "Although speaking of the girls... I'm worried, Inara. There's been some local trouble... the usual thing, fussing about immorality and so on. It's upset our girls, and I'm worried that there might be some real danger to them. We're such a long way away from the rest of the Guild here."

Trap. Inara could hear Mal's voice whisper it in the back of her mind. "I can't promise anything, of course, but Captain Reynolds has just finished his last cargo run. I'm almost certain he'd be willing to take on a job at my request, and he's quite good at settling... local trouble." Inara smiled brightly, her voice taking on a confiding tone. "And Jayne... the mercenary I mentioned... is getting positively sulky over having nobody to shoot at."

Sheydra laughed musically. "The lout who's having a romance with his gun? Yes, I remember. Well, I can't deny he'd be useful, but perhaps you might hold him in reserve just at first? I don't want him frightening the girls... or giving them inappropriate ideas, either."

"He might, at that. He's very... masculine." Inara's smile was genuine this time, just imagining the horrified reaction she was sure was going on in the cockpit. "I'll talk to Captain Reynolds. If he agrees, perhaps he and I might come down and discuss the situation with you in person?"

"That would be wonderful, Inara, thank you." Sheydra smiled again. "I look forward to seeing you."

Inara made her goodbyes and signed off. Then she sat motionless, waiting. Less than a minute later, the door opened.

"So..." Mal said, and she turned to see him smiling his crooked, it's-all-going-to-hell smile. "Trap?"

"I'm afraid so."

"A trap rigged with a couple of dozen girls in their teens who have no idea how much danger they're in or how to protect themselves from it?"

"Exactly."

"Oh, this'll be fun."

She couldn't help smiling at his disgruntled expression. "Well, you do always like to meet them first."

"That's true. Can't be shooting at a man I don't know. It'd be rude."

* * *

River had wedged herself into the angle of the store-room's ceiling. Perspective was key. If she looked down instead of up, perhaps clarity would be easier to find.

Wash was reading. She could taste his tinny worry, but ignored it as much as possible. He was at least being quiet - once she'd explained that she required silence in order to invent a trap for smiling tigers, he'd considerately taken out a book and left her in peace. Wash was always kind.

Looking down had helped. The view from above was always clearer than the view from below or to the side. Patterns were easier to see. "Jayne," she said firmly.

Wash looked up from his book. "I think it's Simon's turn next, actually."

"Jayne _now_." River glared at him. Single words were easier to get out than sentences.

"I'll see if he's around. Uh... why?" Wash stood up, tilting his head back to look her in the eye.

"Opportunity knocks once, and I will have its skull for a supper-bowl if it eats Daddy, but trapping it alive may mean more than a useful pelt and bones." River frowned and shook her head. She knew what she meant, but clearly Wash didn't. "_Jayne_."

"Right. Got it." Wash banged on the store-room door, and River heard Simon open it. "She wants Jayne. Now."

"Why?" Simon sounded puzzled, and River rolled her eyes.

"She's trying to say something and I have no idea what it is." Wash understood, and River allowed herself a small sigh of relief. "Jayne can usually figure it out, though, so go get him. I think it might be important and with Mal sure this call from Worthington is a trap..."

"I'll get him." Simon went away.

Two-point-six minutes later, Jayne ducked into the store-room. He'd been avoiding her since they left Haven, except when it was his turn to sit with her. Even then he'd been distant, with Book's face and a strangling, frightening weight on his chest coming up behind his eyes whenever he looked at her. River was beginning to regret not hitting Book when she'd had the chance. Clearly he'd said _something_ to upset Jayne further, and it wasn't helping her clarity at all.

"Where..." Jayne looked around, and then looked up. "You worried about the light seein' you again?"

"The light seeing her?" Wash trickled thin, sticky puzzlement.

"That's what it was last time she was on the ceiling."

"Perspective is key. To observe from above is enlightening." River's hair was swaying like seaweed as it hung down from her head. It was distracting. "Wash's head is a pitcher with ears for handles."

"She said - "

"Go away and stop listening. That I did get." Wash grinned. "Before you came in, she said... uh..." He frowned, trying to remember the exact words. "'Opportunity knocks only once, and I'll have its skull for a supper-bowl if it eats Daddy, but trapping it alive may get us more than a pelt and bones.' Something like that. And I'm going away now." He shut the door behind him and locked it. They were all still careful about that.

Jayne was silent for a moment. "Okay, that one's got me stumped. I mean, I guess you figure the Operative's down there - whatever that is - and if we catch him it'll be useful for more'n just a body. But I don't get the supper-bowl bit."

"You will. Mal and Inara just left." River slid down from the ceiling to land in front of him. "We have to go now."

He blinked. "Go where?"

"To the school. The tiger is smiling behind Sheydra's skirts and will pounce, and if he is not intercepted he will claw blood and secrets from them until they die." She took a deep breath. "I left Boadicea in the Maidenhead."

"I got her." Jayne had clearly forgotten all about that, but he offered the reassurance honestly. "I wasn't leavin' without Boo and the others, and I made Mal get Boadicea too. You had the claim-tag right in your pocket."

She hadn't even noticed, lost in the horror of returning madness. "I must go unarmed. I'm not to be trusted." She took his hand. "But we have to go, and you must do as I say. I have a plan, and I'm smarter than Mal."

"So the plan might actually work, crazy or no crazy." He frowned. "I'll get in big trouble if I let you out."

"But Mal and Inara will be alive. Serenity is a bundle of sticks, strong only when united. If we are broken one by one we are weakened as a whole." River looked up at him, pleading with him silently to understand. "Please, Jayne. I'm crazy, I know I'm crazy, but I can see the paths of the future like spider's webbing and I'm nearly sure that this one has the best chance of survival at the end of it. Nearly sure. Except the other, but Book says I can't take that one because it would hurt you."

She felt pain flicker inside him, and knew Book had told him about her aborted plan. "That one ain't no good," he said shortly. "This one... well, I guess it's what we got. I still can't fly a shuttle, though."

"I can. If you can keep me focused until we land."

* * *

Mal knew something was wrong. The school was a shade too quiet, and he saw no students outside despite the cool, clear autumn day. "Definitely a trap," he murmured, tucking his hand under Inara's elbow in his best imitation of a lovestruck suitor.

Which he was, in a way. He just didn't usually advertise it.

"There are nearly thirty girls in training here," Inara whispered. "River's age or younger. Sheydra said they might be in danger, and I don't think she was lying about that part."

"Neither do I." Mal grinned suddenly. "Think she was really worried about them bein' overcome by Jayne's manliness?"

"I would be, in her place. You may not see it, Mal, but there's a certain appeal in unbridled masculinity. It's very... challenging." Inara couldn't help grinning at his faintly nauseated expression. "They are adolescent girls. Subtlety isn't their strongest point as yet."

"Still." Mal shuddered theatrically. "Jayne? Fearsome thought."

"Inara!" Sheydra appeared at the top of a flight of stairs, hurrying down just a shade too quickly. Mal knew damned well that a Companion was trained never to appear hurried or ungraceful, even when running. "I'm so glad you're here. I didn't dare hope you'd come so quickly."

"Sheydra, are you all right?" Inara clasped her friend's hand, sweet concern in her voice.

"Yes, yes, of course. I'm fine. It's just - "

"It's just that there's an Alliance Operative here, likely threatened your girls to make you bring us here," Mal said very quietly.

Sheydra paled. "I don't - "

"It's all right," Inara said just as quietly. "We knew. But we wouldn't let anything hurt the girls if we can help it. I assume he wants us brought to him?"

Sheydra nodded jerkily. "He's in my study."

"Well, sounds simple enough." Mal spoke heartily, and just a little more loudly than usual. "Why don't we head on up to your study and talk it over?"

Sheydra gave him a grateful look, and Inara squeezed his arm. He would sacrifice the girls if he had to, of course - his own crew had to come first. But he'd protect them as far as he was able, and not just because it made Inara happy with him.

They were led into the study, and then... nice flair for the dramatic... a tall man stepped through the other door. Big fellow, Mal noted, moving with the same easy stride that Jayne did sometimes. Lot of muscle, good physical control. He was much darker-skinned than Zoe or Book, with a face that had the expressionless look of habitual impassiveness - leavened just now with a faint hint of a smile. "I must say, Captain, I'm somewhat disappointed. I thought you would be more difficult to draw to me."

Mal smiled thinly. "You'd be the Operative, then," he said, and a slight flicker of the eyelids was all the proof the other man gave that he was right. "Well, since you extended such a gracious and relatively un-bloodstained invitation and all, seemed as I might as well stop by and say hello."

"I see. A wise move, Captain." The Operative inclined his head. "I do hope we can continue to address this situation like civilized men."

"Oh, so do I." Mal glanced at Sheydra, who was pale and trembling. "For example, releasing the girls and their teachers unharmed now that they've served their purpose. As an indication of good faith, you understand."

"But of course." The Operative nodded. "I do apologize for the inconvenience, ma'am. My men and I will be vacating the premises as soon as my conversation with Captain Reynolds concludes."

"Thank you." Sheydra turned and fled. Mal wasn't sure if that meant the Operative was even more dangerous than he feared, or if Inara's cool courage in the face of danger was unique among her former sisters.

Mal guided Inara to a seat. A polite nothing of a gesture, but it put her within arm's reach of a poker which should make a decent enough weapon, and let him move between her and the Operative. "So. You've made something of an effort to get me here, without undue fuss or bloodshed. Since you didn't just shoot me when I walked in here, I'll take it as you want to talk. All right. Let's hear it."

"All business, Captain Reynolds. I respect that." The Operative pressed his fingertips together, staying on his feet just as Mal did. "I will be forthright, then. I think you're beginning to understand how dangerous River Tam really is."

Mal shrugged. "She is a mite unpredictable. Mood swings, of a sort."

"It's worse than you know."

Mal almost laughed at that. If the Operative thought to scare him with that, he didn't know much about Mal or pretty much the entirety of Mal's life to date. "It usually is."

"That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship," the Operative said very seriously, upping the intensity of his tone a notch or two. He was good, very, but Mal had been serving with Zoe Alleyne - and then Zoe Washburne - for too long. Used as he was to listening for the tiniest variations in pitch and tone, the Operative might as well have been shouting. "She is an albatross, Captain."

"Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck 'til some idiot killed it." Mal didn't even have to look at Inara to know she was making a face. "Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint."

The Operative nodded, conceding the point. "I've seen your war record. I know how you must feel about the Alliance."

That was a new tack, and one Mal was happier about, although there was no happiness in his voice. "You really don't."

"Fair to say." The Operative inclined his head, and Mal suppressed a frown. The man was making too many concessions early on, trying to lull Mal into the mistaken belief that they were two reasonable men. Mal had used this trick before, and he wasn't like to be taken in by it now. "But I have to hope you understand that you can't beat us."

Mal looked the man in the eye and gave him the honest truth. The Truth that the Browncoats had fought themselves to bloody rags for, and the Alliance had never, ever been able to understand. "I got no need to beat you. I just want to go my way."

"And you can do that - once you let me take River Tam back home." The Operative moved slightly, strolling across Sheydra's fine carpet, and Mal moved with him. Staying between him and Inara.

Mal opened his mouth to continue the verbal fencing... give the Operative a little touch of the rogue, perhaps, put him off balance... but the thought came to him sudden that that ruse wouldn't work. "Why?"

The Operative's eyelids flickered again. Mal had surprised him. Good. "What do you mean, why?"

"Well, I personally consider it unlikely that you've gone to all this trouble to stage a tearful reunion with Mother and Father Tam, but I could be wrong. Alternatively, you could be tryin' to take her back to that experimentin' place she escaped from, or you could be working for some rival facility wants her, or you could just be plannin' to kill her outright and be done. Maybe it's just my past shady business dealings talking, but I have learned the hard way never to just hand over a dangerous cargo without askin' what it's wanted for, just in case it might be turned on me someday."

The Operative inclined his head. "I assure you that River Tam will never reappear to turn on you, Captain. As to the rest... I need her, Captain. River is my purpose and I will gather her to me. The brother as well. That is all you need to know, and whatever else happens is incidental in the greater scheme. Should you put them in my hands and leave, then you need never think on this matter again."

Mal looked into the man's eyes. He was almost convinced that he meant it.

"Your approach is flawed. All wrong. You must begin again."

Oh, no. Oh, God, Buddha, and holy space monkeys, no...

River moved silently through the same door that the Operative had entered by. She was wearing one of her loose flowing dresses - the pink one with the little white flowers, Mal noted absently - and her hair was tousled around her face. She had her creepy little smile on, and her eyes were wide and fixed.

"Why is my approach flawed?" the Operative asked, his eyes widening slightly but his voice carrying no hint of surprise.

"You should ask me first." River tilted her head and stared at him. "If you want to take me away. Approaching the father before the daughter to ask her hand is improper, and is sure to lead to refusal."

"Approaching the what?" Mal asked weakly. For a wonder, he'd actually understood what River was saying - but he still didn't get it.

"He brought me to life," River said, smiling at the Operative. "Woke me within Serenity's belly. Rebirth alters familial parameters, do you see?"

"Yes, I see." The Operative's voice was almost gentle. "You are very fond of Captain Reynolds, aren't you, River?"

"Yes." For the first time River looked Mal in the eye, and his heart damn near broke at the grieved expression that flickered across her face and was gone. "River's first father let them take her away and torture her and did nothing to save her. He was angry when Simon tried to rescue her. The Captain protects her, though she is not his flesh. He is better. She favours him over the other."

"Oh, River..." Inara sounded as if she were crying, but Mal couldn't force himself to look away from River even for a second. "Baby, you shouldn't be here."

She shouldn't be here. Mal had gone to great lengths to ensure that she wouldn't be, and someone had set them all to naught. And it was worse, now that she'd said what she'd said and looked at him the way she had. He _had_ woken her, there in Serenity's hold, and waking someone from cryo was pretty damned close to bringing them to life. He could see the sense it had made in her crazy mind, when she'd realized that the crew were already half family and tried to fit herself into it because she was frightened and lonely and she knew that Simon was almost as young and scared and lost as she was, so he couldn't protect her, not really, but Mal could...

She looked at him again, and Mal's throat tightened and his jaw clenched so hard he felt his teeth shift in their sockets. She looked so small and sad, and he wished she'd told him before. A man should _know_ he has a daughter, not be left to think himself merely a captain until it was too late to say anything or protect her the way he ought.

"I don't want him to die," River said, pointing at Mal as she turned back to the Operative. "And he would never give me up. Certainly not to one whose proposal is so poorly presented." She gave the Operative a disapproving look. "And you may not take Simon. I want that understood at once."

"I am afraid I have no choice. My mission is to take both of you, and I will not fail in it."

"Your mission is to silence the silent secret." River laughed, an eery high-pitched giggle. "You don't know it, but it's quieter than you can imagine. Empty, silent dead... it drove me mad, you know. Do you want to know what it is?"

"No. It is not my place to know."

River stepped back, and the Operative stepped forward, maintaining the distance between them. "I didn't tell Simon," she said softly. "I didn't tell anyone. Even when I found the words, when I began to speak with my mouth again without screaming, I hid it away inside me. It made me crazy. If I told them, it would make them crazy too."

The Operative nodded. "I believe you. Nevertheless, I am required to take Simon also. I promise you that I have no intention of hurting your Captain, or any other member of the crew - but I will do so if you force me to."

River tilted her head again, and lifted her hand to stroke the Operative's cheek lightly. "You've been calling me. I heard you."

"Yes. I've been looking for you for quite some time now." He had the effrontery to smile at her. "I'm glad I've found you at last."

"Yes. And you won't kill anyone now that you have me. The blue hands liked to kill everyone who saw me, but you know you don't have to do that." River patted his cheek again, then put her hand in his and drew him into a corner beside the door she'd left open. "Shhh... I'll tell you what happened to them, but you mustn't tell. It's a special secret."

"So you were the one. I wondered, when they were never found." The Operative nodded, leaning forward confidentially. "Tell me what you did, River."

"I had a secret. They didn't know I had it, but it saved me." River had a disturbingly sly look on her face. "I'll tell you, if you promise to be kind to Simon. You can't hurt him."

"I promise that I will cause Simon no unnecessary pain," the Operative said gravely. "That is all I can offer."

"And you won't hurt the Captain or Serenity? She's my mother now, you know."

Mal's fists were clenched so tightly that he thought he could feel the bones creak. Just let her distract him a little more...

"I won't hurt them unless they attack me."

Inara's hands closed bruisingly hard around Mal's arm as he tried to step forward and pulverize the man for daring to look at River that way, as if he actually cared about her pain. He looked back at Inara and she shook her head, gesturing at the door... which was perhaps open a little more than it had been before? Just a little?

"Then I'll tell you." River smiled sweetly. "My stone helped me kill them."

"Your stone?" The Operative frowned very slightly. "I don't understand."

River's smile widened. "Jayne."

The frown deepened. "Jayne? Do you mean Jay-"

Vera's butt cracked sharply against the side of the Operative's skull. He hit the floor limp and rolled a little as Jayne stepped through the door. "Huh. Some super secret operative guy. Didn't even hear me comin'."

"I told you it would work if you took your boots off." River smiled at Jayne's feet, which were as bare as hers.

"Okay... first, what the hell?" Mal found his voice again.

"Explanations later. We must take our prize and flee before his minions come to gather him up." River smiled at him. "We rescued you, and now we have a prisoner."

"A pris - no! We are not taking that _hun dan_ on Serenity!"

"We have to. He'll start killing if we don't." River knelt to stroke the Operative's short hair as if he were a cat. Without warning, she dug her nails in and clawed the side of his face from hairline to chin. "He's wicked. Mustn't be let to walk the worlds."

Jayne's head turned. "Someone's comin'. Time to go."

Mal had a dozen things he wanted to say and no time for any of them. "I will see you two back on Serenity, and then I _will_ want an accounting!" Inara pulled him away as Jayne knelt to sling the Operative's unconscious body over his shoulders.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit


	11. Chapter 11: What I Choose To Give

**Chapter 11: What I Choose To Give**

* * *

"I'm impressed."

By the time Mal and Inara's shuttle reached Serenity, River and Jayne's was already there. Even as Inara docked, a half-dozen Cry-Babies were ejected from the airlock, rewired to simulate Serenity's navsat trajectory instead of that of a passenger ship or a personnel-carrier. By the time the shuttle door was open, Wash was already accelerating away from Worthington.

Approximately three minutes later, everyone was back in the infirmary, this time to examine the unconscious Operative. Mal was wondering what to say first, who to say it to, and whether or not to shout it. Simon was prodding at the side of the Operative's head, looking at his scan things and making doctorly noises. "This really is quite impressive," he said again. "Very nice, Jayne."

Jayne shrugged, looking pleased. "Hittin' folk is one of my best things."

"And a skilled and delicate hobby it is," Wash said, smirking.

"Actually, it is. This is very precise work." Simon lifted one of the Operative's eyelids. "Jayne, how long would you say he should be unconscious from the time you struck him?"

"About an hour. Forty-five minutes, if his head's harder'n usual. Why? Can't your scans and stuff tell you?"

"Oh, yes. I just wondered if you knew." Simon actually smiled at Jayne. "You're right on the money, by the way. He'll be out for about another half-hour and he'll have a concussion, but not a serious one, and would recover completely without medical supervision. You hit him exactly hard enough to render him unconscious without damaging anything important."

Jayne smirked at Wash, whose mouth was slightly open. "Any moron can hit someone on the head," he said loftily. "But knowin' how long they'll be out and if their brains'll be scrambled when they wake up, that's harder."

"Lockin' this one in the store-room isn't going to be enough, though... 'specially since it wasn't enough even for one bitty crazy person." Mal glared at River. "I told you to stay in there, young lady."

"The tiger would have eaten you," River said, sidling behind Jayne and peeking out at Mal.

"He would not. I coulda taken - "

"No. You couldn't." River wrapped her hands around Jayne's arm and glared at the man on the exam bed. Who had acquired several new claw-marks on the trip back, by the look of him. "He has been broken and remade into the shape of a man, but he is a tool."

"Like you, you mean?" Jayne looked down at her sharply. "Broken up and... changed, inside?"

River made a dismissive noise. "Lower level. Inadequate to true challenges. Needed special ones, young ones, to be the best."

"So he's a lesser version of what you woulda been if Simon hadn't saved you?" Today was not Mal's day for good news. "So how do we keep him from killin' us all in our sleep?"

"I think I can help with that." Simon examined the body thoughtfully. "His metabolism has been improved, but I can put in a chemical block to immobilise him at least temporarily." He grinned suddenly. "Jayne can tell you how effective that is."

Jayne scowled. "Couldn't move a gorram finger for over an hour. And my spine was _fine_, you was just mad at me."

"Well, yes. I was." Simon's grin widened. "Long-term usage can cause physical deterioration, but I can keep it up for a couple of weeks without doing him any harm. No matter how good he is, he does need to be able to move to kill us, right?"

"Yes." River seemed to suddenly realize she was clinging onto Jayne, and she drew away hastily to go put her arms around Inara's waist. "Are you all right? Did he frighten you?"

"Not nearly as much as _you_ frightened me," Inara said, drawing River's head down on her shoulder. "Don't you ever do something like that again, River, not ever. What if he'd taken you away?"

"He would have killed me to keep the secret," River said simply. "He didn't want to hurt me or Simon. No pain, no needles. Just the sword, and then nothing. He's not like Early. He doesn't like to hurt people." Her face twisted. "He just obeys orders."

Mal recognized that disdain, and knew his face was mirroring hers. He had seen too many atrocities committed in the name of just-following-orders, and he did not hold with it. Never had, which was why he'd ended the war a mere sergeant, albeit one who'd commanded thousands. "We'll chain him up as well, just in case that boosted metabolism is more use to him than the doc thinks. Jayne, Zoe... between you I imagine you know just about every trick there is to tying a man up so he stays tied."

"We'll see to it, sir." Zoe looked uneasy. "Sir, are you sure it was a good idea bringing him on board?"

"Wasn't consulted." Mal gave River a pointed look. "River, would you care to share with us why we're keepin' your little friend here?"

"When the snake's head is in a box, the snake can't see where the mice run."

Damn. She was gone again. She'd been pretty coherent for a minute there. "Jayne? Did you get that?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. He was the one in charge," Jayne said, looking up suddenly as if his mind had been a long way away. He'd been staring at River, who was not looking at him in a rather obvious way. "All the others got told to do as he said, no matter what, and don't ask no questions. With him dead, they'd have to wait for new orders. With him missin', they won't know what's going on or if they're even allowed tell anyone he ain't there on account of maybe that counts as asking questions. It won't last forever, but it should buy us a day or two. And ain't any of them authorized to give a kill order, so the school should be safe enough."

Mal stared at him. Everyone else was doing the same. "You got all that from 'the snake's head is in a box'?"

"Nah, she explained it to me on the way down. She wanted to make sure I knew what the plan was in case she had another crazy fit and lost it." Jayne shrugged. "An' before you ask, Mal, I know you said she wasn't s'posed to get let out, let alone let run off down to the planet. But she said as he'd kill you an' Inara if she didn't show up, and crazy or not she's usually right about stuff like that."

Well, that had just shot Mal's righteous indignation right in the foot. "Well... yeah, she is at that. But her judgement maybe ain't the best right now."

"Looks fine to me." Jayne shrugged. "We ain't dead, we got a hostage, and as soon's he wakes up I'll commence to making him talk."

Mal nodded. He doubted Jayne would get much out of the Operative, but Mal had no objection to letting him try. If nothing else, it would keep the Operative's mind occupied with things not River, which was all to the good. "All right. Simon, dope him up, then hand him over to Zoe and Jayne. Wash, get us back to Haven. I feel powerfully in need of guidance on this, and Book knows more about this than he's told us yet. Kaylee, go give the engines a little extra love - this is _not_ the time for anything else to go wrong, _dong ma_?"

"_Xie xie_, Cap'n." Kaylee looked scared.

He looped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently. "It'll be fine, Kaylee, if we all just do our parts in this."

"I hope so, Cap'n," she whispered. "You won't let nobody take River and Simon away, will you?"

"No. Nobody's takin' River and Simon away." Mal turned to River, who allowed herself to be pulled away from Inara and drawn to stand in front of him. "Young lady, if you ever, and I mean _ever_ pull a stunt like that again I will personally put you over my knee, do you understand me?"

She nodded, looking up at him through the hair falling over her face. "_Wu dong_."

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, dropping a kiss on the top of her head the way he sometimes did with Kaylee. River stiffened for a second, and then she snuggled up to him, resting her head on his chest with a little sigh. "That's my good girl," Mal said softly. "You shoulda told me sooner."

"She wasn't sure she was wanted," River said, muffled by his shirt.

"Yeah, well, brains obviously ain't everything." Mal seriously considered just staying there for a while. River was tiny and warm and making all sorts of hitherto unknown protective feelings slosh around in his chest. It felt good.

Everyone was staring, though, so he gave her one more squeeze and set her back from him a little, taking hold of her shoulders. "I'm still the captain, and you're to mind me, adoptin' or no, you understand?"

River smiled a brilliant, almost-sane smile for a moment. "Yes, Captain Daddy."

"And don't you call me that. Sounds silly." Mal returned her smile. "Now, will you be a good girl if I let you roam loose?"

She nodded. "Will try. Still crazy."

"Well, we're all used to that." Mal smoothed her hair back gently. Like most of his decisions this had been two-thirds impulse, but he had a good feeling about it. "No weapons for you 'til you're more settled, though."

"Uh..." Wash, naturally, couldn't keep his mout shut for long. "Mal? Did something happen on the planet the rest of us should maybe know about?"

Mal looked around and grinned. Simon's mouth was hanging open. So was Zoe's, and he hadn't ever seen that happen before. Wash was all creased up with bewilderment, and Kaylee looked puzzled but she was smiling. Inara was tearing up again, but she gave him a smile that warmed him all the way down to his toes, and Jayne...

Mal frowned. Jayne had a blank look on his face that Mal would have sworn was simple bewilderment if he hadn't seen Jayne pull it on like a mask over an entirely different emotion once before. That was... strange.

"I explained to the tiger about the Captain bringing me to life inside Serenity and looking after me," River said very seriously. "Made a new River out of the broken bits, with a new family."

"Oh..." Kaylee sniffled. "If that ain't the sweetest thing I ever heard..."

There was some general fussing and cooing, which Mal ignored in favour of basking in Inara's tender, approving smile. He wasn't so far gone, though, to not notice that Jayne sneaked off almost immediately and Simon looked significantly less than pleased.

* * *

Jayne's heart was still pounding as he climbed down the ladder into his bunk, locking the door behind him.

It'd hardly sped up when he and River had stolen the shuttle and flown down to the school. His pulse-rate had upped only a little when he crept silently towards the door, trusting River to have the man in place.

Then he'd seen another man take River in his arms, kiss her hair and hold her as if she belonged to him, and blood had roared in Jayne's ears and he'd had to fight down the sudden _need_ to wrap his hands around Mal's neck and squeeze until it snapped. His fingers had been tightening into fists when River had called Mal 'Captain Daddy' and the roaring had suddenly gone away. It seemed a little odd, Mal suddenly coming over all paternal, but he'd always been somewhat that way with Kaylee and Jayne was no stranger to the fact that River made weird feelings happen.

He sat down on his bunk, looking around aimlessly. What shook him was the possessive rage that had siezed hold of him. He'd been nineteen the last time he'd got possessive over a woman - and that'd ended with her laughing in his face, so he hadn't been too inclined to try it again. But River...

Well, she wouldn't laugh. There was that.

Jayne lay back on his bed, folding one arm under his head and resting the other hand on his gun rack as he stared at the ceiling. Introspection didn't come easy to him and he liked to be comfortable if he was going to try it.

Book had unsettled him with all that talk about responsibility and all. He'd had his fill of taking care of people, especially those should by rights be taken care of by someone else. The thought of being responsible for vulnerable, damaged River had scared the crap out of him and he'd seriously considered just ditching them all and heading for the nearest simple, brain-not-required merc job he could find.

He could still do that. Head off, get himself settled into his comfortable rut again, let River and Simon and the rest of Serenity take care of themselves. She'd forget about him in time, move on, meet some nice guy young enough to -

Jayne felt his teeth clench and his hands tighten into fists. Just the thought of some stupid-ass young punk handling _his_ River, probably not understanding her or knowing how to calm her down, maybe even scaring her or hurting her because he didn't understand...

Okay. That was a problem. A definite crimp in the old free-and-unencumbered. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone else being with River, and if he went off and left he'd always be worrying about it _and_ he wouldn't have a leg to stand on if he came back and wanted to start interfering.

Now that he thought on it in those terms, the whole looking-after-River thing wasn't so bad. He always protected what was his. Vera, for example. He couldn't exactly put River on the gun-rack and lock her in for safekeeping, but she needed the same careful handling and understanding so as not to accidentally kill people...

And he understood that part. He knew how to handle River, most of the time. She still had her flummoxing moments, but even then he just had to take the time to work out what she was trying to get at.

Most women went out the other side of mysterious to just plain inexplicable. A man could do the same thing two times running and get completely different reactions both times. Sometimes they wanted one thing, and sometimes they wanted completely the opposite thing, and they wouldn't never _tell_ what they wanted, a man had to try to guess and he almost always got it wrong and then they got mad.

River wasn't like that. She _tried_ to tell him things, even when it was a struggle for her. She never fussed because he didn't magically know how she was feeling - hell, even she didn't know a lot of the time. And she didn't always want to talk, either... lots of times she'd just come and sit by him quiet-like, maybe lean up against his shoulder or help polish his girls, and not say a word. And if she did, well, these days he could usually puzzle out what she was getting at.

He understood her. He _knew_ how to calm her down when she got scared, or get her to focus when she needed to, or make her laugh when she was cranky. He knew the things that upset her and he knew the things that made her happy and she didn't go changing them on him just to be vexing.

Jayne scowled, resting his forearm across his head, which was starting to ache. He really preferred just relying on his instincts for complicated stuff, but his instincts were seriously confused at this point. He was just going to have to work it out the hard way.

Okay. He understood River, and he liked being around her. He had before the whole dream thing started, so he figured he could leave it as a given. She was... comfortable to be with.

And he had certain feelings for her now that might be considered romantical by someone less clear on Jayne Cobb's opinion of romance in general and romance for him in specific. Had he found himself behaving like Simon or Mal, all moony and stupid and wussy, he'd have had to shoot himself on account of not being able to stand it. Wash... well, Wash wasn't so bad. Dopey, but he sparked plenty at Zoe and they both seemed to like a good argument now and then.

But Jayne was fair sure what he felt about River wasn't the same. He didn't feel any particular urge to moon, nor to make a fool of himself for her benefit... and he definitely didn't have any urge to planning weddings or brats. Hell no. He wanted no part of _that_ notion, on account of all it seemed to do was make people poor, miserable, or both.

He frowned, rolling onto his stomach and resting his forehead on the soft, soothing pillow. What _did_ he want, then?

Well, besides sex.

He'd like to fight beside her some more, that part was easy. Aside from her tendency to finish things too fast, River had a mighty taking way of swinging a broken bottle or shooting a man in the neck. Jayne liked fighting, and River was good at it, and between them he figured they could cut a swathe through any bar or gang of outlaws this side of the 'verse. It'd be fun, too.

He liked just having her around, too. Just sitting doing not much, or working out, or talking about things. River wasn't always hounding him to talk about feelings or the future or anything girly like that - they talked about interesting stuff like fishing and crime and sometimes things that Jayne didn't even know what they _were_ talking about until after it was over. And it was nice when they didn't talk too. He liked quiet, and River could be very quiet indeed when she wasn't in a talky mood.

He fell asleep around then, still puzzling at what exactly he did want with River, and what to call it when he figured out what it was.

* * *

"You're bothered by the nature of reality," River said, catching Simon's hand as he tucked her into bed. It was hard to concentrate on Simon just now, but she made the effort. "It has altered when you weren't expecting it and now the ground is uncertain."

Simon sighed. "It's not... Inara explained to me what you said to the captain, and I can understand how you'd feel that way about it, but..."

"That's what happened. He made me come to life inside Serenity. It's an acceptable parallel." River frowned. "Sometimes life makes metaphors of us all."

"He's not... what you think he is, River. He's just... not." Simon made a helpless, unhappy face that would have looked blank to anyone else. "I know you want to be part of the crew. Part of the family. But metaphors aren't reality."

"Too late to argue. Agreement has been made." River snuggled down, still holding his hand. "I have replaced the inadequate and absent familial portion, and we will function better now."

"We? River, there is no we. He may have gone temporarily insane and adopted _you_, but - "

"You and I are a unit. Paired." River twined her fingers with his. "You are strong and stone-faced and direct. I walk only on the black squares, sliding in from the side."

That made him smile a little bit. "If I'm a castle and you're a bishop... I assume Mal's the king. Does that make Inara the queen?"

River shook her head. "Zoe. Goes everywhere, does everything, can take any piece."

Simon nodded. "Then what's Inara?"

"Knight. Hooked movement, comes in unexpectedly from nowhere."

"I can see that. What about Wash and Kaylee?" He smiled, comforted by his brief understanding of what she was trying to say. She hoped she would remember that chess metaphors worked on Simon.

"Wash is you, on the other side. Solid and forthright, moving in straight lines. Kaylee only walks in the light."

"So Wash and I are the castles, you and Kaylee are the bishops... does that make Jayne the other knight?"

River shook her head. "Jayne is the pawn," she said seriously. "He starts slowly and doesn't move far at first, but his potential is limited only by the journey he must make to reach it."

"You've always thought there was more to him than I have." Simon stroked her hair back from her forehead. "Does it help? Replacing them, I mean."

She knew what he meant. "They left me there. They didn't come to find me. They're supposed to, but they didn't."

"I know." Simon hurt inside, because they hadn't come to find him, either.

"Captain Daddy takes care of us. He came to find us, when the fire tried to eat us." River touched Simon's cheek. "Serenity holds us and keeps us alive, carries us to where we need to be. They're better than the others. New lives for old, don't polish them up, just give them to the peddler."

"But then all the magic goes away," Simon said quietly, kissing the tips of her fingers. "The old lamp gets taken away and all the wonders go with it."

River shook her head. Simon had never understood the point of that story. "Not all. Even when the magic and the treasure all go, the princess's heart is not lost. Love stays."

Some of Simon's rumples smoothed out, and a faint pink warmed his worried smell. "I wish I could get the lamp back for you, anyway."

River nodded. "But we'll get by. We'll burn candles and be happy."

"We will." He kissed her forehead, smiling sadly. "Sleep well."

She didn't. She never did now that she couldn't hide any more.

* * *

"Mal, you want to maybe talk about this a little more?" Wash rested his elbows on the table. "Now that the people we want to talk about aren't here?"

Jayne was in his bunk - presumably, anyway, Wash hadn't actually checked. Simon was putting River to bed, and Inara was soothing Simon. That left the four senior-most members of the crew, three of them sitting around the table and watching their fourth and captain.

Mal was starting to sweat. "About what?"

That was Mal. Always trying to bluff even when he wasn't holding any cards, holding any weapons, and on one memorable occasion, wearing any clothes. "About you becoming a father since this morning?"

"I'm more than a little curious myself." Zoe didn't sound curious, to Wash's trained ear. She sounded _pissed_.

Mal clearly picked up on it too, his eyebrows going up. "I get the vague impression, Zoe, that you're less than ecstatic about my joyful new addition to our little family."

"You could say that."

She hadn't said 'sir'. Wash looked at her with some concern. Zoe was unhappy, and that was never good for anyone.

"You recall, I'm sure, the speech I used to trot out at regular intervals back when what my men did on leave warranted it. The one about responsibility, and the nature of life, and - "

"And how it takes two minutes to create a life and the rest of yours to take care of it. I recall." Zoe frowned slightly. "Difference bein' here that you didn't bring River into this world."

Mal leaned forward a little, and Wash shushed Kaylee when she opened her mouth to speak. This was... well, there were times when Mal and Zoe had to deal with something between themselves. He'd learned that the hard way.

"Way she sees it, Zoe, I did," Mal said, quiet and serious. "I opened that cryo box, which is about as close to bringin' someone to life that anyone ain't a doctor can do. She thinks on Serenity as her mother, and me as her father, and I can't argue that we've been doing better on protectin' her than her own folks did. It makes her happy."

"But it ain't so." Zoe scowled, but she looked upset underneath it. "You know it ain't. You do these things on impulse, Mal, and folks get hurt because of it."

"Sometimes they do." Mal's jaw tightened. "But impulse or not, Zoe, it's done, and I don't for a moment regret giving that child what comfort it's in me to provide while I can."

Wash's throat tightened. Mal was talking about River as if she might die at any moment, and it scared Wash badly that he couldn't muster any surprise at the idea.

Zoe looked down at the table, picking at a scratch in the wood with her fingernail. "So that's why you're doin' this? Because it's what she wants and you figure it won't be long?"

"No." Mal looked away too, but Wash caught the pained look in his eyes. "It's because I meant that speech, Zoe, every time I gave it. You give somethin' life, then you owe a debt to it that you can't ever pay in full. I acted on impulse when I opened that crate, when I pulled her out of her sleep and into our ship and our lives, and now it's on me to do what I know to be right."

"Why?" Zoe looked at Mal, still frowning. "You've always leaned hard on this, Mal, for as long as I've known you. But not this hard. You just opened a crate, you didn't - "

"Don't take but a careless minute to become a father, and that I know for a fact. Wouldn't be sittin' in this chair if it weren't so." Mal swallowed hard, not looking anyone in the eye. "I can't... I won't be that way, Zoe. I won't turn my back on a child who looks to me to protect her."

Zoe softened, all at once, and reached over to squeeze Mal's arm lightly. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't understand."

"Don't like to talk about it." Mal cleared his throat. "Man has to do what's right, is all."

"Speaking of which..." Mal and Zoe both looked at Wash like they'd forgotten he was in the room, and Wash shrugged. "What about Simon?"

Mal blinked. "Simon?"

"You know... Simon Tam? River's brother? The nice, prissy kid who gave up wealth, fame and family to protect her?" Wash resisted the urge to roll his eyes. As usual, Mal hadn't thought things through at all. "I can't imagine he's happy to have her adopted out from under him."

"Wash has a point." Kaylee's face fell. "I mean, I think it's real sweet how you wanta take care of River, Cap'n, but she's 'most all Simon's got, you know?"

"Oh, yeah. Simon. I remember him." Mal, for some reason, was grinning just slightly. "Isn't he the short one who's always arguin' with me? Has this crazy notion that he knows better than I do?"

Zoe's lush lips curved in a small smile. "I do believe he's also the one who keeps complainin' about how you ain't fair and he doesn't like your rules, sir."

"And isn't he also the one who makes it perfectly clear that he disapproves of the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I eat my food, and the way I fix my hair? And goes out of his way to do all those things exactly the way I don't just to be irritating?" Mal was grinning now.

Wash grinned too. "I'm hearing vague echoes of someone from my past... someone who thought How-ayan shirts were ridiculous and kept trying to make me wear a cravat."

"You know, now I think on it, there is a definite 'you ain't the boss of me' comin' up against 'I am while you're under my roof, young man' to the way they argue, ain't there?" Kaylee was beaming.

"See? Don't see as how anything'll be changin' with me and Simon." Mal shrugged. "Although if he asks me if he can borrow the shuttle for a date, I think I may rupture something."

Zoe chuckled. "You won't be alone, sir."

Mal's smile faded. "They was as babes in the woods when we found them," he said softly. "Grown or nearly so they may be, but they ain't ready to stand alone as yet."

"And you intend to be the one to hold them up until they are?" Zoe smiled at him, but there was still a hint of concern there.

"Well, why not?" Mal gave her a half-smile with sad edges. "You and Wash are going to resolve that argument on baby-making some time or another, and for your sake I'm glad of it. For myself, I think maybe River and Simon are the closest I'll be coming to parenthood, and I aim to take what I'm given and be grateful."

"What about me?" Kaylee moved to stand behind Mal, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her cheek against his. "What'm I, chopped protein?"

"You got folks of your own who love you, far away though they may be. You don't need me nor want me to take their place." Mal smiled, reaching up to give the back of her neck a little squeeze. "With you I'm just a mean ol' captain you got twiddled around that grubby little finger."

Kaylee twiddled Mal into his bunk, insisting that he must be tired, and Wash turned to his unusually silent wife. "What is it?"

"What's what?"

"Something Mal said made you go all... quiet."

She smiled a little. "It's... you heard what he said, right? About taking what he's given and being grateful?"

"Sure. What about it?"

Zoe looked through the door to where Mal had gone. "When Mal was... when we was in the war, he was a man of faith. Always talkin' on angels and God and such... not the mealy-mouthed kind, just a real strong believer as there was something better out there, some great good that was on our side."

Wash blinked. "That's... hard to imagine," he said, because it was.

"It all stopped after Serenity Valley. He threw his cross away the day the Alliance came to airlift us out after the surrender." Zoe sounded sad. "Something in him got broke in that place, and it didn't ever come right."

Wash nodded. "That I did know. I mean, I didn't know exactly what, but... anyone who knows Mal knows that he's got more than a few broken places."

Zoe nodded. "Just for a second there, he sounded like his old self," she said wistfully. "He was always talkin' on being grateful for the blessings you have, even if it's just a can of beans or bein' alive one more day. Taking what you're given and being grateful while you have it, because you don't know how long it'll be before you're given it again."

"Yeah." Wash reached out to slip an arm gently around her shoulders. "Listen, about that, uh, argument that we keep having..."

"Yeah?" She just _looked_ at him, all soft brown eyes and wistful smile.

"I think you're right. About not being so afraid of losing something that you don't ever have it."

That made her smile widen. "Now isn't exactly the _best_ time for you to give in."

"Honey, if I had good timing, I'd be... a person who isn't me."

* * *

Jayne looked around the sunny gardens.

Yep, definitely not his.

It felt kind of weird _knowing_ that he was dreaming, but it was mostly like being awake except that everything made more sense. And it was fancier than anything he'd ever seen awake - he figured this had to be some rich Core-folk park or some such. Lots of flowers and statues and stuff.

Well, since this wasn't his dream, it figured that he'd finally located River's. Good. Now he just had to find River.

A familiar shriek of terror gave him a pretty good clue, and sent him sprinting across a stretch of velvety lawn, ignoring the gouges his feet made in the perfect grass.

River was standing in a sort of tent full of little kid-sized desks. She was standing perfectly still, her eyes huge and frightened as she stared at a screen up at the front of the tent. Jayne glanced at it, and wasn't all that surprised to see that strange planet that had spooked her so bad when it showed up in his... their... last dream.

When he looked back at River, a Reaver was lunging at her.

Jayne didn't think, just reacted. His gun was on his hip, right where it should be, and he shot the Reaver twice in the head before it could touch her. It - he - thudded to the ground, still twitching, and River made a high, thin noise. Her eyes finally came back from her fixed stare and looked at him.

"Jayne?"

"You okay? That thing hurt you?" He took her shoulders in his hands, looking her over anxiously. She was wearing some sort of green tight thing with no sleeves and metal plates on the legs, with a kind of surcoat attached to it front and back. It didn't hide much of her, though it wasn't exactly an appealing outfit, and she didn't look damaged.

Except that when he looked at her face again, a trickle of blood had appeared on her forehead. He wiped at it, thinking it was a drop that had fallen from somewhere above them, and found a tiny hole. "What the hell?"

"Needles," she whispered. "In my eyes, in my brain, everywhere. They bleed out my thoughts and put their own in me instead."

"Gorrammit, River..." He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her abused head against his chest and cupping it protectively with one hand. "Shhh... it's okay now. I won't let 'em hurt you."

"Why are you here?" She nestled against him, feeling small and too fragile. "I was good. I didn't go to your dream, even when I was scared."

"Nah. This one's yours." Jayne smoothed her hair, feeling her relax out of the trembling tension she'd been in before. "I was lookin' for you. Don't know how exactly that works, but I guess you left a door open or something."

"You came to find me?" A thin arm slid around his waist, holding him carefully.

"Yeah. Don't remember exactly why. I just... did." Jayne shrugged. "So... where are we?"

"Classroom. On Osiris. I came here when I was nine." River burrowed her face into his chest. "I don't know why I'm here, I don't understand anything."

"Sh." He looked around. The Reaver's body was gone. "The planet, I guess. I mean, that's the only thing we've seen more than once."

"It's not real. It shouldn't be there, it doesn't fit."

Jayne craned his head around, trying to see the screen without moving and disturbing her tentative grip on him. "Looks like a planet to me. Or a moon. Something round with atmosphere. What's to not fit?"

"It's not real. I know all the planets. All the moons. It's not right. It doesn't exist." Her voice was getting shrill. "It isn't real. Wiped out, crossed off, the maps must lie in order to be truthful because the truth is a lie!"

"River!" He shook her, just a little, pulling her away from him so he could look her in the eyes. "Look at me!" He held her eyes with his, rubbing her shoulders, until she calmed a little. It didn't work as well as usual, but it did work. "Now you take a breath and start over, _dong ma_? What's wrong with the planet?"

Her lip trembled. "It's _dead_!" she wailed.

Jayne sat up in his bunk, cold sweat stinging his eyes.

Shirtless, shoeless and unarmed he launched himself up the ladder. River had either woken up, in which case she was screaming her head off right this minute... or else she _hadn't_ woken up, and was screaming her head off inside said head where nobody would hear. He had to get to her quick.

He was halfway along the walkway when River appeared at the end, running towards him. By some miracle she was quiet, but the expression on her face didn't set him much at ease. "River, you okay? What the hell's goin' on?"

She caught his arm, trying to push past him. "Have to show them! Have to show them while I know what they need to see!"

"Show who? Show what?" He moved, since she seemed so set on it, but he took hold of her arm as she passed him to keep her from running off ahead. "Did you figure out what's goin' on with the dead planet?"

"Yes. Come on." She let him hold her hand, but she was all but dragging him towards the cockpit. "Have to see. Don't let me forget. It's Miranda. They have to see."

"Okay." Jayne had no idea what the hell was going on, but he figured letting River run into the cockpit alone would be a mighty bad idea. So he followed her, closing the door behind them as she settled into the co-pilot's seat and logged onto the Cortex. Probably best not to let anyone distract her by interrupting. After a second, he remembered something and tapped her shoulder. "River?"

"Not now."

"River, turn on the ad filter. I don't want you goin' crazy again, there ain't nobody in here for you to hit but me."

Her fingers stopped flashing across the keys and buttons for a moment, and she turned to look at him. She smiled a little bit. "Sometimes the obvious is so obvious that it is unseen."

"Yeah, well, be poetic later. Turn it on."

She did, and went on with what she was doing. Star charts, mostly, and Jayne watched planets and moons familiar and unfamiliar flicker by. She was shaking, and he realized belatedly that she was wearing only her baggy, worn-thin nightshirt. He got the blanket Wash kept up here for when he had to nap in the chair, and put it around her shoulders.

"Shock causes an illusory feeling of cold." River huddled into the blanket and kept tapping.

Someone banged on the door. Jayne went to open it, looking anxiously over his shoulder at River. This was getting beyond even his ability to understand her.

"Jayne?" Wash looked sleepy, although he'd at least managed to put on some clothes. "Why is the alarm in my quarters pinging a happy little someone's-touching-my-helm alert?"

Jayne shrugged. "'cause River's touching your helm?" He was worried enough that he didn't even think of the usual dirty joke.

"Ah. That would be it. Why is she doing that?" Wash's face was all wrinkled with sleepy confusion.

"She's on the Cortex." Jayne looked over his shoulder again - she was still tapping - and then shrugged. "Near as I can figure, she's given up tryin' to explain the whole Miranda thing and she's lookin' for a picture."

"Oh." Wash stared at nothing for a minute while that sank in. "Okay. That makes sense. Should I wake people up now?"

"Yes." River didn't turn around. "They have to see."

"Okay. I'll go do that." Wash turned and stumbled away.

Wash was both trusting and amenable to suggestion when half-asleep. Good to know. Jayne filed that away and went back to River. "You gettin' somewhere here, _xiao gui_?"

"Shh. I'm concentrating."

Jayne nodded, staying quiet until Mal lurched into the cockpit, hair mussed and braces dangling. "What's goin' on? Why're we all awake again? I only jus' went to sleep!"

River pointed at the screen. On it, the planet from the dreams hung in space. "Miranda," she said quietly.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit


	12. Chapter 12: The Question Is

**Chapter 12: The Question Is... **

* * *

Kaylee was frowning. "How can it be there's a whole planet called Miranda and none of us knowed that?"

"'Cause there ain't one. It's a blackrock." Mal looked more than a little puzzled. "Uninhabitable. Terraforming didn't hold, or somesuch. Few settlers died."

"Not true." Everyone looked at River, who was sitting on Jayne's lap again in the co-pilot's seat. Someone - possibly Jayne - had wrapped a blanket around her over her nightshirt, but her bare legs still looked cold.

"I thought you said the planet was dead." Jayne looked down at her with a puzzled expression. "Ain't that what the cap'n just said?"

It had taken Zoe a while to put her finger on what was bothering her about Jayne. She'd noticed the fact that he didn't have a shirt on right off, of course, and that was something he very rarely did, but she'd seen bare chests before. After looking at him for a minute, she'd realized he didn't have shoes on either, and she could count on the fingers of one hand the times she'd seen Jayne's bare feet. Hairy, pallid, and a little calloused - surprising, but nothing there to raise unease.

With River in the way, it had taken Zoe some time to confirm her first worrying impression that Jayne was unarmed. Not so much as a knife on his belt - no belt, come to that - and that was all wrong. He did go about unarmed sometimes, while they were on the ship, but only when things was quiet as quiet. The tenser things got, the more weaponry Jayne carried around. Situation as bad as this, he should have a knife and a gun at the very least just to feel secure enough to leave his bunk. Instead, all he had on him was a worried expression and a crazy girl.

And pants. Thank God. Zoe could handle the chest and the feet, but damned if she ever wanted to see any part of Jayne that nature had designed to be obscured by pants.

"Not dead that way. Poisoning and stabbing are both deaths but they aren't the same death." River rested her head on Jayne's bare shoulder. He was rubbing her back gently in broad circles, as if she was much younger.

"Wait a tick... yeah!" Kaylee brightened suddenly. "Some years back, before the war, there was call for workers to settle on Miranda. My daddy talked about going. I should've recalled."

Given that Kaylee had likely still been wearing pigtails and little dresses at the time, Zoe was a little amused by her annoyance at forgetting. The girl seemed so very young sometimes.

Wash was frowning. "But there's nothing about it on the Cortex. History, astronomy, it's not there. Except in the archive that River hacked into, and I really don't want to know how she found it or how she got in."

"Central Archives on Sihnon." River sounded suddenly matter-of-fact. "They never delete anything. Just had to dig into the backups."

"So not a secure Alliance thingie, then?" Wash looked relieved.

"Just old history." River shook her head. "Won't even know I was in there."

Wash nodded, and Zoe rested a hand on his shoulder. "For whatever reason, Miranda's been completely erased from all the current maps and databases. If it wasn't for River, we'd never have found it."

"Half of writing history is hiding the truth." Mal had the bitter expression he often wore when speaking of the Alliance government and all its works. "There's something on this rock the Alliance doesn't want known."

River gave him that special look, half sneer and half eye-roll. "No _kidding_."

"Don't you be cheeky, missy." Mal's bitterness faded some when he smiled at the girl. "Just makin' sure we're all on the same page."

"You haven't even opened the book yet." River looked away, burrowing her face into Jayne's furry chest. He patted her hair gently.

"That's right at the edge of the Burnham Quadrant, right? Furthest planet out." Inara was staring at the screen, looking thoughtful. "That's not far from here."

"Whoa!" Wash lunged in a second ahead of Zoe to kill that idea dead as quickly as possible. "No, no."

"That's a bad notion," Zoe agreed, before Mal could come over all stupid again. He'd never been any hand at navigation, though he could fly Serenity well enough. He just didn't seem to be able to picture anything bigger than a battlefield in his head.

"Honey?" Wash looked at her, offering her the explanation. She smiled at him, loving him for knowing that it would have more authority coming from her and not being bothered by that.

"I got it, baby." She leaned past Jayne and River... noting as she did that River's arm was locked around Jayne's waist under the concealing blanket... and pulled the display back some. "Showing them the bad."

She saw Mal's face fall when he recognized the map, and nodded. "That's Haven, where we're headed now," she explained, for the benefit of the others. "And this is Miranda." She traced the broad arc of empty space between them. "All along here, this dead space in between... that's Reaver territory."

"They just float out there, sending out raiding parties." Wash nodded, his face creased with worry.

"Maybe a hundred ships. And more every year." Zoe tried to return the smile, but couldn't manage it. "You go through that, you're signing up to be a banquet."

"I like the running and hiding idea. Let's stick with that." Wash gave an appealing look to Jayne, something he had never done before and which started Zoe considerably.

Jayne blinked and nodded. "Yeah, Mal. Ain't no need to get crazy. We should just lie low for a while. Don't wanna go rushing into anything crazy."

"Oh, that we have already done." Mal shook his head. "Zoe? Where'd you put our prisoner?"

"In the airlock, sir. Took the liberty of disabling the interior lock so he couldn't open the door even were he on his feet." Zoe shrugged. "He's chained up good, though, and the doc says he won't be able to move nothin' lower than his collar-button for at least twelve hours."

Mal nodded. "River? Is he awake?"

River nodded. "Awake and angry. He doesn't know what happened or where he is."

"Good." Mal smiled thinly. "Well, we've all had a busy day, and we should get some sleep for what's left of the night. By morning maybe he'll be feelin' unsettled enough to be talkative."

* * *

River slipped through the doors to the airlock, moving soundlessly. She wore a thin, floating red dress with some sort of crocheted vest over it that tied in the front. Her hair was loose around her face and her eyes were vacant.

The Operative assessed her appearance. She was, obviously, still mad. He hadn't anticipated that Reynolds would risk using her as a distraction - he'd assumed that the man would hold her back until a bargain was made, if he offered her up at all. Foolish. He had misjudged, and was being rewarded for it.

"If I pull the mask off, what will I see?" River knelt beside him, running her fingertip down one of the scratches on his face. He wondered if she had inflicted them. "Will the real face be underneath, or just the cogs of the machine the training made you into?" She dug her nails into the skin, drawing blood. "I could try."

"River!" It was Zoe Washburne - formerly Zoe Alleyne. The Operative had studied her extensively, as he had all the known members of Serenity's crew. A soldier, unlikely to be either merciful or particularly cruel. Now she leaned in through the half-opened doors and shook her head. The recordings hadn't done her rich voice justice. "River, you come away. You might catch something, you go touchin' that one."

"I wanted to take his mask off," River said, holding out her bloodied fingers in an apparent desire to explain. "It's so stiff."

"Cap'n said no playin' with him, and he meant it. You be a good girl and leave him be."

"Yes, Zoe." River patted the Operative's cheek lightly. "Goodbye, Javert. I'll come back."

He watched the girl pad docilely into the cargo-bay, lost almost immediately to his sight due to his inability to move his head more than an inch or two. Interesting. The triggering programs he'd sent via his Fruity Oaty Bar advertisements should have left her raging violently, and yet she seemed calm and almost docile - excepting her desire to remove his face, which she didn't seem to construe as violent. He wondered how they'd broken her programming.

"As for you..." Zoe Washburne was looking at him now, a cool and disdainful look. "Cap'n wants you alive for now, figurin' on askin' you some questions and the like. When he's done with you, he _will_ give you to River to do with as she pleases."

He smiled a little. "Pain doesn't frighten me."

"Then you obviously ain't had enough of it." She vanished, and he heard her hard-heeled boots move away as the doors closed.

It was perhaps ten minutes later that Simon Tam came in, through doors slightly open again. He looked older than the images the Operative had been able to access, and he was dressed very differently. The pants were loose and shapeless - almost certainly a recent purchase. The knitted sweater was less certain... there had been something of a fad for 'primitive' casual wear on Osiris some years ago. The lines on his face, however, were definitely of recent vintage. "How are you feeling?" the boy asked, kneeling beside the Operative and looking critically at his left eye.

"Forgive me if I'm unconvinced that you care."

"If you start experiencing sudden stabbing pains... especially in the lower limbs... it can indicate a dangerous reaction to the drugs currently immobilising you. I will not, of course, simply take your word for it, but I advise you to tell me if they start." Tam produced a needle and gave the Operative an injection just below the base of his skull. "You're in good physical shape, aside from the remnants of the concussion. I imagine I can keep doing this for quite some time before your muscles start to atrophy."

"I am delighted to hear it." The Operative smiled slightly. "Tell me - what purpose do you think it serves to keep me here?"

"You'll have to ask the captain about that." The professional mask was firmly in place. "Personally, I voted with Jayne to space you and have done." He smiled a slight, meaningless smile. "Let me know if you experience any discomfort."

Interesting. The idealistic young Doctor Tam had apparently hardened somewhat during his dealings with criminals and Independents. The Operative watched him go - not that he had much choice - and considered this new development. It would add an additional level of challenge when he freed himself and captured the Tams.

* * *

"River, come and eat somethin'." Kaylee bit her lip, trying again to catch hold of River's arm. River whirled away, laughing. She'd been dancing around the hold for over an hour, refusing to let anyone get near her. Zoe had had to stand guard over the control to open the airlock the whole time, sayin' as how River wanted to tear the Operative's face off.

River's bloody fingers made it hard for Kaylee to think Zoe was exaggerating, and that scared her more than a little.

"River, please? You gotta be gettin' tired."

"The princesses danced their shoes to rags," River said, looking down at her slippers, the ones with the pretty flowers that Kaylee had gotten her. "But leather takes longer."

"Zoe?" Kaylee felt her face scrunch up in helpless worry. "She ain't listenin' to me either. What do I do?"

"Be glad she ain't armed or showin' signs of being dangerous." Zoe looked worried too. "Maybe we should call the captain."

"It ain't like she's doing any harm." Kaylee watched River pirouette gracefully. "I'm just scared she'll make herself sick or something if she don't stop soon."

River sang softly as she danced. "Stars... in their multitudes... scarce to be counted... filling the chaos... with order and light..."

"What's goin' on?" Jayne appeared on a walkway, leaning over to look down. "Huh. Dancin's new."

"She's been doin' it for over an hour now." Kaylee nibbled on her lip again. "I'm scared she'll hurt herself, she keeps goin' much longer."

River was still singing dreamily. "He knows his way in the dark... but mine is the way of the law..."

"Oh, I don't like the sound of that. Sounds like she's listenin' a little to hard to him in there." Jayne came down the stairs in a hurry. "River, you stop payin' mind to that _hun dan_."

River lifted bare arms gracefully above her head. "Shh. I'm dancing so the stars will shine."

"The stars shine whether you dance or not." Jayne didn't try to chase her, as Kaylee had half expected. Instead he stood still and held out his hand. "You know that. You told me all about what makes 'em shiny and all, remember?"

River's dance slowed a little. "Light moves. It travels. It has form, but is nonexistent. A quandry."

"Right." He shifted a little closer, his hand still extended. "River, come to me, okay? You're scarin' Kaylee. We don't like it when things scare Kaylee."

River looked at Kaylee as if surprised that she was even there. "It's bad to scare Kaylee. Early did, and Daddy threw him off the ship to see the stars." She stopped all of a sudden, standing in the middle of the hold, and then she reached out to take Jayne's hand. "I'm scared," she said, sounding much more _real_, somehow. "His thoughts pull me in and devour me. He reduces me to parameters, traps me in the outlines..."

Jayne pulled her in by the hand he was holding, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. River whimpered and hid her face against his shirt. "Shhh... ain't no devourin' gonna happen, okay? You're worried about it, you hold onta me or Kaylee or Simon or something. Drown him out."

River nodded against his chest. "I tried to pull his mask off so I could see the gears, but Zoe wouldn't let me."

"Again?" Jayne shook his head. "I thought I told you not to do that no more."

"He's so loud." River curled her arms around his waist. "I can't remember what you told me when he's so close."

"Shhh..." Jayne rubbed her back gently. "It's okay. I'll remind you."

He looked up, and Kaylee got a good look at his face. She couldn't have explained to anyone what it was about his expression that made her so sure... maybe the tightness around his mouth, maybe the way his eyes were all soft or the way he looked down again at River like she was a treasure he couldn't keep his eyes away from.

Jayne was in love with River. Kaylee knew it sure as she knew Mal was in love with Inara, or Zoe with Wash. They didn't never say anything about it, especially the cap'n, but sometimes they got a _look_... sort of half loving and half scared, like what they were feeling was too big for them to hold.

Before she could look away, his eyes met hers. His jaw clenched, and his hands tightened a little on River's shoulders. He knew that she knew, and River probably knew too...

Kaylee glanced at Zoe, who was doin' something with her gun. Checking it was loaded or... something. Kaylee had never really mastered the mechanics of guns. "River, you ain't eaten since yesterday," Kaylee said, moving over casually so she was between Zoe and the other two. She patted River's shoulder, trying to look at Jayne meaningful-like. "I bet Jayne wouldn't mind gettin' you something to eat."

Jayne's eyebrows went up, and he looked kinda baffled. Kaylee figured he'd expected some sort of 'you lecherous evil monster' reaction or something. "Sure. I guess. Was about to get somethin' myself."

"Good! Then I can just leave you two to it. I already had somethin'." Kaylee gave Jayne her most encouraging smile. "You'll take care of her, won't you?"

"I... yeah. Sure." Jayne looked down at River and then back up at Kaylee. "You sure you don't wanna..."

"Sure I'm sure." Kaylee patted his brawny arm gently. "You're the one understands her and all."

"Jayne sees me," River said, turning her head a little so Kaylee could see her face.

"I know, sweetie." Kaylee stroked River's silky hair gently. "Jayne likes to pretend he's all mean and tough, but we know he ain't, don't we?"

"Jayne is too tough!" He looked insulted. River was smiling, though.

"Don't worry. Your secret's safe with us." Kaylee grinned at him. "Go on, git. You gotta eat, keep up your strength for bein' mean."

"Everyone's crazy on this ship but me," Jayne muttered, but he gave Kaylee a little grin as he led River away.

Kaylee had to keep her back to Zoe to hide her beam. That was just real sweet, was what it was. She'd always known Jayne had a soft underbelly hidden under all that meanness and greed, and she figured the way he could understand River... and make her understand things... just went to show as he really did love her and want to take care of her. He sure took more time over it than anyone else, and that had to mean something.

Her beam faded a little when she remembered how Mal was likely to react. And Zoe. And Simon. And probably Inara, although maybe not, given how she was always talking about compatibility of spirit being more important than age and money and all. Wash wouldn't be mean, but he'd make fun, and that wouldn't help none.

Well, Kaylee would stick up for them. It was sweet, and wasn't nobody gonna tell her different.

Of course, they coulda timed it better.

* * *

Mal had put off questioning the Operative for a while. Zoe had told him that River had sneaked in before breakfast, shortly before Simon went in to give the man another injection. Between River trying to tear his face off and Simon doing his slightly creepifying polite-I-want-you-dead thing, Mal figured as the Operative should be at least somewhat worried about his continued survival by now.

After a leisurely breakfast, some time discussing potential post-Haven hiding places with Wash, and a careful selection of his reddest, most Browncoaty shirt, Mal felt ready to start questioning the prisoner. Zoe was still standing guard over the door... more, Mal suspected, because she didn't trust Jayne and River than because she thought the Operative might escape. "Anyone else try to get in?"

"Jayne came down once, but he just took River away to get something to eat. Kaylee'd been tryin', but you know River won't always pay mind to her."

Mal nodded. "Good. That's the two of them out of the way for a bit, then." River wasn't a fast eater, and Jayne tended to watch her until she'd cleaned her bowl. "Open it up."

Zoe opened the doors just enough for Mal to squeeze through. Inside the airlock, the Operative had been quite thoroughly chained up - hands manacled to the walls, wide apart, legs wrapped with actual chain - where had Jayne found that? - fastened with an honest-to-God padlock. Zoe had probably been the one to put the blanket under the man. She knew how Mal felt about the handling of prisoners. "Well. Good morning. You look... comfy."

"This will not help you, Captain Reynolds." The Operative's voice was level, giving no sign any discomfort. "Capturing me has only worsened your situation."

"In the long-term, maybe. Short-term, as I understand it, you're the only one who can give a kill order in your little group, and they're going to be hesitant to report you missing on account of they've been told not to question anything you do." Mal crouched beside the Operative, watching that impassive face carefully. "Which buys us a breathing space, at least."

The tiniest flicker, nothing more, but Mal knew the man was startled and unhappy to find that Mal knew that. "What makes you believe that?"

Mal grinned. "Oh, we have our ways. You are the serpent's tooth, my fine Alliance-serving friend, and pulling you buys us time. So you and I are going to talk some." He sat down against the wall, resting his arms on his bent knees. "So. First question. What's your name?"

The Operative smiled slightly. "You don't truly expect me to answer any of your questions, do you?"

"But this is such a harmless one. We're two reasonable men, after all, having a conversation." Mal smirked. "Well, if you don't want to tell me, that's all right. River's been callin' you Javert, and that'll do for now."

The Operative's small smile got a little bit smugger. "It is a literary reference."

"She makes a fair number of those, yes." Mal shrugged, leaning back. "Of course, it ain't exactly right, seeing as Valjean had actually _committed_ a crime, and River's done no such thing, but the relentless hunting part fits." The Operative's smile faded, and Mal shrugged again. "Why does it surprise everyone that I read? Most spacefarin' folk do, seein' as it gets mighty dull out in the black."

"A point to you, Captain." The Operative shifted his head slightly, which was probably about all he could do right now. "Javert will... suffice. For the purposes of our conversation."

"Good." Mal sat back against the wall, making himself comfortable. "Now, you never did answer my question earlier. I'm reasonable sure that River apprehending you means that you ain't planning to take her home for hugs and kisses with those lowlifes call themselves her parents. So I'll simplify it a little - you seekin' to take her back to the Academy or some place like it, or just to kill her where she stands and be done?"

The Operative smiled again. "I am not foolish enough to answer that question, Captain, since either response would positively invite violent retribution."

"That's as may be. You're workin' for the Academy, well, you ain't gonna die easy. Not with everyone on this ship wantin' their pound of flesh for the suffering was inflicted on that child." Mal watched the man's face. "Should you be some other branch of Alliance, wanting her dead and done... well, it's the more merciful way, for her, and I might be willin' to take that into consideration comes time to dispose of you."

"I appreciate your honesty, Captain." The Operative raised his eyebrows slightly. "You do not suggest that there is some possibility that you will let me live."

"Well, no. Can't see any likelihood of that, 'less time comes when the decision's no longer mine. Rescue is always an exciting if unlikely alternative."

"There's always escape." The Operative smiled.

"I wouldn't consider that road, were I you." Mal shook his head slowly. "Zoe and I can keep River from tearin' your face off or shooting you full of holes only so long as she's sure you ain't a danger to those she loves. You escape, maybe lay hands on one she's fond of, and I swear to you I would not try to save you even if I could."

"I'm curious, Captain... how did you manage to circumvent her programming?" The Operative sounded very casual, but Mal wasn't fooled. "She should have simply continued fighting until she reached her preset kill limit. Instead, she stopped as soon as the mercenary... Cobb, isn't it?... reached her."

"River won't turn on those she's fond of." Mal wasn't entirely sure of that - she'd attacked him, after all - but he wanted the Operative to believe it. "A punch now and then when someone offends her, and she's been known to pour syrup over more than one head, but whatever got put in her brain ain't strong enough to make her kill where she loves."

"Interesting." The Operative looked thoughtful. "Thank you for that information, Captain."

"Just don't want you thinkin' you can start throwin' coded commands around and have her doing your will, is all." Mal scowled. He hadn't intended to be helpful. "And you think good and hard on answering my questions, my friend, because I am asking them nice and civilized. No torture or unpleasantness. If you'd prefer torture and unpleasantness, they can be provided."

"I will consider my options, Captain. Thank you." The Operative closed his eyes.

Mal did not like feeling dismissed from his own interrogation, but he was reasonably sure things would only get worse if he tried to stay. So he pulled himself to his feet, taking his time over it, and only paused to say his last words after he'd passed through the door. "Might think on your namesake some while you're at it, Javert. Sometimes the letter of the law ain't the true path."

He slammed the door before the man could answer. Long shot, but there might just be a working brain cell in there somewhere.

* * *

"You came to find me."

Jayne had managed to get some food into River by dint of outright nagging, but she still looked wiped. She wouldn't even hear 'sleep' without crying, but she was willing to lie down on the couch in the common area so long as he stayed right beside her. Now she looked at him with weary eyes, a surprisingly peaceful expression on her face.

"Well, yeah. Don't rightly recall why." He tucked a blanket over her, finding the open gesture somehow less embarrassing than the discussion of what had happened only in dreams.

"You were worried about me." She tucked her hand under her cheek, turning on her side to watch him as he sat down on the low table. "You aren't angry any more."

"No, I ain't angry any more." He sighed, resigning himself to a conversation he just knew he was going to screw up somehow. "Can't blame you for runnin' away from things like Reavers and needles and dead planets and all."

"I wanted to feel safe." She reached out, her fingertip tracing the tendons splayed across the back of his hand. "You make me feel safe. Keep the bad things away."

Jayne cleared his throat, looking around to make sure nobody had sneaked up to listen. "Is that why you... uh... you know? 'cause I made you feel safe?"

She shook her head. "I don't know why. It isn't rational. Inappropriate for many reasons."

Jayne snorted. "That's a gorram understatement."

"It just... is." River touched her fingertips lightly to his, then laced her slim fingers through his broad ones. "We fit. Opposites and parallels, like a key and a lock. You understand me."

"Not all the time." Her hand was cold, and he reached over to hitch the blanket up more firmly around her. She was wearin' the red dress they'd both dreamed of him taking off her, and he wondered why.

"I need to remember," she whispered. "I need to remember how it felt. I don't know if it was real for you, I don't know what they made me capable of... but I know it was real for me. I had feelings, like a girl, and I made them and felt them myself without anyone telling me to."

She shouldn't sound so happy about something that simple. It shouldn't be such a big deal for her to have just one stupid feeling that she was sure was her own. "It's okay. You didn't... ain't your fault, what I was feeling."

"You don't know that." Her lip trembled a little. "Not for certain."

"Well, you sure weren't makin' me feel anything in the Maidenhead, on account of you was being crazy killer woman at the time." This was logic, and Jayne was kinda proud of it. "And I was still worried you'd get hurt. So there y'are."

She smiled a tiny bit. "I had forgotten you existed until you reminded me."

"See? So no makin' me feel anything. Just... I dunno, maybe givin' me a hint at first. Don't need to feel guilty for that." Somehow he'd wound up holding her hand, his thumb rubbing a gentle circle over her palm. "Ain't to say that... there's a lot of reasons for it not to work, you know that."

"Yes." She looked away, her eyes filling up. "A millstone. A weight around your neck."

"It ain't that." He sighed, frustrated by words that always came out wrong. "Look, you know how I'm feelin' right now, don't you?"

"Trying not to. Shouldn't peek. It's rude." Her lip quivered again.

"Well, go ahead and look. I won't say it right anyhow." He looked down at her hand. "I always screw up." It came out more honest than he'd meant it too, sounding like truth instead of an excuse.

He loved her. He was pretty sure on that, although it wasn't quite like what other folk called love. Maybe it was as close as he could come. And it wasn't creepy like Mal was gonna think, either.

He understood River. Really understood her, down in his bones. He could feel her moods shift, knew without even thinking about it how to ease her out of panic or hysteria. And she understood him - not just the dumb merc he presented to the world, but the soft parts and the dark parts he kept tucked away. "Jayne sees me," she'd said to Kaylee, and she'd gone right to the heart of it.

He saw her. He knew she was crazy, knew she was dangerous, knew she was fractured and vicious and unpredictable and like to burn him.

She saw him. She knew he was mean, knew he was selfish, knew he was calculating and stupid and cowardly and sometimes hated the whole universe just because.

And, seeing the worst, they weren't either of them looking away.

She touched his face, and all the willpower in the 'verse couldn't have kept Jayne from leaning into that touch. "Whole," she whispered, smiling sudden and bright. "Even in parts the whole can be seen. When the whole is accepted, certainty is found."

He swallowed hard, and with an effort he lifted his hand and drew hers away from his face. "Timing ain't good," he said quietly. "You're more crazy'n usual, and I can't be sure as you know your own mind right now. We'll just get this whole Miranda thing squared away, and then... we'll see, all right?"

"Can I look for you in my dreams?" She gave him a look that melted his very bones with longing. "They're getting so much worse... Miranda hurts me, makes me crazy..."

"Yeah." He squeezed the hand he was still holding. "You can look for me. I'll keep the nightmares away."

"Shoot them in the head." She smiled. "Blood and brain bits. No more nightmares."

"Yeah." He knew that some would probably find that a little creepy. Made perfect sense to him, though. "You think maybe you could sleep a little if I stay right here by you?"

She nodded. "If you hold my hand."

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Javert is the relentless and ultimately tragic policeman in 'Les Miserables'. The song River sings while she dances is one of his.


	13. Chapter 13: Men Of Faith

**Chapter 13: Men Of Faith**

* * *

"We're gonna have to move him." Zoe was frowning. "The Operative, I mean."

They were coming up on Haven, and she and Mal had joined Wash in the cockpit. She knew that Mal knew that they couldn't stay long nor let the Operative know where they were. It'd be a wicked thing to bring down their trouble on Haven, when the folks there had always been so decent to them.

"No such thing," Mal said firmly. "The airlock is the safest, most secure place. There he stays."

"Then how are we going to get out, Mal?" Wash glanced over his shoulder at Zoe, making his 'is the captain crazy?' face.

"Through the upper lock. We'll sling a rope down Serenity's side, get up and down that way." Mal shrugged. "I don't want Himself knowing we're even on a moon, if possible. No stopping him from knowing we're parked somewhere, but if the airlock don't open he got no way of knowing if it's a moon or a planet or an asteroid or one of the big stations, should he not notice the gravity shift."

"Well... okay, I guess that sort of makes sense." Wash frowned. "It means we won't all be able to get off the ship, though. I'm fairly sure neither Kaylee nor Simon can even climb a rope."

"Wasn't planning to put them off anyway." Mal folded his arms, frowning. "We ain't stayin' long. Just need to have words with the Shepherd, and then we'll be going."

"Going where?" Zoe leaned against the back of Wash's chair, letting the faint smell of his hair soothe her. "We ain't decided yet, far as I know."

"Well, I'm waitin' to see what I can get out of Book before I commit myself. Got a few notions, though." The way Mal said it, he thought at least one or two of those notions were pretty clever. Which worried Zoe, as Mal's clever ideas tended to be anything but.

"Well, that's something." Wash sounded dubious too. "Here we... are." He frowned.

Mal and Zoe both turned to look through the window.

"Did they put in a new ore processor since we were here? That thing wasn't there a few days ago, was it?"

* * *

"You've got him _where_?"

"Tucked away in the airlock. Don't look at me like that, Shepherd, I _know_ it's a bad idea. We weren't exactly overwhelmed with better options."

"You have an Alliance Operative locked in your _airlock_?" Book looked ready to explode. "Mal, how in the hell did you even apprehend him?"

"River got his attention and Jayne cracked him over the head." Mal had been feeling more than a little off-balance since Book started shouting. Hearing him swear had just made it worse. "She's a lot more rational than he was expecting, it seems, crazy though she still is."

"You do realize that you've brought down certain death on yourself and your crew, don't you?"

"No, what I've brought down on us is _nearly_-certain death. As opposed to the certain death we had when he was loose and comin' after us." Mal shook his head. "River's doin' her best to steer us clear of any killing, and lackin' any better guidance I'm inclined to follow hers."

"Mal, River is barely cogent of her surroundings most of the time. Not to mention..." Book shook his head, almost visibly reigning in his temper. "You are in a great deal of trouble, Mal."

"There's an understatement." Mal ran a hand through his hair. "Every path I see out of this is closing on me, Shepherd. Is there anything you can tell me... anything... that will help me fight my way clear of this?"

"I wish there were, Mal." Book shook his head. "But I can't see a way for you. This won't be forgotten. Attacking one of their elite Operatives and actually succeeding in taking him... you're a possibility that cannot be allowed to exist. You will be hunted down with every resource available to the Alliance and they will not stop."

"Gorrammit." Mal rubbed his forehead. "I couldn't let him have her, Shepherd. Isn't any of us on board wasn't willing to risk it, to keep her safe."

"I know. But it's a fearsome risk you've taken, Mal." Book rested an almost fatherly hand on Mal's shoulder. "You need to know exactly what his mission is. What he wants. What it is that he truly and devoutly believes that he must do."

"He said River was his purpose." Mal frowned.

"Why?"

"Maybe I can find out."

* * *

"_Ba Ba_'s gone to talk to the Shepherd." River uncurled herself suddenly. "It's time now."

"Time for what?" Jayne had allowed them both the indulgence of him brushing her hair. He wouldn't do nothing about the other thing, not now, but there was no harm in brushing. And it calmed her down a little.

"Time to talk to the bad man. Find out what he knows. What he wants." River stood up, ruffling her fingers through her smooth hair. "Play."

"No pulling off've faces," Jayne said, wanting that clear from the get go.

"Play like the haggling." River, having mussed up her hair, kicked off her shoes and twirled a little. "Crazy, scary little girl. Big mean man. You drive his mind to the roads we want, and I will ride with him and take the map from his thoughts."

Jayne nodded. "No problem. What do we want to know?"

"Purpose of being. The job." River smiled at him. "The questions he won't answer."

Jayne drew his knife and examined it thoughtfully. "Think I should get the big one?"

"Size is not the only factor in intimidation." River smirked. "I'm scary."

There was no arguing with that, although Jayne had gotten so he kind of liked it when she was scary. It was nice not being the only person in a conversation with an intimidating manner.

He followed her into the hold. Zoe was gone with Mal, as was Wash. Simon was, so River had assured him, shut up with Inara in her shuttle, being soothed with tea. Kaylee was outside, playin' with Hiroko and doing some trade with the folks at Haven - repairs to any of their equipment might need it in exchange for supplies. Wherever they went from here, Kaylee wanted them to be able to have a good meal or two.

River went through the barely-open doors first, moving light and graceful on bare toes. Jayne followed her, deliberately putting a little extra grim in his expression and swagger in his walk. The Operative probably _had_ been trained to withstand interrogation, unlike Dobson. But Jayne had never met a smart, professional type couldn't be tricked into letting something drop by the belief that his interrogater was too dumb to understand it if he did.

"Miss Tam." The Operative managed a slight smile. "To what do I owe the honour of this visit?"

"To the honour of the Cap'n's off-ship and can't interrupt." Jayne smirked. "See, he don't like how I interrogate folk. He's sensitive about cuttin' off've ears since he got his done once."

The Operative raised his eyebrows slightly. "Mr Cobb, I believe. You have a very impressive criminal record. I believe you are still under a death sentence on Canton for acts of terrorism and incitement to revolution."

Jayne shrugged. "Well, you know. I keep busy."

"So I have noted." The Operative smiled. "You should know, Mr Cobb, that it is pointless to try to torture me. I have been trained to withstand greater pain than you can possibly inflict on me in my anesthetised state."

"True." River trailed her fingertips over the Operative's stomach. Jayne squashed a flare of jealousy. "Cuts. Many cuts. Healed after, but had to learn. Had to be strong."

"As did you. We have a great deal in common, don't we?"

River smiled and reached for Jayne's knife. He held it up out of her reach. "No! Bad moonbrain!" He swatted her hand. "No touching the knife until it's your turn!"

"You're mean." River made a show of going to sit in the opposite corner of the airlock and pouting.

"She's cute. Meaner'n a viper, but cute." Jayne sat down beside the Operative, making himself comfortable. "Anyways. I figure the Cap'n's gonna try an' be all reasonable with you. Talk as between men, and all that. He likes that. Way I see it, that'd be a waste of time."

"Oh?" The Operative sounded downright amused.

"Yeah. Way I see it, I should just cut on ya some now." Jayne grinned, knowing he looked almost as scary as River. "So, Javert... can I call you Javert?"

"If you wish."

"Right. Javert, I'm gonna ask you some questions, and then if you don't answer, I'm gonna use the knife on ya. Okay? And River's gonna watch, 'cause she's real shiny at killin' and trackin' but Mal won't let her practice torturin' folk."

"He has moral issues." River had wriggled up close again, watching with apparent interest.

"Yeah, havin' morals is always an issue. Glad I don't got none." Jayne nodded. "Anyway, here's my first question. Why're you so keen to get your hands on River? She's kinda little and scrawny to raise all that enthusiasm, aside from bein' nowhere near all there. No offence," he added, giving River his best dumb look.

"He thinks she is cute, so she will let him live." River smiled at him. She was still taking care to play crazy, but he saw the warmth in her eyes. Good. She knew they were playing, wouldn't get all pouty and blow it if he insulted her. "She promised not to cut Jayne up again."

"You do and I'll smack you again." Jayne pointed the knife at her meaningfully. "I don't mind a little tussle now and then, but next time you come at me with a butcher knife I'll put you through a wall."

"He's such a flirt." River giggled again, patting the Operative's cheek. The man's jaw tensed just a little when her fingers brushed the deep scratches she'd inflicted. Not fearful, in Jayne's judgement, just bracing himself so as not to react.

"Well, don't you tell Mal." Jayne rolled his eyes. "Mal says I didn't oughta encourage her with the crazy stuff and the killin' and all. Anyway. I was askin' ya somethin'. What was it again?"

"Why I want River." The Operative looked amused, like he thought he was in charge. Good. "I do not believe you would understand my purpose, Mr Cobb. Suffice it to say that I will complete my mission, no matter what obstacles are placed in my way."

"The part isn't mine. Not even a piece of a gun at all. I shouldn't have it." River was examining some piece of scrap she'd picked up off the floor of the airlock with every appearance of interest. Jayne wasn't fooled. He knew what she meant by parts that weren't hers.

"See, I don't get that. Me, I take a job goes south, I walk away. I was all trussed up like you, I'd be spillin' my guts right now." Jayne shook his head. "You're as crazy as she is. Hey, River, don't you put that in your mouth." He took the rusty iron away from her. "It's dirty."

"I want to quantify it." River pouted. "Give it back."

"No. You know what the doc says about you eatin' stuff ain't food." Jayne shook his head. "You should hear him when she eats just one little bug, Javert, you really should. Boy's got no sense and he's fussier than a grandma."

"He loves his sister."

"She scares him." River gave the Operative the serious-little-owl-eyes. "He doesn't know what's wrong with her."

"Yeah, Doc ain't too observant, y'know?" Jayne grinned. "Way I see it, the Academy... you know the Academy? Way I see it, they improved her all to hell. How many girls that age can throw a grenade clean through an engine port from a mule goin' flat out when the ship with the engine port's chasin' the mule? Burned alla them Reavers in a lick."

That got a reaction. "Reavers?"

"I burned them. They screamed." River was playing with a piece of thread hanging from the edge of her dress. (The red one, again.) "But there were more. They ate up Lilac."

"You were on Lilac when it was attacked?" The Operative was really paying attention now. "Did you see these... Reavers?"

Jayne looked at River, and in perfect accord they exchanged scoffing grins. "Oh, right. You're from the Core. You don't know about Reavers."

"I have familiarized myself with the rather sensational stories, but..."

"They ain't stories. Reavers, they make me an' River look like good church-goin' little angels." Jayne didn't have to fake the tension talk of Reavers raised in him. "Sure, I like a good fight, maybe cuttin' a little on some _hun dan_ don't answer my questions nice, but them... they're monsters, is what they are."

"I'm sure - "

"No exaggerations. They swarm, nothing but appetites that can never be sated..." River trembled, and Jayne almost broke character to comfort her before he remembered what they were doing. "They want to eat the 'verse. Worse than the Academy. Worse than everything."

"Aww, see, now you done set her off." Jayne thanked God for years of practice when confronted with Zoe and Wash being mushy as he managed to produce a perfect disgusted face despite his worry. River was shaking kinda hard now. Talk of Reavers didn't usually kick her off like that. "Now she won't be able to concentrate on the torture or anything. Guess we'll have to pick this up later." He stood up, hoisting River up under one arm like she was a sack. "You think hard on whether you'd rather have secrets or ears."

* * *

River fought the slime of remembered Reaver thoughts until the doors closed and she was gathered up in Jayne's comforting arms. "Shhh... shhh, it's okay." He rubbed her back as she burrowed her face into his chest and shook. "What happened? Somethin' in his head set you off?"

"Eating... bad... blood everywhere..." She shook harder, holding onto him. "Walking in the slime, bathing in it... they're all around me..."

"Shhh... it's okay, they ain't here now." He was anxious, she felt it, but his embrace was still the safest place she'd ever been. "It's okay, _xiao gui_, I got you."

"Please don't be mad..." She rubbed her cheek against the soft, grimy fabric of his shirt. The smell wasn't good, but it anchored her. "I don't want to."

"Don't want to what? Why in hell'd I be mad at you?" He stroked her hair. "You confuse me all to hell sometimes, River, but that ain't no cause to get mad. Even kinda like it sometimes."

"Taking you into Reaver space is."

He jumped back. "What the _hell_... no! River, we ain't going into... we just ain't!" He was spiky with fright, but he hadn't let go of her entirely. One hand still cupped her shoulder, still held her steady.

"We have to. We are tangled in Fate's web and we must go where we're led, like flies." River bit her lip to keep it from trembling. Jayne hated to see her cry.

"Mal won't ever... even he ain't that stupid!" The spikes got bigger.

"He will suggest it." River pressed her palms against her temples. "Near-certainty of death is better than certainty. Risk it all to save it."

"Aw, hell." Jayne rubbed a hand through his hair. "Maybe I should just hit him over the head and put Zoe in charge. Or hit her _and_ Mal and take over. Just long enough to get us good and far from temptation."

River shook his head. "You wouldn't hit Zoe."

"Would too. Girl or no girl, she could put me out with one punch. Figure that makes it fair." Jayne shook his head. "I mean, I wouldn't lay a hand to Kaylee or 'Nara, 'cause they're not fighters, or you 'cause... 'cause I just wouldn't, but Zoe's as tough as I am for all she's a bit smaller. Not a whole lot smaller, neither."

"Yes, but she'd never let you get behind her."

"Well, yeah, point." Jayne frowned. He was stronger than Zoe, but Zoe was faster. River could hear him weighing up the odds of him being able to knock Zoe out quickly if Zoe could see him coming and coming up with 'not very good'. "Maybe you could take her out for me?"

River found it was possible to smile even when drowning in filth and cold fear. "Maybe next time."

"You're really gonna let him drag us through... there?"

"We have to." River reached up to take his face between her hands, stroking her thumbs along his cheekbones. "Don't be scared. I'll protect you."

He shivered, and the fear-spikes were driven away by the same warm, coiling feeling that touching him gave her. "I ain't scared."

"You are. We all are. But we will be brave. We will do the impossible and it will make us mighty." She stood on tiptoe and pulled him down to kiss his cheek lightly. His breathing and hers sped up a little. "And I'll keep you safe. I promise."

His hands came up to grip her wrists, pulling her hands away from his face and moving her firmly away from him. "Okay, now you're starting to creep me out some," he said firmly. "I might not be mad at you no more but there's no call to be gettin' all touchy."

River felt relief flare behind her, and winced. She'd been so absorbed in Jayne that she hadn't even sensed Simon's approach. If Jayne hadn't seen him... well, the explanation would have to be made sooner or later, but this was no time for it. "You are ungrateful," she said, frowning at him. "See if I save you from the monsters again."

"River, I'm very glad that you're getting over your aversion to touching people, but I think you need to be a little more... er... moderate." Simon moved into her field of vision, looking at Jayne a bit warily.

Jayne presented an expression of wounded innocence that made River giggle. "I caught her tryin' to sneak into the airlock again, and then suddenly she's all... mushy." He gave River a well-feigned alarmed look. "I ain't gonna die or nothin', am I?"

"Not if I can prevent it," she said, patting his arm gently. She meant it, even though he didn't. "I won't have anyone die because of me."

* * *

Mal ducked into the airlock, frowning a little. Simon had said he'd caught River and Jayne right outside the door, and while Jayne had claimed to be intercepting River before she could go in, Simon hadn't sounded convinced and Mal wasn't either. Jayne would claim to be a virgin saint if he thought it would keep him out of trouble.

And Simon had been fretted over something, although he hadn't said what. Mal had enough to worry about without knowing River's latest wacky little peccadillo, but he reminded himself to ask later, when he had time and energy to be properly creeped out.

"Time for you and I to have another chat, Javert." He crouched beside the bound and immobilized Operative. "And I'm starting to feel the pinch a little here, so you'll forgive me if I don't engage in all that verbal fencing you like so much. Why is River Tam so important?"

"She is required, and I have been sent for her." The Operative smiled his faint, irritating smile.

Mal felt his jaw tighten. "Do you even _know_? Did you come out here prepared to kill two innocent kids who never so much as kicked a puppy until the Academy and the Alliance took to messing with them, without even knowing why?"

"It is not my place to question, Mal. I have my orders, and I will follow them. Not because I am not intelligent enough to question, but because I choose not to." The Operative's eyes were steady. Honest, Mal would have said, did he not know how easy it was to fake honesty. "You were a soldier once. Surely you are familiar with the concept of duty."

"Duty, yes. But not unquestioning. I was always a questioner, myself. That's why I was an Independent." Mal snorted. "Also why I never rose above sergeant, which I suspect you know, havin' looked at my records and all."

"Yes. But I choose not to question, Mal, because I believe in something greater than myself. A better world. A world without sin." The Operative's face changed, and Mal knew that Book was right. Faith illumined that dark, impassive face, the force of true belief, and it scared Mal right down to his boots. There could be no reasoning in the face of such faith, no begging or bargaining.

He tried anyway. "So me and mine got to lie down and die so you can live in your better world?"

The Operative blinked. "I'm not going to live there. How could you think-" He shook his head slightly. "There's no place for me there, any more than there is for you. We're killers, Mal. Monsters."

Mal pulled back a little, more than a bit insulted. "Well, maybe you. What with the assassinating of little girls, and all."

"What I do is evil. I have no illusions about that." The Operative sounded so damned reasonable about it. "But it must be done."

"No." Mal was surprised how quiet it came out. He could have stood up and shouted it out and it still wouldn't have held all the denial he felt right down in his bones. "You can't make a better world by murdering the innocent. You can't make a world without sin by force. Haven't you learned that yet? Hasn't the gorram Alliance learned even now that you _cannot_ force human people to confirm to some bloodless ideal of righteousness?"

"I'll admit that it isn't easy." The Operative actually sounded ruefully amused. "I'm also aware of the irony, you know."

"Which irony? There's just so much of it lying around here just now."

"The irony that Simon and River Tam, probably the only two people on this ship who are truly worthy of a better world, must die for it to exist." The Operative shook his head again. "I studied them, you know. Simon Tam is an extraordinarily decent human being, an idealist who devoted his life to helping others. River had the potential to be one of the great leading lights of the scientific community. They could have done great things, had the Academy not intervened."

"Do my ears deceive me? Is that criticism of the Academy I hear? I thought only those who actually had souls disapproved of that place."

"The Academy was a misjudged and mishandled attempt to force those with psychic potential to realize their gifts. My superiors acknowledge this, and the Academy has been closed."

Mal felt as though his heart had... not skipped a beat, precisely, but clenched just a little too slowly. "And the children?"

"You have spent the better part of a year with River Tam, Mal, and her resistance was extraordinary. Surely you realize that there was only one merciful thing to be done for those children."

"You killed them. You inhuman bastard." Mal's voice was very quiet. It was taking almost all the strength he had to keep his hands from the Operative's throat.

"I gave them the rest they longed for, yes. As I will do for River Tam. She is suffering, I'm sure you see that."

"She was gettin' better, before you came after her. She was almost right again, sometimes." Mal gritted his teeth. "She would have been all right, if you'd left her alone."

"I doubt that. In any case, I did what must be done. For a better world, Mal. For peace, once and for all."

"I believe that you believe that," Mal said, rising to his feet. "It's a common opinion among your kind, as I understand. But I will never agree with you, and I will not let your better world trample me and mine. Do you understand me?"

"I understand." The Operative looked up at him, apparently unafraid. "But I wonder... who do you define as 'my kind', Mal?"

"Them as think they can force their will on others, and call it righteous." Mal swallowed hard, shaking his head. "You always think it's for a worthy cause. For a better world. Over the course of the war I led more than three thousand men and women into fire and death to fight for their freedom against that gorram smug righteousness, Javert, and they died by their dozens and their hundreds." He smiled suddenly. "And I'm of a mind to thank you, because I've felt guilty for each and every one from that day to this. But at least they died free. They died because they wanted every man, woman and child in the 'verse to have that freedom. And they are better off, wherever they've gone, than living to see your _better world_."

"You - "

"I don't want to hear it. You believe what you believe, and I believe what I believe. Won't be changing each other's minds, and that's that." Mal had thought he'd left belief behind in Serenity Valley. He'd thought there was nothing higher left to believe in, no greater good. But he looked at the Operative now and he knew that his faith was as mighty as the other man's, that his greater good was as true as Javert's was false.

Freedom. The right to choose for yourself what to believe, whether to follow the path of righteousness or turn from it. That was a greater good. That was worth fighting for.

"And what will you do about your belief?" The Operative had seen it, too, and his tone had subtly changed. For the first time, he spoke to Mal as an equal.

"River knows something. Something you don't want known." This was the sticking place that courage got screwed to, the moment when choices were irrevocably made, and Mal finally saw his path clear. "You seek to create your better world behind closed doors, Javert. To build it on a framework of lies and secrets. Well, I believe that the truth makes us free." Mal smiled. "Now, I don't know where this secret of yours is hid, or what makes it such a nightmare. But my little girl does, and she will show me the way. And I will shine a light on that secret, Javert, for all the worlds to see."

"Mal, you cannot - " The Operative sounded truly frightened for the first time.

Mal turned and walked away.

"Mal... listen to me... _Mal_!"

The airlock doors slammed, cutting off the sound.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit


	14. Chapter 14: Getting Gone

**Chapter 14: Getting Gone**

* * *

Zoe knew that something had changed the minute Mal walked out of the airlock. By the time he'd gathered everyone in the hold, she was running a nervous hand over her gun. Mal was... different. He had a fire in him she hadn't seen in a long time. Not since Serenity Valley, in point of fact.

"We all have work to do." Mal looked around, gathering them in with his gaze. "Jayne, you're the closest we have to a gunnery expert. Haven has plenty of spare parts for that cannon of theirs. I want you to get out there and see what can be rigged from them. Doesn't have to be pretty, doesn't have to fire more'n a shot or two. But we need a weapon, something showy. Kaylee, need you to tweak the reactor core. Just enough to leave a trail and make it read like we're flying without containment, but not enough to fry us. Wash, grab a couple them mining engineers and any old equipment they may have spare. Weld it on our hull - and anywhere you can rip it a little without causing a breach, do that too."

Everyone was staring at him like he'd lost his mind. Zoe was inclined to agree with them. "Sir, do you really mean to turn our home into an abomination so we can make a suicidal attempt at passing through Reaver space?"

"That's the short version, yes."

"God's balls." Jayne said it almost casually, like he was too stunned to put much emphasis behind it. "There's no way we're goin' out there!"

Beside him, River laid a gentle hand on his arm, and for some reason that silenced Jayne. Those two were the only ones quiet, though, until Mal cut through the tumult with a shout. "_That's enough!_"

When there was quiet, he continued. "This is a thing must be done. Don't expect all of you to agree, but it's my ship and I am still the captain here. Any of you don't agree, this is your port of harbour. The folks here'll take you in - they're our friends, and they'll do right by you. But I am going." He looked at River, and his eyes got as sad as they'd ever been when he spoke over yet another dead child who should never have been in a war-zone at all, let alone as a soldier. "You need this, don't you? You need to look this in the face, or it'll cut at you inside for the rest of your life."

"Have to see." River nodded. "Have to know."

"I know. And a damned poor Daddy I'd be if I didn't go with you." He looked around. "River and I are going, because we have to. The secret she's carryin' will kill us and probably a whole mess of other inconveniently self-willed folk if we don't get to the root of it once and for all. The rest of you all have a choice, and I'll own it's an unfair one, but - "

"Where River goes, I go." That was Simon. "I think you're right, Captain. I think she needs this. And I didn't save her from the Academy to abandon her now."

Mal nodded, and he looked at Simon with well-concealed pride. "I suspected as much. Won't say as it's any too safe."

"I've forgotten what safe feels like. This won't be anything new." Simon looked scared, but that rarely-seen backbone was there now, stiffening him up and lifting his head.

"Aw, hell." Jayne scowled and folded his arms. "I still think it's a ruttin' stupid idea, but River says we gotta if we're even gonna have a chance at livin'."

Mal opened his mouth to agree, and then did a quiet double take. "When the hell did River say that?"

Jayne shrugged. "This morning."

"This morning? She told you about this _before_ I decided on what to do?"

"Mal, it ain't like she said 'The captain's gonna take us into Reaver Space and we all gotta go'." Jayne made a you-idiot face surprisingly like River's. "Just stuff about spider-webs and the captain decidin' stuff and all."

"Knew something was coming." For some reason, River gave Jayne a quick grin before meeting Mal's eyes. "We have circled the rim, now we are drawn down into the vortex."

"Well... okay." Mal frowned, clearly a little put off his stride. "That mean you're goin', Jayne?"

"Yeah." Jayne sighed. "You're gonna need someone can make sense out of what she says, anyway."

"Won't deny that." Mal nodded. He turned to Zoe. "I won't order you to do this, Zoe," he said quietly. "Won't even ask. I know what I have to do, and you can't be talking me out of it, so don't try. But I'd as soon not have you die with me, after all the work I put into keepin' you alive all these years."

Zoe looked at him for a long moment, and then she looked at Wash. This one decision she wouldn't make without him.

Wash was pale, but he shrugged and managed a small smile. "I don't know about you, lamby-toes, but I'm getting a little tired of being left behind whenever things get exciting."

She smiled at him, knowing how much fear there was behind that smile - and how much courage, too. "Don't need to ask, sir," she said quietly. "Ain't ever known you to take a risk with your crew's lives weren't needful. We'll do it."

"Besides, you need me." Wash looked at River. "She's more than a little distracted right now, and no offence, Mal, but as a pilot you're... not."

"True enough." Mal - and everyone else - looked at Kaylee. "Little Kaylee, you - "

"Oh, I'm goin'." She looked a little surprised. "I mean, I ain't lettin' all of you fly off on my girl without me. And with the reactor core tweaked? You'd explode 'fore you even found the Reavers, without me."

"I can take care of Serenity." That was River, solemn and still holding Jayne's arm.

"But not near as good as I can. You ain't a bad engineer, River, but you don't know her like I do." Kaylee looked around, her eyes lingering on Mal and Simon the longest. "No, I'm goin'. I'd rather be with all of you than here all by myself just waitin' for the Alliance to come."

"I'm going too." Inara had been silent until then, but now she stepped forward. "I know I'm not technically a part of the crew, but - "

"_You_ are staying right here." Mal looked like he'd been sucker-punched. "Inara, you can't just - "

"I'm paid up until the end of next month, Mal, what are you going to do, evict me?"

"Keep the damned shuttle!" Mal's voice rose. "It's yours! But you are _not_ - "

"Mal, everything I love is on this ship!" Inara's eyes were full of tears. "This is my family! I gave up everything to be here, to never have to let you go into danger without me again, and I will _not_ be left behind now!"

"I don't want..." Mal trailed off. "I want you to be safe."

"So do I. And I know I won't be, doing this. Going with you." Inara smiled a small, wobbly smile. "But I made my choice when I left the Guild. I would rather face danger with all of you than be safe alone."

Mal looked at her again the way he had when she'd first walked back into his life and his cargo bay, like she was an angel from Heaven. "All right. We all go. Best get moving, people. We don't have much time."

* * *

"This is suicidal, Mal." Book looked drawn and very old. He kept doing that when he came into contact with the crew, and Mal was just as glad the old man had left them when he had. At least that was one person wasn't going to insist on marching into Hell with him. "There must be another way."

"Don't believe there is, Shepherd." Mal found himself smiling. It was a grim smile, but it was there. "I finally see my way clear."

"You're taking those who trust you with you into certain death."

"That may be. Wouldn't be the first time." Mal stepped back to admire his work. Serenity's side was splashed with red paint, now, in the jagged half-patterns that Reavers favoured. He'd got some of it done from the ground, most from standing on Inara's docked shuttle.

Down below, Book looked up at him with a worried expression."That was different, Mal. During the war - "

"Wasn't different. Still fighting the same fight." Mal added a long scrawl of red.

"The war is over, Mal."

"The good fight is never over, Shepherd, you should know that." Mal grinned humourlessly. "I went to war to fight for folks' right to make their own way. For my right to live my life best I could without let or hinderance from some government halfway across the system thought they knew better than I did what I should be doin'. Maybe the War of Unification is over, but I ain't won that freedom yet, seems to me, and I will not give in until I have it. Nor until my little girl has it... did Inara explain that to you?"

"Yes, she did. It's... an interesting development." Book shook his head. "There must be another way. This is madness."

"It's a risk, I'll grant you." Mal set his paint down and turned to look down at Book. "But all life is a risk. River says our chances are best this way, and that's the only assurance I have from anyone, so I'll take it."

Book nodded. "Mal... you know I haven't told you everything. About me. About my past."

"Everything? Book, you ain't told me a gorram thing." Mal wiped the sweat off his forehead. Further up, straddling Serenity's spine, Jayne was welding a rusty, very Reaverish construct onto her back, which he swore would fire at least a few times before blowing its own barrel off.

After that, in theory, they would be humped. Looking at the whole picture, though, if they had to start firing at all they were humped anyway.

"I know." Book frowned. "I think I can, at least, keep the Alliance from our door. When you return, come here. I may have more to tell you then."

"Will do, Shepherd. And good luck." Mal jammed the lid onto his can of paint. Time to go do the other side.

* * *

Jayne dropped down the rope to the ground, passing the welding torch back to the sweet old lady who was Haven's toughest and best machinist. "Thanks, Gilda. Should hold long enough now."

"No problem, hon. Here." She passed him a mug of the brew most on Haven favoured - weak commercial beer livened up with a shot or two of moonshine.

"Thanks." He drained it - cold and wet and with a good strong alcoholic kick. "Needed that. You would not believe the week I've had."

"I'm gettin' the idea," Gilda said, giving the altered Serenity the kind of look you'd expect if you'd cut up a priceless artwork for spare parts or tattooed the baby. "This is just crazy, Jayne."

"This... not the strangest thing this week. Close second... okay, third. Definitely a strong third." Jayne shook his head. "Can I have more?"

"For a strong third? I think you need it more than I do." She handed him her own mug - hardly touched - and trotted away with her equipment slung over her shoulder. "You be careful, now!"

"Too late to start that _go se_ at my time of life!" That made her laugh as she walked away, and Jayne grinned, shaking his head. Careful never had been his thing.

"How are things?" Book came up beside him, offering another mug.

Water, pure and proper, but Jayne was thirsty enough that he didn't mind. The water went down and he sipped the cold beer more slowly this time. "Things like Mal's crazy time or things like... other crazy things?"

"Given that you're going with him, I'd rather assumed you'd rethought your stance on... other crazy things." Book shrugged. "I know that Reavers are perhaps the only thing you truly fear. I don't believe that you'd follow Mal into their space, no matter how loyal you may be to him. But you might follow someone else."

"You always could figure how my mind works." Jayne looked at the desecrated Serenity and frowned. He hated seeing her like that. He didn't love the ship the way Mal or River or Kaylee did, but she was kind of like... like an aunt, or something, the elderly sort you didn't talk to often but who you just kinda knew was around, always there if you needed her to be. He liked her.

"Does she know?"

"She's a psychic, Book. 'course she knows."

"Does anyone else?"

"Hell, no. It's bad enough I'm goin' to Reaver space. I don't want Mal pushin' me out to take a walk when we get there." Jayne shook his head. "It ain't... she's crazier than usual right now. Wouldn't be right to... she's less sure of her own mind than usual, which is sayin' a lot, and anyway she keeps havin' violent fits. Ain't a good time."

Book's face creased up in bewilderment. "So... ah... if you don't mind me asking, where _do_ things stand between the two of you?"

Jayne was glad all that work in the hot sun had reddened his face enough that the blush probably didn't show. It felt so silly to be talking this way on a girl he'd never even kissed outside of his dreams. "Uh... well, we both know that... I mean, once all this is over, we'll have to..." He trailed off. "It's sorta like..." He couldn't find a comparison.

Book smiled a little. "You know how she feels, and she knows how you feel, and should you both survive you'll discuss it further?"

"Yeah, I guess." Jayne ducked his head, feeling about sixteen again. Funny how only the Shepherd and his Ma could do that to him. "I'd be good to her. Take care of her and all."

"That I do believe." Book nodded slowly. "There'll be difficult times, of course. She's not entirely sane, and probably never will be."

"Yeah, well, lot of folk'd say the same about me." Jayne shrugged. "She's a hell of a lot easier to take care of than a kid, and lots of people have those."

"It's not likely that she would. Or that she could care for it if she did."

"Yeah, well..." Jayne shrugged, taking a long drink. "Never did want 'em myself. Too many brothers and sisters for that notion to still have any appeal, know what I mean?"

Book nodded. Jayne figured he was mentally checking off some sort of have-you-thought-of-this-drawback list before deciding if he really approved or not. Jayne had promised to look after her, explained that he didn't mind her being crazy, and pointed out that he didn't want kids so that was okay. Next on the list was probably...

"You know Mal and the others won't take this well."

"Oh, yeah. Figure we'll tell 'em on planet so Mal can't space me while his temper's up." Jayne winced, then brightened a little when he remembered. "Kaylee's on our side, though."

"You told Kaylee?" Book sounded surprised.

"Well... not told. Exactly. She dropped some pretty broad hints as she knew, though, and she made a big thing outta tellin' me she knows I take good care of her and understand her, so..." Jayne found himself smiling at that thought. Kaylee had always been sweet, but there'd been a special kind of warmth in the way she looked at him and River that time, like she thought it was the best thing in the world for them to be together.

"I imagine she'll be a worthy advocate for the two of you." Book nodded. "I will be one as well, should I have the opportunity."

"Thanks. I'll probably need all the help I can get." Jayne shrugged. "Still. Maybe I'll die and then I won't have to worry on it." He drained his mug. "Guess there's always a bright side."

* * *

Kaylee was sad and scared, when they lifted off from Haven. River found her fiddling unhappily with the engine, and held up the prize she had coaxed from Inara. "Look what I have."

"River!" Kaylee jumped, looking around. "I didn't hear you come in. Uh... it's a hairbrush, right?"

"Yes." River pointed at Kaylee's head. "I'll brush you. You'll feel better."

"Aww... that's real nice, River, thanks!" Kaylee moved some things around so River could sit up on a box behind her while Kaylee sat on the floor. "It always does make me feel better."

"I know." River was more coherent today. For three nights now Jayne had shared her dreams, protecting her from the monsters and the silent dead. He'd spent most of last night sitting with her on top of a high rock, shooting anything that approached while she spread her parts out on the stone and continued the painful, vital process of reassembling her mind. Today she was... better. Miranda still tore at her inside, but she was a little better. "The repetition is soothing and the sensations are of comfort."

"They are." Kaylee drew her knees up under her chin as River began brushing, starting at the ends and working her way up. "River? Is it... is it gonna be okay?"

River stroked Kaylee's soft hair, almost the same colour as her own. "Don't know," she whispered. "Got to take the best chance."

"Yeah, I guess." Kaylee hugged her knees, cool and sticky with worry. "But there's a chance, right? That we'll all make it?"

"Getting bigger." River was glad to be able to offer that much comfort. "If we follow the right strings and aren't eaten by the spiders."

"I'm glad we've got a chance." Kaylee played with her toes. "Simon ain't ever... you know... said anything. Not really. What if one of us dies 'fore he does?"

"You may have to hold him down and have your way with him." River grinned. Simon would be so shocked... and so pleased... if she did. And if he found out River had suggested it, he'd die of mortification.

"I usually would," Kaylee admitted, and River could feel her blushing smile like a curl of pink velvet. "But... I dunno. Simon's different. He treats me like a lady, you know? I don't wanna act like I ain't one, even if... you know... I really ain't."

"I understand." River ran the brush over the top of Kaylee's head. "The dance is a formal one, and you must wait for the proper time to take his hand."

"Yeah, exactly." Kaylee fidgeted for a minute, then cleared her throat. "So... uh... how about you?"

"Me?" River knew what Kaylee was asking, but wasn't sure how to answer. "I am... red."

"Red, huh?" Kaylee tipped her head right back, looking at River upside-down. "You been takin' anyone's hand, Miss Innocent Face?"

River's face was suddenly hot, and she lifted her hand to feel it. "You saw the eyes. I heard you see it."

"I saw his, not yours." Kaylee wriggled around to face River, much more interested in talking than brushing. "Although the way you were snuggled up to him was kind of a hint."

River fiddled with the brush. Kaylee's affection was soothing on her raw nerves. "The attachment is unsuitable. Simon will get all streaky."

"Oh, he always does." Kaylee dismissed Simon with a flip of her fingers. "How do _you_ feel?"

"Crazy." River bit her lip. "The stone says I may not hold any hands while I am too crazy to know my own mind. I knew before Miranda ate my thoughts again, but he is as determined as Simon to observe his own forms."

Kaylee sighed. "Men. Ain't they all the same?"

River considered that. "No."

"Well, no. Not really. But there are times..." Kaylee shook her head. "But there is... you know... dancing going on, right? No hand-holding yet, but you're definitely listening to the same music?"

"Yes." River found herself smiling, and lifted her hand again to feel what her face was doing without consulting with her mind. "I will not be a dancer on a music box all alone."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so happy for you!" Kaylee reached up to hug her. "Didn't I tell you you'd know? And that he'd think you were just the shiniest thing in the world?"

"You don't think my choice is inappropriate?" River's voice was muffled by the shoulder of Kaylee's overalls. She had spent so much time focused entirely on Jayne, on longing for him and being sure that her yearning would remain unreciprocated, that it hadn't really occured to her that anyone else might have to know. "You won't let the captain put Jayne in the airlock?"

"I sure won't. I'll weld it shut if I have to." Kaylee smiled. "I mean, you gotta expect he'll be surprised. You and Jayne... it don't exactly seem _likely_, on first thought. An' he's a lot older'n you, and you know what a big fuss folk always make about _that_, like it matters."

"I am a psychic, a trained assassin, and a deadly wielder of syrup." River frowned. "The idea that he might take advantage of me is ludicrous and clearily irrational."

"Yeah, good point." Kaylee grinned, crinkling up her nose. "Ain't like you couldn't feed him his own arms if you caught him thinkin' something bad, right?"

"Exactly. There should be much more concern for Jayne." River was pleased that Kaylee understood. "I am his intellectual superior and far more adept at violence. I am also better at deceit, although he is not as bad a liar as he seems. Surely I am the one who might take advantage."

"Well, yeah, when you think about it like that. But Cap'n and Simon are just gonna see a sweet little thing gettin' flirted with by some big, mean _hun dan_ old enough to be her daddy." Kaylee sighed. "Men're kinda dumb sometimes. You'll get used to that."

River scowled. "If the captain is mean to Jayne I will hit him again."

Kaylee grinned suddenly. "Is that why you hit him the first time? 'cause you were scared he'd put Jayne off've the idea?"

River nodded. "That was the intent. Previous attempts had awakened the stone to the bird's presence, but she feared that too many would put him to sleep again."

"Yeah. Wash says he tried to do the same thing when Wash an' Zoe got together. I think Zoe felt about the same way you do." Kaylee smiled. "Well, when you two start tellin' folk, I'll stand up for you."

"Thank you." River had known, but it was comforting to hear it all the same. "I don't want my tortoise frightened away. He will pull his head and his legs in and then I won't be able to find him."

"Your _tortoise_?" Kaylee blinked, and then grinned. "Hey, I can sorta see that. Kinda hard on the outside and warm and squishy underneath, right?"

River nodded. "With large claws."

"Right. Aww. That's so cute. Jayne the tortoise." Kaylee grinned. "How about you brush some more, an' tell me a bit more about it. He's kinda handsome, don't you think? In a sorta grim, craggy way."

River applied the brush again as Kaylee turned around and settled back into her original position. "He has pretty eyes."

"Don't _ever_ let him hear you say that, he'd die of embarrassment right there. But he does. What else?"

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou - Merciful God, please take me away

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone

Gao yang jong duh goo yang - motherless goat of all motherless goats!

Xiao Teng - small/tiny/young dragon

Ju Guei - giant tortoise

Bao Bei - sweetheart


	15. Chapter 15: They Just Lay Down

**Chapter 15: They Just Lay Down**

* * *

"Final approach."

Wash's voice wasn't loud. It didn't need to be. They were huddled together in the cockpit, watching fearfully as they drew closer to the ribbon of Reaver ships that extended as far as could be seen in at least two directions.

Attempting to go around them was pointless, or so Wash had assured them. They always had scouts, and a covert approach would only draw their attention. Boldness and faith in their disguise were all they had.

Simon looked down at his sister. No screaming panic as yet, but he tightened his arm around her shoulders. She was as tense as a violin string, almost vibrating as she stared out at the grotesquely distorted ships. Simon followed her gaze and winced. Several vilely-mauled bodies had been strung up across a breach in one ship's hull. He would have covered River's eyes, if he thought that meant she would stop seeing.

Then she relaxed slightly and shifted under his arm, and he looked around in surprise. Jayne had moved up silently to stand on River's other side, and she was holding his hand in both of hers. As Simon watched River looked up at Jayne with an anxious expression, and he gave her a strained nod. Simon couldn't work out who was comforting who - Jayne was as pale and scared-looking as River - but either way it was unsettling.

And it bothered him just a little that River would turn to someone who wasn't _him_ to comfort or be comforted.

Then Kaylee slipped in under his other arm, hiding her face against his shoulder when the screams started. The other ships were broadcasting the pain of their captives... or maybe just screaming for the joy of it, Simon couldn't tell. Either way, he hugged Kaylee protectively, resting his cheek against her hair.

Beside him, he felt River lean against Jayne.

It seemed like a long time later that Wash sighed sudden and loud. "We're through. No followers. In fact, scans don't show any ships near the planet at all."

"Won't," River whispered, sounding unutterably sad. "They know the secret."

"Whatever's down there even scares Reavers?" Kaylee lifted her head from Simon's shoulder, giving River a horrified look.

River frowned. "They eat but cannot eat what is there because it is themselves but it isn't..." Her lip quivered. "The lights move but they shine on nothing, the voices sound in silence so empty..."

"She can't make sense of it yet." Jayne untangled his hand from River's to rest it flat on her back. "Ain't enough pieces of the picture."

River nodded, giving Jayne a grateful look. "Puzzle bits... they scatter and they all have pictures but they're too small and sometimes the white is the cat's tail and not a cloud after all."

"Well... we'll find out soon enough." Mal nodded, his arms tightly folded and his jaw clenched. "The truth. Whatever that is."

* * *

"Gravity's earth-norm." Mal had only had to take a couple of steps to be sure of that, even in the heavy space-suit. Spend enough time in space, you learned to detect even minor gravity variances. Alliance ships tried for earth-norm, but there was a softness to the pull that real gravity didn't have. Serenity's was lighter, but not so much so that a long stretch aboard her would cost you too much in the way of muscle tone.

And thinking on nuances of gravity couldn't keep him from seeing the wrongness that was before him.

"O2 levels check," Zoe said, and her eyes met Mal's in a we-are-standing-in-shit-and-sinking look that he knew all too well.

He popped his helmet and pulled it off, looking around.

Not the burnt out wreck of a small settlement that they'd been told to expect. This was a city. A city big and pretty enough to grace any Core world. And it was as silent as the gorram grave. No lights. No music.

No people.

He and Zoe and Jayne headed into the ship to shed the suits, and after only a half-hearted attempt on his part to leave the non-fighters behind, all eight members of the crew moved off Serenity and into the ghostly city.

"This ain't no little settlement," Jayne said, master of the obvious as always.

"We flew over at least a dozen cities just as big," Zoe said, looking up at a big square building - apartments, by the spacing of the windows - that had at some time burned itself out. Nobody had extinguished the fire... it had just burned until there weren't no more of it _could_ burn. "Why didn't we hear about this?"

There was no answering that question, so Mal didn't try. During their descent, Wash had detected a very faint beacon, the only sign so far that might indicate even past life, let alone a current one. "Beacon's this way," Mal said, heading for it because they had to start somewhere.

No wonder the Operative - temporarily confined in the upper airlock - had been so scared of having this known. This was something the Alliance most certainly should fear, and Mal didn't even know what it was yet.

Because there was nothing wrong with this city. The air was good, the gravity was fine... lights still came on when they walked through a tunnel, even. The city worked, the _planet_ worked... so what the hell had gone wrong?

"Hey." Zoe saw it first... a withered, dessicated body, just bones with a little withered skin clinging to them in places, lying quietly by a wall. She knelt beside it, looking it over carefully. "Clothes are intact, except for the rot - no signs of a bullet or knife hole. No fractures."

"Poison?" Mal didn't think it likely, but he couldn't think of anything else, either.

Zoe shrugged, and they moved on. Mal noticed without really noticing that the crew had fallen into a grouping. Zoe first, taking point. Jayne behind her and to one side, tensed and ready for action. River just a shade behind Jayne, staying close to him. Behind her, Simon and Kaylee were staying close and Wash had a hand on Inara's shoulder, though his eyes were on Zoe. Mal brought up the rear, where he could see everyone and also protect from any attack from behind.

They moved along a walkway, and had much too good a view of more of the dead city. As they passed under a silent banner-screen, it flashed up an ad that Mal vaguely remembered from about ten years back, and then shorted out again. The city worked, but there hadn't been any maintenance done for a good long time.

"Got another one!" Jayne hurried over to a hover sitting tidily in a parking space.

They all followed, and Mal's gut twisted when he saw the skeletons. One adult, the driver... and beside it, a very small set of bones strapped neatly into a child's booster seat.

"They're just sittin' here." Jayne sounded bewildered. "Didn't crash." He got up, reaching out without looking and somehow unerringly finding River's thin shoulder. He gently but firmly turned her away from the hover, making her look away from that small body.

River looked as shaken as Mal had ever seen her, including when she'd erupted screaming and naked from a cryo box. She was wearing a fluttering blue dress instead of her more practical gear, and Jayne had managed to get her boots onto her - but no weapons, Mal was glad to note. She kept twitching, trying to look all around her as if she thought something was going to creep up on her out of the dead city.

"Kaylee, come this way." Simon sounded the way he did when he talked to River. Soothing but with an anxious edge. "Come here. Don't - "

"_Gaaa_!" Kaylee had turned, and seen what Simon saw - that the window she was leaning against had a body leaning against the other side of it. "Oh, God!" She scrambled back, her hands going to her mouth.

Again, everyone drew in. It was as if none of them - Mal included himself here - could resist the horrible need to know the worst.

The window let onto an office. There were bodies in chairs in front of computers, one leaning against the window, a few more on the floor. The bodies in the chairs leaned back or had their heads on their desks. Those on the floor lay stretched out, with hands under their heads or folded across their stomachs.

"How come they're preserved?" Jayne asked, frowning thoughtfully at the bodies.

Mal thought he knew the answer to that one. "Place must have gone hermetic when the power blew. Sealed 'em in." It was a failsafe a lot of Alliance-built buildings had - if there was a fire, for example, any room that was shielded enough could just shut down, keep the air clean and the people inside until such time as they were retrieved.

"What are they doing?" Kaylee's voice was high and thin with fright. "What's everybody doing?"

"There's no unusual discolouration," Simon said, staring at the bodies with the frowning interest of any doctor presented with an unusual diagnosis. Well, if that helped the boy keep some distance from the horror before them, Mal wouldn't grudge him that. "Nobody's doubled over or showing signs of pain."

"There's gases that kill painless, right?" Mal asked, wanting it to be that, and Simon nodded.

Inara - who should never have been allowed to see such horrors as this - saw the flaw in it. "But they didn't fall down. None of them. They just _lay_ down."

"More than anything else," Simon said softly, "it looks like dehydration."

"And what's the bet there's plenty of water around?" Mal said, bile rising up in his throat.

"They just lay down," Inara said again, sounding very small and frightened.

"The silent dead," Jayne said quietly, and Mal turned to look at him in surprise.

Behind them, River screamed. "_Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou_, make them stop, they're everywhere, every city, every house, every room, they're all inside me, I can hear them all and they're saying _nothing_!" She was on her knees in the middle of the walkway, clutching her head as she looked around wildly. "Get up! Please, get them up! _Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou_, please God make me a stone..."

Before even Simon could reach her, Jayne was kneeling beside the girl, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. "River, shh... look at me. Look at me!"

She did, her eyes wide and full of tears, her small hands scrabbling up to clutch at his shirt. "They didn't scream. They didn't fight. They didn't do anything." She burrowed her face into Jayne's chest, and the city was so still that they all heard her quiet whimper that echoed Inara's words. "They just lay down..."

"Shh... I know." Jayne stood up, lifting her easily in brawny arms. "I'm startin' to see why you was so scared of them before."

"Before when?" Simon sounded startled and maybe a little angry.

"She's been havin' nightmares about dead people as don't make a sound." Jayne shrugged. "I couldn't figure why they scared her so bad until now."

"Let's get to the beacon." Wash was reassuringly calm - or maybe not reassuringly, since Wash usually saved that cool, distant calm for very bad situations indeed.

They walked in silence now - except for River, who was whimpering in an incoherent tangle of English and Chinese as Jayne carried her. Simon was hovering beside the big merc, looking worried. Jayne himself was looking especially stone-faced, and Mal could almost find it in himself to pity any Alliance _hun dan_ they might find alive, because the last time he'd seen Jayne look like that he'd had to restrain the man from torturing Badger to death.

They reached a landing-strip, and at the end of it and a little to one side was an Alliance vessel - one of their Research and Observation crafts, if Mal's memory served, an older model of one still in use. They'd stopped putting those little fins on about eight or ten years ago.

It had crashed. And there was other damage, too... someone had torn their way into that ship with a pretty single-minded determination. Mal had only ever seen damage like that once, when he'd watched a rescue team literally rip through a crashed skimmer's side to get at the survivors inside. But nobody had rescued these folk, so what could have done this?

Mal and Zoe went in first. Finding it clear, he waved the others inside.

The ship was a mess. Doors ripped out, clothes thrown around, anything loose smashed or on the floor - even the bulkheads were dented and gouged in places. But there were no bodies. Not a one.

When they reached the forward part of the ship, River - suddenly silent - wriggled out of Jayne's arms and went to a particular console. She took hold of a clear plastic recording cylinder that had been knocked half out of its socket, and pushed it gently into place.

The reader, it seemed, was still on. A woman in Alliance uniform flickered into being in the middle of the room, transparent and a little smaller than life-size, with several flat images of Miranda's dead hovering in front of her, looking a lot fresher than they did now. She looked frightened, and her voice had a shake in it when the recording resumed. "_-just a few of the images we've recorded, and you can see it isn't - it isn't what we thought. There's been no war here, and no terraforming event. The environment is stable_."

She pulled in a deep breath, her lip trembling. The pictures disappeared, and it was just her, standing there straight and scared. "_It's the Pax. The G-32 paxilon hydrochlorate that we added to the air processors. It's_ - " She started to cry, a quiet whimpering that eerily echoed River's sobs not five minutes before. " _- well, it works. It was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Make a peaceful - it worked. The people have stopped fighting_."

Mal felt a great cold emptiness open up inside him. He could see Zoe and Wash moving closer to each other. Simon was putting his arm around Kaylee. Inara had tears in her lovely eyes, and Jayne had his hand on River's shoulder again, both of them pale and frozen-looking.

This wasn't something that had happened to the men, women and children of Miranda. This was something that had _been done_ to them. Deliberately, by an Alliance that thought it could make folk better.

The woman was confirming it. "_And then they stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, stopped breeding... talking... eating..._" She took another deep breath, obviously trying to control herself. She was doing about as well as those watching her. "_There's thirty million people here, and they all just let themselves die. They didn't even kill themselves. They just - most died of dehydration or starvation. When they stopped working the power grids, there were overloads, fires - people burned to death just sitting in their chairs. Just sitting._"

There was a loud banging, and everyone jumped. So did the woman in the recording. "_I have to be quick. There was no one working the receptors when we landed, so we hit pretty hard. We can't leave. We can't take any of the local transports, because - _" The bang came again, and she flinched. "_There are people... they're not people. About a tenth of a percent of the population had the opposite reaction to the Pax. They've become - They've killed most of us - and not just killed they've done... things..._"

Inara let out a tiny whimper, a tear trickling down her cheek.

Wash said what they were all thinking, a horror in his voice that Mal had never heard there before. "Reavers. They _made_ them."

"_I won't live to report this, and we haven't got power to - people have to know_." The woman started to cry again, and Alliance or not, mad scientist with the deaths of millions to her name as she might be, Mal's heart bled for her. She had at least been decent enough to want to get the truth out, brave enough to make a last record just in case it helped somehow, and she shouldn't have had to face such horrors alone.

"_We meant it for the best,_" she said tearfully. "_To make people safer. To - God!_" As she spoke, there was a crash that could only have been the door that Simon and Kaylee were now standing on. The woman whipped out a gun and fired in the direction of the doorway, then pressed the barrel to her own head.

She was too slow. Before she could pull the trigger, a creature instantly recognizeable as a Reaver jumped on her, tearing at her clothes and her flesh.

"Turn it off." The choked voice came from behind Mal and he turned sharply.

The Operative stood there, leaning weakly against a wall, his eyes those of a man given a mortal wound.

The sounds behind Mal stopped, for which he was grateful, but he was of no mind to turn his back on the Operative to see who had done it. "Is this it?" he said, forcing the words out through gritted teeth. "Is this that world without sin you were so fierce to protect, Javert? Because if so, I'm just as glad not to be worthy of it."

"I did not know," the Operative said, and he sounded as if he couldn't draw breath enough to more than whisper. "I thought... I believed, Mal. I believed in a better world. And now I see only death where hope was."

Mal would have laid money he would never feel anything but loathing and contempt for the Operative. That they would be opposed in everything until the day one of them died, which likely wouldn't be long in coming.

Now... he knew the pain the other man felt like his own, because it was his own. Just so had he stood, in Serenity Valley, when Zoe told him they had been ordered to surrender and he'd turned to see not the angels he'd expected, the airlift out that they needed, but a hail of fire from a fresh wave of the Alliance's gunships. When he'd lost his faith in God, and in righteous causes, and in justice. The Operative had been stupid and blind, but to have your faith turn hollow and sour like this, to see the horror of it... it was a pain Mal couldn't but feel some measure of sympathy for.

"Ain't a sin to believe," Mal said quietly. "But to not know what you believe in... to believe blindly, to think something's good because you're told it is without ever using your own mind or your own eyes on what it is you're being told... that's a sin. You gonna close your eyes again, now that you've seen?"

The Operative shook his head slowly. "I do not know how to make you believe me, Captain," he said quietly, giving Mal his rightful rank like a peace offering. "But no. I have been blind, but having seen, I will not be blind again. These people had faith in their protectors, and that faith was betrayed." He looked away, shaking his head a little in confusion. "Yet I do not know what to do. I have been trained and conditioned to serve the Alliance above all else. I do not know if I can disobey, even now."

"To serve the Alliance." Mal looked around in surprise to find Wash coming up beside him, his face very serious. "Just out of curiosity... how do you define serving the Alliance? Serving the Parliament? Serving the ideals of the Alliance, embodied in her charters and declarations? Or serving the countless millions of souls who _are_ the Alliance, who are its body and blood and bone? You remember them? The ones the Parliament are _supposed_ to serve? If you're having trouble remembering, there are about thirty million of them decaying outside."

The Operative frowned. "I... until now, I would have said that all were one, and that all were served by my loyalty to the Parliament."

"And now?" Wash looked pointedly over his shoulder at the place where the hologram had been. "I don't think the Parliament served that girl too well. Or the people she came looking for, either."

"No. It didn't. And you are right - it is time to reconsider my loyalties." The Operative turned, staggering towards the torn-open door and the daylight beyond.

Mal followed him.

* * *

Jayne had been on first name terms with death since his first gunfight when he was seventeen. Close on twenty years now, and him and the Reaper had gotten reasonably comfortable with each other. Jayne didn't _like_ death much, but he didn't take it to heart the way some did.

But this... he felt cold all over at the idea of just lying down, of not caring if you lived or died. He ever went, he wanted to go fighting. Or hell, even begging. Something. Anything. Not just waiting for it to come and not caring when it did.

Even gettin' taken by Reavers was better than that. You could _try_ to fight, then.

He was pulled out of his increasingly creeped-out thoughts by River, who dropped to her knees in a corner and was suddenly and violently sick.

"I'm with her," Wash muttered from beside the door.

Jayne wasn't really sure how to handle puking, but Simon stepped in quickly enough - doctors probably saw lots of that - and rubbed her back, waiting until she'd finished. "River?" he said gently, when she seemed done.

"I'm all right." River wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Then she paused, and looked up at Simon. Her eyes looked... normal. Not wide or teary or fixed. "I'm all right," she said again, and she _sounded_ normal, too.

Simon stared at her for a long moment, then pulled her into a tight hug. "Oh, _mei mei_..."

She looked over his shoulder at Jayne, and smiled tentatively. It took all Jayne's willpower not to go over there, snatch her out of Simon's arms, and kiss her senseless. Puke or no puke. She _was_ all right - and she was still looking to him. Still wanting _him_.

Instead he flashed her a quick smile then dug in his pocket for his flask. "Here." He passed it to her over Simon's shoulder. "Wash your mouth out."

River did so, pulling a horrible face. "I think that tastes _worse_."

"It's rotgut. It's for gettin' you drunk, not for tasting." But the taste faded a lot faster than lingering bile, which was why he'd suggested it.

"We should go." Kaylee gave the place where the woman had been a miserable look, and since Simon was occupied with River, Jayne sacrificed his mean and macho reputation just long enough to give her shoulder a little pat. She smiled at him shakily. "I'm okay. Just... it was pretty awful."

"Yeah." Wash nodded, coming up beside Jayne and taking the cylinder. He handled it respectfully, which Jayne would have expected from him. "You're right. Let's get back to the ship before we breathe too much of this creepy air they have here."

Jayne hadn't thought of that. He headed for the door at a good clip, trusting the others had sense enough to be right behind him.

* * *

River sat in the galley, her chair half-turned so she could look at the captain. She was sitting in his usual place, at the head of the table - beside her and behind her, the rest of the crew sat at the table as well.

She didn't need to see any of them, of course. They filled her mind with a chord of sound and colour and smell and taste - a little harsh, a little shrill, thanks to their upset, but in perfect harmony with itself.

Wash was frightened. Not just for them, although he was terribly afraid of harm coming to Zoe. But he saw what this could mean for the whole system, the chaos and death that could be born of what had happened on Miranda, and he feared it. Feared another war.

Zoe sat beside him, their hands tightly linked. She was fearful, too, mostly for Wash and for Mal. She didn't have the same political foresight that Wash did - her fears were immediate. They were on dangerous ground, they were outgunned, their supplies were limited and their lives hanging by a slender thread. When they found a secure place, she would worry about the long-term. Until then, she focused. Zoe focused very well.

Kaylee was very, very sad. Her heart hurt for each and every dead person on Miranda, all the hopes and dreams that had fallen to dust, all the sad folk on other worlds who never knew what had really happened to their loved ones. Kaylee's sweetness held true even in the face of the worst horrors, and River knew without asking that everyone on the crew loved her for it.

Simon had his arm around Kaylee's shoulders, and he was all pulled tight inside. He was angry, angry in a remorseless way that River had never seen in her gentle brother before. He knew what G-32 paxilon hydrochlorate was. He had read about it, years and years ago, and had been glad when 'testing' was 'discontinued', because even at ten he had known his sister was different and excitable and had been vaguely worried about it. Now he burned with fury at the knowledge that doctors and scientists, men who had sworn the same oaths that he had taken himself, had done this to innocent people who had trusted them. He felt their betrayal like a knife in his own heart and he ached to avenge it.

Inara's gentle chiming had become a discordant clamor of alarm-bells. Her faith in the Alliance, bent but never broken until now, was in shattered pieces. Everything she had believed in - peace, order, security - had been revealed as poisonous lies. They weren't really, of course, but that was how she felt just now. But it was good that she had Mal to turn to. They hadn't spoken yet - just as River and Jayne hadn't - but they both _knew_, and it gave them both something to hold to when everything else seemed broken.

Jayne was at the other end of the table, drinking his cheap rotgut out of the bottle because he knew that if he didn't administer a mild relaxant his tension would slide over from battle-readiness to knotted discomfort. He didn't think of it in those terms, of course, but he knew his body and did what it needed. He was angry, too, almost as angry as Simon. Jayne had no moral qualms about killing the way Jayne did it - fighting with guns or knives or fists, or pitting ship against ship in the black, or even the occasional assassination from ambush. Killing people who couldn't fight back, or try to not die, because they didn't even know someone was killing them... that was wrong, to Jayne's mind, and it made his skin crawl. (Under the anger, though, there was a small, joyful flame. River had smiled at him, still cared even though she was finally thinking clearly, and that made Jayne happy in a way even Miranda couldn't entirely destroy.)

Standing in the doorway, the Operative was like a shadow full of shattered glass, strange gleams showing through his darkness as they cut him inside. He was broken as River had been broken when Simon came for her, his training cracking in the face of the truth. It hadn't released him yet, and it might be that it never would... but he was trying to break out, for the first time. Perhaps he would succeed.

Watching them all was the captain. Mal was afire inside, anger pushing fear aside. River knew that more than one person had told Mal the war was over. They were wrong. Mal's war, the war he fought against injustice and cruelty and the theft of freedom, would never be over. He knew that there was only so much one man could do to change the 'verse, and it pained him, but he kept fighting because he believed that he should. That it was right.

And now he'd found the strong place to stand and the strong truth to use for a lever and he planned to move all of civilisation with it if he could.

"This report is maybe twelve years old." Mal looked around, gathering them all in with his gaze. "Parliament buried it, and it stayed buried till River dug it up. This is what they feared she knew. And they were right to fear, 'cause there's a universe of folk that are gonna know it too. They're gonna _see_ it. Somebody has to speak for these people."

River nodded slightly, and knew that behind her other heads were nodding too.

"You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I ever have before. Maybe all. Because I am sure as I can be that they will try this again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten, they'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that." His jaw tightened as he looked at the Operative with mixed sympathy and defiance. "Some would hold as that makes me a bad man. Well then, bad I will be. I, for one, am no meek little sheep to lie down and die for someone else's mistakes. I aim to misbehave."

Jayne snorted. "Ah, hell, Mal, we all had our chance to get off at Haven, and we all said as we'd see this through. You really think you gotta make a whole big speech on it _again_?" He took another drink from his bottle, and then slid it down towards Simon. It was a peace offering of sorts, a sign of acceptance as one man to another, and River smiled at Jayne again. If they were to be together, trying to get along a little better with Simon was a very good start.

"Well, maybe not. But I like the speeches." Mal was pleased that they all agreed with him, was proud of them, though he tried to hide it behind levity.

"Do we have a plan?" Simon asked it seriously, without his usual snide edge when talking to the captain... and he drank from Jayne's bottle without even flinching, which made River happy.

Mal glanced at the Operative. "Well..."

The Operative inclined his head. "I would conjecture that the ally calling himself 'Mr Universe' is the best choice. Yes, I know of him. I know of all your allies, or almost all. He can broadwave this message to every screen for thirty worlds without my help. With it, with the codes I can share... more. Maybe all."

"And you'll be helping, then?" Mal glanced at River, who nodded. The Operative was telling the truth, though she wasn't going to trust him just yet. He had lost his own faith, and Mal's belief in the power of truth appealed to him at this moment. That might last, or it might not.

"I will. Mr Washburne is right. I must decide whether I serve the Parliament or the Alliance as a whole. For now... the people have been wronged, and I am sworn to uphold the laws and ideals of the Alliance. It is my duty to prevent this betrayal from ever being possible again."

"Seems maybe we can agree on some things after all." Mal smiled grimly. "River, he going to turn on us? Kill us all in our sleep?"

River shook her head. "Can't swear to his intentions long-term, but he means what he says for now. He holds himself responsible for the good folk of the Alliance, and he'll work with us for their sake."

"Well, ain't that a comfort." Mal shared a smirk with her, amused by her distinction between the 'good folk of the Alliance' and themselves. "All right, Javert... won't lock you up again for now. Get yourself some solid food while you can." He paused. "One question, though, a matter of personal interest... how the hell did you get on your feet and out?"

"I don't know." The Operative shrugged. "I woke to find myself able to move, and the upper hatch open with the sun shining in. I climbed out and followed you."

Mal looked at him. Then he turned to glare at River. "Got an explanation, little albatross?"

River shrugged. "He had to see it for himself. Just telling wouldn't have been enough."

"And we didn't consult anyone else on this _because_..."

River gave him the Look. "Because I was too crazy for even Jayne to understand at the time?"

"Well... yeah. True." Mal couldn't really argue with that, but he waved his finger at her anyway. "But don't do it again."

River assumed an angelic expression. "Yes, _Ba ba_."

Mal snorted. "You ain't gonna get around me that easily," he said... untruthfully, since inside he had fallen into mush as soon as she said it. "All right. We go to Mr Universe. He's close - won't take long."

"Based on our orbital trajectories, he reached optimum proximity just before our sunset. If we make a direct run within the hour, we're only three hundred sixty-seven thousand four hundred forty-two miles out. At full burn, we'd reach him inside of four hours." River thought about it. "Allowing for not rushing in sight of the Reavers, maybe five."

Everyone looked at her in surprise, then Mal shrugged and nodded. "Right. Javert... you know about Universe. Who else does? Am I going to find Alliance there waiting for me?"

"Almost certainly." The Operative nodded. "By now another Operative has been dispatched, and he will have access to my notes and records. I believed that you would retreat to Universe's moon in an attempt to either hide or negotiate from a position of perceived strength."

"How many?"

"I don't know." The Operative shrugged. "I would have had a dozen warships, but I have learned not to underestimate you. Depending on who has been sent, there may be twenty, there may be a single gunship."

Mal nodded. "As soon as we're past Reaver space, we contact Universe. Wash, you think he still remembers the code?"

Wash nodded. "He doesn't forget things like that. He'll let us know if someone's there."

"A code." The Operative smiled slightly. "I might have underestimated you even now, Captain."

Zoe frowned. "If someone's there, sir, they're going to know we've contacted him. Even with the code, they'll see us coming."

Mal shook his head, and River did too. She spoke in unison with him, smiling the same humourless smile. "No. They're not going to see _this_ coming."

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou - Merciful God, please take me away

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone

Gao yang jong duh goo yang - motherless goat of all motherless goats!

Xiao Teng - small/tiny/young dragon

Ju Guei - giant tortoise

Bao Bei - sweetheart


	16. Chapter 16: Words To Say Before The End

**Chapter 16: Words To Say Before The End**

* * *

The Operative had chosen a position from which he could watch the strange, twitching man who called himself Mr Universe before allowing the wave to be answered.

"If it isn't the one, the only, the _fantastic_ Mr Universe!" The blonde man on the screen was Hoban Washburne. Gifted pilot. Married to Malcolm Reynolds' second, Zoe Alleyne. The Operative had familiarised himself with his predecessor's files on those they sought.

"I am great, I know I am, but you never tell me so unless you want something." Mr Universe smirked. "What can I do you for, my pilot pal?"

"We have travelled far and seen many strange sights, and believe me you will _not_ believe me when I tell you some of them. Reaver ships are not pretty up close." Washburne shook his head. "Listen, we need the kind of favour only you can provide, oh technologically well-connected one. We got a word that needs to make it out into the 'verse, as wide as it can be spread. Will you do it?"

"It's no problem. Bring it on bring it on bring it _on_!" Mr Universe grinned. The Operative would have been more content if the man were less eccentric. He _seemed_ to be behaving as he usually would, but 'normal' for him was so peculiar that it was difficult to be sure. "From here to the eyes and ears of the 'verse, that's my motto - or it would be if I start having a motto."

"We won't be long. We're a few hours off spitting distance as I speak." Washburne grinned. "How's Lenore? Still the love of your life?"

"As much as your wife desires otherwise, my friend." Mr Universe chuckled, looking over his shoulder at his Love-Bot. "The lovely Lenore is perfect as always. Anyway, you'll get caught in the ion cloud, it'll play merry hob with your radar, but pretty pretty lights and a few miles after you'll be right in my orbit."

Washburne nodded - presumably he already knew this, but he humoured the technically brilliant maniac. "With bells on and bringing your new star." He paused. "You'll let us know if anyone else comes at you, right?"

"You'll be the first." Mr Universe smiled as innocently as a child. "Soonsoon!" He disconnected and spun his chair to look at the Operative. "There. Toss me my thirty coin, but I got a newswave for you, friend - "

The Operative caught the curly hair in one hand, twisting the younger man's head and expertly injecting the side of his neck with the small syringe he'd concealed in one hand. "My predecessor in dealing with this... situation... favours a sword," he said conversationally. "It has a certain poetic cachet, I will concede. I prefer poison, myself. Slow-acting. It will kill you eventually, but unlike a sword-wound, it is easy to counteract should I find in the interim that I need you again."

Mr Universe gave him a shocked look, opening his mouth as if to protest, but the poison had already numbed his vocal cords.

"It's quite painless, I promise you. Not like the sword. You'll just drift away." The Operative nodded reassuringly. "Not messy. Not painful. I'm sure you appreciate that."

* * *

"They're there and there's a lot of them." Wash didn't sound happy.

Mal couldn't blame him. "How many?"

"Thirty ships or more. It never occurred to us to make a code for more than thirty of _anything_." Wash frowned. He'd called them up to the cockpit when he'd finished talking to Universe, since he was of no mind to leave it just now. "I think someone was actually in the room with him. He gave me the three repeats followed by a motto comment, but that was the only code-phrase he slipped in, and he's not usually that careful unless he's being personally threatened."

"How much do you think he's told them?" That was Zoe, frowning.

"A lot. Quite possibly everything. Mr Universe isn't the heroic type. Fortunately, he never knew very much." Wash shrugged. "He did say one interesting thing, though. He made a big point of warning me about the ion cloud, and he knows I've been through it a dozen times."

"Ambush?" Mal raised an eyebrow.

"Almost certainly. He's not a military thinker but I'm fairly sure he can grasp the idea of people hiding behind a large obstruction to leap out at us." Wash nodded. "I just hope it doesn't occur to them to take Lenore hostage. He'd hand us over with a bow tied around us if they threatened her."

Kaylee frowned. "Wash... uh... he does _know_ Lenore's just a Love-Bot, right?"

"Don't ever use the word 'just' in his hearing, little Kaylee. He's been faithful to Lenore for longer than most men can manage with a real live woman. Weird, I'll grant you, but isn't he always?" Wash frowned, leaning over to flick a switch. "And if you guys feel any suspicious warmth in the area of your posteriors, that's because we've got a lot of very hungry Paxed-out freaks breathing down them. I hope you're right about this, Mal."

"So do I." Mal nodded. "But the psychic says we're on the best road to survival that we have, right now, and she's been rolling sixes all the way so far."

"True." Zoe nodded. "But 'best' don't mean 'safe', sir. Just means 'less dangerous than all the others'."

"I'll take 'less dangerous' over 'I got no damn idea what to do' any day." Mal shrugged, then took note of the way Zoe was holding onto Wash's hand. "You know, I'm gonna go see how the others are doing. Kaylee, how's about you go check on the doctor?"

"Thank you, sir." Zoe smiled a little, but the worried look didn't leave her eyes.

* * *

Inara had given away many of the accoutrements of Companionhood when she chose to leave the Guild. It was traditional. Most of her books and her more elaborate costumes she had given to the younger sisters of House Madrassa. Such were the heirlooms of a Companion. Her furniture and most of her hangings and ornaments she had given to Sheydra for the school, accepting in return gifts of jewellery and simpler fabrics. No Companion would ever sell her belongings, even when she retired, but an exchange of gifts was acceptable - and most Companions, like the women of some cultures on Earth-That-Was, preferred to carry their wealth in their jewel-cases rather than their purses.

But some things she had kept, and one of those she had now drawn out of its trunk. She was a little rusty at her archery - she couldn't practice on board Serenity - but it was the only weapon she was truly comfortable with, though she could use a knife or a sword if she had to. If she'd _had_ a sword.

"Looks like you're getting ready for a fight."

She looked up to see Mal in the doorway of her shuttle, his face drawn but calm. "We have at least a dozen Reaver ships on our trail, we're barrelling straight towards an Alliance ambush, and we're about to drop a metaphorical bomb on Parliament itself. Is there any possibility that there _won't_ be a fight?"

"There's always possibilities. Just not, you know, likely ones." Mal smiled ruefully. "I could give you a gun."

"I wouldn't know what to do with one. Simon's probably a better shot than I am." Inara laid down the bow and picked up the box that held her quiver. Perhaps it was Mal's bad influence that had led her to stock up on arrows before returning to Serenity - the quiver was full, which was twenty-five arrows, and she had another fifty stored in another box. "Arrows will kill as surely as bullets if they're properly aimed."

"But it takes longer between shots, and you have to use more muscle. Plus, you need both arms." Mal picked up the compound bow, examining it with the same interest he gave most weapons. "What if you take a shot to the arm or shoulder?"

"Then I'll give it to River. She's close enough to my size that it should fit her, and I think she'll be able to use it." Inara shrugged. "But I'd prefer not getting shot at all, if you can arrange it."

"I'll see what I can do." Mal sighed, and sat down beside her on the bed.

Six months ago neither of them would have been able to stay there, sitting beside each other in so potentially intimate a setting. Somewhere between her request that he let her find her own feet and his decision to take on the entire Alliance armed only with truth and a few guns, their uncomfortable, intense tension had become something calmer and deeper. Sitting on a bed with Mal no longer disturbed her. Even the thought of sharing one with him, and all that implied, no longer made her shake with fear and yearning. She just laid her hand gently over his, and leaned against his shoulder. "You didn't get me into this, Mal. As I recall, I shamelessly used tears and passionate rhetoric to force you to let me go with you."

"You and your wiles." His arm slid around her shoulders, holding her gently. "I don't know why I keep insistin' on calling myself Captain. You and Kaylee can do with me just as you like, all sneaky as you are. And River's like to be just as bad, now that she can talk straight. She makes me go all mushy when she calls me _Ba ba_, and she knows it." He chuckled. "Zoe and Jayne're the only ones do what I tell them without arguing even some of the time, and they're both like to hit me on the head and try to take charge if I do something they think is crazy."

"Jayne more than Zoe, I should think." Inara smiled, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder. She was used to electric tension. Being _comfortable_ with Mal was something new. She liked it.

"I'm almost entirely sure River wouldn't let him." Mal's cheek rested against her hair. "On the other hand, if the two of them ever worked together against me, I'd be doomed."

"It might happen yet. There's... something different, about them. I'm not sure what it is, but there's definitely something." Inara frowned. "It's hard to explain, but they're more open to each other than they were. They've come to some sort of understanding."

"At least their fight's over." Mal's sigh ruffled her hair. "I have to own that River and Jayne aren't exactly what's on my mind right now."

Inara smiled. "What is?"

Most men would, as a matter of course, said 'you'. Mal shrugged slightly. "Imminent death, political upheaval, the fact that I may well die today and I'm not wearing clean underwear..."

Inara laughed, sitting up to glare at him as well as she could while giggling. "Mal! Why?"

"I don't _have_ any." Mal grinned sheepishly. "It's been a busy few days. I ain't washed anything."

"Well..." Inara tried hard to look serious. "I suppose, given the political upheaval and probable death..."

"Don't forget becoming a father all in a minute, and kidnapping a high-level government Operative, and having to mark up my poor ship." Mal sighed. "I just know she's upset with me on that account, for all it was needful."

"She'll forgive you." Inara smiled and took his hand, lacing her fingers through his. "She knows you're just trying to keep the family safe. Mothers put up with a lot for that, you know."

"They do at that." Mal's face softened, and she was glad she'd said it. He loved Serenity as much as he loved most live people, and she knew it would really worry him if he thought his ship was upset with him. "And I'll fix her up once this is over. I'll even buy Kaylee some of them parts she's always nagging for."

"It's always nice to give a lady gifts when you owe her an apology," Inara agreed solemnly. "New parts, maybe rearrange the grime on the walls a little..."

Mal laughed, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders again and hugged her tight. "We'll get through this. We will. You know how I know?"

"Because River told you?"

"Because I waved Book and told him we were on our way back. If _he_ can't put in a good word for us with God, I don't know who can."

* * *

Kaylee pushed the cup gently into Simon's unresisting hands. "I know you're upset," she said firmly. "And I know you can't eat - you never can when you're all tense. But you gotta at least have some tea."

Simon nodded and sipped the tea, more because he knew she wanted him to than because he wanted it himself. She'd put honey in it... taken from her own precious hoard of sweets... and he smiled at her. "Thank you, Kaylee."

She smiled at him, that smile that was like a shaft of sunlight even when things were at their darkest. "It'll be okay. You'll see. Cap'n and River got it all figured out."

She had so much faith. In people. In life. Simon let it comfort him a little. "River always could plan," he said softly. "When she was five she organized her structured play group to stage a raid on the facility's cookie supply. I think eight of them actually made themselves sick, they ate so much."

"River is... special." At the other end of the table, the Operative sat methodically working his way through a dish of molded protein. "I don't think anyone, including me, realized how much so."

"I feel so much better now." Simon glared. He was angry and frustrated and scared and there was no other target for those feelings but a group of doctors and scientists he would probably never find... and this man, who had been so willing to carry on their handiwork. "I'm so terribly comforted to know that now you realize how special my sister is. I'll sleep better at night knowing that."

"She is almost as special, as unique, as you are." The Operative's dark eyes bored into Simon's.

Simon blinked, his anger suddenly derailed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that River, though she has done great things and will continue to do them, has done them for herself. For her own survival." The Operative tilted his head, idly balancing a chopstick on one finger. "You have attempted and achieved the impossible on no greater motive than love for your sister. Logically, it is unlikely to the point of absurdity for a sheltered, wealthy young man from the Core to even locate the Academy, let alone recruiting help and actually breaking into it. You walked into one of the most secure facilities in the system and walked out again with your sister in hand without so much as a scratch."

"You did?" Kaylee stared at Simon, her eyes round. "But... when you first got here, you told everyone as you'd contacted some men - "

"I did. They planned everything. I just... provided the funds." Simon hid behind his teacup, blushing.

"But you said as they'd delivered River to you on Persephone, you didn't say you'd gone in yourself to save her! Inara told me every single thing you said and there wasn't nothin' about you going to the Academy yourself!"

"Oh, he did. And he walked in alone, armed only with a single stun-grenade." The Operative sounded almost approving.

"What I said was that they offered to deliver River to me on Persephone. And they did. I just... after I found out how bad things were, I wasn't sure she'd go with them. Or that it wouldn't traumatize her more. So I insisted on going myself. That way, if I was caught, they'd be at liberty to try again - we'd been careful to ensure that there was nothing to tie them to me in any way." Simon looked down at his cup, unable to meet Kaylee's saucer-like eyes. "I just... it was such an implausible story, Kaylee. If I'd started throwing in random acts of heroism on the part of a rich kid even Inara could have taken out with one punch... they wouldn't have believed me."

"And you didn't never tell anyone." Kaylee's hand wrapped around his, and the admiration in her face made Simon feel... taller. Much taller.

"It would've felt... I don't know... like bragging, I guess." Simon rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"And it did not end there. He fled everything he knew, every security, in order to save his sister. He managed to find an honest ship with a decent captain... by sheer luck or by instinct, I do not know." The Operative sat there praising Simon as matter-of-factly as if he was reading a laundry-list, and Simon felt his face getting hotter and hotter. "He adapted enough to function as part of a crew - and I assure you, Miss Frye, that most young people raised in wealthy Core families are simply incapable of such a radical shift in their view of the world. He has worked hard, even performed manual labor... and, I suspect, lost his heart to a young woman most of his peers would scorn even to look in the eye, not being capable of seeing her value."

Kaylee's face was all pink. Simon saw that much out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her full-on.

"I guess most Core-folk wouldn't even look twice at someone like me," Kaylee said softly, her fingers tightening around Simon's. "They're mostly kinda... you know... snooty. But Simon and River ain't like that, not a bit of it."

"The difference being that River has, for most of her time on board Serenity, been simply too insane to appreciate social niceties. Her brother, on the other hand, has somehow managed to set aside more than twenty years of social conditioning with barely a twitch. I would have expected him to drive Captain Reynolds... or the mercenary Cobb... to homicidal fury within a week."

"He does piss the Cap'n off awful, sometimes." Kaylee sounded like she was grinning. "But nothin' real serious. They just annoy each other, is all."

The Operative nodded. "That does not surprise me. Even so, Simon Tam is perhaps the most unique individual I have ever had cause to study. River Tam is a genius, but she is not the first, nor will she be the last. True nobility of spirit is... rare. I would truly have regretted having to extinguish it, had my eyes not been opened."

"I'm... flattered." Simon didn't honestly know how to feel about this. Having someone say 'you're a fine human being and I'm glad I didn't have to kill you' wasn't a situation covered by his etiquette classes. "And, naturally, glad that you no longer feel it necessary to extinguish me."

"As do I." The Operative inclined his head. "Many people, including myself, have pursued or shielded River because she is... unique. Even before I was brought aboard Serenity, it seemed to me just possible that the focus had been on the wrong sibling all along."

Kaylee beamed. "_I_ always knew he was special," she said proudly. "Right from the first time I seen him. He was so nervous and twitchy, and you could see as he didn't know nothin' about the docks or how to behave so nobody bothered him. But he was still real polite, you know? Talked to me as nice as if I was a fine lady, insteada a barker with a dirty nose."

"I didn't even notice your nose," Simon admitted, more than a little embarrassed at saying something so personal in front of the Operative - but if he missed his chance he'd never have the nerve to bring it up again later. "All I noticed was your smile. It made me feel... better. Like sunshine after being in the rain for a long time."

"Really?" Kaylee gave him a look that would have knocked his knees out from under him if he'd been standing.

"Really. It still does that, every time." He smiled at her, and she smiled back.

He didn't even notice when the Operative silently left the room.

* * *

River climbed down the ladder into Jayne's bunk. She knew he was there, loading his weapons and making sure he was ready for a fight. Words, even words to her, must come second to proper preparation. Survival was a priority.

She felt the sudden flare of hope inside him, though, when he saw her come down the ladder. "Hey," was all he said, but she'd never heard so soft a note in his voice when they were awake.

"I am prepared." She had all three of her guns, and the small knife he had given her. She was dressed in appropriate garments for fighting. (Boots, the black trousers, and the green shirt because he thought she looked nice in green.) "Are the girls ready?"

"Yup." He had Lux, Vera, Boo and several of the others lined up on his bed beside him. "I'm thinkin' grenades, too, just in case some o' them Reavers follow us down."

"Grenades are an ever-present comfort in times of trouble." She reached out to touch his cheek. "I know my own mind, now."

"Uh... yeah." He stood up, seeming to suddenly fill the small room, all ruffled inside with nerves. "Sure seems that way."

"We might die. I've done what I can to guide us, but there is no certainty." She looked him in the eye, and was pleased that he was not inclined to flinch from the truth. "There are things I would like to say and hear while we are both awake."

"I ain't good at the talking thing." Jayne was truly worried about saying the wrong thing - more so than Simon usually was, and Simon did it much more often. "And this is... still a whole mess of things to complicate the situation."

She nodded, and lifted her hand to brush her fingertips over his lips. He stopped talking at once. "It is a strange and unaccountable thing," she said seriously. "I did not anticipate it, nor welcome it at first. There were so many arguments to be made against it, and I could not quantify it with logic nor argue it into rationality. This emotion simply _is_, and all my logic and my madness and my intellectual superiority together could not drive it from me." His hands slid slowly up her arms to grip her shoulders, and she shivered. "And now I would not give it up for all the world. I love you, Jayne Cobb, as I have never loved nor ever anticipate loving again. I wanted you to know that."

He swallowed hard, drawing her closer so that they stood barely an inch apart. His hands slid around to rest on her back, and she rested hers on his broad chest. "I ain't no hand at speeches," he said, just as seriously. And it was true. But he would try, for her, and she loved him all the more for it. "But it's mostly like you said. I didn't ever expect somethin' like this to happen. Fixed it with myself when I was about your age that I wouldn't never fall in love on account of how stupid it makes folks... and I guess I kinda kept my word to myself on that account. This... thing we got, it isn't like the stupid kind. Like Mal an' Inara, where they mostly just make themselves miserable. Or Simon an' Kaylee getting all mushy and then pouting and then getting mushy again." He took a deep breath, his hand sliding slowly up and down her spine. "You and me... we understand each other. We see each other, all the good an' all the bad too, and if we ain't scared off now then we like won't ever be. Does that make sense?"

River leaned against him, resting her cheek against the spot directly above his heart. "Yes."

"And I won't be getting all gooey over it or anything. Ain't my way." He held her tightly. "Maybe this ain't exactly bein' in love the way most folks see it, but I never did have any use for the regular way. So..." He took another deep breath, gathering his courage. "I won't say it much, I warn you now. Or make a big fuss over anniversaries and the like. Or be romantic or spout poetry or anything. But I _do_ love you. More'n I thought it was in me to love anyone. And that damned well better last you, 'cause I ain't saying it again." His blush warmed him from the top of his head right down to where River's cheek rested against his chest. But he had meant it.

"Good." She smiled, sliding her arms around his waist. He held her tighter. "If you were romantic and gooey and inclined to fuss, you would not be Jayne. I've never had much use for that sort of thing, either."

"Really? I thought all girls liked that stuff."

"Most do, I think." River shrugged. "They plan weddings and dream of handsome princes. Princes are _dull_. And ineffectual. If you wished to rescue me from durance vile, you would go in armed and shoot the witch or ogre in the head with a minimum of conversation. Not dither around and be misled or cursed or devoured."

"That I would." He smiled down at her, and she felt it even though she couldn't see. "You don't like the handsome princes, huh?"

"Never did." She tipped her head back to return his smile. "On the rare occasions when my daydreams involved romantic prospects, my primary requirement was that he understand me. Nobody ever did, at home, except Simon. And even he didn't always. You do. You're the first person who ever has." She paused and grinned. "And you have pretty blue eyes. I have always found that most appealing."

Jayne went red again, looking pleased. "I do not."

"You do. I asked Kaylee for an independent evaluation, since I am hopelessly biased in your favour, and she agreed with me that they are very pretty."

He went redder than ever. "Yours are pretty, when you ain't doin' the scary stare," he mumbled, not looking at them. "Kinda... warm."

"You make me feel warm." River touched his cheek, stubble rasping her fingers pleasantly. "I am... better," she said seriously. "But I won't ever be normal. Not really. Would you mind that?"

"Nah. I'm used to it now." He smoothed her hair back from her face. "I'm always gonna be an ornery _hun dan_ with his eye on the money. You mind?"

"I consider it a selling point." River shivered as his thumb moved over her cheek. "In our dreams, you broke rules for me."

"Yeah." Jayne was coiling inside again, his breath coming a shade faster. "You liked it a lot, way I remember."

"I would like to try it while we are both awake." River was having great difficulty dragging her eyes away from his mouth. "If you still consider me worth breaking rules for."

"Well, I'm already all attached, an' you could put me out just as fast with a kick as a Goodnight Kiss. Don't see no reason not to, really." Jayne cupped her face between his hands, satisfaction threading through him as he felt her quiver in response. Then he leaned down and kissed her.

It was slow at first, both of them exploring tentatively. But it was just the way it had been in the dreams, and after an indeterminate period of time Jayne looped his arms around her waist and lifted her against him so she was at a more convenient height for kissing.

Some time after that River was pressed back against the wall, and her hands were sliding up the back of Jayne's t-shirt when he pulled his mouth away from hers and stepped back, lowering her to the floor. "This feels all kinds of good," he said, swallowing hard. "An' I really can't believe I'm sayin' this, but you need to git outta my bunk right now."

"I don't want to." River was having a great deal of trouble focusing on anything but how much she wanted to stay exactly where she was and have him back where he'd been a moment ago.

"And I don't want you to, but we got Reavers on our tail and Alliance up ahead and this is no time to be gettin' all... distracted." Jayne looked away from her, rubbing the back of his neck. "Besides, we'd sure as shittin' get interrupted, which would cause Mal to kill me _and_ mean I wouldn't get to do as good a job as I intend to when we _do_ get to the sexin'."

River would have liked to argue with him, but couldn't in reason do so. "You are right. Unfortunately." She drew in a shaky breath, tucking her shirt back in. "But I want it clearly understood that you are absolutely _forbidden_ to die until you finish what we began just now."

He grinned suddenly. "Damn straight. I ain't goin' _anywhere_ with that to look forward to."

"Good." She kissed her fingertips and pressed them to his lips. "Then I will go away and try not to think about it until we have time."

He kissed her fingers, then pushed her towards the ladder. "Good. Go away 'fore I change my mind."

River laughed, scrambling up the ladder and finding herself assisted upwards with a firm hand on her bottom. She was unobserved when she emerged, fortunately, as she imagined she must be decidedly mussed. But the only people who might have seen were Wash and Zoe, and they were busy with kissing of their own and had no attention to spare.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou - Merciful God, please take me away

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone

Gao yang jong duh goo yang - motherless goat of all motherless goats!

Xiao Teng - small/tiny/young dragon

Ju Guei - giant tortoise

Bao Bei - sweetheart


	17. Chapter 17: Leaf On The Wind

**Chapter 17: Leaf On The Wind**

* * *

The Operative was prepared.

His predecessor had been thorough. Reynolds _would_ come here, to this securest of hiding places - the man's loyalty to those who served him would permit no less caution. Haven was the only other likely choice - unfortunately, matters had rendered it inadviseable to show his hand there. Fortunately, that would not matter.

He regretted the loss of his predecessor. The other Operative - they used no names even amongst themselves - had been a particularly devoted servant of the Alliance. To lose so strong a part weakened the whole. But as strong and as dedicated as he had been, it seemed that he had fallen. To be sure, no body had been found, but of course it would be concealed. That was only sensible. On observing the evidence, the Operative considered it likely that his predecessor had been killed by the assassin who had once been River Tam. She was exceptional, after all.

Obviously she should be handled cautiously, and preferably from a distance. If his predecessor had had a weakness, it was his inclination to converse with his targets.

Thirty-four ships of varying sizes were deployed on the approach to the complex Mr Universe had appropriated from its rightful owners. For caution's sake, the Operative had left the man alive - though dying slowly - and his equipment intact. Reynolds might be cautious enough to contact him again before attempting an approach.

Apparently he was not. The Operative watched the ion clouds billow and part - how fascinating. Reynolds had successfully disguised his ship in possibly the only way that would work, by turning it into a good approximation of a Reaver vessel. He really was quite clever.

"Eliminate them. Thoroughly, if you would." He wanted no survivors. Now that Inara Serra had cut her ties to her Guild, there would be no official complaints over the deaths of Serenity's crew, and there really was no knowing what the Tam girl might have told them.

"Yes sir - what the gorram _hell_?"

Normally the Operative would have chastised his current second-in-command for his bad language. The Operative disliked casual crudity.

But as the ion clouds parted behind Serenity, and Reaver ships erupted from them, bloody and scarred and fearsome in their vileness, he could not blame Carmelito. The cause was entirely sufficient.

"Destroy them," he commanded, his voice a little more urgent than he usually allowed. "All of them. Reavers fly without containment - target their engines!"

Some of the ships did so. Others, their crews perhaps too frightened or too disorganized to fight where no fight had been expected, were rammed or boarded almost immediately. The Operative closed those channels of communication, since distraction could not be permitted. "My predecessor was wrong about you, Captain Reynolds," he said gently, as another screen showed him the barbarously marked Serenity sliding thorugh the net he had spread before her like a drop of water through a sieve. "No man of honour would do such a thing."

There was a faint gasp behind him, and the Operative turned the chair he sat in. Mr Universe, before the poison immobilized him, had managed to drag himself to the long couch where his Love-Bot sat in state, curling up with his head in its lap. Now the young man stared at him, his mouth working as if he was trying to speak.

"Yes, he is coming down. Here, to us." The Operative inclined his head. "And then I will end this."

* * *

Wash had found his calm place, as Reavers erupted from the clouds behind them and he flew into the teeth of an Alliance ambush bristling with enough weaponry to destroy them a hundred times over without reloading.

Serenity floated under his hands, spinning to slide between two larger Alliance vessels. He and the ship, perfectly united as they sometimes were.

Mal thought Serenity was his. That was just a thing pilots let captains think.

"This is gonna be tight." Zoe was trying to sound calm, but her leaves were crackling. (That was how River described it. She had once spent half an hour explaining to him exactly why Zoe was a tree. It had made a surprising amount of sense.)

"Hey, we're upside down." That was Jayne, easily amused - and relative to the Alliance fleet, they _were_ upside down. Mal made him go away.

"I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar." Wash was only half listening to them as he and Serenity glided just below a smaller ship that was far too slow to get a lock on them before one of the biggest, half-wrecked Reaver ships crashed into it.

It was all laid out. One eye on the sensors, one on the window, all his attention on his ship and he wondered if this was how River saw the world - everything separate, everything moving, but all of it moving _together_, like a dance, and he could _feel_ the places where an opening would be or where Serenity could slip through a pattern without touching the sides.

Around them, the Alliance ships were making a weaker showing than he'd expected. He felt bad for them, for all the poor grunts who hadn't even known where they were going or what they were there for. He'd been a grunt, once, and he hadn't liked it at all. But he wasn't so sorry that he wished they hadn't done it. They were doing what they had to to survive, he knew that.

Five, ten, twenty ships behind them now. Serenity hummed around him, forgiving him the slight drag of the gun welded on top of her that altered her balance just a hair.

Then a chunk of debris spun off an Alliance ship in a completely unexpected direction. _Gorram Reavers, can't they even have a firefight like normal people? Can they not kill by aiming instead of just flailing around?_ That passed through Wash's mind in the space between his eyes closing to blink and opening again. The only way to dodge the debris - bigger than Serenity - was to ram a skiff - much smaller than Serenity.

So ram Wash did, but Serenity wasn't pleased about that and he lost his connection to her as something tore loose somewhere deep inside her.

"The hell?" Mal managed, as the jolt nearly knocked him off his feet.

"It's okay! I'm a leaf on the wind!" Wash had lost his calm place, and he didn't have time to go looking for it again right now.

"What does that _mean_?" Mal wasn't helping.

Wash was too busy struggling with the controls to pay any attention to Mal. Serenity had gone from being a leaf on the wind to a winged duck spiraling towards some very hard ground. "We're fried! I got no control!"

Mal lurched towards the console and then, finding no good he could do there, over to the intercom. "Kaylee! What the hell's goin' on down there? Wash can't fly, he ain't got controls!" There was no response, and Mal got even louder. "_Kaylee!_"

"_This is Simon._"

Wash wasn't happy to hear that. That was Simon's doctor-voice, and he only put that on when someone was hurt or if he was really trying to annoy Jayne. And this was no time to be annoying Jayne.

"_Kaylee's been electrocuted - she'll be fine, it was just a minor shock, but there was some fire._"

"_The fire is out, but the damage is severe._" That was River, sounding as calm as Wash had been until a minute ago. "_Kaylee might have been able to make repairs before the moon makes the situation irrelevant. I can't. Trying to get the backups online now._"

Mal wished either a flesh eating disease or an uncontrolled bowel movement on his enemies in Chinese - his inflection was all over the place due to his teeth being clenched.

"_Language,_" River said chidingly, as Mal fumbled around under the console. "_Backups at thirty-four percent. All I can give you, Wash._"

"I'll take it and be grateful, but more would be nice." Wash felt Serenity respond sluggishly and felt as if he'd lost an arm and then miraculously regained it. "Thank you, merciful God, for Jayne suggesting to Kaylee that River should have lessons in engine maintenance."

"Amen." That was Zoe, gripping his shoulder comfortingly. "Can you get us down?"

"Gonna have to glide her in." Wash offered up a second, silent prayer of thanks for his care in welding on the spare chunks of mining equipment. Every hair of aerodynamic lift was valuable now.

"Will that work?" Zoe sounded dubious.

Wash didn't blame her. "Long as that landing strip is made of fluffy pillows..."

Mal swore again and grabbed the intercom. "Everyone to the upper decks! Strap yourselves into something!"

Wash didn't pay attention as Mal and Zoe strapped themselves in. The thirty-four percent River had given him was enough to get Serenity pointed the right way and slow her uncontrolled plummet into a controlled one. Barely. _I'm sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry, this is going to hurt you really bad..._

All the times he'd joked about crashing into a planet or a moon... This time it was going to happen, and it wasn't at all amusing.

He found his calm again, coaxing every ounce of lift he could from thrusters and aerodynamic metal parts and the lifting power of every prayer he could think of.

He lowered the landing gear, more because it might suck up a little of the impact than because he thought it might be useful.

Mal was muttering obscene prayers somewhere back there. Zoe was silent, but Wash could feel her there.

Then they hit the landing strip.

The screeching was so loud that it was more like weight than sound, as the landing gear ripped off and he managed to pull a last dreg or two of that thirty-four percent and swing Serenity around in a long curving fishtail that left her facing back the way she'd come and spent a good portion of her momentum. It also ripped their hull six ways from Sunday, but he couldn't help that.

A shorter, higher screech and the port thruster flew past the window. Wash was going to miss that, come time to try to leave.

Serenity hit the hangar backside first, and Wash's own tailbone twinged in sheer sympathy. That had to _hurt_, he didn't want to think what the passenger dorm looked like now...

(Somewhere behind him he heard a sudden shout, and he hoped nobody was hurt.)

Finally, after what seemed like eons and was less than a minute, they slid to a halt. Wash popped his harness and turned to grin at Zoe and Mal. "I am a leaf on the wind. WaaAAAH!"

Something had grabbed him and pulled him out of his chair by his neck. Something else had cut across his side in a way that felt both wet and excruciating. His face was pressed against something warm. And it had gone very dark.

Oh. That was because his eyes were closed.

Wash opened his eyes, and then had to lift his head very quickly because his face had been buried in the less than generous but still firm and warm cleavage of River Tam. "Gah!"

"Wash?" Zoe was lunging towards him, then Mal grabbed her and threw her out of the door, diving after her.

Wash was opening his mouth to ask why when a sharpened tree-trunk shot through the cockpit and hit the wall right where Zoe had been standing. "What the..."

"Reavers." River wriggled out from underneath him. "Sorry for being so forward, but..." She pointed to his chair.

His chair had been harpooned.

"That's okay. Really. Any time." Zoe would understand. Certain death or a brief greeting to River Tam's breasts. Completely accidental, at that. "Am I bleeding?"

"It's not serious." River patted his cheek. "Time to go."

* * *

Zoe shoved Mal off her and scrambled to her feet. "Wash? Baby?"

Before she could try to get past Mal into the cockpit, Wash crawled out. There was blood all over his side, but he was alive. "My chair got _harpooned_," he told her.

She saw the shock in his unfocused eyes and helped him up, hugging him tightly. "I know. Thank God you're all right."

"Not God. River. River pulled me out of the chair by my neck. Do I have a bruise? It feels like I have a bruise."

Zoe tried to check but found herself slammed into the wall by a mobile wall of muscle apparently in no mood to say 'excuse me'. "River? Gorrammit, girl!" He hauled River - who had just crawled out behind Wash - onto her feet and checked her over anxiously. "Cap'n told us to strap in, not unstrap and go runnin' off while the ship was still moving!"

"Had to save Wash." River pointed through the door. "Look."

Jayne looked, and actually went pale. "Okay, but next time _tell_ me."

"Zoe?" Wash found her against the wall, weaving a little on his feet but his eyes clearing. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Zoe hugged him again, looking over his shoulder at River.

She'd never taken to the girl the way Mal had. Felt sorry for her, liked her well enough, but she would never have just taken the kid and named her as her own. And she hadn't liked it when Mal did it, either, and in the clarity of fading terror she knew it was because she'd been jealous, just as Mal had when she'd married Wash. He didn't think on her as a wife and she sure as hell didn't see him as a father, but it was... hard... to have someone else come in and intrude on their perfect, shared loyalty. She would apologize later for all the things she'd called him when they fought over Wash.

But River had risked a broken neck or worse to run through the still-moving ship to get to Wash in time. She'd saved him, and Zoe would love her forever for it.

"Uh, touching as this is, there are Reavers right outside." Mal pointed down the hall. "Let's move, people."

Feet were already clanging on stairs ahead of them, and they caught up with the others in the hold. Against Zoe's better judgement, the Operative's weapons had been returned to him. River insisted that he wouldn't turn on them, and... well, given how right she'd been just now, maybe there was something to that. Inara was carrying her bow, and wearing a revealing but functional-looking costume that looked just slightly incongruous with the boots and heavy quiver. Simon and Kaylee were both armed, though they didn't look very comfortable about it, and Simon had his bag slung over his shoulder. Good to have a medic with them.

"Simon, Wash is torn up a bit, take a look-see. But while we move." Mal led the way.

Zoe had most of her attention on the wrecked hangar they picked their way through, but she kept an ear on Wash and the doc. "I nearly got harpooned," Wash was saying, trying to check his gun while Simon held his shirt up on the injured side. "River saved my life. Any time either of you ever needs a favour, and I mean _ever_..."

"Put me down for a discussion on how to not hideously insult women when I try to compliment them. You're good at that." Simon was showing signs of an actual sense of humour. In the face of death. Funny how that went. "This is going to hurt like hell for a while but it's not serious, just a deep graze. The bleeding's almost stopped already. I'll disinfect it later. If, you know, we live."

"Won't let anyone die." River had her little chin stuck out. "Won't."

She and Jayne had fallen back, covering the rear. Jayne was, naturally, a walking arsenal. River only had a few guns, but her belt was liberally loaded up with grenades.

"Except them." Jayne corrected her absently, scanning all around them. "We can let _them_ die. Just not, you know, us."

"Yes. They may die as much as they like." River nodded, then glanced over her shoulder. "They're getting closer."

Everyone sped up. Jayne and River were holding the rear, and Zoe was reasonably confident as they could handle that, so she kept an eye ahead for a defensible position. She found it in the short corridor that led to the main elevator shaft. The room the corridor led out from was full of crates that could be used for a makeshift barricade, and there were blast-doors they could fall back to. "This is a good hold-point, sir."

"A good... oh, no. We're all staying together." Mal gave her a look that he obviously intended to be impossible to argue with.

Mal didn't _have_ a look that was impossible to argue with, so far as Zoe was concerned. "They have to come through here. They'll bottle-neck and we can thin 'em out. We get pushed back, there's the blast doors."

"Good tactics, corporal, but poor strategy." To her surprise, that came from the Operative.

"Ain't been a corporal in a long time."

"But you still think like one. Holding ground. Thinning enemy forces. Forcing a confrontation." The Operative looked around. "This is an adequate place, but there are stronger. I familiarized myself with this complex when I intended to ambush you here. Most of it is now, I believe, disused, and I speculated that Mr Universe had simply locked down the blast-doors to the disused areas. Is that correct?"

"If he hasn't he can. Came up once when we were talking about electrical faults and fires. He can lock this place up tighter than Simon's best shirt-collar." The joke was a weak one, but that was her man. Always trying to lighten the load just a little. "But they'll find a way through, if there's nobody outside to eat. Reavers might leave a few alive - say, in a bank vault - if there's enough people outside to distract them, but they know we're here. If they don't find someone to eat, they'll keep going until they do."

"They're coming." River sounded urgent. "Have to go. Have to go _now_." In the distance, the shrill screams of Reavers on the hunt could be heard. Not such a big distance, either.

"We should hold here." Zoe scowled at the Operative. "It's a good place, and there ain't a better this side of Universe's control-room."

"But why hold at all?" The Operative had to raise his voice over loud scraping, as River and Jayne moved a couple of the biggest crates to act as a makeshift barricade in front of the blast doors. They hadn't said a word to each other, which Zoe found a little unsettling. "We don't need - "

"This is no time to debate tactics! River says they're - " Mal's mouth kept moving, but the noise of two grenades going off in rapid succession more or less right outside the room drowned him out. Jayne and River had tossed one each, then slammed the door and locked it.

"They're right outside is what they are!" Jayne picked up River in one arm and slung her bodily over to the other side of the crates, then grabbed Kaylee by the back of her overalls and pushed her over as well. "Ain't no time to argue on it now!" He pointed at the end of another crate, and the Operative moved to grab it. He was near a head shorter than Jayne, but just as solidly built, and the pair easily layered a couple more crates over those already in position, building a barricade at least big enough to hide behind.

"The word has to get out," Zoe said, holding Mal's eyes with hers. "It _has_ to. Folk need to know what was done to those on Miranda."

"The plan was for us to spread the word and live to have to deal with the fallout, Zoe."

"And we'll do our best. You and Javert get going to Universe's control room. Get started. We'll thin them out some here, then fall back to join you."

Mal opened his mouth, then closed it again and nodded grimly. "Right. But I want you behind me, Zoe. Don't get lost along the way." The Operative opened his mouth, maybe to argue, and Mal waved a hand. "Zoe's right. You ain't fought Reavers. The only way we stand a chance is if we can keep cutting them down and pulling back before they reach us. This is a place to start."

"I can rig the blast doors so's they can't be opened from this side." Kaylee was clutching her gun nervously, and she flinched as the Reavers' screams crescendoed outside the door. "I think."

"You work on that." Mal nodded, reaching out to smooth her hair lightly. "And you, Simon, Inara and Wash follow me down soon's you're done. Might need you, and Universe might need a doctor."

"We'll be there." Simon nodded. He was taking advantage of the pause to wrap a makeshift bandage around Wash's ribs.

"Good. Jayne, River, Zoe... don't you get caught up. Take as many of them as you can, but back off before they can overrun you. Clear?"

"Teach yer grandmother," Jayne muttered, pulling Vera off his shoulder and resting her barrel on the top crate. "Get outta here, Mal, we know what to do."

Mal nodded, and he and Javert moved fast through the blast doors. A moment later, Zoe heard the elevator whine into motion.

The Reavers were battering at the door. Poorly made and old as the door was, bolts were already being jolted loose. It wouldn't hold for long. Zoe reached out to take Wash's hand, squeezing it tightly. "We'll be okay."

"I hope so. In case we aren't, though, you know I love you, right?"

"I know." She leaned over to kiss him quickly. "You too, honey."

To her left, Inara was watching the blast-doors with a look that said Mal was ten kinds of idiot and hadn't said anything yet. Zoe hoped they both lived long enough for him to rectify that mistake.

On Inara's other side, Simon and Kaylee were talking quietly. "Oh, I didn't plan on goin' out like this," Kaylee murmured, giving Simon a worried look. "I think as we're doin' right, but..."

The young doctor sighed. "I never planned... anything. I just wanted to keep River safe. And I dragged all of you into this because I couldn't handle it alone."

"We got dragged into this on account of Dobson, Simon, not you. If he hadn't come after you you'da got off on Boros and we'da never known about River at all." Kaylee smiled a wobbly little smile. "Tell you the truth, I'm kinda glad he shot me. Kept you around."

Simon reached out to touch her cheek, and Zoe smiled just a little. _Good boy_.

"I'm glad I stayed around, too. I just... I spent so much time hoping for the _right_ time to... well. For you and me. And now I think it may have passed me by. Believe me, Kaylee, my greatest regret in all of this is never being with you."

"With me?" Kaylee stared at him, lowering her voice a bit. "You mean to say as... sex?"

Simon went bright red and Zoe looked away. Beside her, she felt Wash chuckle soundlessly. "Among other things... yes."

Kaylee started tapping faster, rigging up the blast-doors just as fast as she could. "Hell with this. I'm gonna _live_. And so are you."

"Yes, ma'am," Simon said meekly, and Zoe could _hear_ his lopsided grin.

On her other side, River was crouched beside Jayne. She had her LeMat in her left hand. Her right was twined with Jayne's left, their fingers laced together. The two weren't looking at each other, they just waited, eyes on the shuddering door, with their hands clasped tightly.

She'd seen River hold Jayne's hand for comfort a dozen times, and Zoe couldn't figure out at first why it drew her attention so. Then Wash squeezed her hand, and she realized that her fingers were laced with his in exactly the same way. Neither of them looking, but drawing comfort from what might be their last moments holding onto each other. Just as River and Jayne seemed to be.

Then the door slammed inward, half off its hinges, and there was no more time for thought.

* * *

"You said you could help Universe spread this. How?"

The Operative looked at Mal with that faintly amused look that was still damned annoying. "Is now really the best time to ask?"

"I get bored in elevators. How?"

"I can encode the signal with authorization to use standard Alliance broadcasts as a carrier. There will be a short delay before it shows up in other sectors, and it may be blocked in the most distant areas, but most people will see it."

"Piggy-back it to their own signals, huh? That tickles me a bit." Mal grinned. "Good. Do that. We're gonna shine a mighty big light here, Javert."

"You do realize that this will cause chaos. Perhaps even a second war."

"I know. And I feel for the folk who'll be hurt by it, I truly do. But way I see it, they're better off facing some riotin' and chaos... even war... than they would be if they would up like those on Miranda. It's better to die fighting than to fall without ever knowing you was killed."

The Operative was silent until they stepped out of the elevator, then he glanced at Mal as they hurried along the lower hallway. "Does she truly hear the dead?"

"River? Seems to be the commonest thing she does hear. She's been doin' that longer'n anything else." Mal shrugged. "If they died bad enough... Reavers, or war, or some such... then they can get so loud she don't even know when there's a few living still. The dead are mighty loud, it seems - except on Miranda."

"I knew she was psychic, and some of the research indicated she could draw impressions from objects, but... communication with the dead?"

"I don't think it's communication, as such. They don't seem to know she's there, and she ain't ever been able to talk to them far as I know. They're just... still there, for her." Mal opened the door to Universe's sanctum.

He couldn't have said at the time what tipped him off. Thinking back later, he knew it was the flash of red. Universe was enamoured of blue, and nearly everything in his favourite room was some shade of it. The red did not fit in that room and Mal was ducking before the stranger had fairly begun his swing. "Who the hell - ow!" Someone had shoved him sprawling, from behind, and he rolled to look up at the Operative who River had sworn wouldn't betray them.

The Operative was standing braced, staring at the man in the red shirt, who stood in an identical posture. "So you were the one sent."

"We believed you had been killed. Capture was not projected as likely."

"River Tam defies all projection."

"So we had begun to appreciate."

The Operative spread his hands slightly. "I have become aware of new information. I believe you would find it enlightening."

The other man tilted his head, and then nodded. "You have been exposed to the classified information River Tam carries."

"Yes."

"Your memory must be erased, then."

"I will not submit to that."

The other man - other Operative? - raised his eyebrows. He was a shade taller than the first Operative, olive-skinned and long-boned. "You cannot betray the Alliance. Your training should make that impossible."

"I have... redefined my objectives." The Operative drew his sword. "I would appreciate the opportunity to explain my reasoning to you."

"I am not permitted to listen to sedition."

"I know."

"This is unfortunate, Operative. You were the most skilled of our number."

The Operative smiled. "My name is Javert."

Mal barely rolled out of the way in time as the two charged each other.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou - Merciful God, please take me away

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone

Gao yang jong duh goo yang - motherless goat of all motherless goats!

Xiao Teng - small/tiny/young dragon

Ju Guei - giant tortoise

Bao Bei - sweetheart


	18. Chapter 18: Blood and Promises

**Chapter 18: Blood and Promises**

* * *

"Here." River passed a reloaded Vera back to Jayne. She couldn't handle his biggest guns, but she was faster on the reload even than Zoe. Without pausing, she shot a Reaver between the eyes with the _Wu Ji_ in her left hand, then had to shoot him again. Small caliber bullets, even a brain-shot, didn't kill them fast enough. She was going to have to upgrade.

Jayne grunted, slinging Lux back on her strap and firing Vera into the chest of the next Reaver. They kept coming.

Zoe was holding her own, but River was worried about their deployment. Zoe held the middle, and Jayne and River the right, but Simon, Kaylee and Inara shouldn't be on the left alone. She knew she should go over, provide support from that side... but she was afraid to. If she left Jayne, she wouldn't be able to shut the Reavers out. She might not be able to help at all.

Above them, a high window covered by mesh was forced open, and more Reavers poured through the new opening.

The opening on the left.

"Kaylee, we need to get outta here!" Zoe had seen it too.

"Doors are rigged, I - " Kaylee gasped and collapsed, a cluster of green darts sticking out of the side of her neck.

"Kaylee!" Simon crouched beside her, already fumbling with his bag.

Before River could do more than open her mouth to scream a warning, everything went wrong.

Inara shot two Reavers and then a third came at her, over the barricade. It grabbed her, pushing her down on the floor.

Zoe turned to deal with the Reaver on Inara, leaving the ones in front of her just for a moment.

Wash turned to see if Zoe needed help.

Jayne cursed as Vera clicked on empty again, and paused for the barest second to switch to Lux.

River was the only one firing, and she was using a small gun that wasn't enough to stop a Reaver unless she hit exactly right.

Three Reavers reached the barricade at once, reaching over and grabbing the nearest person.

It was Wash. She heard his startled cry as he was dragged bodily over the stacked crates - and then the cry became a scream.

"_Wash!_" Zoe had killed the one on Inara. Now she was firing with a speed even River could barely match.

Wash's screams got louder.

"Gorrammit!" Jayne pushed a gun into River's hands and slid around behind her to the middle.

River fired again and again, holding the gun in both hands and ignoring the recoil that felt as if her hands were being struck with hammers.

Jayne dived directly in front of her, trusting her to fire around him, to know where he'd be as he leaned over to grab Wash's shirt and drag him bodily out of the Reaver's grasp.

The Reavers held on. Wash screamed again and then went suddenly silent.

Jayne roared, punching a Reaver in the face hard enough to drive the metal spike piercing his cheek into his eye-socket. With his other hand he lifted Wash up and over, somehow finding the strength.

Zoe wailed softly when she saw him. He looked dead. He was covered in bloody bites and slashes, and his leg...

There wasn't much left of it, just a dangling thing of bone and shredded flesh. Blood was pouring from the big vein in his thigh and River knew he would bleed to death in minutes if it wasn't stopped.

"Get Kaylee into the hallway!" Simon was kneeling beside Wash, tying something - his belt, River thought - around the thigh, high up where the flesh was relatively undamaged. Tourniquet. Stop the bleeding. Yes.

"Wash - " Zoe blew another two Reavers to rags.

"Got him." Jayne fired a good solid blast from Lux, driving the Reavers back just a little. Inara was already half carrying, half dragging Kaylee through the doors. "Get outta the way, woman!"

Zoe went, her heart bleeding as hard as Wash's leg. Simon nodded and followed her.

"Got the doors?" Jayne fired again then pushed Lux back on her strap, kneeling to pick Wash up.

"Yes." River punched the control and followed him through the doors as they started to grind closed.

They didn't grind far enough, stopping with a gap more than large enough for a Reaver to climb through.

"Fuckin' hell - " Jayne started to put Wash down.

"Got it. Told you." River pulled a grenade off her belt - not many left - and tossed it through the opening.

"I c'n... close it from the outside..." Kaylee whimpered. Simon was holding her on the other side now.

"Got it." They all stepped aside as the grenade went off, to where the blast-doors shielded them, then River dived through the opening. Time, time, never enough and yet she always had too much... she pulled a panel open and yanked the manual release for the doors. Two shots into the nearest Reaver and she was through the closing opening, feeling the doors snap together on the air behind her boots. She rolled out of her dive and onto her feet. "Go!"

"Won't hold them long..." Kaylee mumbled as the elevator doors opened. "Not on the manual..."

"Wash..." Zoe mourned, stroking bloody hair back from his face. He was unconscious, which was a mercy. A brief one.

"Don't you ever do that again, not ever!" Jayne couldn't let go of Wash to shake River, but she knew he wanted to.

River pressed her face against his arm, breathing him in. "I'm all right."

* * *

Mal rolled behind a couch just ahead of a shot from a laser that went through the space Javert had been in a moment ago, and very nearly through Mal as well.

Peering up from behind the inadequate protection of the well in the middle of the room, he watched the two men go at it with fists and feet, one laser pistol having bounced across the room and the other being... somewhere. He wasn't sure where. They were moving almost too fast for him to follow - and somehow they were conversing at the same time.

"A question was posed to me a few hours ago," Javert said, ducking a swing and grabbing the Operative's arm, trying to help his own momentum along. "What is the definition of the Alliance?"

"What is the definition of a star? Seeking to define what _is_ is unproductive." The Operative twisted out of the hold and kicked Javert in the hip. That looked painful.

"A star is defined as a single-body entity. The Alliance is not." Javert shook off the hit and lunged at the taller man again. "So what _is_ the Alliance, which we so loyally serve? Is it the Parliament? The ideals and charters? Or is it every man, woman and child within the Alliance, the billions of souls making up the matter of it?"

"You always were poetic." The Operative landed a punch that Mal was certain had cracked some ribs. "They are all the Alliance, and thus we serve them all."

"And if there were to be a conflict of interest?" Javert got his arm around the Operative's neck, bending the taller man backwards. "Between, for example, the Parliament and the people? Not, you understand, a matter of protesting against ultimate benefit, like the War of Unification, but a true conflict, in which one acted to truly harm the other."

"A difficult question. But no such conflict exists." The Operative, having twisted fluidly out of the hold, dived away as Javert finally drew his sword. "You have been misled."

"I have not. Such conflict exists and can be proven." Javert's voice was urgent now. "The goal for which we have worked... the better world to which we have aspired on behalf of our fellow men... is hollow. It is a poisoned Eden peopled only by the dead."

The Operative stared at him as if he'd just suggested sitting down to a dinner of fresh baby. "You are wrong."

"I am not."

"You are _wrong_!" The Operative had armed himself with a long-bladed knife, and now he lunged back into the fight.

Great. Another true believer. Mal crawled over to what he thought at first was Mr Universe's body. The eccentric genius was curled up on a couch with his head on Lenore's lap, his eyes open and staring... but as Mal reached him, the eyes moved and Universe gasped quietly.

Lenore's head came up. "Systems failing," she said calmly. "Respitory distress. Slowed heart-rate. Organ failure beginning. Mr Universe is damaged. Please summon medical assistance."

LoveBots were, among other things, programmed to preserve the health of their owners. A LoveBot whose owner had a heart-attack or whatever would report the problem to the relevant authorities without prompting.

But there _were_ no authorities on this moon, and Lenore knew that. Was reporting to the nearest human some sort of default, or was there some awareness deep in her wiring that Mal was one of the few people who actually _would_ help Mr Universe if he could?

"Got a doctor on his way," he told her, hoping it was true.

"Acknowledged." Lenore lowered her head again, blank eyes going dim as they fixed on Universe again.

The fight had sped up far beyond his ability to either keep track of what was going on or help, since there was no telling who'd be in the path of a bullet by the time it got all the way over there, speed they were moving. Javert was starting to fall back, though. If he lost, Mal was gonna be in deep, deep _go se_...

If, on the other hand, he was deliberately moving the Operative around, away from the array Universe spent most of his time at, things were working great. The Operative was now a clear fifteen feet away, back turned to both Mal and that all-important chair.

It itched Mal something fierce to just turn his back and let someone else handle the fight for him, but he'd been a soldier long enough to know that sometimes you just had to do _your_ job and trust others to do theirs. So he dashed for the chair, trying to stay quiet, not draw any attention, and he clicked the cylinder into place. Right.

He had no idea how to even start using this kind of equipment. "_Gao yang jong duh goo yang_," he whispered. Oh, for River. Or Wash. Hell, Kaylee even... Mal was right at home with most standard communications arrays, but Mr Universe had rigged so many additions to this one that Mal wasn't even sure where the original components _were_.

He'd barely touched the keyboard when fire lanced through his left arm and he rolled sideways, instinctively trying to pull away from the pain. That saved his eyes as a screen exploded thanks to the laser that had gone through his bicep, but there was no getting away from the scream of muscle pierced right through by a laser blast that had missed bone by less than an inch. "Gorram fucking shit!" he cursed, struggling to his feet.

Javert was staggering, his eyes unfocused, and the Operative had turned away from him to shoot Mal. "I cannot allow you to spread these poisonous lies," he said, almost gently. "I'm sure you see that. You are attempting to reignite the war you lost, and it is futile."

"I'm not trying to start any war." Mal was swaying a bit on his feet, and he exaggerated it just in case that put the Operative off his guard some. "I just want folk to see what I've seen."

"The war was hard on you, Captain Reynolds. You believed in your cause, as I do in mine." The Operative punched Javert in the face again. Javert's eyes rolled up. "I'm sure you understand that I will fight just as hard as you will."

"You should listen to him first." Mal pointed at Javert. "He has some excellent points on the subject of responsibility to the governed being a primary function of government. I was personally moved."

"I'm sure you were." The Operative came within a hair of burning a hole right through Mal's heart, but Mal had seen his arm start to move and decided to make friends with the floor again. He rolled and came up shooting, but he didn't manage a hit before a foot came out of nowhere and knocked his gun out of his hand.

He grabbed the foot and pulled, and found that some old tricks still worked. Everyone with any training at all knew about pulling in the direction of a kick or a punch, using someone's momentum against them - but if someone was _expecting_ that, already preparing to counter, and you pulled in some random-ass direction instead, well, sometimes that threw a man off enough for the leg-puller to land a kick of his own somewhere nice and soft.

Mal had been wanting to kick someone in the balls over all this for days.

He wasn't so happy about having his knee twisted around until it practically faced the other way, and found himself on his face on the floor again, gasping in pain. He wasn't the only one, though... the Operative hit the floor next to him a moment later, with Javert on top of him.

The fight wasn't fast or fancy any more, with all three of them hurt bad enough to immobilize most men. Mal helped as he could, grabbing onto the Operative's throat until the man broke his index finger, then hooking his arm around the Operative's, holding his knife back from Javert's side.

"You... _will_... see... the truth!" Javert gritted out, then rolled away with a curse as the Operative came within a hair of putting his eye out with a well-aimed jab.

"I know all the truth I need to." The Operative got to his knees... and then he stiffened up with a startled expression on his face and tipped over sideways.

Javert was crouched behind him. "I've always been partial to that nerve cluster. Immobilising without damaging."

"I ha' mine moved," Mal said, just in case Javert felt inclined to try something. He was a tiny bit punchy, maybe. "Can you work that gorram array?"

"Yes." Javert lurched to his feet, all the grace gone. He was bleeding from the side, although the slash didn't look deep. "Move him around to where he can see the screens. He must know the truth."

"Mal!" Jayne wasn't in sight yet, but that roar had carrying power. "Your sorry ass better not be dead!"

"My ass is in perfect health." Mal got his feet under him as Simon and Inara came through the door, supporting a limp Kaylee between them. "Wha' happened?"

"Reavers hit her with some kind of neurotoxin." Simon's expression were grim. "It's slowed all her functions down considerably. I think they were planning to save her for later."

"Where're..." Mal's voice trailed off as Zoe came through the door backwards, not sparing a glance for her wounded captain. "Oh, hell," he whispered, seeing Jayne and what Jayne carried. "He alive?"

"For now, but I need to do something about the bleeding." Simon settled Kaylee on the couch next to Lenore, sparing a quick glance for Universe. "What about him?"

"He's been poisoned. The antidote will be in the Operative's inside left pocket." Javert sat down at the array. "I suggest applying it as soon as possible."

"Right. River?" River had come through the door behind Jayne, and Simon pointed her to the immobile Operative. "Get the antidote out. Inara, inject Universe with it. Jayne, put Wash down here." He was all assurance, his Doctor face on, and Mal let it comfort him a little.

"Zoe?" Mal rested his hand on her shoulder. She was staring at Wash with a terrible lost, frightened look on her face. "Zoe - they still comin'?"

"I don't..." She trailed off, pulling herself upright. There was that iron will he'd leaned on too many times to count. "Almost certainly, sir. We killed at least twelve, by my count, but they were still coming when we retreated. And whatever Kaylee did to the doors... it didn't hold. River got them shut on manual, but that won't last forever. They'll be on their way down."

Jayne was backing away from the couch, covered in blood that probably wasn't his. "We should take the elevator out. That'd keep 'em on the upper level, wouldn't it?"

"They'll come down the shaft." River shook her head, passing a blue vial to Inara and moving up to take Jayne's blood-covered hand in both of hers. "It'll slow them, though."

"Good. River, can you put it out of commission without actually blowing it up?" Mal didn't fancy trying to climb out of here, should they live long enough to leave.

"Drop it to the lowest level and cut the cables." River nodded. "Can be repaired with some time, but the Reavers won't be able to."

"Sounds good. Take care of it." Mal nodded. "Jayne, move our new friend around so he can see the screens. Javert, how's it coming?"

"This signal will reach throughout the system." Javert touched one of the screens gently. "The truth, unadorned and bloody."

"As it should be." Mal swallowed hard. "Play it right through to the end. I want it seen what was done to that girl, who just wanted the best for folk."

Javert nodded, as Jayne wrestled the frozen Operative into place. None too gently, either. "Very well, Captain. Transmission begins now."

On every screen, a sad young face showed itself. _These are some of the first sites we scouted on Miranda. There is no one living on this planet. There is no one - except for a small few_." The images of death and destruction bloomed under her face. "_These are just a few of the images we've recorded, and you can see it isn't... it isn't what we thought_."

* * *

Simon ignored the recording as much as he could, working on Wash. He was alive, and Simon did what he could with the contents of his medical bag to control the shock. But despite the tourniquet, the leg was oozing blood steadily. He didn't have the tools to operate here. Even if he did, there was no way the leg could be saved. Not here.

It had to come off. Here, now, with whatever tool Simon could find. And he'd have to find some way of stopping the bleeding, because that tourniquet couldn't stay on forever. He also had to check on Universe and Kaylee... oh, God, Kaylee. She would be all right. She had to be.

"Zoe?"

She was beside him a second later. "Is there something I can do?"

"I've given him something for the pain, but it's... well, it's not going to be enough." Simon shook his head. "I want you talking to him. Holding onto him. When he wakes up, he'll need you to be right there."

Zoe nodded, sliding her arm under Wash's shoulders and drawing his head against his shoulder. "I'm here," she whispered, kissing Wash's hair gently. "I'm right here, baby, it's all right..."

"Good. Keep that up." Simon looked around. "Jayne? Get me that, and then come down here. I'll need you."

Jayne looked where he was pointing and blinked, but he did as Simon asked, picking up the Operative's dropped laser pistol and bringing it over. "What do you want _this_ for?"

Simon swallowed hard. "His leg... Zoe, it has to come off. There's too much damage."

"What?" Zoe looked ready to protest for a moment, then she glanced down at the leg and swallowed hard. "You're right. He'll bleed out otherwise."

"I'm afraid so." Simon turned the gun over. "Jayne, this can be set to fire a continuous beam, right?"

"Yeah. It'll take the leg off all right... cauterize it, too." Jayne took the gun back and fiddled with it for a second. "Here. Aim real careful, doc."

"I will, believe me." He'd used a laser cutter before. This was the same, really. Just... it was Wash. "Zoe, hold his head. Jayne, make sure he can't move while I'm doing this."

"Right." Jayne knelt beside Zoe, resting one arm across Wash's hips and using the other elbow to nudge his intact leg out of the way. "Sure you don't want me to do it?"

Blue eyes met blue, and Simon nodded, seeing no mockery there. "I know what I'm doing. But thank you."

"What're you doing?" Kaylee's voice was slurred. "Simon, what..."

"I'm trying to save Wash. If I can." Simon took a deep breath. The tourniquet marked the last inch of semi-intact flesh. Just above that, then...

As long as he lived, he would never forget the smell, or Wash's scream. Jayne held him still, though, and for the first time Simon really understood why River liked Jayne so much - that silent, steady presence that just did what had to be done, without commenting on how much Simon's hands were shaking when he lowered the gun. "Good. Clean cut." Moving mechanically, he shifted the mangled remains of the leg onto the floor and bent over the stump.

He had it cleaned up and bandaged when River reappeared, holding the other laser. "The elevator is out of commission, but we don't have long. They're almost through the blast doors."

Mal nodded. "Lock off the lower doors, then, the ones you just walked through."

"All right." River nodded, tucking the laser into her belt and taking out her LeMat. She reloaded it, and tucked it back into its holster. On the screens, the woman was screaming as a newly created Reaver dragged her to the floor. River ignored her. "Look after Simon."

Simon frowned. "I'm fine, River."

"I know." She walked towards the door, kneeling on her way to pick up Mal's discarded gun.

Something wasn't right. Beside Simon, Jayne got to his feet. "River - "

"I promised." She sounded... calm. It frightened Simon, somehow.

"Promised what?"

She turned in the doorway, and smiled at Jayne with lips that trembled a little. Tilting her head just a little, she drew attention to the panel beside the door. There was a neat lasered hole in it, and faint marks of scorching all around. "To keep you safe," she said quietly, and stepped through the door.

"_River_!" Jayne and Simon called out to her in one frantic voice, but the doors were already closing.

* * *

Jayne stood frozen for what seemed like hours as the doors closed slowly between him and River.

There were Reavers out there. Reavers coming after his River, his beautiful, deadly firebrand. And she'd shut the door on him because she wanted to protect him. Protect them all.

There was noise going on around him, but Jayne didn't pay it no mind. He walked up to the doors, laying his hands on them. They felt cold. And they were between him and River.

Nothing could be allowed to be between him and River. Not now. Not ever again. She'd come down to his bunk and kissed him and they'd agreed there'd be no dying. He pounded on the doors with his fists, trying to make them get out of his way. He needed to be beside her, didn't she know that? Live or die, down here, he wanted to do it with her. She couldn't go and die and leave him behind.

His hands were bleeding and the doors were still there. He wanted to open them, but the panel was all shot up. Which was why River was outside. Locking the doors. Protecting them.

Protecting him. He shouldn't have laughed when she'd said that. But he hadn't known she'd do something like this.

There would be a manual release. Safety feature. He could open the doors with that.

He found the panel, but then hands were pulling him away. It didn't matter who they were, although some part of his mind that was still working knew it was Javert and Mal. All that mattered was getting to that manual release. Getting to River.

It honestly didn't occur to Jayne to hit them. He just fought to get _past_, silent and determined. He _would_ get past. He _would_ get to River.

A blast made the floor shudder. Grenade in the shaft. Good girl. Fry them.

Zoe was there too, dragging him back from the door.

Another blast. River had only had two left.

Jayne's feet were sliding on the smooth floor, as the three dragged him back, and still he fought. He _had_ to get to her.

Then he heard the screams. They were coming through the tiny laser-hole beside the door, not the doors themselves, but it didn't matter. The Reavers were in the hallway. With River.

He heard a few shots, and then even that sound went away. The world went silent around him as Jayne slid to his knees, no longer fighting. His heart seemed to be labouring in his chest, and it was difficult to breath.

River. His River. His sweet, crazy girl.

He let his hands drop, empty and useless, and knelt there staring at the door. He couldn't help her. But she knew he was there - surely a simple blast-door wasn't enough to block a psychic. She would know he was there until the end, not thinking, not breathing overmuch, just kneeling here and loving her with all that was in him, trying to fit a lifetime of it into however many seconds they had left.

* * *

River locked the doors behind her - the panel on this side was working - and then shot it. The Reavers might, possibly, be able to locate the manual release concealed behind a lower panel, but perhaps not.

She would protect them. Her family. Zoe. Inara. Wash. Kaylee. Daddy. Simon.

_Jayne_.

She hoped he would forgive her. She knew he must be angry - she would be, in his place - but she had promised to protect him and she would do it. No matter what.

The Reavers were in the shaft, and she threw her first grenade as one swung into view. The shaft acted a chimney. Good.

More poured in as soon as the bodies of the first dropped, and she threw her second grenade. More crisped Reavers. But not enough.

She shot the first few, who came slowly, climbing down the walls of the shaft itself. Then they dropped lines, and the trickle became a flood. River drew in a breath, trying to prepare herself. Unconsciously she stepped back, pressing her back to the doors.

Jayne was there. Jayne, loving her with a ferocious desperation, pouring all of himself into her in one great burst of _I love you!_

River's head snapped up. "Anchored," she said aloud, and anchored she reached for the training the Academy had forced on her and triggered it by her own will.


	19. Chapter 19: Angels

**Chapter 19: Angels**

* * *

Mal had never wanted to feel like this again.

Serenity Valley had taught him the true meaning of helplessness, in the weeks after the surrender. Sitting in mud, starving slowly, watching the men and women who had looked to him die of their wounds or of infection or of sickness or of sheer despair. Knowing that each death meant just a little more food for the survivors, but that it still wouldn't be enough. He'd sworn to himself then that he'd never again let someone put him in a place where he couldn't fight. Where he had to just wait to die.

Watching those doors close behind River was like being in Serenity Valley again. River would die and there was nothing he could do for the girl, for _his_ girl... the thought of fatherhood was still new, still unnerving and joyful, and now he would never have time to get used to it.

And they would sit in this room and wait to die.

Except that Jayne seemed determined to get in first, and Mal helped Javert wrestle him away from the door release. It took both of them, and even so wouldn't have worked if Jayne had really fought them. But he didn't.

Mal had never seen Jayne fail to throw a punch before. Now he was just trying to get past them, struggling in an eerie silence. It was like he had no thought to spare for those restraining him, nor even for making a sound. Teeth clenched, face expressionless, he just kept trying to push himself towards the doors as Zoe joined in the struggle.

Mal closed his eyes as he heard the screams and the shots. _Oh, little girl,_ he mourned inside, praying that River would be wise enough and fast enough to shoot herself.

Jayne stopped fighting them so fast that Zoe staggered back and Javert fell against the wall. Ignoring both of them, Jayne dropped where he stood, hitting his knees and staring at the doors. The impassive mask crumbled, and Mal had to look away.

He'd seen that expression before on men mortally wounded. He'd seen it on Javert's face, and felt it on his own the night he'd believed the last of his faith gone forever. It was despair, pure and cold, and he had never thought Jayne capable of it.

He laid his hand on Jayne's shoulder for a moment, but he doubted the other man even knew he was there.

"They're outside, aren't they?" Kaylee's voice, small and frightened.

Simon finally broke from his paralysis, tears running unheeded down his face. "Yes. They're outside." He knelt beside Kaylee, gathering her up in his arms and hiding his face in her shoulder. She pressed her lips to his hair, her eyes filling too.

"River..." Inara came to Mal then, and he wrapped his wounded arms around her, holding her as close as he could. "Oh, Mal..."

Zoe had gone to Wash, who was unconscious again. She kissed him and stroked his hair, then drew and reloaded her pistol. She looked up, meeting his eyes acros Wash's body and Inara's hair. _They won't be taken,_ she told him silently, and Mal nodded, putting a hand to... his empty belt. River had taken his gun with her.

Javert took a gun from Jayne's belt, and Jayne didn't move, which scared Mal worse even than the look on Jayne's face. Without a word, Javert handed it to Mal and then moved to kneel beside the Operative. He did something that made the Operative go limp instead of being all stiffened and immobile. "Do you see now?" he said gently.

The Operative sat up, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face. "So much of what we believed is a lie," he said, sounding like a wounded child. "We have done so much, given of ourselves, for a dream that turns out to be the worst nightmare imaginable."

"Yes. And now the monsters born of that nightmare are at our door, kept from us only by a child whose only sin was to be too gifted. Too useful." Javert touched the Operative's shoulder gently. "The Parliament has betrayed the Alliance. You see that, don't you?"

"Yes. I see. And that which threatens the Alliance must be destroyed. That is... our purpose. Our being." The Operative staggered to his feet. "The others will see this."

"It may be erased from their memories before they can respond appropriately."

The Operative shook his head. "Then we will remind them."

"Yes. If we live."

"If we live." The Operative nodded. "There may be enough left of the fleet left to come in search of us."

"We can hope." Javert looked to Mal, and smiled that faint smile. "Whether we survive or not, Captain, I thank you. The truth... painful though it may be... is preferable to lies. I understand that now."

Mal nodded, his throat tight. "It's best to know." He looked down, at Inara's head resting against his chest as she trembled. "Inara..."

"I know." She held onto him tightly. "Don't try to make me feel better, Mal, please. Just... be here. With me."

Mal nodded, pressing his face against her soft hair and fighting back the burn in his eyes. Who knew how long they might have?

* * *

The second _Wu Ji_ was dropped, empty. River's only remaining weapon was the knife Jayne had given her, that she never took off except to bathe. It was too short to use against Reavers, who could only be disabled by a killing strike.

"When fighting unarmed, choose one opponent." She kicked a Reaver in the stomach, hard enough to rupture internal organs.

"Take him down. Take his weapon." She ripped the jagged blade from his hand and spun, slicing across his throat.

"Find someone with a better weapon. Kill him. Upgrade." One of them had an axe. She pushed the jagged sword through his heart and tore the axe from his hand

Jayne had taught her always to remember that the enemy's weapons were separate from the enemy. If his are better, take them. They'll kill for you just as easy.

River fought, Jayne's training blurring with the Academy's as she killed and killed again, holding nothing back as she became the weapon she had crafted of those disparate parts for the sake of those she loved.

* * *

Mal stroked Inara's hair, ignoring the pain in his broken finger. The other arm was hurting bad, but he could force his fingers to close around the gun. "Won't let them hurt you," he whispered, and it was a promise. He might try to fight himself, but Inara wouldn't ever feel their hands on her.

Zoe had her own gun laid on the floor beside her as she crooned over Wash. Simon, to Mal's surprise, had drawn his own gun, holding Kaylee tightly to him and murmuring to her too quietly for Mal to hear. They all had their loved ones near, taking what were probably their last moments.

Javert had his sword in hand, standing beside the Operative. They would both fight, though to how much good Mal couldn't say. And there were others out there, and that was a comfort in its way. Other Operatives who they seemed damned sure would go as quietly furious as they had, when they saw what was on Miranda. Weren't a good plan to give a man true faith based on a lie - when the lie was found out, it would get very ugly indeed.

He wondered how many members of Parliament would die in their beds in the nights to come, executed for a crime they hadn't thought any crime at all.

Not that it would matter to them. The Reavers were outside, even a blast-door not enough to keep their screaming out, and there was nowhere left to run. Even if they could retreat fast enough carrying three, there was nobody left who could secure doors behind them or guide them through the maze.

"Mal."

Mal didn't recognize the voice at first, then he turned his head, realizing that the hoarse gasp had come from Jayne's throat.

Jayne's head was up, and the terrible expression was gone from his face. "Mal," he said again. "They're quieter."

"Reavers don't get quieter." They kept screaming until you killed them. Didn't they?

Jayne turned his head, the experienced tracker pulling more out of the air than Mal could if it were handed to him tied with a bow. "Not as many."

For a long minute they all stared at the doors, and now Mal could tell that the screams were fainter. The Operative stirred, tilting his head in an odd echo of Jayne's movement, and then he nodded.

"Maybe they're giving up and going away," Inara said, sounding more frightened than hopeful.

"They don't give up." Jayne got to his feet, moving slow like he was afraid he'd fall down. "There's less of 'em."

"He's right." The Operative nodded, glancing at Javert for support. Javert listened a moment longer, then nodded as well.

All of them listened, and there came a moment when the screaming stopped. There was silence, weighted with fear.

And then the doors opened, slowly. A Reaver fell through them as they opened - but not a whole one. The head was gone.

A black boot came down next to his shoulder, silent, and Mal looked up slowly. Full black pants. Shirt that had once been green and was now mostly a gory brown-red. Hair tangled and sticky-looking. A pale face splattered with blood.

River. With sword in one hand and axe in the other, standing in the doorway with dead Reavers piled around her and behind her, stretching clear back to the empty opening where the elevator had been.

* * *

Jayne had had to ask Mal. He'd needed someone to tell him his ears weren't lying. That long after the shots had stopped (and he'd counted every bullet) the screams hadn't begun to thin out.

He waited, hardly daring to breathe, and then he was sure. He heard the chorus weakening, caught an individual voice cut short, and then another. Someone was out there. Someone was taking the Reavers down.

Could be some Alliance thing. Sonics. Poison gas. Something.

He didn't dare let himself think what else it could be.

When the screaming stopped, he sucked in a long breath. As he let it out, the doors opened.

She stood there, dripping blood from the blades in her hands, and he saw her and what she had done. Assassin, weapon, call it whatever, she was a killer. Maybe the best in the 'verse. His eyes travelled up to meet hers, and he could see a trace of fear. _This is what I am. Will you look away now that you see everything?_

He couldn't have put it into words in a hundred years of trying, but he didn't have to. Not for her. She _felt_ the jolt of not-just-lust that went through him when he saw her, saw and gloried in her fragile strength. His brave, crazy killer woman.

The weapons slipped from her hands as they came up, her arms sliding around his neck as he caught her up and held her so tightly that she gasped. "You're alive," he breathed. She was so close he could feel her heart fluttering.

Then she was being pulled away from him, but he let her go when he realized it was Simon. Simon hugged her tightly, kissing her hair and holding her and crying in relief, and Jayne stood back because he was her brother and he had a right to her. For a little while.

Then Simon was shoved aside in turn and Mal gave her a good shake before hugging her, yelling at her for being so stupid while he cupped her head with one hand and pressed it against his shoulder. Well, that was what fathers did, when their little ones had put themselves in danger, so maybe Mal was more serious about this than Jayne had thought. That could be a problem - Mal sure as hell wasn't going to think Jayne was good enough for _his_ little girl, adopted or no.

Mal had his yell before handing River on to Inara, who kissed her and cried, and then to Zoe, who just hugged her tight before going back to Wash. Jayne figured surely it was his turn again then, but River went over to Kaylee first, since Kaylee couldn't go to her, and reassured the sobbing engineer that she was all right.

Jayne heard a wrong sound, a sound that didn't fit, and he turned to see a bunch of good Alliance soldier boys picking their way through the bodies, all ashy faced at the carnage, and each and every one of them had a gun pointed straight through the door.

"Oh, great." Jayne carefully moved his hands away from his weapons. "Mal? Problem."

"What... oh, great." Mal looked to the two Operatives. "Can you do something about this?"

"Stand down," the one on the red shirt said quietly. "The mission is over."

"No." The one in charge was a captain, and he had the shaken look of a man who's seen a lot more than he can deal with. "You know what these monsters did, sir. Half the ships we had are destroyed. _Half_. Their crews dead and... and eaten, some of them. We had to start blowing up our own ships just so their crews wouldn't suffer."

Mal was wincing, but he never could keep his mouth shut, especially when he felt guilty for doing something and got called on it. "Given as all them ships were lined up there to kill me, I can't see as you got any call to get indignant over having an actual fight on your hands."

Jayne found himself trading exasperated looks with Javert, the other man's look seeming to ask if Mal was always this big of a dumbass and Jayne's confirming that yes he damned well was. Jayne didn't really give a shit about the Alliance ships - way he saw it, it was a small price to pay for maybe finally getting the Alliance to admit Reavers existed so they'd protect the colonies some. But even he knew better than to follow it up with that kind of verbal kick in the teeth.

The captain glared at Mal, his gun raising up to point right at Mal's forehead. "It's a shame you were so unwilling to come quietly," he said through clenched teeth. "You and all your crew."

"Captain, there are unarmed women and wounded here," Javert said, sounding all reproachful.

"There were unarmed women and wounded on those ships, too." The Captain shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir, but clearly these... these would-be revolutionaries have managed to sway you to their side. Go stand in the well with the others. You too." He waved his gun at Mal and Jayne, the only ones still on the upper level.

Jayne moved as slowly as he could, shifting to the side so Kaylee and River were behind him. Now would be a really great time for Mal to have a plan.

The red-shirted Operative stepped forward. "Captain, that is enough. I order you - "

The captain's gun went off. The Operative was knocked sprawling, his eyes wide in surprise as he pressed shaking hands to his bleeding belly. "Screw you, sir," the young man said quietly, his hands trembling visibly. "They won't get away with this."

"Listen!" It was River's voice. She sounded happy, and when Jayne turned to look at her she was staring up at the ceiling. "Do you hear them?"

"Hear what?" Mal asked, glancing nervously at the increasingly twitchy Alliance boys.

River smiled at him. "Angels."

That didn't make no sense to Jayne at all, nor to Simon as he could tell by the look on the boys face. But Zoe's head snapped around and Mal got a look on his face like he'd been hit and didn't want it to show. "Whose colours are they flyin'?" he asked quietly.

"God's colours," River said simply.

"Don't think that acting crazy will change anything," the captain said sharply. "You've murdured hundreds of good Alliance citizens and you have to pay for that."

"Did you see the broadcast just went out, Captain? Because if you did - "

"Lies. Sedition." The young captain looked ready to shoot Mal right there.

"Not lies, Captain." Javert was kneeling beside the other Operative, helping him hold his guts in. "Truth, plain and unadorned."

The man wavered, and then he shook his head. _Shit_. He'd made up his mind, it was clear on his face. "All of you. Into the well."

"But - " Mal had seen it too.

"Shut up."

Jayne resumed backing up slowly, keeping himself between the twitchy young captain and River, who was crouched beside Kaylee. If nothing else, he could probably shield her.

"They're coming." River's small hand touched his back as he stepped down into the well. He reached back to take hold of her arm, keeping her behind him. "Don't be afraid."

"Shut her up." The captain's gun was shaking just a little, he was holding it so tight.

"Sir..." For the first time, one of the other soldier boys spoke up, looking doubtful. "The crazy one's just a kid."

"Just a kid? Look at her!" The captain's voice had a shrill edge. Hysteria was bad in a man holding a gun. "Look at the blood on her! She's a killer, just like the others!"

Jayne shoved River further behind him.

"Sir - "

"Shut up!"

"_Sir_ - "

"I told you - "

"Stand down!" More men came through the door, and Jayne blinked. Feds? Here? But there was the purple and charcoal armour, the silly-looking round helmets... and their guns were on the soldiers. "I said stand down, soldier!" one of them barked, pointing his sonic gun meaningfully at the young captain.

"Angels," River said brightly.

Mal looked at her like her head had exploded. "_Them?_"

The Feds had competently bullied the traumatized soldiers into a corner before they could peep in protest, and were relieving them of their weapons. One of them, a big burly guy with a sargeant's stripes, moved over to the group in the well. "One of you Captain Reynolds?"

"If I say yes, will something bad happen to me?" Mal inched forward, looking real dubious.

"We're rigging the shaft for evac, sir." The purple-belly sargeant actually touched his helmet to the ex-Independent captain. Mal looked like he was about to faint. "How many wounded do you have?"

"Four as can't walk out." Mal looked at the red-shirted Operative. With his usual single-mindedness, Simon had gone over immediately as the guns were off them and commenced trying to patch him up. "Doc's done his best to stabilise them, but faster would be better."

"Crew's on its way, sir. They'll be here any minute."

"That's... nice. That's very nice. Tell me, why are you here? All... rescue-y? And knowing my name?"

"Orders, sir." The sergeant shrugged. "Some retired Commander with an assload of clout... 'scuse me," he added, nodding at Inara. Inara just stared at him. "A lot of clout, that is to say, with the current Divisional Head for this sector."

River ducked past Jayne's restraining arm, walking fearlessly towards the Feds. Jayne followed, and then he stopped dead in his tracks as a silver-haired figure in simple grey stepped over the fallen bodies to enter the room. "God owed _Ba ba_ a rescue. You timed it well."

Book touched her bloodied cheek gently. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner. Are you hurt?"

River shook her head. "Shiny. AOK. But Wash is broken and Kaylee and the Universe are sick. And Marius has been shot, which is consistent with the literature but shouldn't be encouraged." She frowned, looking over her shoulder at Jayne. "And I'm better. But I'm very tired and it's harder to remember to be coherent when I'm tired. I've had a busy day."

"So I see." Book looked at Jayne and smiled just a touch. "You're not surprised."

"Ah, hell, I've known you was a Fed for months." Jayne shrugged, exaggerating just a little. "Glad to see you're still on our side, though."

"You're a _Fed_?" Mal clearly wasn't exaggerating at all. He looked horrified.

"I was nearly twenty years ago." Book smiled at him. "We do retire, you know. Some of us even feel the need to make atonement."

"But... you're a _Fed_?"

River sighed. "_Ba ba_'s had a lot of surprises today," she said, patting Book's arm and leaving bloody fingerprints. "I think he needs some time to adjust to this one."

"Of course." Book nodded. "And you all need tending... including Serenity."

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou - Merciful God, please take me away

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone

Gao yang jong duh goo yang - motherless goat of all motherless goats!

Xiao Teng - small/tiny/young dragon

Ju Guei - giant tortoise

Bao Bei - sweetheart


	20. Chapter 20: Clarifications And Repairs

**Chapter 20: Clarifications and Repairs**

* * *

River was constantly surprised by how little people seemed to see.

She always had been. Even as a child, she was puzzled by the way everyone around her seemed to walk around with their heads full of fog. They didn't _notice_ things, and when they did, they didn't understand them. Now, with all her senses forced wide open, walking through a world with an additional dimension (time really _was_ the fourth dimension, and she wished it would go away, or at least get less visible), she was more bemused than ever by the sheer amount of information that passed others by.

They had been there when Jayne had opened his heart to her, loving her for what might have been all of their lives. They had been there when she'd shown herself to him, wanting him to know the truth of her whole and flawed and deadly self, and when he had reached for that self and claimed it. The very heavens should have resounded at the shattering of his stony self-protection, should have rung like bells for the impossible and perfect merging of opposites when he took her in his arms.

It was inconceivable that nobody had noticed!

Wash was excused noticing on account of being semi-conscious and in agony. And Zoe was absorbed by Wash, which River understood better now that her universe had its own smelly masculine center, so Zoe was also forgiven. Kaylee, having already noticed, had not been required to do it again.

But Simon, Inara and _Ba ba_ were just stupid.

They kept on not noticing, accustomed as they were to River remaining by Jayne's side when there were strangers around them. No notice was taken that he held her hand every moment, nor that he had carefully gathered up her discarded guns and the sword and axe she had taken for herself in the fight. They weren't trophies, precisely - but she had taken them and used them to kill and that made them _hers_. Jayne wouldn't allow her weapons to be lost, because he loved her and weapons were important.

River supposed they would notice quickly enough if he started kissing her in front of everyone as Zoe was doing to Wash while the kind Federal medics gave him lots of meds for the pain. Or if he told her in whispered excruciating detail how much he loved her, as Simon was doing to Kaylee on the pallet next to Wash. Or even if he kept staring with soulful passion at her as Inara and Mal kept doing to each other up at the front of the shuttle. Since he was Jayne, it simply didn't occur to him to do any of those things. Jayne's instinctive response to the day was much more logical. He a) retained a firm grip on her at all times, and b) growled at anyone who got too close.

River sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "People just don't notice things."

He nodded. "I've always thought that." His surface thoughts flickered up an image of Mal demanding to know why Jayne thought one trail was correct, and one was not, and Jayne being quite unable to explain why because Mal didn't see or understand the whole issue of the dead grass.

River smiled. "_Ba ba_ especially doesn't notice things."

"Yeah, well, he can keep not noticing. I'm this close to actually survivin' today." Jayne squeezed her hand warningly as his voice dropped to a murmur. "Don't you be tipping him off until I've had a chance to sleep. And reload."

That hadn't occurred to River. She was clearly more tired than she had thought. Mal really wasn't going to be at _all_ happy about this. "Good point."

"Yeah." Jayne leaned back in the too-small standard-sized seat, rubbing his free hand over his hair. "This shuttle smell weird to you?"

River sniffed, ignoring the offended look from the Feds close enough to hear him. "Mildew in the recirculator condensors?"

"Could be."

They stayed together when they reached the larger Alliance vessel that Book had commandeered. It had adequate hospital facilities, and Simon became the Surgeon again and insisted on fixing Wash himself. The doctors let him because Zoe got upset and threatened to shoot anyone who wasn't Simon who tried to touch Wash. Simon soothed her, and asked her to look after Kaylee while he tended to Wash, with the intent that they should exchange again when surgery was over. Zoe was amenable to this plan.

Inara was focused on making Mal get himself fixed, and Mal was focused on squeezing answers out of Book. Javert and Marius were both being worked on by the doctors Zoe had scorned.

Being ambulatory and more or less intact, Jayne and River were set aside to wait. Since Mal had been taken away to have his perforations repaired, Jayne put his arm around River's shoulder, which she enjoyed until he shifted and his hand settled on her upper arm. "Ow."

"Ow? Where's the ow?" He was all attention at once, looking at her carefully. "Did you get hurt?"

"Not much." She found the slit in her sleeve and opened it to show the cut underneath. "Must have Simon disinfect it. Fingernails carry a lot of bacteria."

"They scratched you? Is that the only place?" Jayne began a careful inspection, starting at the top of her head. "Is any of that blood yours?"

"Little bits. Not much." His hands felt nice smoothing over her hair, and she kissed his fingertips as they brushed her face. It made him shiver.

"Should get one of the docs to take a look, Simon's gonna be busy for a while." Jayne looked around, preparing to summon assistance.

"No! Can wait." River knew she'd responded too fast when he turned back to look at her, frowning. "I'm better. I am. Nearly almost entirely sane. But... I don't like doctors who aren't Simon." She shivered just at the thought, and Jayne's hand wrapped around hers again. "Don't like them to touch me."

He nodded. "Guess not," he agreed, and his thumb brushed the invisible scar in the middle of her forehead. "Ain't nothing serious?"

"Just cuts and bruises. Nothing worse than yours." She ran her fingertip along a scratch on his neck.

Jayne nodded, swallowing hard as she touched him. "I don't want them touchin' you, either," he said, honest in his possessiveness. If Jayne had his way, he would keep all hands but his from ever touching her. (And Kaylee's, perhaps, because Kaylee loved to hug and Jayne could never say no to Kaylee.) "Okay, how's this... that room over there's empty, an' I see supplies and stuff. How about I fix up yours and you fix up mine?"

* * *

"You have some explaining to do."

Mal had let the fed doctors patch him up - they didn't have Simon's light touch, but they'd done well enough and numbed up his arm enough that he could move without whimpering. Now he had a mind to finally squeeze some answers out of their recalcitrant Shepherd.

Book nodded. "I suppose I do, at that. I did tell you to come straight to Haven when you returned."

"Yeah, well... we had to get the word out."

"I do understand." Book looked away. "The thing you must understand, Mal, is that like many things, the Alliance was a true force for good in the beginning."

Mal snorted. "Sure, and Hell's a nice warm holiday destination."

Book shook his head. "Sometimes I forget how young you are," he said, almost affectionately. "You only know the Alliance as it is now. If you'd seen it fifty years ago..."

"Can't imagine it was much different," Mal said, frowning. "Smaller, of course, but..."

"Hush." Book led him to the padded bench that ran along one side of the infirmary's waiting room. "Listen."

"Fifty years ago, the Alliance was only four planets, and three moons. They all brought something to the table. Sihnon had preserved more records of Earth-That-Was, of science and of literature and of hundreds of other subjects, than any other world. Londinium's medical standard was far above any other. Gaul had more mineral deposits than it knew what to do with. Osiris had taken the terraforming well enough to grow plants and preserve animals that thrived nowhere else. Isis was a moon covered from pole to pole in flourishing farmland." Book leaned back. "I was born on Londinium. I very faintly remember the celebrations when Osiris and Isis joined the Alliance - and they were not coerced, but wooed and won. I was six years old."

Mal blinked. He had never been much of a one for history, but this... well, he was damned sure he'd never heard _this_ before. The Alliance just... _was_.

"I joined the Marshals when I was eighteen. The notion of a unified police force was a new one, but all the planetary councils had agreed it was a good idea. It would simplify the byzantine extradition laws, and ensure that a criminal could not flee his past crimes simply by jumping on a shuttle to Sihnon. It was an exciting time. When I was nineteen, I chased a notorious murderer for eight city blocks and by great good fortune did not catch him, since he would certainly have killed me with the greatest of ease." Book smiled a little at that memory. "He was most incensed when he was caught. He had killed eighteen young women on Osiris and Isis, and actually protested when he was tried and executed on Londinium. He seemed to think it was unfair that escaping the planet no longer meant escaping from his crimes."

Mal himself wasn't especially fond of the way Feds tagged you with every crime you'd ever been caught at and followed you around with them forever, but he couldn't deny that Book had a point with the murderer story. Men like that existed, preyin' on young girls or kids or old ladies or some such, doing it over and over until they was caught. And if they kept moving and never got caught, and there wasn't someone could put all the murders together and see that they matched... well, he'd heard tell of one fellow who actually died of old age during his trial, when he finally got caught. "Can't say my heart's bleeding for him."

"No. Neither was mine." Book smiled. "It was a good time to be a lawman. We were all so... eager. No longer contained by our borders, with a wealth of new information to work from... keeping the people safe really meant something. We felt that we truly contributed to the peace of the Alliance, back when that was still something to take pride in."

Mal nodded a little reluctantly. He could _see_ Book as an idealistic boy scarcely older than River, a little younger than Simon and Kaylee, setting out to fix the whole 'verse one arrest at a time. Fighting the bad guys, protecting the innocent. The young ones were like that, before life wore at them and they went corrupt or lazy or just plain uncaring. "That was a long time ago."

"Yes, it was." Book sighed. "I was a Marshal for nearly thirty years. I never married... my work was my life. And the changes were so gradual that I didn't notice them for a long time."

"What changes?"

"There were more and more of us, as more and more were needed. There weren't so many volunteers, when the novelty wore off, and we could no longer be quite so selective. The first time a Marshal was discovered to have committed a crime, it was a terrible shock. Ten years later, we accepted it as an unhappy fact of life - men are weak, and they will be tempted. And the Alliance was growing. Some planets had petitioned to join. Others had simply surrendered to the inevitable when they found themselves surrounded."

Book shook his head, looking at Mal seriously. "And when new colonies went out, they still thought of themselves as citizens of the Alliance. They still wanted the rights and protections to which they were accustomed. At first it was made clear to them that leaving the Alliance meant _leaving_, that we could not extend our jurisdiction out so far. We lacked the resources. But there were attacks on some of the colonies, and questions raised in Parliament, and soon we were called upon to expand again, to begin stationing Marshals on the colony planets that requested them. It all just kept getting bigger. Harder to control."

Book sighed, running a hand over his tightly braided hair. "I remember when Lansquenet retired. He had been one of the motivating forces of the Alliance for years - he was in his seventies when I was younger than you are now. He publically decried the Alliance's heedlessly expansionist policies. He insisted that trying to extend over too great a region of space would fatally destabilize the very fabric of the Alliance itself, and he walked out of Parliament. At the time it was accounted a disaster - people wept openly in the streets, bereft of their beloved protector. I doubt you even know his name."

"Never heard of him," Mal admitted. "Weren't much for history when I was a kid."

"I didn't think so." Book leaned back on the bench. "I never intended to retire early. Then one day I was interrogating a young woman, who was suspected of being part of a group of environmental terrorists. They not only protested terraforming, they had more than once tried to actively sabotage it. They had succeeded, and this girl was suspected of being a pivotal part of the plot. She was rather younger than Kaylee."

"Was she guilty?" Mal asked quietly, knowing a painful memory when he heard one.

"I was sure of it. She protested... dozens of women working at the same agency had the same opportunity she did. She would never harm anyone. She wanted only to help us. But I knew she was guilty, I could _smell_ it. So I pushed. I questioned. I accused. I shouted at her. And she wept and told me that she was innocent, and I said..." Book looked down at his hands. "I don't give half a hump if you're innocent or not, so where does that leave you?"

Mal knew those moments. Knew how it felt to have words come out your mouth you couldn't ever forget. So he didn't say anything, just let Book have his quiet moment before continuing.

"And then God gave me an opportunity," Book said seriously. "I _heard_ myself, heard the words that I had spoken. For the first time in a long time. And I'd meant what I said. I didn't care any more. All those years of faith, of belief, and somewhere between the murderers and the petty thieves and the organized crime I could barely touch I'd just... stopped caring."

"And you think that was the hand of God?"

"It was a moment of epiphany. Immediately followed by collapse, fortunately. I was rushed to the nearest hospital, where it was discovered that my heart was not all a heart could be. I was treated, of course, but the doctors warned me that continuing to live my life as I had done would mean more episodes, and soon an attack." Book lifted a hand to his collar, smiling a little. "I was offered an early retirement, and I accepted. A week later, I presented myself at Southdown Abbey. I did not leave it for nearly twenty years."

Mal nodded. It all... fitted. With Book's strange knowledge of crime and weaponry, his devotion to God and his passion for justice. "Was she guilty?"

"The girl? Oh, yes." Book smiled sadly. "She killed over a hundred people."

"Hell."

"I'm quite confident of it, yes." Book nodded. "I had no involvement in the War of Unification, Mal, though I knew of it. We did get news, at the abbey. Shortly before I retired, Gilchrist... I assume you've heard of him..."

Michael Gilchrist. The Unifier. The firebrand who'd ignited the Parliament and started the Unification War almost all by himself. "I know the name."

"He was elected to Parliament young. Passionate, full of zeal... he wasn't taken seriously by the old guard, not at first. In his first address, he put forth the notion of uniting the entire system under the Alliance. He was eloquent on the subject of improving the lot of settlers on the Rim. Of protecting our colonies and those of other worlds, as well. For the people. It was all to be for the people."

"And I bet he got a rousing chorus of cheers on that little bit of _go se_."

"Most people laughed," Book said quietly. "At first. It was a mad notion. There was no possible way that the Alliance, already struggling with an unwieldy and inadequate infrastructure, could extend itself across the entire system. The distances were too vast, the process too expensive. Alliance planets were guaranteed certain benefits... subsidised schools to the university level, government-run hospitals, police protection, representation in the Assembly... it was utterly impractical."

Mal scowled, because this part he knew about. "But he made it practical. He pulled the gorram 'minimal population' crap out of his ass, didn't he?"

Book nodded. "All the Alliance facilities were always calculated by population. One school for so many hundred children, one hospital for so many thousand citizens... Gilchrist put forward the so-reasonable, so-economical idea that there should be a _minimum_. He painted pictures of standard-sized schools with a dozen pupils wandering the corridors, hospitals empty and unused because the population was so tiny... oh, he was very eloquent."

"And he raised the minumum so none of the colonies or Rim-planets could meet it."

"Yes. By the time River was taking her first ballet lessons, he had convinced the entire Parliament, even those who had laughed at him, that it was right and just to rob the planets of the Alliance of their privileges, and that it was their duty to force their corrupt civilisation on those planets still free. He is an extraordinary orator." Book sighed. "But the Alliance itself wasn't evil in the beginning. The Feds weren't always a corrupt arm of the military. I wanted you to know that."

Mal nodded. "Is that why you got the Divisional guy to help?"

"I trained Kyo, many years ago. He was an idealist, as I was, and passionately devoted to justice. He still is, fortunately, and he was willing to listen to me." Book smiled. "He has been living on the Rim for many years, and he knows that life is hard. He has learned to distinguish between petty crime for survival and true wickedness. And he's not terribly fond of our government, just at present, since his passion for justice and disregard for privelege are the reason he's been posted on the Rim for the last fifteen years."

Mal chuckled. "Yeah. I can see how a fellow like that would be a problem."

"Oh, yes. But his authority out here is all but absolute, fortunately for us." Book laid a hand on Mal's shoulder. "He will not harm River," he said seriously. "That I promise you."

"The warrants - "

"Would be fatal in the hands of a man who merely obeys orders, I quite agree. But Kyo began his career as a lawman, what on Londinium they call a street plod. We've all seen our share of false claims, Mal. No real lawman, having spoken to River, would hand her over without further investigation. The child has obviously been extensively abused, and there are laws against that. It's one of the less offensive trappings of civilisation."

Mal found himself staring at Book, his jaw hanging a little. That notion had never once crossed his mind. "Is that why you never said anything? Why you didn't turn them over to the law?"

"Of course. While I doubted Simon's story at first, I could see that he, himself, was a decent and very frightened young man. As soon as I saw River I could see for myself that something truly horrific had been done to her, and I was entirely certain that Simon wasn't responsible for it. There are times, Mal, when one meets a runaway, or encounters a particularly vicious custody battle and... you get to know the times when it's best to look away. When there's not enough proof, and there's the child to be thought of, and it's best for everyone if the law is a little less than vigilant."

Mal nodded slowly. "And you think this Kyo will feel the same way?"

"Any decent officer of the law would. And when an obviously damaged child is accused of nebulous but dreadful classified crimes, well..." Book smiled. It wasn't a very nice smile. "Then it raises suspicions as to _who_ hurt her, and why they're using political clout to keep her quiet. The Academy would have been better to account her a simple-minded runaway - it would have drawn far less attention."

"You really are a lawman, ain't you?" Mal shook his head, finding himself grinning all of a sudden. "I never thought of any of that stuff."

"Of course not. You're a career criminal, Mal." Book gave him a mock-reproachful look. "Albeit not a particularly good one."

"Hey! It's bad enough I get that _go se_ from Inara!" Mal felt suddenly giddy with relief. He'd never thought he'd find a trustworthy Fed, but... Book sounded like a _good_ cop. The kind you got in small towns sometimes, who knew _why_ people did what they did, and when to act fast and when to look the other way a little. "I try to work honest, you know I do. I just... can't, always."

"Having a family to provide for does leave a man with some hard choices." Book nodded. "Kyo knows that, and it seems you've gotten the Operative on side as well. How on earth did you manage that?"

"Gave him an epiphany." Mal shook his head. "Miranda... it hit him real hard. He's a twisted son of a bitch, but in his crazy way he does want what's best for folk."

Book seemed to turn that over in his mind and then he nodded. "The Operative program began when I was about your age. It was just... special training, at first. For the best and brightest. I was considered, but I was too old for optimal performance. Set in my ways. The youngest recruits were chosen instead."

"So that's why you knew about them."

Book nodded. "Did the.. information about Miranda affect the other one?"

"He started cryin' and then implied that he wanted to kill all of the Parliament in their sleep, so I'd say it did."

"Interesting. I would speak with them tomorrow, if I were you. They may be of even more help than Kyo in altering River and Simon's status as wanted fugitives. They have... power. More than any one man should have, but in this case I am willing to take advantage of it."

"Me too," Mal said, and then he surprised himself by yawning. "I should get back to Serenity..."

"I've had rooms prepared for all of you. This ship regularly transfers officers and the like, so its guest quarters are adequate. Seven rooms, all on the same hallway, all on the same com system. I doubt Zoe and Wash will be using theirs, or Kaylee hers, but the others will all be within your call should you be worried."

"But..." Mal wanted his own cabin. His own ship.

"Wash and Kaylee can't leave in any case, and Zoe won't. Would you leave them behind?"

"Well, no. Guess not." Mal yawned. "Show me where this room is, then. An' you keep an eye on my crew. You're still awake."

On the way out of the infirmary, he saw River dabbing at Jayne's neck with a swab in one of the spare exam rooms. Good. Jayne would keep an eye on her, and he'd already remembered that giving her something to do was the best thing to get her settled. And she couldn't go wrong with a bottle of disinfectant and a swab, surely.

* * *

Zoe had reluctantly allowed one of the medics to patch up the gash on her arm - didn't even know when she'd picked that up - and she'd had a quick wash in a basin. Then she'd just waited, in the uncomfortable chair beside the bed where Kaylee was sleeping, until a pale green blur showed up in front of her and, when she blinked, resolved itself into Simon.

He looked dead on his feet, but he smiled at her reassuringly. Kaylee was right - boy had a pretty smile. "He'll be all right," he said gently, putting his hand on Zoe's shoulder. "It'll take time - he was hurt badly. But he'll live, and aside from the leg he'll be more or less as good as new in time."

Zoe shut her eyes for a moment, taking in the first easy breath she'd drawn since she'd heard Wash scream. "Thanks."

Simon nodded. "I've had a pallet made up in his room, and a comfortable chair moved in. I know you won't leave him, so I won't ask, but try to get some sleep yourself. He's been sedated, and he won't wake up for at least six hours, maybe longer."

"Right." She appreciated him not trying to make her go. Most doctors would. She got to her feet, glancing down at Kaylee. "She's out, too - doc said she needed to rest and let the toxin wear off."

Simon nodded. "I'll stay with her. Inara's keeping an eye on Mal - she made him get stitched up before he talked to Book. I think we can leave him in her hands."

Zoe found that it ws possible to laugh, still. "I reckon he's probably too tired to appreciate them right now," she said, grinning when Simon blushed. "But yeah. An' Jayne'll look to River - he's good at makin' her rest when she's tired and all."

Simon nodded, an undefinable something crossing his face. "He does take good care of her."

"And fight like a madman to get to her even when there's Reavers outside," Zoe said, guessing at the cause of the something. "Which I'm guessin' you noticed too."

Simon nodded. "It was hard to miss."

"That it was." Zoe stretched. "Might want to have a word with her on that tomorrow."

"I intend to." Simon sighed. "Someday my life is going to be simple for ten minutes together and I'm going to have a heart attack from sheer shock."

"Mine was simple for three whole days once," Zoe smiled reminiscently. "On my honeymoon. Refusin' to get out of bed is good for keeping things simple. And having Monty mind Mal for a few days."

"I'll remember that." Simon yawned, dropping into the chair beside Kaylee. "Go be with Wash. End of the hall, on the left. If he wakes up, call a nurse."

"Will do." Zoe smiled. "You gonna sleep yourself?"

"Sure. In a minute." Simon took Kaylee's limp hand.

Zoe left them together, stopping a nurse on her way to suggest that Simon was going to need a more comfortable chair.

Wash looked small and still in the hospital bed, but he wasn't wrung-out pale anymore, and all his hurts had been tended. Blood was still running into him, and something clear that could have been anything. Zoe pulled up her chair to the side of the bed away from the IVs, and made herself comfortable. She'd be staying right here until he woke up.

Right here.

* * *

Around the time Zoe sat down, Jayne was standing in the middle of a Fed ship's guest-room, staring at the door.

He'd reluctantly allowed Inara to take River away to get cleaned up. It'd definitely draw attention if he walked her into a shower stall himself, and Inara would probably do a better job. Her touch was lighter than his, and she knew about washing long hair and all that stuff.

He'd showered himself - Alliance were generous with the water even in the black, even if it was all recycled - getting the blood and sweat and grime off. There were some clothes laid out - just the kind of loose trousers and t-shirt that would do for anyone, but they were clean - and he'd put them on. And now he was staring at the door, wondering what to do. He wanted to go find River. It was going to be a long, long time before he really trusted her out of his sight again, after the stunt she'd pulled with that door.

But she was tired, and maybe if he went to her room she'd think he wanted sex.

Well, he did, kinda. He was still wired from all the adrenaline, even if he was tired. But he knew she was wore out, and he wouldn't ask now. He just wanted to be where he could watch her, so's he'd know she was safe. It would be way too easy for some Alliance _hun dan_ to snatch her away, here on their ship, and Jayne knew he wouldn't sleep if he didn't know just where she was.

Especially since all her weapons were here in _his_ room. He really should go return Boadicea at least.

He jumped when someone knocked on his door. His first panicked thought was _Oh, Jesus, Mal knows!_, but then he thought it might be Book come to congratulate him on making what the Shepherd had seemed to think was the right decision, so he opened the door.

It was River. Clean, with her wet hair hanging over her shoulders and dampening the loose t-shirt she was wearing. Her pants were too long, and her little toes peeked out bare and pink. "I won't sleep either," she said, jumping right to the point as usual. "Need to know that you're safe too."

Jayne nodded, stepping back to let her into the room. "Well, good. We'll keep an eye on each other, then." Only not too much of an eye, 'cause she wasn't wearing a damned thing under those clothes, any more than he was. He tried not to think about it as he closed the door behind her.

She turned to him and moved up close, resting her hands flat on his chest. "I felt you," she said softly. "On the other side. Reaching out your heart to me."

Jayne wrapped her up in his arms. Tired be damned, surely he could at least hug her. "If you ever do that again..." There was no threat he could make, so he fell back on the truth. "It'd kill me, _xiao teng_, it would. You can't just lock me up and keep me safe, _dong ma_? You and me, we'll fight together. Both of us making it or none."

"But I don't want you to get hurt." She twisted those little fingers in his shirt. "Want to protect you."

"And I want to protect you, but you wouldn't like it if I went off and got myself killed while you was locked up and not let help me, would you?"

"No." She pouted a little, but she nodded. "We'll fight together. The _xiao teng_ and the _ju guei_."

"I ain't a giant tortoise!" Jayne was insulted. There he'd come up with a pretty name for her that fitted nice without being too sentimental, and she was calling him a tortoise!

"My tortoise. My stone with soft insides that lets me creep under his shell and be safe." River smiled up at him. "Big and slow and wise."

"Yeah, well..." Okay, maybe it wasn't all that bad. "I still like mine better."

"Like it too." She laid her head against his chest, right over his heart. "Little dragon. Dangerous but small."

"I ain't one for the mushy talk." He stroked her wet, silky hair. "But I can't call you _xiao gui_ no more, and I thought little dragon fit."

"It fits, and I will answer to it." River smiled against his chest. "And I will not call you _ju guei_ where anyone can hear."

"Good. Don't." He let himself kiss the top of her head. "An' you gotta be wrecked, big day you've had an' all."

"Not that tired." She lifted her head and gave him a wicked grin that curled his toes. "You have a promise to keep. Reavers are gone, Alliance is no longer a threat, and _Ba ba_ is fast asleep and cannot interrupt."

Jayne probably should have objected or protested that she was too tired or something, but hell, she knew better than to expect that from him.

Some time later, he reminded himself that it was rude to go right to sleep and propped himself up to look at River. She had a distant, thoughtful look that wasn't quite what he'd expected. "Uh... River?"

"I am making sure I remember _everything_," she said, her little hand coming up to touch his cheek.

"Oh." Was that good? Yeah, it was probably good. Wasn't it? "Did I... uh... do okay?"

River blinked, her eyes finally meeting his. She smiled at him. "You were worried. Used to partners with more experience. Afraid of hurting me."

"Well... a little." Jayne was pretty confident in his abilities, in the usual way - he'd never had any complaints - but he usually avoided the less experienced girls. Pros were... easier. "You seemed to be enjoyin' yourself, though."

"Ecstatically fulfilled, as well you know." She grinned at him and rolled over, turning her back to him and snuggling back so she was tucked into him all spoon-like. That was _nice_. "Time for sleep now."

Passionate, she loved him, _and_ she got sleepy afterwards. What a woman. Jayne grinned and made himself comfortable. "Be seein' you in my dreams?"

"May be too tired to dream." She already sounded half-asleep. "If not, I'll find you."

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou - Merciful God, please take me away

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone

Gao yang jong duh goo yang - motherless goat of all motherless goats!

Xiao Teng - small/tiny/young dragon

Ju Guei - giant tortoise

Bao Bei - sweetheart


	21. Chapter 21: The Orchestra Is Tuning

**Chapter 21: The Orchestra Is Tuning**

* * *

Wash was disappointed.

The afterlife smelled funny, and he was disoriented and muzzy in the head, and while there were clean sheets - clean sheets were luxury enough for an afterlife, right enough - there was also pain and things sticking in him and he didn't think that was right at all. He wanted to complain to someone. "Mnn..." was the only noise he managed at first, his throat dry and aching.

Zoe appeared, and he realized she'd been holding his hand all along. "Wash? Baby?" she murmured, leaning down to kiss him gently. "You back with me?"

Back implied that he'd been away. He frowned. "Di' I die?" he asked, since it didn't seem like Zoe would let the afterlife be run badly, and the bad smell was kind of like hospital now that he thought of it. Except there wasn't a hospital on Universe's moon, and hadn't Reavers killed him? That thought made him start to shake, and he clutched tighter onto her hand.

"No, baby. You didn't die. You got hurt pretty bad, but..." She bit her lip, stroking his forehead. Her hand felt really nice. "Jayne grabbed you back from the Reavers. I may have to let the big lug grab my ass once or twice, just to thank him."

"Nooo ass." Wash was very clear on this point. "No' for Jayne."

"All right. No ass. But he did save you. Him and River." Zoe was smiling, but her eyes were wet. "I love you so much..."

She didn't say it often, not like that, and Wash knew she must really have been scared. He'd been scared, too. "I hurt. Wha's wrong wi' me? Wha'd they do?"

"You got a lot of bites and cuts." Her mouth tightened up unhappily. "Still got all your fingers, for a miracle, although they did break a couple. Nothin' too serious by itself, 'cept..." She took a deep breath. "Except your left leg. You lost that, baby, I'm sorry."

Wash blinked at her, then he moved his head aside to look down himself. There were blankets, and a sort of... of dome thing under them, so he couldn't see what shape he was. "My leg?" He tried to move his right leg. Yep. There. He tried the left one, and there was only pain, lots of it, and no movement at all.

Zoe looked ready to cry, which was almost worse than not being able to feel his leg. "You woulda died if Simon hadn't been there," she said steadily. "Bled out. He amputated what... what was left, and fixed it all up so you'd live."

"Bein' 'live is good..." Wash tried to push the blankets away so he could see, but Zoe wouldn't let him. "Wan' see my leg."

"No. Not yet. It's all sterile under there, or something. Doc told me not to let you move anything." Zoe kissed his hands with their bandaged fingers. "Simon did all the operating. He fixed you up real good."

"I li' Simon." Even if he had cut off Wash's leg.

"I like Simon too. He made 'em let me stay with you, and he'll be comin' by later to see how you're doing." Zoe smiled. "I'm sure he'll let you look, and not treat you like a little kid way some doctors do."

"Yeah. He's a goo' kid." Wash frowned. "'s everyone else okay? Inara?" One of them had got Inara, right before the hands grabbed him... He shuddered, trying not to think about it.

"Ain't nobody died. Didn't lose a one, 'cept nearly you." She kissed his palm again, holding it carefully. "Kaylee got hit with some kinda neurotoxin, but the doctors said she'd be fine by this afternoon. Mal got his fool self shot again, but he'll be all right - just an arm. Inara only got a few scratches, and Simon not even that. Jayne got roughed up a bit, but you know Jayne - he probably hardly noticed. He likely wouldn't recognize himself if he wasn't green and purple somewhere or other."

Wash nodded. Jayne got fussy about big wounds, but he generally barely noticed the small ones. "River?"

"She's fine. Roughed up some, like Jayne, but she's okay." Zoe shook her head. "She saved all of us."

"Li'l River?"

"Yeah. What she did in the Maidenhead wasn't but a twinkle of her toes compared to what she did down there." Zoe was frowning a little, thinking on it, but she didn't look unhappy. "She _is_ a weapon, seems like, and she has a powerful dislike of anyone tryin' to hurt her people. I think I'm gonna leave you with her, from now on. Figure she'll keep you just safe as safe." She smiled suddenly. "Although she might put syrup in your hair."

"She kill' all them Reavers?" Wash wasn't sure he was understanding right.

"All the ones as got to us, yeah. Thirty odd, I'd say. All by her lonesome." Zoe shook her head. "You want to know the really weird thing, though?"

"River bein' all deadly in't it?"

"No, the really weird thing is that after she locked the blast doors on the rest of us, stayin' outside to fight alone, it took me and Mal and Javert to hold Jayne back from openin' them up again. Man's been shit-scared of Reavers as long as I've known him, and he was fighting like a crazy man to get to them."

"No' to them." Wash shook his head a little, which made his ear hurt. Did he still have his ear? He felt the side of his head, and was relieved to find it still there, albeit with a bit of tape on it. "T' River."

"Does seem kinda like." Zoe shook her head again. "Not sure what's goin' on there, but... well, I'da done just the same if it was you."

Wash nodded. "Y'right. Tha's the really weird thing."

* * *

River had not previously considered it possible for the day her brain had first been operated on, when she had woken up smelling colours and tasting sounds and seeing _everything_, to be supplanted as the most life-changing day she had ever experienced.

In the space of twenty-four hours, however, she had passed through Reaver space twice, discovered Miranda and the source of her madness, told Jayne that she loved him aloud and in words and been told in return, saved Wash's life, felt Jayne surrender his heart entirely to her, finished remaking herself as a weapon for her _own_ use and no-one else's, killed thirty-seven Reavers, been rescued by Book and the Feds, and experienced sexual intercourse for the first time. Merely waking up psychic and brain-damaged couldn't compete.

She turned her head to look at Jayne, who was sprawled across most of the bed, on his stomach, with his arm draped over her and his face turned towards her as he snored quietly. He was her own, as she was his. It was a pleasant sensation.

She stirred and winced, noting a number of less pleasant sensations. The high tinging of cuts balancing the deep thud of bruises, accompanied by a steady humming ache in her hands, the creaking of stiffness, and the persistent whine of a full bladder. Jayne's arm across her stomach wasn't helping, in that respect.

"Mnuh?" He woke up almost as soon as she moved, lifting his head and giving her an unfocused look.

"I require the use of the facilities."

"Oh." He nodded and his head dropped back to the pillow. After a moment, his arm shifted off her. "'kay."

"Thank you." She slid out of bed and picked her way across the floor to the small bathroom. They had made something of a mess last night, in their haste to get to the bed and remove each other's clothing.

Business done, she examined herself in the mirror - a positive rainbow of bruises, cuts, and so on, and her hair was serpentine again - and decided that just going back to bed seemed like the best option currently available.

Jayne was awake when she returned, lifting his arm and the blankets so she could slide in and curl against him. He looked at her and winced. "Oh, hell. You look like a rainbow puked on you."

She smiled, cuddling against him. "You are colourful, too."

"Yeah, but I'm used to it." He shifted against her, uncomfortable and uncertain. "I... uh... I didn't make any of those, did I? Last night?"

River assessed. "Four. Close together." She guided his hand down to the back of her thigh. "Fingers dug in."

He winced again. "I'm sorry. I was tryin' to be careful."

He had been. She had known that, and she smiled and kissed his collar-bone. "Don't mind. I dug in, too." She slid her hand up and around to touch his shoulder, where her nails had sunk into flesh. "Not a moment for caution, just then."

He grinned, and kissed just under her ear, his worry fading away. "That it ain't. I'd remind ya, but you look about as stiff and sore as I am."

"More so. Got hit more times." She rubbed her nose against his neck. "And I am very, very hungry. We should clean ourselves and find food."

"Yeah." He brightened at that. "You think they got good food here?"

"They don't live on protein." River sat up, digging her fingers into her tangled hair. "Will you braid me?"

"Sure." He touched the ends of her hair as they trailed across her back, and she enjoyed his simple pleasure in touching her. "I like your hair."

* * *

Mal had woken up in a real good mood.

Everyone was alive. Hurt plenty, but alive. Serenity was repairable, if torn up. They'd well and truly blacked the Alliance's eye and its reputation, and might actually get away with it all. And Inara had kissed his cheek before vanishing into her room. He was willing to call yesterday a pretty good day, all things.

Today was not a good day, however.

It had been one while he got up and indulged in a real hot-water shower and shaved with a razor he didn't have to sharpen himself and all those goodly civilized things. Then he'd opened his door and looked out.

Just in time to see River step out of Jayne's room, smiling up at the big ape who had a possessive hand on her back. The way Jayne was looking at her was just confirmation of what Mal could have told a mile off. They'd spent the night together. Jayne, that lecherous lying _hun dan_, had seduced River when she was all emotionally vulnerable and shaken.

They hadn't seen him. He stepped back, waiting until they vanished down the hall, taking the time to take a few deep breaths.

Jayne was off the ship. _Off_. He could have these kind, friendly Feds drop him wherever, as long as it was good and far from Mal and Mal's ship and Mal's crazy and vulnerable little girl. But Mal wasn't going to charge in waving his guns and shouting. He was gonna be real calm and reasonable, because River had clearly been swayed in some way - Jayne spent enough time practicing that he was probably okay in bed by now - and it would upset her if Mal shot Jayne.

She was really going to be unhappy with Mal about this, but that he could live with. Simon would side with him, and Zoe, and when River got her feet under her again she'd see as she'd been taken advantage of.

When he was sure he had his temper more or less under control, he followed them. Around the corner, he found that the open area, where presumably officers drank port and exchanged amusing anecdotes when they were on board, had been set up with a buffet table of sorts. Fresh fruit, bread, and what smelled like real, actual bacon. Simon and Inara were already there - Simon's plate almost empty, Inara's still filled with fruit - and Jayne was already hoeing into a plate piled high with some of everything.

River had an apple in her hand, with a single bite taken out of it. She was frowning at it. "Captain has his crest up," she said, glancing at Mal then laying her small hand on Jayne's shoulder.

Jayne looked around, scowling. "Aww, hell. Couldn't he wait until I'd had breakfast, even?"

"No." River took a piece of bread off Jayne's plate - something she often did, now that Mal thought on it, and she was the only person Jayne ever let touch his food. "The orchestra is tuning."

"The orchestra is... what?" Simon's face fell. "River, I thought you were feeling better."

"She means it's time to face the music." Mal was in no mood for games. "Jayne, up."

Jayne stood, folding his arms and glaring at Mal. "What?"

"You got something you want to tell me?"

"No." Jayne's jaw tightened.

"You got any excuses you want to make? Any stories about how this ain't your fault? Ain't like you not to have an excuse, Jayne." Mal was reconsidering the whole not-shooting-Jayne thing. Maybe just a flesh-wound -

"No." River gave Mal a filthy look.

Jayne glared at Mal, and then he pointedly turned to... Simon? "Doc, Kaylee gonna be up and around by now?"

"She should be waking up soon, yes. Uh... what's going on?"

Jayne ignored the question. "How 'bout Wash? He up for a little friendly conversation?"

"I suppose, but - "

"Good. Shiny." Jayne picked up his bacon sandwich. "Let's do this all at once. Get the whole crew together for Mal's big speech on how bad Jayne is. You can all join in on the chorus - figure you all know it by heart by now." He turned on his heel and stalked out, shoveling down his sandwich like it had done him a personal injury.

River followed him, giving Mal the kind of look that would frighten a Reaver, had she left any alive. Well, she'd understand in time. Wasn't a girl in the 'verse liked it when her daddy chased off some sleazy bastard she thought she cared for, but it was for the best and generally they saw that when they'd had some time to calm down.

"Mal?" Simon looked very nervous. "This isn't... I mean, it looks sort of like..."

Mal gritted his teeth. "Oh, it's exactly what it looks like. And Jayne's right. Let's get everyone together and have it out right now."

It didn't take but a few minutes for them to push past the protesting nurses and gather in Wash's room. Zoe didn't look pleased to see them. "Sir, he's just gone back to sleep."

"I'm 'wake now," Wash said weakly, his eyes drifting open. "Why's everyone here? Are we celebrating being alive? I'm not dressed for a party."

"Yes, sir, why _is_ everyone here? At once? Making noise?" Zoe glared.

Mal looked at Jayne.

Jayne glared around the room, then reached out to snag River around the waist. He pulled her pointedly against him, laying his claim without saying a word. And River smiled and nestled against him, apparently quite content to be manhandled.

Mal opened his mouth to lay into his soon-to-be-ex-employee and was interrupted by Kaylee, who'd been brought in in a wheelchair by a fussing Simon. "Oooh," she said, grinning wickedly. "Someone's been holdin' hands!"

River grinned just as wickedly. "He can no longer make excuses that I do not know my own mind or might be confused," she said, tipping her head back to look fondly at Jayne.

"They weren't excuses." Jayne shifted uncomfortably. "An' when'd you tell Kaylee about my... not excuses?"

"Don't never you mind." Kaylee made an exaggeratedly coy face. "I'm glad you ain't still tryin' to make 'em, that's all."

"_What_?" Mal stared at her. "What the... how long has this been going on?"

"If you mean the... holdin' hands," and the way Kaylee said it, it was very clearly a euphemism for something only tangentially involving hands, "then prob'ly about eight hours, give or take. I mean, I'm just guessin', but since she got herself all un-confused on Miranda they ain't had but a few minutes alone until last night."

"But you knew about this." Simon weighed in, staring at Kaylee like she'd grown another head. "You knew that... that... what _did_ you know?"

"Stuff that I ain't tellin' you." Kaylee folded her arms as both Simon and Mal sputtered. "Me an' River tell each other things, girl things, in confidence. She wouldn't tell anyone my secrets, and I ain't gonna tell hers."

"Thank you, Kaylee." River's smile was warm.

"Well, you _wouldn't_ tell mine." Kaylee leaned over to pat her hand. "And I'm real glad you're happy."

"I am. Very." River's free hand had slid back to twine with Jayne's. "But I would be happier if everyone wasn't so angry."

Kaylee sighed. "Oh, I know _that_ feelin'."

Mal took a deep breath. Focus. _Focus_. "Jayne," he said very quietly. "This was bad enough when I thought you'd just taken advantage of an opportunity to get some trim. Tell me that you haven't actually been planning this."

Jayne stepped forward and was abruptly reined in by River's grip on his hand. He glared at Mal. "You're pissed. Fine. I understand that. But if you _ever_ talk about her that way again, Mal, I swear to God I will beat the living shit out of you no matter how much she wants me to be reasonable."

"I'm so glad I'm awake for this. I'd hate to have missed it." Wash looked much brighter already.

Mal ignored him. "If _I_ talk about her... Jayne, I am _this_ close to just shootin' you. An' don't you think Book would protect you, either, because when he knows about this - "

"He does know." Jayne glanced down at River, giving her a sheepish look and a little shrug. "Well, you talked to Kaylee."

"Quite understand." River nodded. "Both in an unprecedented and difficult situation. Sought advice from those older and more experienced."

"Yeah." Jayne drew her a little closer. "Look. I didn't figure as any of you'd be thrilled about this."

"I am!" Kaylee waved her hand in the air.

Jayne smiled at her - a real-looking smile, not the smirk or leer he usually used. "An' I appreciate it, Kaylee. Thanks." He patted her cheek, and she smiled and leaned into it. "But... yeah. I knew the rest of you wouldn't be happy. An' I worried on that some."

"A lot."

"Just some." Jayne gave River a look that was probably intended to suppress further outbursts. "But I don't see as we should both be lonesome just to make everyone else happy. So you can just take your not happy and you can stick it where the sun don't shine, for all I care."

That, for Jayne, was rare restraint and tactfulness. Mal knew that. He was just too angry to care. "You gorram son of a bitch. She is seventeen years old! Less than half your age!"

Jayne shrugged. "So?"

"So? _So_?" Mal's fists clenched. "You've always been a selfish, lecherous, grasping _hun dan_, Jayne Cobb, but I didn't ever think to see you sink this low. Takin' advantage of a girl you know don't think too straight at the best of times, knowin' how she depends on you to protect her... she _trusts_ you, and you just..."

"You are _not_ to speak that way of him!" It was River who took a step forward this time, to be restrained by Jayne's grip on her hand. "He has never wanted to hurt me, not ever, even when I hurt him! It took me a long time to convince him that I knew my own mind and my own heart and you will not try to convince him otherwise just when he has accepted me!"

"River..." Simon sounded dazed. "Are you saying that _you_ initiated this?"

"Didn't mean to." River's anger faded abruptly into embarrassment. "Didn't plan anything, just like you. I just... felt. All at once. And I couldn't make it go away. And he found out, because I went where I shouldn't and he had to be told the truth." She looked up at Jayne almost shyly. "And I was accepted, once he was sure it wasn't just the craziness talking."

Jayne was actually going red. "Yeah, well... that ain't the point," he mumbled. "Point is, I didn't take advantage when she was all crazy-like, an' we both took our time thinkin' it over, and ain't nobody else's business if we decided... what we decided."

"That's right." Kaylee nodded.

"No, it ain't!" Mal drew in a deep breath, sucking it past teeth that he couldn't force to unclench. "It is _my_ business, bein' captain here, and her daddy besides, and Simon's on account of he's her brother. And while Simon is a little stunned right now, I ain't, and I am ter-"

"Don't." River looked ready to cry. "Please?"

"River - " Mal hated to see her look that way. "This is for the best, I promise you. May not seem that way now, but - "

"If Jayne is made to leave, I will go with him," River said flatly. "I don't want to. Serenity is my mother and my home. But I can't... I'm better. I am. But I'm not well. I won't ever be. Jayne is my anchor, and without him I will drift away and be lost again. I must go where he goes. Please don't make us leave."

Jayne looked at her as if she was the sun and all the stars in the sky rolled up into one shiny little package. "You'd do that? Really?"

She nodded, her lip still trembling. "Can't be without you," she whispered. "Just... can't."

"You won't." Jayne wrapped his arms around her again, rubbing her back with one big hand. "So don't get all weepy." He sighed, like a man making a heroic concession. "You could even bring the doc, if you wanted."

"What about me? Simon ain't going anywhere without me." That was Kaylee, basely betraying her captain.

"Yeah, you too." Jayne reached over to muss her hair affectionately. "If you wanted."

"Won't tell you what to do on your ship," River said seriously, wriggling around in Jayne's protective embrace so she was leaning back against him and looking at Mal. "But won't be without him, either. We will both go, or both stay. Your decision."

Mal scowled. "Li'l albatross, Jayne isn't... he's..."

"I think what Mal's trying to say, sweetpea, is that Jayne isn't good enough for you." Wash's voice was weak but clear, and everyone looked at him. "Or at least, Mal doesn't think he is. Mal never does think anyone's good enough for his girls, though - he hated me, too. And I'm pretty sure the only reason Simon hasn't gotten threatened yet is that Mal's come over all paternal in regards to the two of you." Wash grinned at Jayne. "You're lucky. He caught _me_ actually in bed with Zoe. Having this conversation naked and clutching a blanket puts you at a bit of a disadvantage."

"I'll bet." Jayne looked at Mal and winced. "Was he armed?"

"Oh, that he was." Wash hitched himself up a little on his pillows. "River, come here a sec."

River disengaged herself from Jayne's arms and went over to the bed, taking Wash's hand carefully between her own. "You want to ask things."

Wash nodded. "We all know Jayne takes good care of you," he said seriously. "That he helps you more than anyone else can. Is there any chance that you're mistaking gratitude and friendship for something more?"

"No." River sounded very definite. "I have made comparisons with the emotions of others on the ship, since I have to listen to them anyway. I am confident in the strength of my attachment."

"Good." Wash nodded.

"Good? River, I don't know who you're comparing to, but - "

"Mal?" Wash turned his head, with an obvious effort, and gave Mal a pointed look. "With all the respect in the world... shut up. Let someone who's calm and full enough of drugs to be very objective handle this, okay? This is difficult enough for River without you yelling."

Mal seethed but shut up. River had flinched when he'd shouted, and he didn't like to see her do that. Wash was sensible. He'd make her see the problems here.

"Thank you." Wash turned back to River. "Now. Important questions. While you've both been having feelings, so to speak, has he ever made you cry on purpose?"

"No."

"Made you cry by being thoughtless?"

"No."

"Told lies to keep you from getting close to him?"

"No."

"Been mean to you just to get a reaction?"

"No."

"Said or implied that he wished he'd never met you?"

"No."

"Let you down by not doing something he promised he would?"

"No."

"Well." Wash turned his head again, and Mal wasn't the only one who got that long, meaningful look. Simon and Inara got their share, too. Simon blushed. Inara looked hurt. "Seems to me you've snared the best romantic prospect on Serenity who isn't Kaylee or married."

"Hey!" Mal wanted to protest further. He did. He just had a guilty gnawing feeling in his belly telling him that Wash had a horrible and unwanted point.

Wash ignored him. Instead he held out his hand to Jayne. "Congratulations. If you don't treat her well, I'll have Zoe hurt you."

Jayne looked downright baffled, but he shook Wash's hand gravely. "You ain't gonna warn me off?"

"Nope. You're good to River, and you understand her, which is more than the rest of us do most of the time." Wash smiled, his eyelids starting to droop a bit. "'Sides, now you got your own warrior woman an' you can stop ogling mine."

"Well, mostly." Jayne grinned at Zoe. "Wouldn't wanna hurt her feelings by stoppin' altogether."

"I'd live." Zoe sounded very dry, but she smiled a little. "River, honey, you sure about this? He's so..." Her nose wrinkled a little. "Well, for a start, he's rude, insensitive an' he's got uncleanly personal habits."

"I know." River smiled at Jayne, who looked embarrassed. "But you were right."

"I was?" Zoe blinked. "When?"

"There's something powerful in finding someone accepts you just as you are." River said it in a passable imitation of Zoe's voice.

"Oh. I did say that, didn't I?" Zoe threw a loving look at Wash.

"Was true." River sighed. "Yesterday wasn't an aberration," she said seriously. "I could do it again. I probably will, because Reavers shouldn't be allowed. I am a fighter. A killer. I wasn't, before the Academy, but I am now, and the clock can't be turned back." She took Jayne's hand again. "Jayne isn't afraid of me. He isn't horrified by what I am, or intimidated by the knowledge that I could tie his feet in a knot behind his head if I wished to. He thinks I'm shiny."

Zoe opened her mouth. She closed it again. She looked at Jayne thoughtfully. "Huh. Well, if that's the case, I suggest you hold onto him. Men like that ain't easy to find."

"Zoe?" Mal stared at her. "You outta your mind?"

"Wash is right, Mal." Zoe shrugged. "We all know Jayne takes good care of River, and there ain't many men aren't gonna be intimidated by her. Hell, ain't many aren't intimidated by me, and she could feed me my own lungs."

"And he knows that she could feed him his, too, which is an incentive to keep treating her well." Wash yawned. "Are we done? 'm sleepy."

"He really should rest. So should Kaylee." Simon looked at his sister, his face twisted up uncertainly. "And River... uh... are you sure about this?"

"Yes."

Simon nodded. "Well. I can't say I approve, but... we have a lot to worry about right now, and maybe we should all just... give this a couple of days."

River gave him a dirty look. "You just hope that I will get tired of him if you give me the opportunity." She turned on her heel and stalked out, Jayne right behind her. A moment later, she popped her head back through the door. "Thank you, Wash and Kaylee, for understanding that I am a big girl and may bestow my heart where I wish. I hope you feel better soon." The head vanished again.

"She is so cute." Wash yawned. "I like her. Zoe, can we have one like that? Only not crazy?"

"See what I can do." Zoe kissed his forehead. "Go to sleep, honey."

"Okay." Wash went out like a light.

Mal looked at his treacherous crew - and at Inara, who wouldn't meet his eyes - and then at the door. Letting out a quiet sigh, he turned to Simon. "There any chance she _will_ get tired of him?"

"Don't be mean." Kaylee reached over to hit Mal's leg. "They're happy. Just let 'em _be_ happy."

* * *

Jayne dragged River around a couple of corners and - when he was sure nobody who mattered would see - scooped her up in his arms and just hugged her tightly. His girl. _His_.

She'd have left Serenity for him. He knew she'd meant every word of that, and it'd made him feel ten feet tall. He hoped like hell that Mal wouldn't make her do it, of course, but knowing she _would_...

And Mal had called her a piece of trim to her face. He'd wanted to beat that sanctimonious face in. Only reason he hadn't was because he knew she'd be sad if he punched her new daddy, even if said daddy really, really deserved it.

"I'm not merely a sex object to you?" she asked, her voice muffled on account of her face being burrowed into his neck.

"'course not!" He unstuck her so he could look at her face. "You're my girl, you know that... right?"

She nodded. "Just wanted to hear you say it," she explained, touching his cheek with one of those soft little hands that he'd learned could make him all manner of crazy. "So many angry thoughts saying that I wasn't."

How was it that one tiny, moonbrained girl could make him come so completely unglued? She looked at him with those sad eyes and he couldn't hardly think at all. "Well, you are. An' I don't give a damn what they say or they think or anything else, 'cause you _are_."

"Good." She smiled at him. "I am yours, and you are mine. Not an equitable exchange - there's much more of you."

"That there is." He grinned down at her, so little and delicate in his arms. "But you're quality, every teeny bit."

"Glad you think so." She looped her arms around his neck and pulled herself up to kiss him lightly. "And you are still angry."

He was, underneath the momentary happiness of having her in his arms being all sweet. "Yeah, I guess. I been lookin' after you for months now. Ain't like they don't know I can."

River nodded. "You should go talk to the Shepherd. He won't mind if you are rude about Simon and _Ba ba_." She sighed. "And Inara wants to talk to me. She's afraid you may have traumatized me in some way with your uncouth sexual habits. I must go and explain to her that you do it very well."

Jayne stared at her, and then he smirked. "You do that, _xiao teng_. Make sure you sound real impressed, okay?"

"I _was_ really impressed. Also very satisfied." She grinned, sliding out of his arms with some unnecessary wriggling, which Jayne knew she was just doing to tease him. It worked. "You seemed pleased as well."

"I was a damn sight more'n pleased." River was as passionate as she was deadly, and being able to read a man's mind seemed to more than make up for any lack of practical experience. Jayne tried not to think about it, swatting her gently on the behind. It was a very pretty behind, too. "And you git. Makin' me think on that when you know I'm goin' to talk to the Shepherd."

"I'm sorry," River said, not looking penitent at all, and as she went she gave him that special smile that made him feel like he was ten feet tall and the King of all Londinium.

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou - Merciful God, please take me away

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone

Gao yang jong duh goo yang - motherless goat of all motherless goats!

Xiao Teng - small/tiny/young dragon

Ju Guei - giant tortoise

Bao Bei - sweetheart


	22. Chapter 22: The Truth Will Set You Free

**Chapter 22: The Truth Will Set You Free**

* * *

"How's my baby? She gonna be okay?" Even swathed in a white gown and in a wheelchair, Kaylee had endeared herself to the ship's engineers almost immediately. She was hanging over a railing, half out of her chair, watching on the screens as the two tugs manouvered Serenity's battered shell into position to dock with the carrier. She looked as anxious as a mother with a wounded child, and the Alliance engineers seemed to appreciate it.

"She's going to need a hell of a lot of repair work, and that's the truth." The senior person - Simon wasn't clear on his exact rank, but he'd introduced himself as Piper - was leaning against the rail beside Kaylee. "More of a rebuild than a repair, truth be told. But it's doable. And these old Fireflies are worth putting in the extra time."

"They sure are. Serenity's just the sweetest ride in the 'verse when she's well." Kaylee winced as one of the tugs jerked Serenity against a... a strut or a support or whatever those things were called. "Make them be careful with her!"

Piper clicked his com. "Bennet, you're not hauling scrap there. Stay sharp." He clicked it off again. "The structure's still mostly sound, which is damn near a miracle. They don't make 'em like her any more - this rig hit the ground anything like as hard, they'd be finding shrapnel on the other side of that moon. You'll want to take her to Persephone or something, get her patched up - won't be cheap, though."

Kaylee bit her lip. "We'll get her fixed up. We will."

"Of course we will." Simon patted her shoulder, smiling encouragingly at her. "Don't worry. Mal will think of something, then Zoe will stop him, then Inara or Book will come up with a plan that actually works."

That made Kaylee laugh, which made the worried line between her brows go away. "That sounds 'bout right. Is she airtight?"

"We managed to seal off the infirmary and part of the crew section, but that's about it. The rest has more than a few holes punched straight through to vacuum. Nothing replacing the plating wouldn't fix." Piper started talking in detail about things Simon couldn't make head or tail of, though Kaylee nodded and asked lots of questions.

So Simon watched Kaylee smile and chatter, and was perfectly content until a young man in yet another unidentifiable uniform hurried up to them. "Mr Tam? The Operative would like a word."

Simon frowned. "I really should get Kaylee back to bed first..."

"Oh, don't be silly. I'm fine, honest." Kaylee smiled brightly. "Mr Piper'll get me back to the hospital when we're done here, right?"

"Of course." Piper returned the smile, clearly as dazzled as... well, everyone she smiled at like that. "Don't worry, doctor... as soon as my patient's tucked in safe, yours will be too."

"Thank you." Simon turned to leave - then, for once indulging an impulse, he turned back and leaned down to kiss her cheek. "Don't tire yourself out, _bao bei_."

Kaylee's startled beam was more than compensation for the embarrassing display in front of strange people. "Oh, _Simon_... I'll be fine. Don't you worry."

* * *

"It ain't like I don't take care of her! I make sure she eats, and I move her to her bed when she falls asleep some place else, and I make her put on her boots when she hasta go out, and... and lots of things!"

Jayne had obviously been ranting for a while, and Inara paused in the doorway to watch. Book was sitting in a chair, his expression calm. Jayne was pacing and gesticulating, his face set in a scowl. "Oh, it's fine for Jayne to run after her an' spend more time watching her than her own brother an' all when he's just doin' it for money, everyone's okay with that!" he snarled, stalking away from the door. "But if it gets so's I'm doing it 'cause I want to, well, _then_ I must be some evil lecherous hound who's gonna be bad to her! How does that make sense?" He swung around, and stopped abruptly when he saw Inara. For one second he looked sheepish, then he frowned and folded his arms, positively daring her to disagree with him.

Book glanced at Inara, smiling ever so slightly on the side of his face that Jayne couldn't see, and nodded. "Jayne, I know you expected the rest of the crew not to take it well. Why are you so surprised now?"

"I ain't surprised... exactly..." Jayne scuffed at the thin carpet with one boot. "But I'm good to her! They all know that! I mean, if they'd leaned on how I ain't good enough for her or somethin', I'd understand that. I wouldn't agree, but I'd be able to see it, you know? But Mal was goin' on like he thought I'd hurt her or somethin'!"

"She is very young, Jayne," Inara said gently.

"So?" Jayne frowned. "My ma was married at her age. So was one of my sisters, and the other two wasn't much older. I mean, not to fellows my age, 'cause I'm gettin' past startin' a family, but she's all grown up."

"I understand that. I do." Inara glanced at Book, whose expression showed nothing but innocent inquiry. No help for her there. "But River is from the Core, Jayne. Women don't marry so young, there. Actually, on Osiris she wouldn't even be considered over the age of consent."

Jayne blinked at her. "The what?"

"Many planets establish a minimum legal age at which a young person is considered capable of, among other things, giving meaningful consent to sexual relations." Book sounded very amused. "On Osiris, it's eighteen."

Jayne looked from one to the other of them, as if he suspected them of having some sort of joke at his expense. "You're jokin'. There's a _law_ for that in the Core?"

"Several, actually." Inara smiled slightly. "Companions are exempt from some of them, but not all. It's... complicated."

Jayne scowled. "Well, that's just plain dumb. I don't hold with startin' real young, or nothin', but seems to me it's up to folk to decide for themselves when they want to be gettin' started with that."

"And I'll concede that River is perfectly capable of giving meaningful consent." Inara was getting a little alarmed about Jayne's blood pressure, so she made the effort to sound calm and soothing. "But Simon having grown up with that particular standard..."

"Yeah, well, he weren't ever gonna take it well anyway." Jayne shuffled his feet again, looking absurdly like an overgrown teenager. "I _am_ good to her, 'Nara, you know that. I'll treat her right and take care of her. An' if I don't, she can just whack my head off with that axe if she feels like it. You know she can."

He was being truthful. Even without extensive training in discerning falsehood from self-deception from prevarication from truth, Inara would have been able to see that. It was written all over him in characters a yard high. "I do know that. And I believe you'll take the best care of her that you can. But it won't be easy."

Jayne actually rolled his eyes at her, and Inara didn't know whether to be amused or insulted. "I've been takin' care of her for... how long now, months? I'm the one who always has to find her when she takes to hidin', and who has to keep her amused when she gets fidgety out in the black, and who does all them million and one things it takes to keep River runnin' on an even keel. Why the hell do you folk keep tellin' me how hard she is to take care of like you think I don't _know_? Who do you think's been mindin' her all this time, magical babysittin' fairies?"

Inara chuckled. Book blatantly snickered. "Well, there is that," he said gravely. "But being in a relationship is going to be a different proposition altogether."

"Yeah, I ain't gonna have to run halfway across the ship in my bare feet every time she has a bad dream," Jayne muttered. "Those walkways are ruttin' cold. I dunno how she stands it."

Inara blinked. "How would you know when she has a bad dream?"

Jayne looked at her as if she was an idiot. She was definitely insulted this time. "She's a psychic. You think she can hear thirty million dead from across the system but she can't wake me up when she wants me?"

"Wait... you can hear _her_? How long have you been able to hear her?" Inara stifled the urge to shake the stupid, incommunicative, secret-keeping _man_.

"Can't if I'm awake, not really." Jayne shrugged. "But she can give my dreams a nudge if I'm sleeping. She knows I'll make the nightmares go away."

"And how long - "

"Ain't none of your business how long. Mal told me to take care of her and I have been, and now that I ain't doin' it just for money everyone's getting all bent out of shape." Jayne folded his arms again. "Did you want somethin'?"

Inara counted to ten in her head and smiled a sincere smile that she'd practiced in the mirror for years. "Mal wants us all in the Operative's office. They've come up with a plan to make River and Simon free citizens instead of fugitives."

* * *

"Javert has come up with something that should explain everything, and is close enough to the truth that nobody should have trouble remembering it." Simon did not look at Jayne when he said that. But he didn't look at Jayne so pointedly that he might as well have been staring. Mal was likewise ignoring their merc the way a cat ignores a mouse right before pouncing.

Jayne, meanwhile, had marched straight over to River as soon as he entered the room and put a possessive arm around her. He glared around the room as if daring someone to challenge his claim, and seemed almost disappointed when nobody did. River, who seemed kind of amused by it all, had cuddled up to him all cute-like, which had made Jayne stop bristling and look... actually kind of sweet. Zoe never would have credited it.

Still, Jayne and River had saved Wash, and she would have supported them if they'd announced that they wanted to start a circus in the hold. And River did have a point in that few men would _dare_ take her on even if she were sane, knowing what she could do.

"The story starts out truthful - River was sent away to a special training program for the exceptionally gifted. Unfortunately, River was unable to cope with the intensely accelerated program and had a nervous breakdown."

"It's much more plausible than a secret government plot to warp the gifted children entrusted to them into psychics and assassins," River explained, tipping her head back to rest it against Jayne's chest. He smiled down at her, then hastily wiped his expression blank when he realized Zoe was looking.

That was almost cute, in an odd and disturbing way.

"Much more. Anyway, she was moved into to a treatment centre for counselling. Nobody thought it was particularly serious, so my parents didn't bother to tell anyone she'd been temporarily removed from her special school." Contempt sat oddly on Simon's thin, expressive face. "Everyone who knows them will believe _that_."

River made a rude noise. Jayne rested a broad hand over her stomach, drawing her closer to him, and she settled.

"While she was in the facility, River was a witness to a conversation between another patient and a man she has now identified as Member of Parliament Hsin Parker, regarding the use of the Pax on Miranda. She was dazed by medication at the time, and truly remembers little of the conversation."

"Uh..." Kaylee lifted her hand tentatively. "Won't this Mr Parker say as it wasn't so?"

"I'm sure he would, if he had not died of poisoning in a locked room in his heavily secured home approximately two hours after the Miranda broadcast." Javert smiled slightly. "It has been assumed to be a suicide. Despair at the perfidy of his own government is currently being blamed, although I imagine that when it becomes known that he was the one to sign off on the... controlled testing... of G-32 paxilon hydrochlorate, that assumption will be replaced with a slightly more accurate one."

"He's the one killed all them people?" Kaylee bit her lip.

"One of many, but he was a primary motivator behind the Projects for Improvement... which, so Javert tells us, was an innocuous name for many vile acts, including the inception of the Academy." Simon reached over to pat Kaylee's shoulder gently. "And Miranda, yes."

"Assumed to be a suicide, huh?" Zoe raised her eyebrows at Javert.

Javert smirked very slightly. "The eldest of our number is... subtle. The other two mysterious deaths of Members of Parliament were more obvious. There will, I have no doubt, be more. We do not appreciate being lied to."

"So I see." Zoe was inclined to approve. Trouble for the Alliance, the whole Miranda mess getting dealt with, and Mal wasn't involved which meant Zoe didn't have that to worry about on top of everything else. "You contacted the others, then?"

"Not as yet, but I will. There have always been contingency plans in the event that an untrustworthy person found his way into the command structure. I am certain they are being utilised already." Javert shrugged. "I still have the power to cancel the warrants for River and Simon Tam, and to annotate their files with the full story... or our version thereof. Since the charges and everything else were listed as classified until now, there will be no discrepancies to concern yourselves with."

Simon nodded. "The story being that Mr Parker panicked, tried to have River silenced by means of... experimental treatment involving cranial surgery, since that did have to be explained. She contacted me, I managed to con my way in and retrieve her, and we've been on the run ever since."

"Sounds workable." Mal nodded. "Your sister finds out something she shouldn't, gets her head worked on a little, you rescue her, and when the truth is revealed..." He raised his eyebrows inquiringly. "How are we explaining that part?"

"Why, by the completely truthful and plausible fact that they happened by sheerest coincidence to take ship with a retired Federal Marshal of impeccable record and standing." Book, who had been watching from a corner, smiled benignly. "Naturally, Simon had difficulty convincing anyone of his story, burdened as he was with an incoherent and traumatized witness who hardly rememberd anything. I, however, have sufficient experience to know truth when I hear it. Am I warm?"

"Scorching." Simon smiled at him. "And thank you for offering."

"Not at all." Book nodded. "Naturally it took me some time to earn your trust, but when you did tell me the truth I immediately contacted my dear old friend and colleague who rushed here in time to rescue you from not only Reavers, but the dangerous terrorist who released the Miranda broadcast. Sadly, he escaped and you were able to provide us with only a vague description."

Mal smirked. "He had red hair. I remember that real distinct. And he was short. Very short. I expect the Reavers ate him."

"I expect they did." Javert shared a sunny smile with Mal and Book, all three of them clearly enjoying the plotting greatly. "However, River's secret is now a secret no longer, and it is revealed that she is but an innocent victim of Mr Parker's grasping for power. The truth discovered, Commander Brandt - said old friend and colleague - will receive suitable but anonymous orders with a very high-level clearance code to adjust the status of the Tams." Javert inclined his head. "Given your services to the Alliance, I belive those orders will include a strong suggestion that any past indiscretions on the part of the crew of Serenity should be... discounted."

"I like that idea." Jayne brightened. "I mean, we oughta get _something_ outta all this, and a cleaner record's somethin' we could all use... 'cept maybe Kaylee and Inara."

"Can't argue there." Zoe nodded. "And... that's it? You mean all it took to get Simon and River off the hook was kidnapping a high level Alliance spy, flyin' through Reaver space twice, maybe kicking off another war and gettin' ourselves torn to shreds while we were at it?"

"Yeah, I know." Mal grinned at her. "If we'd known it'd be this easy we'd have stormed that hill months ago, right?"

The others looked a little shocked, but Zoe chuckled. Joking about the pain and the death once it was survived... well, it was an old soldier thing. "Sounds like a decent plan, and it is close to the truth. Although how we'll explain her uncanny ability to shoot folks in the eye from a hundred yards off facing the wrong way..."

"She got mostly better an' she started spendin' time with Jayne and he taught her to defend herself." Kaylee beamed at River and Jayne. "An' then they fell in love, and it was real sweet, and - "

Jayne looked nauseated. "Kaylee, there's still a few in this 'verse actually take me seriously. You go around talkin' like that in public you're gonna kill what's left of my reputation stone dead, that what you want?"

"Of course not. Jayne is tough and mean and exceptionally ornery." River reached up to pat his cheek. "Kaylee and I would never say otherwise in a public setting."

"Oh, of course not." Kaylee nodded, grinning impishly. "Not a word. You're just as bad as can be, as far as we're concerned."

"That's better." Jayne made a grumbling noise, cuddling River gently. "You remember that." He gave Zoe the stink-eye as she snickered. "You too."

"Oh, absolutely. You are hard-heartedness incarnate. You don't have a romantic bone in your body." Zoe grinned. "You want folk to believe that, though, you may have to let go of River now and then."

Jayne's arms tightened possessively. "I will. When we're, you know, in fronta people who ain't crew. Or on a job or something."

"Can I be included in the people you don't get all cuddlesome in front of?" Mal made a face. "It's unsettlin' my stomach a little."

River poked out a small pink tongue at him. "Don't care."

Jayne smirked. "What she said."

* * *

"It could be worse." Inara was smiling, and she had her arm looped through Mal's as they strolled back towards their own rooms. That was just unfair - she knew damned well he had trouble staying mad when she did things like that.

"How, exactly, could it be worse?" He tried to scowl, although he wasn't sure how well it came out. "It's Jayne!"

"There are worse men in the 'verse than Jayne, Mal. You know perfectly well that even if she couldn't tie him in a knot with her feet, he'd never strike her or treat her badly."

"He did hit her that one time." Mal knew this was a losing battle, but he was determined to fight it anyway.

"She'd just stabbed him, Mal." Inara looked downright amused now. "I don't think even Simon blamed him for that."

"Well... yeah, but... he's stupid, he's uneducated, he's crude, he's selfish, he's mean... why do perfectly nice girls go for men like him? I've seen it before. Ain't no lout nasty enough as some otherwise sensible girl won't fall all over herself for him 'cause she thinks he's some kind of misunderstood saint."

"River knows perfectly well that Jayne isn't a saint, Mal. She also knows that he will work harder to understand her than anyone else, that he will protect her when she is vulnerable and let her fight for herself when she can - and actively guide her in fighting for herself, too. There are very few men who would treat River the way he has, Mal, all the more so because he has romantic feelings for her. As River said quite some time ago, he sets her on her feet and puts weapons in her hands. He doesn't coddle her or try to shield her from the world - he wants her to be as strong and independent as she can be."

Mal frowned. "Well, of course he does. Why wouldn't he?"

Inara shook her head, but she gave his arm a little squeeze. "It's to your credit that you think so, Mal, it truly is. But there are a great many men out there who would do what Simon does - without his justification of having known her since she was a baby - and try to hide River from danger and shield her from it, instead of letting her face it. Jayne not only allows her to be strong, he actually prefers her that way."

"Well... I guess that could be considered a point in his favour." Mal frowned, pausing in front of a window that showed the serene darkness of the black, glittering with stars. "It ain't gonna last, though. You know Jayne. He don't stick around, ain't ever been his way."

"He's stuck with Serenity for over two years now. And getting romantically involved hasn't ever been his way either, but he has now." Inara smiled, looking out at the stars. "Not to mention his attempts to open that door."

Mal scowled. He could argue away or somehow disallow all the other possible evidence of Jayne's devotion to River... given enough time... but the door thing was really difficult to get around. "Coulda lost his head in the heat of battle." Inara just raised her eyebrows at him and he sighed. "Which would be completely unlike Jayne, both the losing the head and the running _towards_ danger when afraid, I know. I just..."

"Jayne is terrified of Reavers. We all know that. They're the only thing besides immediate and certain death that I know _does_ scare him. And yet he was fighting you and Javert and Zoe with all he had trying to get that door open. To get to her." Inara smiled wryly. "Mal, this is the stuff of which epic romances are made. Very few real live people would really prefer to die with their beloved than live without him or her, but Jayne was actually fighting for the opportunity."

"Yeah, but..." Mal sighed. "But it's _Jayne_. He's a big dirty merc with a heart of solid rock, and he's putting his unclean hands all over my little girl. I don't like it."

"You don't have to like it, Mal, as long as River does. She loves him, and he loves her. That's what matters." Inara turned away a little, looking out of the window again. "He actually told her so, although apparently it was something of a struggle. She told me with some pride in him that he had made the effort to say it at least once, although he also told her that it would have to last her a while because he wasn't doing it again."

Well.

That was...

Wash had a point, gorrammit. Mal had heard Simon getting all mushy on Kaylee while they were being shuttled to the Fed cruiser, and Wash said it all the damn time. Well, that was them. But if even Jayne had come out and said the fateful words - which must have damn near killed him, uncomfortable as he was with all such things - then that made Mal the only one who hadn't... well, Inara hadn't either, but...

"Well, Jayne doesn't have my problem there," he said, sounding all reasonable-like.

"Your problem?" Inara didn't sound too pleased.

"My luck problem. I mean, I don't think there's anything in River's idea that there's a curse on me, but you have to own that the 'verse takes a special and personal pleasure in slapping me in the face as often as possible."

Inara still didn't look pleased, but she nodded. "I really can't argue with that."

"And here I am, standin' on a Fed ship, with a bunch of Alliance soldiery but a few hours away who want me good and dead, with two wanted fugitives obviously and blatantly on my crew. Sure, it's going all right now, but if I was to do something stupid like telling you that I love you as I've never loved any woman, nor likely ever will... well, if you smacked my face that'd work out all right, but if you actually responded in any kind of approvin' way I'd get shot immediately just to rebalance my luck."

Inara stared at him for a bit. Mal swallowed nervously. It had seemed like such a good way of bringing it up, in his head.

Then she smiled, and it was like sunshine and sweet tea and all manner of bright, warming things. "What if I slapped you _and_ responded approvingly?"

"That would confuse things some..." Mal slid his arms around her waist and smiled down at her. "But that won't be necessary, 'cause I'm not saying anything of the kind. Nor I ain't doing anything about it, either. Not until I'm back on my own ship and master of my own destiny again. So don't you go being all perfect and beautiful at me, because it won't work."

Inara laughed, and just hugged him tightly around the middle. It felt... right. Very right. "You're a very peculiar man, Captain Reynolds."

"I just know the way my luck tends to run, is all. I want some strong steel around me and a couple of gun-hands at my back 'fore I tempt fate as badly as I would if I got all romantical with you." Mal was grinning. Couldn't have stifled it if his life depended on it. "You see what I mean, right?"

"I really can't argue, no." Inara chuckled, resting her head against his chest. "I'd hate to be the indirect cause of your death."

"Good. So would I." Mal stroked her hair, then reluctantly took her shoulders and moved her firmly away from him. "So stop temptin' me to risk it and start sayin' things I shouldn't."

She laughed, and touched his cheek with soft fingers. "All right. But when we're back on Serenity..."

"You and me will be having a conversation. It may be a little sappy, I warn you now."

She smiled that smile again, and Mal couldn't actually feel the floor under his feet anymore. "I think I'll live." She walked away, tossing him one more smile as she turned a corner.

Mal still couldn't stop grinning.

* * *

"How does it feel to be a free man with an entirely legal crew with almost no outstanding warrants?" Book smiled.

Mal grinned and shook Book's hand, his mood bluer and curlier than River had ever seen it, laced through with red. He and Inara had clearly said _something_, finally. "It's comin' as something of a shock, but I think I'll adjust. As long as we steer clear of Canton..."

Jayne shifted beside River, and she squeezed his hand. Canton still made him uncomfortable, she knew, and local warrants on a company-owned world couldn't be rescinded by the Alliance. Most of the others, however, had now been discreetly closed.

"Indeed." Book touched the side of his head absently, and River smiled, remembering how badly the hair had frightened her on Canton. It had looked _very_ structurally unsound. "The tug will take you as far as Persephone... unless there's somewhere else you'd rather go?"

"Can't think of - " Mal started.

"Beowulf." That was Jayne, and everyone turned to look at him in surprise. "It ain't much further'n Persephone, and most of the spaceship parts in this part of the system get made there anyway. They do a lot of construction, too. It'll be cheaper if we ain't payin' transport taxes on the parts, and we'll find at least a few as know Fireflies."

"He's right." Kaylee was on her feet again now, but she was leaning on Simon's arm. Simon looked very happy about it. "Lot o' the best parts come from Beowulf, and the shipyards there are good."

"Really? Ain't ever been there." Mal shrugged. "But you're the expert, Kaylee. Book, can your boys get us to Beowulf?"

"Of course." Book nodded. "I'll have Kyo pass on the order." He went around, shaking hands with everyone gravely. "I'll be back on Haven soon. I'll expect to see you all when Serenity is back on her feet."

"You will, we promise!" Kaylee ignored the hand and hugged Book instead. "You take care, Shepherd."

"I will. You too." Book shook Jayne's hand, and then River's. "You take care of her, now."

"Don't I always?" Jayne put a proprietary hand on River's hip, looping his arm around her back, but she could feel nervous worry prickling underneath the surface. It wasn't because of her, though.

"You do." Book clapped him on the shoulder.

"Farewell, Captain. We will be seeing each other again." Javert shook Mal's hand gravely.

"Looking forward to it." And that was almost true, which River thought was rather nice. "All right, everyone in, we can't hang around all day getting sentimental."

Last hasty goodbyes were said, and the crew of Serenity boarded the small tug. It would be a cramped few days, but they would manage.

When the tug was safely undocked and drawing away from the cruiser, Mal turned to give Jayne a thoughtful look. "So... why Beowulf?"

"Because it's a cheap place to get parts an' all." Jayne shifted uncertainly. "Why not?"

"It's time," River said, since clearly Jayne didn't want to.

"Time for what, little albatross?" Mal's eyebrows drew together just a little bit.

River liked the new pet-name, and smiled at him. "Time to go back to hats and stuffed apples." She could speak clearly when she chose, now... most of the time... but she'd found she rather enjoyed still being cryptic now and then.

"I didn't get that." Mal's face fell.

"I did." Wash was pale and drawn, but he'd insisted on going with everyone else. The tug's medical facilities were adequate, barely, and the infirmary would be there once they reached Beowulf. Simon would take good care of him. "Jayne's going home."

(The End)

* * *

Teng - flying dragon

Yin hui - obscene, coarse

Ni Zi - little girl

Biao xiong - male cousin

Dong ma - you understand?

Wu Ji - dancing girl

Hun dan - bastard

Bai Chi - idiot

Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher

Mei Mei - younger sister

Feng Guang - scenic view

Xie xie - yes

Wu Dong - I understand

Ba Ba - father, Daddy

Go Se - dogshit

Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou - Merciful God, please take me away

Wo shang mei er, mei xin, bian shi tou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone

Gao yang jong duh goo yang - motherless goat of all motherless goats!

Xiao Teng - small/tiny/young dragon

Ju Guei - giant tortoise

Bao Bei - sweetheart


End file.
